Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from the Harry Potter books. Honest, would I place this story online if I would?
Warning #1: I wrote this under the
influence of fluffy romance songs…
Warning #2: This is my first HG/SS story. I've read a lot, anyhow.
Warning #3: This isn't beta-read.
Do you still want to read it? Go on then, and don't forget to leave a review.
'Just one more minute' never is enough
I leaned against a heavy pillar, and looked out of the window in front of me. It was becoming dark already. Rain silently fell down on the earth, and declivities led the water to lower points where now little puddles emerged.
The temperature in the tower was very low, partly due to the weather, but also because of the great height. There was only one source of light, hanging above the window.
I startled when I heard footsteps from behind and stood up to see him coming in. He slowly walked to me, his face unreadable as ever when my arms slipped around his neck.
"I'm glad you came," I whispered before he covered my mouth with a kiss. My worries disappeared with that, and I happily recalled our first kiss. That had been at the time that Voldemort had been defeated, and good times replaced the bad ones.
He put his arms around me, and I let my head rest on his chest. My nostrils were filled with the scent of herbs, and I closed my eyes.
"How could I have not.." he responded into my hair. That's how we stood there a few more moments. I felt beloved, like I had never felt before. For the first time somebody dared to love me, and dared to show that. I had this feeling that it would last forever. Or was it more a wish?
We sat down in front of the window, and stared out of it.
"Odd," I said, a bit hoarse. "It's raining, but there is no single cloud in sight."
I looked up to look him in the eyes, to drown in that calm, black see, and forget everything again. But instead of the calmness, it was despair I saw, and it pained me to also see guilt in his eyes.
I knew he was feeling guilty for loving a child, and I knew it was all my fault. If only I was some older…
"I'm sorry," I wanted to say, but there was a limb in my throat that made it impossible. At this, he took my head in his hands, and caressed my cheek with his thumb. There was another moment of silence, but then he spoke.
"You do know this—" He paused, sighed, and then let his forehead rest on mine. I hoped he would just shut his mouth, and continued holding me.
"We can't continue this anymore, Hermione." he then stated. The way he did was resolute, almost cruel. It felt like a stab in my chest, and I felt my eyes burn. I wanted to protest, tell him we could, but he gently brought his finger to my lips to prevent me from speaking.
"You are my student, and the risk is just too big.. This is a secret too hard too keep. And if somebody finds out…" He looked away from me, searching for words, but when he turned his face to me again, there was a chilling determination in his eyes. "This will be the last time we meet."
His voice was stern, and I knew I couldn't change his mind anymore. There was an awful silence.
"If this is the last time," I said, determined to not let go that easy. "Then please let these last moments with you be the happiest moments of my life. Just sit here with me, okay?"
It was desperate and crazy, I knew, but maybe I was able to convince him. He looked at me pitifully, but then nodded.
I buried myself in his embrace, forcing my tears back. He stroke my hair, and in spite of my sorrow I felt a bit happier. But after some minutes, he woke me up from my dream.
"We'd better go now," he said in a low voice, and moved to stand up. I pulled him back, and looked at him with begging eyes.
"Please," I said, not being able to suppress a sob. "One more minute."
He stared at me, but this time there was no pity. He let out a sigh of irritation, but I knew that, deep down, he was glad.
"Alright," he decided after considering it for a second. "Just one."
And so we sat again. I couldn't help but counting the seconds, and after passing the 60, I feared by every second that he would rise on his feet again, and leave. Forever.
It was exactly 4 minutes and 19 seconds when he did that. I startled, and stood up too. I knew I'd do everything to be with him some longer.
"I trust you'll keep our relationship secret," he said, and I felt like he was looking through me. "It's no use telling anyone, as it is already in the past. Good night, Miss Granger."
Miss Granger. I felt my heart ache. It really was over, I realised. But it couldn't be. I shook my head.
"I won't forget you, Severus. And I know you won't forget me either." I was hoping for a confirmation, but all he did was turning around, and starting to walk away.
"Call me Professor again, from now on."
My head started to ache now too, and my stomach felt empty. Too empty.
*~*~*
I couldn't sleep that night. I couldn't cry. I could only remember his words. "It's already in the past." That cold way he always stated things was one thing I'd admired in him. He could hide his emotions without any effort, even to me. I had never doubted his love though. Had it all been for nothing?
Next day there was no potions on my schedule and because I had overslept, and had missed breakfast, I hadn't seen him yet.
The lesson went quite good for someone who had just broken up. Nobody seemed to notice something was wrong with me, and that I was trying to pay even more attention to the lesson that usual.
After class, I threw myself on a heavy book about "Muggle Libraries". It was one of the few books I hadn't read yet, and I hoped it wouldn't contain anything that could be related to Potions. It didn't. But there were enough other things I related to Severus, I figured. Take the title. Hadn't it been in the library where I found out I was in love with him? And the introduction. "I have written this book to teach you more about the delicate wonders called Muggle Libraries. Not many wizards will understand the use of this phenomenon." Now how much did that resemble to the speech Severus had given to the first years? And what about the illustration of that bookcase? I was sure I could see a book about the Dark Arts there, and everybody knew Severus wanted the Defend Against the Dark Arts job.
I closed the book shut. This was madness. I put the book away, and rose on my feet.
"Where are you going, Herm?" Ginny asked. I knew she was worried about me. Thought I was acting strange, she told me lately. I did an attempt to smile. If only she knew…
"I'm just a bit tired," I said, and it was true.
"Tired?" Ginny's eyes grew big in disbelief. "Hermione, last night you went to bed at 8, and now it's even before dinner. How can you be tired??"
I sighed. Why was she making trouble? "I figured out last night that I still had some homework to do, so I studied again… All night."
This seemed to work. Ginny let out a small "Oh." and then returned to her homework. I felt relieved, and quickly turned to walk out of the common room. I bumped into Ron. He looked a bit different, somehow.
"Hey, Hermione!" he exclaimed. He seemed a bit shocked to see me.
"Hi Ron." I responded with a smile, and wanted to walk away, but Ron stopped me. He reddened a bit.
"Erm.. How are you?" he asked shyly. I was surprised by the stupidity of the question.
"Good, I guess. A bit tired." I added quickly as I remembered my 'role'. "And you?"
"I'm fine, thanks. Hey.. Would you like to do something, tonight? I don't know what, exactly, maybe wizard chess, or perhaps hang around the lake.. Study together, if you like."
I was amazed. Was this Ron Weasley who was trying to, well, ask me out?
"Er—" I hesitated. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but it would be unfair to say yes. Besides, I had just told Ginny I was tired. "Tonight isn't a very good time.. I'm pretty tired, as I said, and I'd like to have an early night myself now. Some other time, okay?"
Ron nodded. "Okay. Tell me when you do have time."
I finally left the room, but didn't head to the dormitory of course. I went to the dungeons, and when I arrived, I carefully pushed open the heavy door of the classroom. As I walked in, I saw him standing beside a cauldron, carefully adding a new ingredient. He hadn't noticed me yet, and I wondered what to do without startling him. It was unnecessary.
"Miss Granger," he said coolly without looking up from the potion. "May I ask why you're here, interrupting my concentration?"
I considered his question for a moment, and felt tears prickle in my eyes.
"I needed to see you, Severus." I said truthfully. My voice was higher than usual, and I inwardly cursed myself.
"First, call me Professor," he said icily. "And second, I don't find your reason a good one. Five points-"
"Stop treating me like one of your students!" I cut off his sentence.
"You are one of my students, and nothing more, so why should I?" he sneered, stirring in his potion.
"You know it." I gasped. "Severus, I can't just put you aside! It's unreasonable to ask me that!"
He now turned his face to me, and with one look I could tell what the emotion in his eyes was—Hatred.
"We can do this reasonable, Miss Granger."
The darkness in his voice when he said my name, frightened me. There was no sign of the man I had been with last night.
"We can now go to the Headmaster, and tell him everything about what we had, and what you still think to have. Then, he'll ban you, and fire me. Does that seem reasonable enough to you, Miss Granger? Does it?"
That disgust again. I was so shocked by his tone, that I couldn't respond. I searched his eyes for any good emotion, but couldn't find any, not even pity or disappointment. Only irritation and hatred, deep hatred. I suddenly became aware of the tears that were streaming over my cheeks.
"How can you be so cruel?" I sobbed. He gave an exasperated noise, and turned back to his cauldron again.
"You'd be well-advised to leave, before I start taking points."
I stood there, motionless, and desperately trying to understand.
"Go!" he hissed. I gave him one more look, and then started to run away, sobbing uncontrollably. Fortunately I bumped into nobody as I ran to the dormitory. Nobody was there either. Everybody probably was having dinner. I let myself fall on my bed and tried to find an explanation. It was such a cruel day. No, I corrected myself after thinking some more about it, it was Severus who was to blame. Anger welled up inside me. I had to tell someone. Anyone. I needed someone to confirm my thoughts. I grabbed my diary, that I hadn't been using for years, and a quill, and started to write.
"He isn't worth it, Hermione. You've now seen his true nature, and it's time to move on. Be glad things didn't work out between you two. His good sides, the good moments..- There'll be more of them. The bad ones—forget them. You've been through worse. He was, what—twice your age?"
But it still hurts… I swallowed. I read through what I had written, and felt a little bit better. I had to find distraction.
I heard some noise, and a few seconds later Ginny, Parvati and some other girls came into the dormitory. I quickly dried my tears, and put the parchment away.
"Hey," Ginny said. "You're still up?"
I smiled to her. "Oh well," I coughed to get rid of my hoarse voice. "I wasn't as tired as I thought I was."
"You've missed this wonderful dinner!" Parvati exclaimed. "It really was delicious, wasn't it, Ginny?"
"I think the house-elves will be willing to give me some food," I smiled.
I jumped off my bed, and walked to the common room. I saw Ron was working on his homework. I hesitated, but then carefully touched his shoulder. He startled.
"Hullo," he said, his face turning red.
"Hey," I said. "You don't have any plans for tonight, have you?"
He grinned, and I gave a relieved sigh. Maybe things were just better the way they were now…
*~*~*
In his dungeons, Severus Snape was still stirring in his potion, his thoughts with the only one he had ever truly loved. The one he had just sent away. He looked at his watch, and saw he had missed dinner. Oh well, he had lost his appetite anyway.
He realised his potion was becoming green instead of red, and quickly stopped stirring. Darn it, he thought. Now he had to add tealeaves to reverse that reaction again. He walked to his closet, and found he had run out of tealeaves. Sybill probably had some. He walked up the stairs to the Arithmancy tower, and incense filled his nostrils. Nobody was in the room. He had no time to wait, the potion would be useless if he didn't add leaves in a few minutes, so he searched for the leaves himself. And found them. He quickly wanted to leave, when something outside caught his eye. He walked to the window, and looked outside. Suddenly his head started to ache, and he searched for support against the wall.
Hermione and that Weasley? Had she forgotten about him that easy? Hadn't he meant anything to her? He looked at how the couple walked to the lake. Was she laughing?
He shook his head. This was what he had wanted. He getting on with his life, and she with hers… But still, she was too good for Weasley. He grabbed for his head. Getting over this would take much time, he feared…
A/N: I don't really know if I should continue this.. It was meant to be just a short story, so tell me what you think.