I know for a fact that you don't believe in love. And if you did, I'd make you believe in me. You see, you don't seem to believe in me very much, because whenever I come into a room, you turn away, like you hate to see me. It makes me not even want to come to school today, to see that repulsed look on your face because of me. Because of me! Maybe you do hate me.
You see, Syaoran, I wish you believed in love, but I remember once that you told me there were only two things in the world that scared you. You only told me one, and one was upsetting your family, but that was the second. You said that there was one thing worse than that. It scared you more than you could ever imagine, and you said you hoped it never happened.
Do you hate me? Do you hate me for caring about you? Because I care about you, I care about you, my Little Wolf. I worry about you, and I worry about your fear. Of what you're scared of. Because, even though you hate me, I hope it never happens, like you said.
agree with myself. I hope it never happens, because if that ever happened to you, my Little Wolf, I'd cry. I'd cry and sigh, and be in eternal pain if I found out that whatever happened to you, had hurt you so much, and that you were scared. I don't want you to be scared, because I want you to protect me. But I know, I know that you can't protect me, because there are things more important in your life than me, and I will probably always be at the bottom of your list. Syaoran Li. At the bottom of your list.
"Sakura?" Kero-chan calls into the bathroom.
"Hai?" I respond, not enough happiness in my voice to convince him that I'm perfectly fine, and yes, I did get up on my own today. I've been plagued with thoughts about you.
As I expected, Kero-chan comes flitting into the bathroom, his little eyes narrowed in suspicion.
"Sakura! Are you pregnant?" he yells!
Oh. My. Gosh. He didn't just ask that!
"Kero-chan!" I reprimanded him. I can't believe that he just asked me that. I can't believe this...
"Well, Sakura, you've been spending an abnormally amount of time in the bathroom lately, and since you aren't a girl who does that, I was assuming the worst. Hey, being optimistic has it's tough points! I was just worried about you..." Kero-chan mumbles, leaving the bathroom.
I watch as my chest heaves in and out, I am very offended that he'd think something like that about me. I could understand if it was Oniichan but Kero-chan? Who does he think I'd sleep with? I don't personally think I'm old enough to even get pregnant. I think Kero-chan was overreacting, and was just having a bad morning. I had forgot to bring him pudding last night, so I guess that could've been the reason. A very good reason, to him, to embarass me.
I'm not complaining, I've been having quite a hard time lately, thinking about a certain someone. But does he hate me? I know that sometimes I may seem stand-offish to him, but it's only because I'm too embarassed to say anything to him at all. I just know he doesn't like me, I just know it. He hates me.
I also know that he doesn't want me feeling sorry for him, because I think he's the kind of person who doesn't like anyone feeling sorry for him, or feeling sorry for themselves for the matter. I think though, that every once in a while, you like for someone to pay attention to you, and feel bad for you.
Just like when you feel good when someone brags about you, and you aren't doing it yourself. You see, Yukito-san does that to me. He'll brag to 'Niichan about how good of a cook I am whenever I make something for them. I know that Yukito-san is lying through his teeth, but it's still very nice of him to say that, even if it's not true. Like I said, it makes me feel good.
Maybe you don't know, but I used to love Yukito-san. I still love him, but not in that way. You see, at the time I was really confused as to why I really liked Yukito-san, but I truly think it's because he was the other part of Yue, and that he was in love with Clow. I was merely associating with Yukito-san's other half, Yue, and was loving him in a way that I loved my father. Because, he was a kindered spirit, in a way. Because my father is half the reincarnatioin of Clow. And Hiiragizawa Eriol is the other half of Clow Reed.
I can't say that I think of Eriol like a father, because I have to admit, I did think he was rather charming when he first came to Tomoeda Elementary. He kissed my hand, and he gave me a flower and helped me do things. He even helped me turn the Clow Cards into Sakura Cards. He was a lot more thoughtful than Syaoran when he first came compared to Syaoran's first time here.
I don't resent Syaoran for that, but it's the fact that he scared me.
"Kaijuu! Get your lazy butt down here or you'll be late!"
Grr... ONIICHAN!! He's such a pain, but I even still have that little dream of me one day using the Big card and stomping on him. Such a mean Oniichan! I stop looking at myself in the mirror, and stare at my reflection. I'd be thirteen really soon. Really, really soon.
I walk down the stairs after grabbing my bag and try to calmly walk down, but apparently it wasn't quiet enough for Oniichan.
"What are you doing, Kaijuu, stomping around like that? The rest of us are trying to eat breakfast on time and in peace," he says looking down at me and smirking.
Touya is so infuriating. Really, he is. Really and terribly and truly infuriating.
"Baka 'Niichan," I whisper to him as I sit down.
"Ohayo, Sakura-san," Otousan says to me.
"Ohayo, 'Tousan!" I say, smiling widely.
He smiles at me once more, before he goes back to eating.
"Ohayo, Okasama," I say quietly to the picture of my mother. A new one today, she's holding a hat, as if the wind were trying to take it away from her. She had a firm grasp on it, and how much I could've wished that I was her, and she was the hat. I could've held on to her when she was about to die, and I would've never let go.
As much as my 'Tousan is trying to feign happiness, he wants to cry. He wants to cry long and hard, because that was his Nadeshiko and instead of her he got a Sakura. Flower for flower, but it's not an even trade-off to him. My father had two flowers at one time, then he had three until I took her away when I was three.
Because of me, my Okasama had went to the angels. She's a rather beautiful angel, my brother says. More beautiful than all the other angels. Sometimes, I hear my brother when he would be talking to okasama, and I'd be hiding in a corner where he couldn't see me.
And he'd say, "Okaasama, you are the most beautiful angel. But, when Sakura is an angel, she'll be the most beautiful of all. And I hope that I don't have to see her be an angel in this lifetime, Okasama, so I'll do anything I can to protect her. Anything."
I had cried when he said that, because then I knew that 'Niichan is my brother, and all he wants to do is love me and protect me. Protect me from the world and from heartbreakers.
"Kaijuu, stop staring at the jam. It's going to melt because you're so scary!"
I take that back. My brother is only here to make my life a living hell.
"ONIICHAN!"
All he does is chuckle and continue eating, watching me out of the corner of his eye. Hai, Oniichan, I see you.
"Oi! Oniisan, Otousan, you got somethin' for me?!" Kero-chan says as he flies down the stairs.
My Otousan chuckles as he holds up pancakes and points to a glass of juice. Kero-chan's eyes bulge as he looks at the pancakes.
"SUGOI! Itadakimase!" Kero-chan replied before he dug into his pancakes. I chuckled at him, my own very talking and walking stuffed-animal. But don't let Kero-chan hear me say that.
"Oishi!" Kero-chan mumbled through a mouth full of food. 'Niichan rolls his eyes as he picks up about half of his pancakes and stuffs them into his mouth. Ingrate.
"Oi! Sumimasen! I'm late, and I can't get there in time on skates. I have to leave now! Iteki masu!" I say as I run to the foyer, put on my blades, and head out the door. I skate down the roads, the same way I go everytime, and I admire the scenery. Wouldn't you know it, the sakura trees are beautiful this time of year, and they make me look even more radiant. So says Tomoyo-chan. I've actually gotten off subject, and I haven't been telling you about me. Well, so much that you need to know, anyhow.
You want to know why I feel bad for Syaoran-kun? I know that he doesn't believe in love, because he told me. He told me so, and that he said that his family put him through hell. Then he muttered something under his breath. He thought I couldn't hear him, but I could. He said that one person made him believe, and that she didn't even know it.
I almost cried, but I still smiled and he wasn't any the wiser. Syaoran, my Syaoran was in love with somebody else. Why else would he not have wanted me to hear? I know that Syaoran hates me, why else would he act the way he does.
I am halfway to school now, and I only feel morbid. Just plain morbid.
You want to know why I feel bad for Syaoran? It's because he, Li Syaoran was the reason I came to realize how good life is to me. I may have felt bad about being the Card Captor, but look at Syaoran. He wasn't even the Card Captor and he already had to train when he was three years old. Three. I know that maybe it was for the best, but if I had to do that, my Oniichan or my Otousan or even my Okasama would come to save me. They wouldn't let me be like that, they wouldn't let me go through such pain.
You see, even though I grew up without a okasama, I know she loved me anyway. I also know that I couldn't be more loved by my oniichan or my otousuan. They more than make up for the fact that my okasama isn't here. That she couldn't be here because she loved me enough to bring me into this world. I love them for that, for bringing me here. Because, they didn't have to, they had the option to let me live my life as an angel.
And then, I know I'd be Syaoran's guardian angel, because Syaoran needs me. And I need him. I may not be the one for him, but I'll be there for him. Whenever he needs me to be, I'll be there for him. I promise you, Li Syaoran, my Little Wolf, that even if you can't hear me, I'm here for you. Always. Even though you hate me, I'll be here for you.
I finally reach school, and I notice that I'm a couple of minutes early. Counting my lucky stars, I make my way into the building. I take off my skates, and carry them to my locker, where I put them in and I put on my shoes I wear for school. As I close my locker, I sigh and rest my head on the cool surface. I have a feeling that today won't be a very good day.
I put on the bst smile I can manage, and I make my way to class. As I walk in, I greet everyone with a warm smile and bright eyes.
"Ohayo!" I say loudly.
THe class responds to me, and I get a few scattered replies from certain individuals.
"Ohayo, Sakura-chan!" Tomoyo-chan says, she seems really happy to see me.
"Ohayo, Sakura-san," Eriol-kun says benignly. He's so mysterious. I think that Tomoyo-chan has made a good choice.
But, not just thinking on Eriol, I dread turning around, because that would mean facing you. Facing you, Li Syaoran. But I do it anyway. I turn around, and I put the brightest smile on my face, because it's you.
I bend down, so that I'm eye level with you and I say in a more charismatic voice than usual, "Ohayo, Syaoran-kun!"
"O...o...ohayo," you say, sounding rather dejected. A frown marrs my features, but I quickly turn away and I start to ask Tomoyo-chan something, like does he know that I like him? Then I hand her the bear I was making for him. To see if there was anything I should do about it. I sit down quickly after that, and Syaoran is staring rather inquisitively at Tomoyo and I. I didn't notice as Eriol-kun stands up and he's standing at my desk. He smiles at me, and winks as he hands me a flower. I thought it was very pretty, and as always, I blushed.
"Arigato!" I say smiling.
I notice that Syaoran was turned around from me, and he was rummaging in his back pack for something.
"Syaoran-kun?" I ask, wondering about you and about something I should ask you.
You turn around, glaring at me. I falter for a bit, but I decide that it's time to face my fears, and I go on anyway, smiling only more brightly to cover up my hurt.
"Syaoran-kun, do you want to come to the festival with me, and then I'm making dinner so you can go to that, too? Or are you too busy?" I ask, but then I really do falter as you stares at me with a look of astonishment on your face. You really do hate me. You hate me, and then you don't even want to look at me. Oh, how I hate me and my stupid mouth.
"H...hai," you respond rather hesitantly. Do you not want to go? Is it because you hate me? I notice that Tomoyo-chan is filming us for some odd reason. It could be because I finally asked you out on a "date".
But, you smile kind of timidly, like you are embarassed. It makes me feel good inside, so I swell up, and I smile. Because only you can make me do that, Syaoran. Only my Little Wolf can make my heartbeart speed up, to make me want to spend all eternity with you.
"Oh!! Syaoran-kun, we'll have so much fun! Here, since today is Saturday, we can do it today!" I say, then I grab his hand so I can write down the time and to meet me at my house. It doesn't go unnoticed to me that he stiffens in my grasp, but I overlooked it. At least he was going to the festival with me. It's all I could ask for.
I look at you and say, "I can't wait, Syaoran-kun! We'll have so much fun!" And I mean it. I truly mean it, because Syaoran, I want to go with you. And only you.
I notice you are trying to say something, but you stutter and you blush. I notice this twinkle in your eye Syaoran. And maybe it's for me. Maybe that twinkle was meant for me. I smile at you and turn around to talk to Tomoyo-chan, who just finished filming.
"Sakura-chan," she says. "He said 'yes', Sakura-chan. I told you he liked you."
I only smile and think to myself, maybe you don't hate me Syaoran. Maybe you do like me after all.
~*~
finis
This is the part on Sakura. Contrary to Syaoran's. I hope that you like it. I liked writing Sakura's, but I had more fun writing Syaoran's. He's such a fun character, he's very dynamic. Sakura is dynamic, too, but Syaoran more so!!
Thank you for reading, and hopefully you'll review. Ja ne, minna-san!
You see, Syaoran, I wish you believed in love, but I remember once that you told me there were only two things in the world that scared you. You only told me one, and one was upsetting your family, but that was the second. You said that there was one thing worse than that. It scared you more than you could ever imagine, and you said you hoped it never happened.
Do you hate me? Do you hate me for caring about you? Because I care about you, I care about you, my Little Wolf. I worry about you, and I worry about your fear. Of what you're scared of. Because, even though you hate me, I hope it never happens, like you said.
agree with myself. I hope it never happens, because if that ever happened to you, my Little Wolf, I'd cry. I'd cry and sigh, and be in eternal pain if I found out that whatever happened to you, had hurt you so much, and that you were scared. I don't want you to be scared, because I want you to protect me. But I know, I know that you can't protect me, because there are things more important in your life than me, and I will probably always be at the bottom of your list. Syaoran Li. At the bottom of your list.
"Sakura?" Kero-chan calls into the bathroom.
"Hai?" I respond, not enough happiness in my voice to convince him that I'm perfectly fine, and yes, I did get up on my own today. I've been plagued with thoughts about you.
As I expected, Kero-chan comes flitting into the bathroom, his little eyes narrowed in suspicion.
"Sakura! Are you pregnant?" he yells!
Oh. My. Gosh. He didn't just ask that!
"Kero-chan!" I reprimanded him. I can't believe that he just asked me that. I can't believe this...
"Well, Sakura, you've been spending an abnormally amount of time in the bathroom lately, and since you aren't a girl who does that, I was assuming the worst. Hey, being optimistic has it's tough points! I was just worried about you..." Kero-chan mumbles, leaving the bathroom.
I watch as my chest heaves in and out, I am very offended that he'd think something like that about me. I could understand if it was Oniichan but Kero-chan? Who does he think I'd sleep with? I don't personally think I'm old enough to even get pregnant. I think Kero-chan was overreacting, and was just having a bad morning. I had forgot to bring him pudding last night, so I guess that could've been the reason. A very good reason, to him, to embarass me.
I'm not complaining, I've been having quite a hard time lately, thinking about a certain someone. But does he hate me? I know that sometimes I may seem stand-offish to him, but it's only because I'm too embarassed to say anything to him at all. I just know he doesn't like me, I just know it. He hates me.
I also know that he doesn't want me feeling sorry for him, because I think he's the kind of person who doesn't like anyone feeling sorry for him, or feeling sorry for themselves for the matter. I think though, that every once in a while, you like for someone to pay attention to you, and feel bad for you.
Just like when you feel good when someone brags about you, and you aren't doing it yourself. You see, Yukito-san does that to me. He'll brag to 'Niichan about how good of a cook I am whenever I make something for them. I know that Yukito-san is lying through his teeth, but it's still very nice of him to say that, even if it's not true. Like I said, it makes me feel good.
Maybe you don't know, but I used to love Yukito-san. I still love him, but not in that way. You see, at the time I was really confused as to why I really liked Yukito-san, but I truly think it's because he was the other part of Yue, and that he was in love with Clow. I was merely associating with Yukito-san's other half, Yue, and was loving him in a way that I loved my father. Because, he was a kindered spirit, in a way. Because my father is half the reincarnatioin of Clow. And Hiiragizawa Eriol is the other half of Clow Reed.
I can't say that I think of Eriol like a father, because I have to admit, I did think he was rather charming when he first came to Tomoeda Elementary. He kissed my hand, and he gave me a flower and helped me do things. He even helped me turn the Clow Cards into Sakura Cards. He was a lot more thoughtful than Syaoran when he first came compared to Syaoran's first time here.
I don't resent Syaoran for that, but it's the fact that he scared me.
"Kaijuu! Get your lazy butt down here or you'll be late!"
Grr... ONIICHAN!! He's such a pain, but I even still have that little dream of me one day using the Big card and stomping on him. Such a mean Oniichan! I stop looking at myself in the mirror, and stare at my reflection. I'd be thirteen really soon. Really, really soon.
I walk down the stairs after grabbing my bag and try to calmly walk down, but apparently it wasn't quiet enough for Oniichan.
"What are you doing, Kaijuu, stomping around like that? The rest of us are trying to eat breakfast on time and in peace," he says looking down at me and smirking.
Touya is so infuriating. Really, he is. Really and terribly and truly infuriating.
"Baka 'Niichan," I whisper to him as I sit down.
"Ohayo, Sakura-san," Otousan says to me.
"Ohayo, 'Tousan!" I say, smiling widely.
He smiles at me once more, before he goes back to eating.
"Ohayo, Okasama," I say quietly to the picture of my mother. A new one today, she's holding a hat, as if the wind were trying to take it away from her. She had a firm grasp on it, and how much I could've wished that I was her, and she was the hat. I could've held on to her when she was about to die, and I would've never let go.
As much as my 'Tousan is trying to feign happiness, he wants to cry. He wants to cry long and hard, because that was his Nadeshiko and instead of her he got a Sakura. Flower for flower, but it's not an even trade-off to him. My father had two flowers at one time, then he had three until I took her away when I was three.
Because of me, my Okasama had went to the angels. She's a rather beautiful angel, my brother says. More beautiful than all the other angels. Sometimes, I hear my brother when he would be talking to okasama, and I'd be hiding in a corner where he couldn't see me.
And he'd say, "Okaasama, you are the most beautiful angel. But, when Sakura is an angel, she'll be the most beautiful of all. And I hope that I don't have to see her be an angel in this lifetime, Okasama, so I'll do anything I can to protect her. Anything."
I had cried when he said that, because then I knew that 'Niichan is my brother, and all he wants to do is love me and protect me. Protect me from the world and from heartbreakers.
"Kaijuu, stop staring at the jam. It's going to melt because you're so scary!"
I take that back. My brother is only here to make my life a living hell.
"ONIICHAN!"
All he does is chuckle and continue eating, watching me out of the corner of his eye. Hai, Oniichan, I see you.
"Oi! Oniisan, Otousan, you got somethin' for me?!" Kero-chan says as he flies down the stairs.
My Otousan chuckles as he holds up pancakes and points to a glass of juice. Kero-chan's eyes bulge as he looks at the pancakes.
"SUGOI! Itadakimase!" Kero-chan replied before he dug into his pancakes. I chuckled at him, my own very talking and walking stuffed-animal. But don't let Kero-chan hear me say that.
"Oishi!" Kero-chan mumbled through a mouth full of food. 'Niichan rolls his eyes as he picks up about half of his pancakes and stuffs them into his mouth. Ingrate.
"Oi! Sumimasen! I'm late, and I can't get there in time on skates. I have to leave now! Iteki masu!" I say as I run to the foyer, put on my blades, and head out the door. I skate down the roads, the same way I go everytime, and I admire the scenery. Wouldn't you know it, the sakura trees are beautiful this time of year, and they make me look even more radiant. So says Tomoyo-chan. I've actually gotten off subject, and I haven't been telling you about me. Well, so much that you need to know, anyhow.
You want to know why I feel bad for Syaoran-kun? I know that he doesn't believe in love, because he told me. He told me so, and that he said that his family put him through hell. Then he muttered something under his breath. He thought I couldn't hear him, but I could. He said that one person made him believe, and that she didn't even know it.
I almost cried, but I still smiled and he wasn't any the wiser. Syaoran, my Syaoran was in love with somebody else. Why else would he not have wanted me to hear? I know that Syaoran hates me, why else would he act the way he does.
I am halfway to school now, and I only feel morbid. Just plain morbid.
You want to know why I feel bad for Syaoran? It's because he, Li Syaoran was the reason I came to realize how good life is to me. I may have felt bad about being the Card Captor, but look at Syaoran. He wasn't even the Card Captor and he already had to train when he was three years old. Three. I know that maybe it was for the best, but if I had to do that, my Oniichan or my Otousan or even my Okasama would come to save me. They wouldn't let me be like that, they wouldn't let me go through such pain.
You see, even though I grew up without a okasama, I know she loved me anyway. I also know that I couldn't be more loved by my oniichan or my otousuan. They more than make up for the fact that my okasama isn't here. That she couldn't be here because she loved me enough to bring me into this world. I love them for that, for bringing me here. Because, they didn't have to, they had the option to let me live my life as an angel.
And then, I know I'd be Syaoran's guardian angel, because Syaoran needs me. And I need him. I may not be the one for him, but I'll be there for him. Whenever he needs me to be, I'll be there for him. I promise you, Li Syaoran, my Little Wolf, that even if you can't hear me, I'm here for you. Always. Even though you hate me, I'll be here for you.
I finally reach school, and I notice that I'm a couple of minutes early. Counting my lucky stars, I make my way into the building. I take off my skates, and carry them to my locker, where I put them in and I put on my shoes I wear for school. As I close my locker, I sigh and rest my head on the cool surface. I have a feeling that today won't be a very good day.
I put on the bst smile I can manage, and I make my way to class. As I walk in, I greet everyone with a warm smile and bright eyes.
"Ohayo!" I say loudly.
THe class responds to me, and I get a few scattered replies from certain individuals.
"Ohayo, Sakura-chan!" Tomoyo-chan says, she seems really happy to see me.
"Ohayo, Sakura-san," Eriol-kun says benignly. He's so mysterious. I think that Tomoyo-chan has made a good choice.
But, not just thinking on Eriol, I dread turning around, because that would mean facing you. Facing you, Li Syaoran. But I do it anyway. I turn around, and I put the brightest smile on my face, because it's you.
I bend down, so that I'm eye level with you and I say in a more charismatic voice than usual, "Ohayo, Syaoran-kun!"
"O...o...ohayo," you say, sounding rather dejected. A frown marrs my features, but I quickly turn away and I start to ask Tomoyo-chan something, like does he know that I like him? Then I hand her the bear I was making for him. To see if there was anything I should do about it. I sit down quickly after that, and Syaoran is staring rather inquisitively at Tomoyo and I. I didn't notice as Eriol-kun stands up and he's standing at my desk. He smiles at me, and winks as he hands me a flower. I thought it was very pretty, and as always, I blushed.
"Arigato!" I say smiling.
I notice that Syaoran was turned around from me, and he was rummaging in his back pack for something.
"Syaoran-kun?" I ask, wondering about you and about something I should ask you.
You turn around, glaring at me. I falter for a bit, but I decide that it's time to face my fears, and I go on anyway, smiling only more brightly to cover up my hurt.
"Syaoran-kun, do you want to come to the festival with me, and then I'm making dinner so you can go to that, too? Or are you too busy?" I ask, but then I really do falter as you stares at me with a look of astonishment on your face. You really do hate me. You hate me, and then you don't even want to look at me. Oh, how I hate me and my stupid mouth.
"H...hai," you respond rather hesitantly. Do you not want to go? Is it because you hate me? I notice that Tomoyo-chan is filming us for some odd reason. It could be because I finally asked you out on a "date".
But, you smile kind of timidly, like you are embarassed. It makes me feel good inside, so I swell up, and I smile. Because only you can make me do that, Syaoran. Only my Little Wolf can make my heartbeart speed up, to make me want to spend all eternity with you.
"Oh!! Syaoran-kun, we'll have so much fun! Here, since today is Saturday, we can do it today!" I say, then I grab his hand so I can write down the time and to meet me at my house. It doesn't go unnoticed to me that he stiffens in my grasp, but I overlooked it. At least he was going to the festival with me. It's all I could ask for.
I look at you and say, "I can't wait, Syaoran-kun! We'll have so much fun!" And I mean it. I truly mean it, because Syaoran, I want to go with you. And only you.
I notice you are trying to say something, but you stutter and you blush. I notice this twinkle in your eye Syaoran. And maybe it's for me. Maybe that twinkle was meant for me. I smile at you and turn around to talk to Tomoyo-chan, who just finished filming.
"Sakura-chan," she says. "He said 'yes', Sakura-chan. I told you he liked you."
I only smile and think to myself, maybe you don't hate me Syaoran. Maybe you do like me after all.
~*~
finis
This is the part on Sakura. Contrary to Syaoran's. I hope that you like it. I liked writing Sakura's, but I had more fun writing Syaoran's. He's such a fun character, he's very dynamic. Sakura is dynamic, too, but Syaoran more so!!
Thank you for reading, and hopefully you'll review. Ja ne, minna-san!