Cinder Chick
Who would name their child Cinderella? I'll tell you who. My parents, that's who. What kind of a name is Cinderella anyway? I mean, a name like that just shouts out "Hey, look at me! I have a damn weird name. Make fun of me." I mean just by looking at it you can tell that. It makes you really depressed, ya know. Having a name like that. I hate my life, I really do. It would be ok and all if my old man and my real mom were still around but they had to die. What a bunch of phonies. I mean, who would go out and die on their kid like that? Espicially after my old man remarried this wicth. No kidding, she's a real wicth, I tell you. A real phony too. I mean she's queen of the phonies, that's how bad she is. No kidding.
So, anyway, I like live with this wicth and her two daughters who are almost as phony as she is. I bet she tought them how to be phony and all. I would bet you a million bucks on it, except that I don't even own a damn penny. See, queen phony and her phony daughters decided that I should be their servant or something like that. That kills me. You marry this guy and then he dies and you turn his daughter into a some slave. I have a feeling all step-wicthes do that. I bet there's some university they all go to were they learn all this junk.
So, anyway, this one day I was just cleaning up their crap, as always, it depresses the hell out of me, having to always clean up their crap and all. Yeah, so I was cleaning up their crap when some noble dude comes to the house. Really noble, horse and all. Something that has always killed me, that if you're noble you have to have a horse and ride around on it all snobby, really phony I tell you. So, then he comes up to the house and tells the phonies of the house that there is going to be some grand ball for the prince. Prince Charming. I wonder what the hell is so charming about a phony and snobby prince.
Well, I really wanted to go to this ball and all. I don't know why, but I wanted to go, I really did. But then my step-wicth tells me I can't go but instead takes her daughters, in these big poofy dresses. I never thought they could look more phony but right then they looked phonier than hell, I swear. I didn't want to go to that ball, really, I didn't anymore. Just looking at them made me not want to go anyway. I was really depressed about it too.
You probably won't believe what happened next and I don't blame you, I'm not so sure even I believe it. This old granny showed up claiming to be my fairy godmother. Godmother. That kills me. I mean, she's not a god and she's definently not my mother, so why the hell does she call herself my godmother? And a fairy godmother at that, for crying out loud! How phony sounding is that? So then like she does this "bibi-de-bobi-de-boo" crap and all this smoke crap appears and she turns this pumpkin into a carriage and these mice into horses. Mice turning into horses for crying out loud! How often do you see that? She also like put this really fancy dress on me, it looked kind of phony and all but it's not like I have anything better to wear to this ball, considering my clothes are all rags and all. Well, I was just starting to like this granny when she suddenly tells me that I have to be back before midnight. Then I didn't like her so much. I mean, is there some reason why her magic won't last past midnight or is she just saying that so that I'll be a good little girl and not stay out to late? My fairy godmother kills me, she really does.
So like I get to this ball and all and like the entire castle is full of nothing but phonies. I swear, I bet you've never seen so many damn phonies in one place at the same time. It was like a damn phony convention or something. It kind of got me depressed, having to be in the same room with all these phonies and all but I wasn't going to like just walk out and waste all of that fairy granny's magic or something like that. It wasn't long though before the prince, yup, Prince Charming himself, came up to me. I could just feel the jealousy radiating off all those girls in their phony dresses, all starring at me. That cheered me up a bit. I mean its not like I live to make people jealous, but it was kind of funny.
So, anyway, this prince asked me to dance and well I didn't really like him since he was all phony and snobby and whatever, but then I guess all princes are. I bet there's another university that tells you all about how to be a snobby prince. I must admit, he was really good looking, and I mean really good looking. So we were dancing and all and you know what happened? I'll tell you what happened. The damn clock struck midnight. That really depressed me, I mean you start to have a little fun and the damn clock strikes midnight on you. So I ran like hell, ran right out of that phony castle, without a word or anything. I was almost out too when something really depressing happened. One of my damn glass slippers fell off and I couldn't go back and get it or anything. I mean it wasn't like I liked the shoe or anything but I kind of felt bad since that godmother gave it to me and all. Oh well, back to my crummy life, I guess.