Disclaimer:
It's JKR's world, I just play in it.
And now, for some sweetness and light, much of it at the expense of one Gilderoy Lockhart, because it's JUST TOO EASY.
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"Cheating? In Ravenclaw? Why I'm shocked," Snape said loudly and with an obvious smirk over breakfast.
Allosia sighed and gave him a look that said, must you? Before responding at equal volume, as more than one professor, including the new Charms professor Aaron Benedict, looked to her for an answer.
"You should hardly be surprised," she said, "it happens in all the Houses, just for different reasons. One of the Ravenclaw flaws is a disinterest in doing work that seems too easy. They do take short cuts, to get to the actual challenge." She turned back to her eggs then.
Snape gazed at the listeners theatrically. "Ah, how nearly Slytherin. The intellect for intrigue, but not the heart."
"What on earth are you on about Severus?" Professor Sprout asked.
"Slytherins would not have gotten caught, but I suppose that's an alien concept for a Hufflepuff such as yourself. Although, I'd imagine running the green house means you can't very well get in trouble for snogging in it anymore," he said derisively, before returning to his food as the day's mail swooped in, in the clutches of a fleet of owls and to the marked enthusiasm of the students.
He glanced quickly at the handwriting on the letters his wife received — noting Hermione's and Adrimori's, but was stopped from comment by a dark red envelope dropping into the middle of his eggs and pudding.
Everyone stared at it as it began to smoke. It was hard for anyone, Severus Snape included, to conceive of who valued their life so little as to send the potions master a howler.
Snape sighed, and tore the damn thing open and was treated, along with the rest of the Great Hall, to the shrill screaming voice of Gilderoy Lockhart. "WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME ABOUT THAT FOUL DRAGON OF A WOMAN, YOU INSENSITIVE, MALICIOUS, OVERGOWN BAT?!?"
Students tried desperately not to laugh, convinced that Snape would recognize the sounds of anyone who so dared and give them detention for the rest of their Hogwarts careers.
Having gotten the gist of the letter, Snape destroyed it, and then proceeded to quickly transfigure the remains of his breakfast into parchment and quill. He announced the content of his reply quietly as he wrote it, knowing the entire room was stunned enough to be paying attention.
"My dear Gilderoy," he intoned as his quill scratched against the paper. "I did not warn you about Koureha, because I presumed you would be as adept in defending yourself against her as you are in defending yourself against the Dark Arts." He paused then, glaring at his audience, before continuing. "Based on the contents and tone of your missive it would appear that I was, in fact, correct. Warmest regards, Professor Severus Snape." He paused again, and licked his lips. "P.S. — I'm sure Koureha will be overjoyed to know you were sharing your fondness for her with me in so vivid a fashion."
He quickly rolled the scroll then and summoned Sendak to him from his perch on the back of Gabriel's chair.
"Bring this to Lockhart," Snape said intensely to the bird. "And be sure to bite him while you're at it." They nodded to each other then, and the bird took off, as Allosia tried, and failed, not to dissolve into giggles.
"Are all of your husband's correspondents so vocal?" Benedict asked archly.
Before Allosia could respond, McGonogall interjected. "Actually, Severus rarely receives mail, and when he does, it's almost always, dramatic."
Snape glared at her then. "If we're quite done discussion my private business?" he asked.
"I'd hardly call that private," Hooch muttered, and would have in fact gotten away with it if Hagrid had not proceeded to roar with laughter in response.
Snape pointed at her across the table, his typical silent warning to a woman who knew him a bit to well, and was, after a sort, what could be considered a friend. Hooch tried not to smile.
"So, on this lovely note, how are you enjoying Hogwarts so far?" Allosia asked in an attempt to make small talk.
"The environment is really a bit cloistered for my tastes, hardly enough adult company, not that you aren't all wonderful."
Allosia nodded sympathetically. "I felt the same way when Gabriel was a baby, no identity but him and the baby talk."
"Oh, yes, I let Miriam handle most of that," Benedict said, distractedly.
Snape coughed loudly and artificially then, earning him a sharp and curious glance from Allosia.
"Asthma," he said curtly to Benedict, before turning to Allosia and whispering, "I'll tell you later." He then announced to whatever parts of the table were still paying him more attention than they should have been that he had classes to prepare for. With Gabriel following him at a run, Severus Snape strode out of the Great Hall.
As Snape returned to the sitting room from seeing his son to bed, Allosia asked the question she'd been waiting to ask all day, and perhaps, since the term started.
"Why do you hate Aaron so much?"
Snape visibly tensed at the use of the man's first name, but then let his face settle into a mask of bemusement. "Where to begin? He's as arrogant as myself, with far less reason. His wife is an insufferable nineteen-year-old Hufflepuff twit that I can't believe he's actually bred with considering he clearly has no interest in being a father and, by all accounts, he's a womanizing bastard —"
"Don't forget that little business of him being a Gryffindor," she said, amused at how obvious her husband was when channeling his childhood hurts.
Snape merely grunted in response, before pausing to reconsider. "I know you'll merely think this another example of my being paranoid and uncharitable, but that man is going to cause all of us a problem. I guarantee it."
"Care to bring that uncharitableness to bed?" she asked as she stood and sauntered by him towards the bedroom, weariness and contentment both evident in her step.
He nodded in acquiescence, and she turned with a smile, to get in one more dig at him. "By the way, would this or would this not be the appropriate occasion to ask exactly what Koureha did to set Lockhart off?"
"While I'm sure there's some permutation of that question that isn't objectionable, I can't fathom what it would be at this moment in time, and I'd prefer not to have howler induced nightmares this evening, if my lovely wife has no objections?" he rambled in response.
"No objections," she said sweetly, still amused with herself, as she ducked into the bedroom.