Disclaimer: It's JKR's world, I just play in it.
I don't know if anyone reading these tries to hear them, but this is very pretty when spoken with a broad, sad smile.
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Sia —
How can I be so forgiving of you and yet so angry, especially as your transgressions have always been and will always be so much more trivial than my own, whether against our life together or against the world?
I am tempted to apologize for the degree to which sex is currency in this world, in every world. It is a gift, a commodity and an accusation I cannot shield you from, and even if I could, that would indeed be a grave mistake, because we both keep silences. The longer we are together, the more I understand the necessity of that and the way the quiet keeps us safe from our lesser natures. We solve so much on the mattress, too much perhaps, but I have not the words to live otherwise, and I suspect, neither to do you. I know of no way to preserve the alchemy of which we take advantage and to also eliminate the thread of sexual barter that cuts so finely through our lives.
I am sorry. And you do have every right to be angry, but it frustrates me deeply when you look for options where there are none. It shames me. Do you think I do not seek them? That they would not occur to me? That I somehow take pleasure in tasting flesh right before it ceases?
I suppose I do though; after all, it reminds me of my own, and I suppose you know that. But that is not the man you married, but rather an aspect, worn and tailored as finely as the robes you still compliment. That man does not know love, kindness, nuance or even pleasure except in imitation of human form and function. He was an awkward child, who grew, until recently, into a mere mockery of an adult.
It is my wish to soothe this hurt, Sia, but I do not know how. I worry that more information will only make it impossible to close your wounds, and I do not wish for you to merely grow accustomed to them instead.
I will do anything you ask; I hope you recognize the implications of such scope.
Faithfully impossible,
your Severus.