Disclaimer: The usual.  I'm not Joss.  The song "Full of Grace" belongs to Sarah McLachlan, and appeared on B:tVS in "Becoming, Part 2".

Spoilers: Through S6.  Ignoring S7 spoilers.

Dedication: For Katie.

A/N: Sequel of sorts to Outrun.  Italic text denotes thought or song lyrics.

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Willow found that she could no longer remember the name of the current town.  She'd driven north, up the coast and through a succession of tiny port towns.  They all began to look the same after a while.

Standing on any of a hundred bridges, looking out over another nameless bay, Willow's thoughts turned again to Tara.  The sun was sinking into the ocean and the hills around the harbor were dotted with tiny porch lights.  Here and there, a window spilled a puddle of light on the slope.  Tara and I could have been happy here.  Willow's thought came unbidden and unwanted, as it always did.  The truth was that they could have been happy anywhere.

Off to her left, Willow saw the dock lights come on, outlining the floating wooden paths to the many boats moored there.  The gentle rise and fall of the water left the boats bobbing slightly, their signal lights moving so subtly that one had to watch for the motion.  Willow was adept by this time at tracking the discrete shifts.  It was hypnotic.  At some point during the long evening, the rhythm of the waves became a beat.

When Buffy had to kill Angel, so many years ago, she'd later told Willow about a song that came to her.  The two women didn't talk much about that time of their lives, but some time during their freshman year of college a song had come on the radio and Buffy had inexplicably started to cry.  "Wow.  If you dislike Sarah McLachlan that much, all you had to do was ask.  I would have changed the station."  Willow tried gently to joke Buffy out of her sudden grief.

"No, Will, it's ok.  It's just . . . just that I heard this song, in my head, after I had to . . . you know.  Save the world and all that.  When I . . . killed . . ." Buffy trailed off.

"Oh."

"Yeah.  I just heard this, over and over in my head.  That whole time on the bus."

They'd never spoken of it again.

the winter here's cold, and bitter
it's chilled us to the bone

The words wound their way through Willow's head now, and the tears began to slip slowly from her eyes for what seemed to be the millionth time.  Stop it!  Willow hit the concrete guard rail of the bridge.

we haven't seen the sun for weeks
too long too far from home

Cars roared by behind her, local people on their way home.  Returning to their places of comfort and love.

I feel just like I'm sinking
and I claw for solid ground
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go

Not for the first time, Willow considered jumping off the bridge.  Or falling backwards into the traffic.  But she couldn't.  Just because I want my world to end, doesn't mean that I have the right to end someone else's.  I know what it is to kill.  These people don't need my death on their consciences.  Not even as an accident.

if all of the strength and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
full of grace
full of grace
my love

Oh Tara.  I'm so sorry.  Buffy had to kill her love to stop the world from ending.  I tried to end the world because someone killed you.  What kind of memorial for you is that?

so it's better this way, I said
having seen this place before

Running was helpful, cathartic in a way.  In every nameless town, Willow's grief was a little different.  Every faceless person that she passed was another person who wouldn't make some well-intentioned comment and stir up her pain.

where everything we said and did
hurts us all the more

In that respect, Sunnydale had been unbearable.  No one here sees me as the woman who tragically lost her lover.  No one here sees me as the witch who tried to end the world.

its just that we stayed, too long
in the same old sickly skin
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go

I should have left Sunnydale.  Gone East for college.  Then none of this would have happened.  Coulda shoulda woulda.  None of that helps.

if all of the strength
and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
full of grace
full of grace
my love

At least the ocean wouldn't notice a little more salt.