Buffy went to LA looking for an escape. Living again always meant that she had to escape.
She went to the jail to pick up Faith's things. The guards believed that she was the sister. They didn't really care. To him she was only an escaped convict. He didn't realize that she had saved the world. In one box was a pair of leather pants, a tank top, a journal, and a necklace with the word 'Chosen' on it. Faith really died.
Willow sat in the Blazer and didn't say a word when Buffy headed deeper into LA. Willow was smart enough not to say anything until Buffy was ready to speak.
Buffy was mad. Willow could say grass is green and Buffy would fight her on it.
Willow knew where they were going. She recognized the road to the hotel before they had reached it. Willow wasn't surprised. It was where Buffy could cause herself the most pain.
By the side of the man she could never have.
Willow didn't say anything. She could lecture that Buffy was just trying to hide in the past or that she was not being mature, or that she was just torturing herself. However the truth would come eventually. Buffy would find out and Willow would be there to listen when Buffy needed her.
Buffy had gotten out of the car and walked into the hotel. There stood Angel, proud and tall. He looked up at Buffy. Suddenly the two were no longer rational. They were at their first moment again. When she didn't think that he was anything more than a big hero. When he didn't think that she would turn him into his greatest shame. For that moment Buffy found his arms and it was perfect.
But moments are simply that, moments. They aren't real, for they don't encompass the whole.
***
Angel touched her face.
They both looked at each other. It wasn't full of the usual anxiety that summed up their relationship after they had called the gods to take away Angel's soul. He didn't have any brood, he was looking as if he had a chance of redemption. She looked at him with the innocent eyes of youth.
"I'm going to be sick," Cordelia said storming out of the room.
Willow looked to the couple. Tara had told her some things that she felt in the situation. Tara was empathic and she seemed to feel that Buffy felt things for Spike. Willow knew Buffy and Angel: The Couple well enough to know what this was.
It wasn't real or realistic.
Willow followed Cordelia into the other room.
Cordelia was banging around the kitchen.
Willow watched amused.
"So is this love finally on Cordelia Chase's face?"
"It would be if it weren't for resurrected vampire exes, other dimensional exes, or love of life exes," Cordelia muttered looking in the cabinet. Then she straightened up.
"I mean what are you talking about."
Willow fixed her eyes on the seer.
"Answer me," Willow commanded.
"I have loved him for years but the timing is never right."
Cordelia's eyes grew wide and her hands went to her mouth, "Don't do that."
"Don't you want to know that they're over. Don't you want to be sure that she'll never be in his arms again?"
"Right, loving him means I'll be second fiddle to Little Miss Superhero for the rest of my life."
"Do you believe that?" Willow asked curiously.
"No I'm just saying it because I'm an insecure dork. Yes Willow, I'm in love with Angel and I wake up every morning dreading the moment he shansus and goes back to her.
Willow sat in silence and looked at Cordelia.
"Cordy you and I need to go get a stiff drink. I've had a rough day."
Cordelia Chase, ex prom queen-present contact to the Powers-that-Be, looked at Willow Rosenberg, ex class nerd-present most powerful witch.
"Yeah," Cordelia said, "I think I'd really like that."
***
"They tricked me. They just pushed me aside and let Faith die."
Angel bit his lip and stopped himself from agreeing with their decision. He couldn't bear to know that she was dead again. It was always the most difficult thing that he ever had to face. He never really got used to her dying.
He listened to her. He had heard her story, but it didn't make much sense.
"Buffy you seem to be pretty pissed off about a girl you claimed to hate. Last I heard from you Faith could rot in jail for stealing your body."
Buffy looked up at him, "She didn't deserve to die."
"Why? Because its your job?"
"No because they didn't let me in. He purposely went behind my back."
"Who?"
Buffy looked up alarmed not wanting to go into that subject, "Giles." she answered
"Buffy there is something else going on, you need to face some things," Angel said letting the guise of complete faith in her fall.
Buffy looked up at him, poised to give it like she was used to giving it. Then she slipped behind the eyes of the seventeen year old Buffy.
"I can't get over it," she said softly.
Angel's face soften and he returned to being besotted with her. It wasn't something that either one of them could control. It was just something that they did.
"Buffy you're taking this worse than sending me to hell or going to heaven yourself. Why? Do you have a death wish?"
Buffy shook her head, "No of course not. Willow would just save me anyway. I just can't believe they lied and manipulated me."
Angel sighed, "So you don't trust them?"
"Angel, I'm just confused."
"Then stay here with me," he told her, "We've got plenty of rooms."
Buffy nodded and gave him a hug. She could smell the clean of his soap and the spice of his aftershave.
She pulled away. "I'm going to go and get my stuff from the car."
"Need help," Angel asked.
Buffy shook her head and flexed her muscles, "Slayer - I can do it on my own."
Buffy slipped to where the SUV was parked. She opened the trunk and pulled out the bags. She put them on the ground. She climbed into the trunk. In the shadows was the leather. She pulled it to her nose. It didn't smell clean, but it was full of character. It smelled like smoke, blood, and worn leather.
She put the coat down quickly afraid that she would begin to cry.
She grabbed the bags and ran to where Angel was inside.
She wasn't ready.
***
"To Faith," Cordelia said clinking her glass to Willows. The girls did their first shots and turned back to their drinks.
"So can I continue what I was saying before?" Willow asked.
"I don't get a choice," Cordelia grumbled.
"Nope," Willow said happily, "Cordelia some pretty revolutionary things are going on here. I think you should stay to find out what happens."
"Great you want me to wait around until he chooses her or picks me by default. Either options are pretty painful."
Cordelia finished her pink drink and ordered another.
"Cordelia, she really cares about this guy back home. She just is trying to torture herself. My girlfriend Tara is very susceptible to reading auras. Future and things. She told me that Buffy was going to make a choice. I think that it will go away from Angel. She isn't the same. He isn't the same. They just need to realize this. Cordy have faith in me."
"I'm just sick of it. Something always happens to bring her back to him."
"But every time it happens they realize that they are more and more different. They just need a snap realization that they aren't meant to be."
"And you think this is the time?"
Willow nodded.
Cordelia raised an eyebrow, "Really, who is this guy that she is all of the sudden going to give up Angel for?"
Willow heard the skeptical tone of Cordelia's voice. She wasn't going to be assured by the answer that was going to be given. Willow sucked down her drink for courage.
"Spike."
"What!" Cordelia cried, "You are kidding me. She's going to give up Angel for a soulless vampire!"
"Cordy, I assure you things have changed."
"Right, Angel nearly killed Spike the first time. He found out that Buffy was fooling around with him. That was a good time. I remember when they broke up and Angel found out. He ran out of the hotel and off to Sunnydale so fast. He was going to kill Spike. I don't know how Spike survived. It was soooo much fun with him all broody for a month when he got back. He's just going to let it happen this time."
"Whose side are you on? I thought you wanted a vampire of your very own."
Cordy looked at her blankly, then the tears began to accumulate, "I don't want to hope too much. I can be happy with friendship as long as I know that she stays in Sunnydale and he stays here."
Willow looked at her. She wished she could promise something. Instead she bought more drinks.
***
The girls got home very drunk that night. Cordelia refused to go to the hotel. She didn't want to know the exact location of where Buffy was sleeping. She didn't want to find out if Buffy was in Angel's bed. Willow thought that was valid, but she made Cordelia give her the phone number of the seer's apartment. Neither said anything about the dangers of the return of Angelus, but one can never be too sure.
***
Buffy sat in the room that she had called home for a month. She sat on the hard linoleum of the bathroom. Somewhere in the hotel Gunn argued on the phone. Somewhere in the hotel Cordelia sent Angel mental daggers while he talked to Willow about Buffy. Somewhere in the hotel Wesley had his nose in some book while Fred tried to get him to eat.
Buffy didn't notice anything except for the fact that there were two lines. There were two lines where there was only supposed to be one.
Buffy leaned her head against the toilet seat.
The little pink line meant more than any one would ever know. The warlock gave her the wish she had asked for, but there was so much more to contend with.
***
She went to the jail to pick up Faith's things. The guards believed that she was the sister. They didn't really care. To him she was only an escaped convict. He didn't realize that she had saved the world. In one box was a pair of leather pants, a tank top, a journal, and a necklace with the word 'Chosen' on it. Faith really died.
Willow sat in the Blazer and didn't say a word when Buffy headed deeper into LA. Willow was smart enough not to say anything until Buffy was ready to speak.
Buffy was mad. Willow could say grass is green and Buffy would fight her on it.
Willow knew where they were going. She recognized the road to the hotel before they had reached it. Willow wasn't surprised. It was where Buffy could cause herself the most pain.
By the side of the man she could never have.
Willow didn't say anything. She could lecture that Buffy was just trying to hide in the past or that she was not being mature, or that she was just torturing herself. However the truth would come eventually. Buffy would find out and Willow would be there to listen when Buffy needed her.
Buffy had gotten out of the car and walked into the hotel. There stood Angel, proud and tall. He looked up at Buffy. Suddenly the two were no longer rational. They were at their first moment again. When she didn't think that he was anything more than a big hero. When he didn't think that she would turn him into his greatest shame. For that moment Buffy found his arms and it was perfect.
But moments are simply that, moments. They aren't real, for they don't encompass the whole.
***
Angel touched her face.
They both looked at each other. It wasn't full of the usual anxiety that summed up their relationship after they had called the gods to take away Angel's soul. He didn't have any brood, he was looking as if he had a chance of redemption. She looked at him with the innocent eyes of youth.
"I'm going to be sick," Cordelia said storming out of the room.
Willow looked to the couple. Tara had told her some things that she felt in the situation. Tara was empathic and she seemed to feel that Buffy felt things for Spike. Willow knew Buffy and Angel: The Couple well enough to know what this was.
It wasn't real or realistic.
Willow followed Cordelia into the other room.
Cordelia was banging around the kitchen.
Willow watched amused.
"So is this love finally on Cordelia Chase's face?"
"It would be if it weren't for resurrected vampire exes, other dimensional exes, or love of life exes," Cordelia muttered looking in the cabinet. Then she straightened up.
"I mean what are you talking about."
Willow fixed her eyes on the seer.
"Answer me," Willow commanded.
"I have loved him for years but the timing is never right."
Cordelia's eyes grew wide and her hands went to her mouth, "Don't do that."
"Don't you want to know that they're over. Don't you want to be sure that she'll never be in his arms again?"
"Right, loving him means I'll be second fiddle to Little Miss Superhero for the rest of my life."
"Do you believe that?" Willow asked curiously.
"No I'm just saying it because I'm an insecure dork. Yes Willow, I'm in love with Angel and I wake up every morning dreading the moment he shansus and goes back to her.
Willow sat in silence and looked at Cordelia.
"Cordy you and I need to go get a stiff drink. I've had a rough day."
Cordelia Chase, ex prom queen-present contact to the Powers-that-Be, looked at Willow Rosenberg, ex class nerd-present most powerful witch.
"Yeah," Cordelia said, "I think I'd really like that."
***
"They tricked me. They just pushed me aside and let Faith die."
Angel bit his lip and stopped himself from agreeing with their decision. He couldn't bear to know that she was dead again. It was always the most difficult thing that he ever had to face. He never really got used to her dying.
He listened to her. He had heard her story, but it didn't make much sense.
"Buffy you seem to be pretty pissed off about a girl you claimed to hate. Last I heard from you Faith could rot in jail for stealing your body."
Buffy looked up at him, "She didn't deserve to die."
"Why? Because its your job?"
"No because they didn't let me in. He purposely went behind my back."
"Who?"
Buffy looked up alarmed not wanting to go into that subject, "Giles." she answered
"Buffy there is something else going on, you need to face some things," Angel said letting the guise of complete faith in her fall.
Buffy looked up at him, poised to give it like she was used to giving it. Then she slipped behind the eyes of the seventeen year old Buffy.
"I can't get over it," she said softly.
Angel's face soften and he returned to being besotted with her. It wasn't something that either one of them could control. It was just something that they did.
"Buffy you're taking this worse than sending me to hell or going to heaven yourself. Why? Do you have a death wish?"
Buffy shook her head, "No of course not. Willow would just save me anyway. I just can't believe they lied and manipulated me."
Angel sighed, "So you don't trust them?"
"Angel, I'm just confused."
"Then stay here with me," he told her, "We've got plenty of rooms."
Buffy nodded and gave him a hug. She could smell the clean of his soap and the spice of his aftershave.
She pulled away. "I'm going to go and get my stuff from the car."
"Need help," Angel asked.
Buffy shook her head and flexed her muscles, "Slayer - I can do it on my own."
Buffy slipped to where the SUV was parked. She opened the trunk and pulled out the bags. She put them on the ground. She climbed into the trunk. In the shadows was the leather. She pulled it to her nose. It didn't smell clean, but it was full of character. It smelled like smoke, blood, and worn leather.
She put the coat down quickly afraid that she would begin to cry.
She grabbed the bags and ran to where Angel was inside.
She wasn't ready.
***
"To Faith," Cordelia said clinking her glass to Willows. The girls did their first shots and turned back to their drinks.
"So can I continue what I was saying before?" Willow asked.
"I don't get a choice," Cordelia grumbled.
"Nope," Willow said happily, "Cordelia some pretty revolutionary things are going on here. I think you should stay to find out what happens."
"Great you want me to wait around until he chooses her or picks me by default. Either options are pretty painful."
Cordelia finished her pink drink and ordered another.
"Cordelia, she really cares about this guy back home. She just is trying to torture herself. My girlfriend Tara is very susceptible to reading auras. Future and things. She told me that Buffy was going to make a choice. I think that it will go away from Angel. She isn't the same. He isn't the same. They just need to realize this. Cordy have faith in me."
"I'm just sick of it. Something always happens to bring her back to him."
"But every time it happens they realize that they are more and more different. They just need a snap realization that they aren't meant to be."
"And you think this is the time?"
Willow nodded.
Cordelia raised an eyebrow, "Really, who is this guy that she is all of the sudden going to give up Angel for?"
Willow heard the skeptical tone of Cordelia's voice. She wasn't going to be assured by the answer that was going to be given. Willow sucked down her drink for courage.
"Spike."
"What!" Cordelia cried, "You are kidding me. She's going to give up Angel for a soulless vampire!"
"Cordy, I assure you things have changed."
"Right, Angel nearly killed Spike the first time. He found out that Buffy was fooling around with him. That was a good time. I remember when they broke up and Angel found out. He ran out of the hotel and off to Sunnydale so fast. He was going to kill Spike. I don't know how Spike survived. It was soooo much fun with him all broody for a month when he got back. He's just going to let it happen this time."
"Whose side are you on? I thought you wanted a vampire of your very own."
Cordy looked at her blankly, then the tears began to accumulate, "I don't want to hope too much. I can be happy with friendship as long as I know that she stays in Sunnydale and he stays here."
Willow looked at her. She wished she could promise something. Instead she bought more drinks.
***
The girls got home very drunk that night. Cordelia refused to go to the hotel. She didn't want to know the exact location of where Buffy was sleeping. She didn't want to find out if Buffy was in Angel's bed. Willow thought that was valid, but she made Cordelia give her the phone number of the seer's apartment. Neither said anything about the dangers of the return of Angelus, but one can never be too sure.
***
Buffy sat in the room that she had called home for a month. She sat on the hard linoleum of the bathroom. Somewhere in the hotel Gunn argued on the phone. Somewhere in the hotel Cordelia sent Angel mental daggers while he talked to Willow about Buffy. Somewhere in the hotel Wesley had his nose in some book while Fred tried to get him to eat.
Buffy didn't notice anything except for the fact that there were two lines. There were two lines where there was only supposed to be one.
Buffy leaned her head against the toilet seat.
The little pink line meant more than any one would ever know. The warlock gave her the wish she had asked for, but there was so much more to contend with.
***