Part II - BATMAN
"Batman?" Sara said, before looking at Nick and grinning a full-on Sara smile. "Batman, Nicky?"
Nick shrugged in embarrassment. "Yeah - and that's exactly why I didn't want you to see what I was reading. I knew you'd make fun."
"Okay, I'm sorry. I won't tease. Why Batman?" Sara asked, suddenly serious.
"Well, because he was a real man." Nick flushed red at Sara's amused snort. "I mean.human character, as opposed to Superman who was born with superpowers. Batman became a superhero because of tragedy in his past. He rose above his hatred and his grief, and instead of letting his life be fueled by thoughts of revenge, he decided to make a difference: to make things better for people by protecting them.by catching the bad guys and putting them away.
"By taking his rage and redirecting it, he became a productive member of society. He became a better man. So, when I was little, I decided that I was going to be like Batman."
Sara was listening to him intently, and nodding. "Well, that makes sense, I suppose. But Nicky? If you're Batman, what fuel's your rage? What are you rising above?"
Nick flinched. He should have realized Sara would get to the heart of the matter - she was far too perceptive for her own good. He looked at her, than studiously glanced away. He didn't know how to answer her - didn't know if he wanted to answer.
Sara reached out and touched his hand gently. "Nick? Nicky? Come on, you can tell me. I really want to understand."
Nick looked at her hand on his, and then looked at his shoes. "I don't like talking about it. But I'll tell you.
"Sara, when I was.nine..I was, uhm..I was raped by a babysitter." He felt her hand clench tighter around his, heard her shocked gasp. He didn't look at her - instead he looked at their clasped hands. Her knuckles were white.
"She was a replacement sitter, not my normal one. My parents had gone out for dinner and a movie, and my sisters were all spending the night with friends. So, it was just me.and her." He shuddered.
"It was summer vacation. I was lying on top of my bed, on top of a Dukes of Hazard sleeping bag I'd gotten for my birthday. I still remember how slippery it felt underneath me.
"No one would have ever known, because I would never have said anything. But, my parents came home early. They had tried calling, and when she didn't answer the phone, they got worried. She didn't hear them come home, and I was crying to hard.
"My dad.my dad found us.and she was.she was.and my dad killed her. He pulled her off me and threw her against my bedroom wall so hard he broke her neck. He went to jail for involuntary man-slaughter. Stayed there for five years. My family was destroyed."
He finally looked at Sara, whose eyes were once again swimming with tears - for him.
"And so," she whisper softly, "you became Batman."
"Yeah. Batman."
They sat silently for a long time, the silence comfortable, wrapping around them like a warm blanket. Nick leaned back against the chair and closed his eyes. Sara rested her head on his shoulder, still clasping his hand tightly in hers.
Finally, after what seemed like ages, Nick stirred.
"Sara?" his voice was soft.
"Yes Nicky?" she replied, just as softly.
"Thanks for letting me tell you. I feel better." He smiled. "I actually feel good."
Silence, then.
"Nicky?"
"Yes, Sara?"
"Do you really think Grissom was jealous?"
"Yes Sara."
"Nicky?"
"Yes Sara?"
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah. Me too."
"Nicky?"
"Unh?"
"Can I be Robin?"
"Yes Sara."
"Batman?" Sara said, before looking at Nick and grinning a full-on Sara smile. "Batman, Nicky?"
Nick shrugged in embarrassment. "Yeah - and that's exactly why I didn't want you to see what I was reading. I knew you'd make fun."
"Okay, I'm sorry. I won't tease. Why Batman?" Sara asked, suddenly serious.
"Well, because he was a real man." Nick flushed red at Sara's amused snort. "I mean.human character, as opposed to Superman who was born with superpowers. Batman became a superhero because of tragedy in his past. He rose above his hatred and his grief, and instead of letting his life be fueled by thoughts of revenge, he decided to make a difference: to make things better for people by protecting them.by catching the bad guys and putting them away.
"By taking his rage and redirecting it, he became a productive member of society. He became a better man. So, when I was little, I decided that I was going to be like Batman."
Sara was listening to him intently, and nodding. "Well, that makes sense, I suppose. But Nicky? If you're Batman, what fuel's your rage? What are you rising above?"
Nick flinched. He should have realized Sara would get to the heart of the matter - she was far too perceptive for her own good. He looked at her, than studiously glanced away. He didn't know how to answer her - didn't know if he wanted to answer.
Sara reached out and touched his hand gently. "Nick? Nicky? Come on, you can tell me. I really want to understand."
Nick looked at her hand on his, and then looked at his shoes. "I don't like talking about it. But I'll tell you.
"Sara, when I was.nine..I was, uhm..I was raped by a babysitter." He felt her hand clench tighter around his, heard her shocked gasp. He didn't look at her - instead he looked at their clasped hands. Her knuckles were white.
"She was a replacement sitter, not my normal one. My parents had gone out for dinner and a movie, and my sisters were all spending the night with friends. So, it was just me.and her." He shuddered.
"It was summer vacation. I was lying on top of my bed, on top of a Dukes of Hazard sleeping bag I'd gotten for my birthday. I still remember how slippery it felt underneath me.
"No one would have ever known, because I would never have said anything. But, my parents came home early. They had tried calling, and when she didn't answer the phone, they got worried. She didn't hear them come home, and I was crying to hard.
"My dad.my dad found us.and she was.she was.and my dad killed her. He pulled her off me and threw her against my bedroom wall so hard he broke her neck. He went to jail for involuntary man-slaughter. Stayed there for five years. My family was destroyed."
He finally looked at Sara, whose eyes were once again swimming with tears - for him.
"And so," she whisper softly, "you became Batman."
"Yeah. Batman."
They sat silently for a long time, the silence comfortable, wrapping around them like a warm blanket. Nick leaned back against the chair and closed his eyes. Sara rested her head on his shoulder, still clasping his hand tightly in hers.
Finally, after what seemed like ages, Nick stirred.
"Sara?" his voice was soft.
"Yes Nicky?" she replied, just as softly.
"Thanks for letting me tell you. I feel better." He smiled. "I actually feel good."
Silence, then.
"Nicky?"
"Yes, Sara?"
"Do you really think Grissom was jealous?"
"Yes Sara."
"Nicky?"
"Yes Sara?"
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah. Me too."
"Nicky?"
"Unh?"
"Can I be Robin?"
"Yes Sara."