Chapter Five: Belldani : I Don't Need To Be.
My original plan was to kick some story butt when ff.net goes down. Haha. I'm going to my friend's cabin for the weekend, so I'm taking a break along with the servers.
Quick notes. This chapter I think should be taking place the same day as Chapter Four. (Going by the calendar in my head.) Anyone who knows the original story (in my notebook). YES I know this isn't the same. Almost at all. Complain and I'll bite you. ^_^ Now that that's taken care of. R/R! ~Utena~
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Belldani quietly closed the lid of her trunk and sank to the floor.
"I should have known." she sighed, looking around the bare room. There was a knock at the door, which Belldani had magically locked.
"Exostrae," she pointed her wand at the door, and it shimmered, revealing to her the person on the other side of it, without her visitor knowing. She was surprised that Professor Snape was standing outside her door. Belldani waved her hand at the door, which was unlocked only by her magic.
"It's open, Severus," she called, and a surprised Snape entered.
"How did you know it was me?" he asked warily. Belldani smiled sweetly.
"A little charm I know." she explained, "It's the Peephole charm."
"The Peephole charm?" Snape raised an eyebrow as he glanced around the room.
"I found it in an old medieval book, it lets you see who's on the other side of the door without opening it." Belldani got up and waved her wand at the candles around the room, which went out and went into a small box in the only open trunk.
"May I ask what you are doing, Miss Helide?" Snape asked in her ear. He touched her elbow softly, and Belldani felt goosepimples go up her back.
"I'm - I'm leaving Hogwarts, Severus," she spoke softly. He moved away, and Belldani realized she had been holding her breath.
"What is making you leave?" he questioned, sitting on the edge of the chair by the bookshelf. Belldani turned, and didn't say anything. She reached to take a book off the shelf, but was stopped by Severus grabbing her hand.
"Why are you leaving?" he repeated more forcefully, and Belldani sighed.
"It's Sinistra," she told him, looking in his eyes, "It's the rest of the staff. They make me feel so unwelcome. That I'm not ready to be here."
"So you're just going to run away?" Severus asked incredulously, letting go of her hand and crossing his arms.
"I'm not running away," Belldani countered, and handed him a piece of parchment. The seal at the top was that of St. Mungo's Hospital. "I've been offered a position there on the night shift. It's not much, but I shall get some experience and . and maybe I'll come back."
She watched as he quickly read the letter.
"They've given you a list of available flats in the area too, how convenient," he commented. Severus looked at the circled flat listing.
"This isn't a good area, you know," Snape looked at her, "Don't you have relatives you could move it with? Or commute from home?"
Belldani felt the butterflies in her stomach start another Quidditch match as she tried to figure out where his concern was coming from.
"I don't want to move in with my aunt, and I failed the Apparition test," she replied, "I'll be fine, really, I'm a big girl and as a matter of fact, no one is to know that I'm moving at all."
"Really?" Severus moved close again, his surprisingly warm breath was on the back of her neck now. Belldani could hear the voices in her head screaming.
"I want to tell you something," Belldani choked out, feeling Severus so close to her was making her nervous, "I. I don't want to leave. to leave you, Severus." She winced, hearing him draw in his breath.
"You fancy me?" he asked, but there was none of the mocking tone that Belldani expected. It was not quite relief, but perhaps joy or happiness, although Belldani couldn't be sure as she had never heard the professor expressing either of those emotions.
"Yes." Belldani sighed, hanging her head.
"I'm overjoyed to hear that," was the reply she heard, and an arm slipped around her waist. Bell's heart jumped to her throat, and he touched her chin with his forefinger and thumb, turning her face to his.
"Ohmigod," Belldani thought as her mind struggled to realize what was happening.
His lips met hers, kissing her softly. Belldani's eyes widened.
"My. first kiss." crossed her mind as she closed her eyes and attempted to kiss him back. After a moment that lasted forever for Belldani, Severus pulled away. Belldani stared into his onyx eyes.
"Severus." she managed to whisper, transfixed by his eyes on her. Reality set in, and she moved away from him. "I can't."
"Can't what?" his eyes never left her as she crossed the room to light a fire.
"I can't do this," Belldani told him, as she closed the last of her three trunks, "I can't start something with you, not now."
"Why?" Severus whipped out his wand and the door, while already shut, reverberated with a silencing charm. "Why did you let me do that then?"
"I'm sorry," Belldani stared at the floor, "I just. I really do fancy you, Severus. And I wanted to kiss you. But I've never been in a real relationship before."
"I seem to recall a Roger Davies hanging around during your sixth year," Snape strode to the window and looked out.
"A sixteen year old boy who tells you that he asked you out because he wants to go all the way with a girl who isn't half ugly is hardly a real boyfriend, Severus," Belldani countered. She joined him at the window.
"I've always fancied you, Severus. maybe if I go away for a while, I can figure out for myself if what I feel is a schoolgirl crush type of thing, or not." Belldani cleared her throat, "While I'm away. may I count you as a friend?"
Severus turned.
"Of course," he touched her cheek, "I hope this will amount to more than nothing, Miss Helide, but I shall be your friend. Keeping you out of my mind shall be difficult." Belldani managed a smile.
"Since we are friends, Severus.." she glanced out the window, "I must ask that you keep a secret for me."
"That you are an illegal Animagus?" he questioned, "Of course, if you will keep a small one of mine as well."
"Which is.?" Belldani wondered what was hidden behind his cold eyes. He pushed back the sleeve of his robes, to reveal the Dark Mark.
Belldani took a tiny step back.
"You're a Death Eater," she tried to not show the fear she felt, that was instinctive to her, raised in the wizarding world.
"I am Dumbledore's spy in Lord Voldemort's army," Severus said slowly, "It is a most dangerous thing to do, but my true loyalties lie with the Order of the Phoenix." Belldani nodded.
"I will write, I promise," she told him, and reached into the small jar on the mantel of the fireplace and pulled out a handful of Floo powder.
"Goodbye, Severus," she spoke, and turned to the flames, calling out "St. Mungo's!" Belldani felt the cool flames whip around her face, and she stumbled out of a fireplace in the lobby of the infamous magical hospital. She quickly summoned her trunks from Hogwarts, and grabbed the parchment with directions to the flat.
"Goodbye Severus." she echoed inside that night as she mailed a letter to Dumbledore, asking that he perform a Memory Charm on the Potions Master to remove from his mind any memory of his feelings for her. It was really better that way, she told herself, and then crawled into bed, feeling hollow inside, trying to deny the pain she felt at what she was doing to herself and to Severus.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~ Please no "aaaaaah!" or "Utena they kissed! That's sick!" (and you know who you are!). Also, Belldani is feeling nervous and scared through most of this, neither of us are very confident in matters of the heart. Dumbledore does perform the Memory Charm, so Snape has no recall of ever having romantic feelings for Belldani, and he thinks of her as just being a friend. I might do his POV in another chapter. just a thought. ~Utena~
My original plan was to kick some story butt when ff.net goes down. Haha. I'm going to my friend's cabin for the weekend, so I'm taking a break along with the servers.
Quick notes. This chapter I think should be taking place the same day as Chapter Four. (Going by the calendar in my head.) Anyone who knows the original story (in my notebook). YES I know this isn't the same. Almost at all. Complain and I'll bite you. ^_^ Now that that's taken care of. R/R! ~Utena~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~
Belldani quietly closed the lid of her trunk and sank to the floor.
"I should have known." she sighed, looking around the bare room. There was a knock at the door, which Belldani had magically locked.
"Exostrae," she pointed her wand at the door, and it shimmered, revealing to her the person on the other side of it, without her visitor knowing. She was surprised that Professor Snape was standing outside her door. Belldani waved her hand at the door, which was unlocked only by her magic.
"It's open, Severus," she called, and a surprised Snape entered.
"How did you know it was me?" he asked warily. Belldani smiled sweetly.
"A little charm I know." she explained, "It's the Peephole charm."
"The Peephole charm?" Snape raised an eyebrow as he glanced around the room.
"I found it in an old medieval book, it lets you see who's on the other side of the door without opening it." Belldani got up and waved her wand at the candles around the room, which went out and went into a small box in the only open trunk.
"May I ask what you are doing, Miss Helide?" Snape asked in her ear. He touched her elbow softly, and Belldani felt goosepimples go up her back.
"I'm - I'm leaving Hogwarts, Severus," she spoke softly. He moved away, and Belldani realized she had been holding her breath.
"What is making you leave?" he questioned, sitting on the edge of the chair by the bookshelf. Belldani turned, and didn't say anything. She reached to take a book off the shelf, but was stopped by Severus grabbing her hand.
"Why are you leaving?" he repeated more forcefully, and Belldani sighed.
"It's Sinistra," she told him, looking in his eyes, "It's the rest of the staff. They make me feel so unwelcome. That I'm not ready to be here."
"So you're just going to run away?" Severus asked incredulously, letting go of her hand and crossing his arms.
"I'm not running away," Belldani countered, and handed him a piece of parchment. The seal at the top was that of St. Mungo's Hospital. "I've been offered a position there on the night shift. It's not much, but I shall get some experience and . and maybe I'll come back."
She watched as he quickly read the letter.
"They've given you a list of available flats in the area too, how convenient," he commented. Severus looked at the circled flat listing.
"This isn't a good area, you know," Snape looked at her, "Don't you have relatives you could move it with? Or commute from home?"
Belldani felt the butterflies in her stomach start another Quidditch match as she tried to figure out where his concern was coming from.
"I don't want to move in with my aunt, and I failed the Apparition test," she replied, "I'll be fine, really, I'm a big girl and as a matter of fact, no one is to know that I'm moving at all."
"Really?" Severus moved close again, his surprisingly warm breath was on the back of her neck now. Belldani could hear the voices in her head screaming.
"I want to tell you something," Belldani choked out, feeling Severus so close to her was making her nervous, "I. I don't want to leave. to leave you, Severus." She winced, hearing him draw in his breath.
"You fancy me?" he asked, but there was none of the mocking tone that Belldani expected. It was not quite relief, but perhaps joy or happiness, although Belldani couldn't be sure as she had never heard the professor expressing either of those emotions.
"Yes." Belldani sighed, hanging her head.
"I'm overjoyed to hear that," was the reply she heard, and an arm slipped around her waist. Bell's heart jumped to her throat, and he touched her chin with his forefinger and thumb, turning her face to his.
"Ohmigod," Belldani thought as her mind struggled to realize what was happening.
His lips met hers, kissing her softly. Belldani's eyes widened.
"My. first kiss." crossed her mind as she closed her eyes and attempted to kiss him back. After a moment that lasted forever for Belldani, Severus pulled away. Belldani stared into his onyx eyes.
"Severus." she managed to whisper, transfixed by his eyes on her. Reality set in, and she moved away from him. "I can't."
"Can't what?" his eyes never left her as she crossed the room to light a fire.
"I can't do this," Belldani told him, as she closed the last of her three trunks, "I can't start something with you, not now."
"Why?" Severus whipped out his wand and the door, while already shut, reverberated with a silencing charm. "Why did you let me do that then?"
"I'm sorry," Belldani stared at the floor, "I just. I really do fancy you, Severus. And I wanted to kiss you. But I've never been in a real relationship before."
"I seem to recall a Roger Davies hanging around during your sixth year," Snape strode to the window and looked out.
"A sixteen year old boy who tells you that he asked you out because he wants to go all the way with a girl who isn't half ugly is hardly a real boyfriend, Severus," Belldani countered. She joined him at the window.
"I've always fancied you, Severus. maybe if I go away for a while, I can figure out for myself if what I feel is a schoolgirl crush type of thing, or not." Belldani cleared her throat, "While I'm away. may I count you as a friend?"
Severus turned.
"Of course," he touched her cheek, "I hope this will amount to more than nothing, Miss Helide, but I shall be your friend. Keeping you out of my mind shall be difficult." Belldani managed a smile.
"Since we are friends, Severus.." she glanced out the window, "I must ask that you keep a secret for me."
"That you are an illegal Animagus?" he questioned, "Of course, if you will keep a small one of mine as well."
"Which is.?" Belldani wondered what was hidden behind his cold eyes. He pushed back the sleeve of his robes, to reveal the Dark Mark.
Belldani took a tiny step back.
"You're a Death Eater," she tried to not show the fear she felt, that was instinctive to her, raised in the wizarding world.
"I am Dumbledore's spy in Lord Voldemort's army," Severus said slowly, "It is a most dangerous thing to do, but my true loyalties lie with the Order of the Phoenix." Belldani nodded.
"I will write, I promise," she told him, and reached into the small jar on the mantel of the fireplace and pulled out a handful of Floo powder.
"Goodbye, Severus," she spoke, and turned to the flames, calling out "St. Mungo's!" Belldani felt the cool flames whip around her face, and she stumbled out of a fireplace in the lobby of the infamous magical hospital. She quickly summoned her trunks from Hogwarts, and grabbed the parchment with directions to the flat.
"Goodbye Severus." she echoed inside that night as she mailed a letter to Dumbledore, asking that he perform a Memory Charm on the Potions Master to remove from his mind any memory of his feelings for her. It was really better that way, she told herself, and then crawled into bed, feeling hollow inside, trying to deny the pain she felt at what she was doing to herself and to Severus.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~ Please no "aaaaaah!" or "Utena they kissed! That's sick!" (and you know who you are!). Also, Belldani is feeling nervous and scared through most of this, neither of us are very confident in matters of the heart. Dumbledore does perform the Memory Charm, so Snape has no recall of ever having romantic feelings for Belldani, and he thinks of her as just being a friend. I might do his POV in another chapter. just a thought. ~Utena~