CHAPTER 3

Negaduck stared at her for a long time. "What?"

"You heard me. I want to be in your gang. I can do it; I'm a supervillain, and I'm not new to it, either!"

Crossing his arms, Negaduck looked to Megavolt, a gleam of loathing in his eyes. "This is what you were so afraid of?" His gaze shifted back to Luminas and he said scornfully, "You couldn't rob a convenience store. Get out of here before I teach you and Sparky a little lesson."

The cat's eyes narrowed and her expression grew stormy. "If anyone needs to be taught a lesson, it's you." Negaduck's face began to show rage, but before he was able to do anything, Luminas raised a hand and sent a streak of fire at him. His black fedora caught on fire immediately and he tore it off his head. It lay burning on the ground while all three supervillains stared--Megavolt because what he'd just seen set off every internal alarm he had; Negaduck because no one had ever dared confront him before; and Luminas, who was staring defiantly at the duck, not his hat, because she knew she'd as good as committed suicide.

"Well," Negaduck choked out, his voice thick with barely contained fury, "Congratulations, Sparky. Because of your association with this little self-proclaimed flame-thrower, you are no longer a member of the Fearsome Four!"

"Ooh, what a punishment," Luminas spat. "There's nothing fearsome about the four of you! You're losers! And Sparky here couldn't care less if he's part of your little group or not!" She grabbed the rat's arm as he gave a yelp of surprise and pulled him from the hideout.

The prevailing feature of the ride back to the lighthouse was the icy silence in Megavolt electric car. Luminas sat in the passenger seat with her arms folded stubbornly over her chest. Finally, she whined, "It's not my fault!"

Megavolt shot a glare at her. "I don't like your attitude, young lady! Maybe you need to spend a little time alone and think about what you've done!"

"You're better off without them, anyway!" she argued.

"No I'm not! And how would you know? You don't know anything about me! Yesterday you didn't even know who I was!"

Luminas lapsed back into silence before saying, "Fine then, you can just drop me off here."

Quickly glancing at her, Megavolt procrastinated without really knowing why, "Well...I need to check my answering machine. You can do it." He handed her something that looked like a walkie-talkie/CD player hybrid with touch tones and instructed, "It's one on speed dial."

"Speed dial?" she asked incredulously, holding the phone thing as carefully as she could. Megavolt reached over and tapped several of the touch tones. "Oh. Okay...I'll tell you if there's anything important."

She held the phone up to her ear as the first message came on. "Hello, may I speak to...I'm gonna get this right...um...Mag...oh...voolt?" Pause. "Hello? Hello?" Click.

"Telemarketer," Luminas informed him.

Next call. "Dennis, I'm calling from the airport. Pick me up at seven. Hey, by the way, you need to record a new message for your machine, your voice sounds all scratchy." Click.

Megavolt looked at her. "Wrong number," she said.

"I get a lot of those.

Message three. "Mr. Volt, this is King Fisher down at St. Canard Autos. Your car payments are three years overdue...give me a call when ya get the chance."

Last call. "Hey Megs! Out moonlighting again?" Maniacal laughter. Then, a higher voice, "See, moonlighting, like electricity, get it?" The first voice again, "Yeah, he gets it, Mr. Banana Brain. Even with his brains fried he isn't that dumb. Anyway, I was thinking about stopping by later...you've got food...or a TV...or something, right? So if you get this message before I get there, woohoo. If you don't, too bad." Click.

When she was sure there were no more messages, she told the rat, "Quackerjack and Mr. Banana Brain called to tell you they're stopping by later."

Megavolt ran two red lights, a stop sign, and almost plowed into three old ladies unsuspectingly crossing the street, then moaned, "Great. Just what I need. I'm having a mid-life crisis and Quackerjack is coming over."

"Maybe he want to cheer you up," Luminas offered.

"Yeah right. He wants to cheer me up? He can bring back the blender I freed. Anyway, he isn't supposed to know," Megavolt grumbled. "It was only fifteen minutes ago."

Reaching over and patting him on the shoulder, she comforted, "It's okay, buddy, you'll get through this."

"Hey! Mid-life crisis here! Sarcasm doesn't go over well!" Megavolt exclaimed.

"Watch the road," Luminas said calmly. "And besides, how is it a mid-life crisis? You didn't have a job to lose, and you don't always work with the Five."

"Four," Megavolt corrected mournfully. "I can't even remember not being in the group!"

"Though for you, that isn't saying much."

"Ha ha, very funny."

She smiled and pointed to a red light coming up. "Stop here for a second."

Giving her a strange look, Megavolt questioned, "Why?"

"Because Darkwing Duck is at the intersection."

Megavolt scowled and slammed on the brakes. The subsequent squealing of the tires caused several pedestrians about to cross the road to jump back and managed to catch Darkwing's attention.

"We could've gotten away," the rat muttered to her. "But no, we had to obey the law!"

"Megavolt!" Darkwing shouted dramatically. "What fiendish scheme are you participating in now?!"

"See, the thing about Dorkwing over there is that he believes he was a poet in another life," Megavolt informed Luminas before yelling back to Darkwing, "Just taking a Sunday drive!"

"I doubt it!" Darkwing retorted. "Knowing you, you're off to make mindless mayhem! And besides, it isn't even Sunday!"

The light turned green and Megavolt floored it. "Got me there, duck!" he yelled over his shoulder before turning to Luminas and asking, "Hey, where were you gonna go? Now that you know you're not in the Fearsome Five, I mean."

She pondered this for a moment. "I don't know. I suppose I need to find a secret hideout if I'm going to operate here."

"Oh. Well, once you start doing supervillain type crimes, don't let them call you 'Sparkette'."

"What if I want to be called that?"

"Do you?"

"No."

"Didn't think so." He pointed an accusing finger at her. "And I hate it when people call me Sparky. So don't!"

With a catty smile, she inquired a little coyly, "Why have you let me until now?"

Megavolt's face grew completely blank. "Um...you...didn't know." He shrugged. "Don't let it happen again."

Grinning, Luminas hung her arm out the window. "Don't worry, it wo--" Cutting herself off as she glanced in the rearview mirror, she instead finished, "And we have one duck on our tail...his feathers look like they've been quite ruffled."

Megavolt grinned maniacally but didn't speed up. "What do you say we send our fine-feathered friend on a free flight?" He paused, then griped, "I've been spending too much time around that duck!"

Luminas smiled. Then her expression grew malicious as well. "Where to?"

"Hm, I don't know." Megavolt glanced around nonchalantly, and, spotting a billboard, suggested, "How about fifty feet in the air?"

"Sounds good to me."

By this time, Darkwing had caught up and was attempting to get around the car. Luminas buckled her seatbelt and said, "Hit it."

Megavolt slammed on the brakes, causing Darkwing to impact with the vehicle almost instantaneously and go sailing over their heads, screaming bloody murder the whole way. Neither supervillain flinched as the duck hit the billboard with a loud crack.

"That's gotta hurt," Megavolt remarked rather unfeelingly.

"Too bad. It's his fault for chasing us."

Megavolt watched his nemesis slide down the road sign. "It's been entertaining, duck!" he called.

"Let's motor," Luminas said.

The rat did has she suggested and the car went speeding down the highway. "Do you have a name?" he asked her curiously.

"I already told you."

"No, I mean a real name. One your parents gave you."

"Do you?"

"I don't remember it."

"Oh." She hesitated. "I...don't think we're on good enough terms for that yet."

"C'mon, Sparkette, we're buddies."

She smiled sweetly. "Not if you call me that, we're not."

The rat snickered but didn't respond, and there was silence for several minutes before Megavolt asked, "Wanna stay at the lighthouse for a couple days? Until you find a place of your own, that is."

"Oh...sure. Thanks."

The conversation trailed off as they reached the lighthouse. "The door's open," Luminas observed, glancing at Megavolt to see how he'd react.

The rodent craned his neck upwards, staring at a window at the top of the lighthouse. "Quackerjack," he decided.

"How can you be sure it's not a break-in?"

As he pulled the door open the rest of the way, Megavolt answered, "Well, it is. But he's the only one in the city brave enough to come in here, let alone turn on the TV."

Luminas raised her eyebrows and leaned against the metal railing of the spiral staircase. "Oh, it's some kind of Fearsome Five chicken thing?"

"No, I mean he really is the only one brave enough to use the TV. And considering last time it came after him..." After a moment, he reminded her in a depressed tone, "It's Fearsome Four, remember?"

Beginning to ascend the stairs, the cat advised, "Lighten up."

With a scowl, Megavolt said, "Oh, that's really funny. You're a funny girl, Luminas. Y'know, I think you could've been a comedian."

"Naw, the pay isn't nearly as good as the supervillain deal. And besides, I just couldn't pass up this medical plan."

"Uh huh."

Hysterical laughter started up in the control room, and when Megavolt and Luminas stepping in, they found Quackerjack rolling on the floor in the midst of a terrible fit of giggles. "Have-have you guys s-seen this episode of-of-of 'GooseRadio'?"

Megavolt glanced at the television screen, where a red-headed parakeet was reclining on a couch smarting off to a goose who looked like he was about twelve years old. "Oh yeah, about a million times. Why're you here, anyway?"

Quackerjack sat up and hit the mute button. "Heard ya got fired, pal. So--" He jumped to his feet and bounced out of the room, returning shortly with a bouquet. "--I got you some sympathy flowers!"

"No way; keep those things away from me!" Megavolt exclaimed, backing up into the wall.

"Why?" Luminas spoke up. She took the flowers from the jester and looked at them dubiously.

With a huge grin on his face, Quackerjack echoed, "Yeah, why?" After a second, water spurted out from several of the flowers into the cat's eyes.

She wiped her face off irritably. "That would be the reason, I'm assuming."

"You would be assuming right!" Mr. Banana Brain agreed, causing the puppet's wielder to crack up again. However, when he realized no one was laughing with him, he grew quiet and sat on an arm of the couch. "You guys are no fun," he observed, then folded his hands in his lap. "Seriously though, Megs, I'm sorry. It sucks you got thrown out of the Five. I'd talk to Negaduck, but, well, you know how he is..."

There was silence in the room, then Luminas remarked, "So, your good friend--"

"I wouldn't say that, exactly," Megavolt muttered.

"--your good friend has just been thrown out of the most powerful gang in St. Canard, possibly the entire country, even, lost all his dignity--"

"Thanks, Luminas."

"--was totally humiliated in the process--"

"Thanks, Luminas."

"--then he has to come and deal with you, which somehow manages to be even more embarrassing--"

"Thank you, Luminas!"

She stopped and blinked at him. "Just trying to help you out."

Megavolt rolled his eyes. "Riiight, sure you are. And y'know, it's not like I have to stop being a supervillain. I've only been in the Fearsome Five for...um...I can't remember the exact amount of time right now...but I can make it on my own. I've done it before."

"Yeah, you can make it." Luminas's eyes gleamed. "But won't that be mortifying?" Her voice adopted an announcer's tone. "We have reports that former member of the Fearsome Five, Megavolt, has just attempted to rob the First National Bank of St. Canard. Thankfully, he was stopped by that masked mallard, Darkwing Duck. Gee, I guess it's pretty obvious why he's a former member!"

"Hey, she'd fit right in with us," Quackerjack commented. "She sounds just like Licky."

"What do you want from me?" Megavolt asked her desperately.

She smiled coldly. "I told you, Sparky, I want to be a member of the Fearsome Five."

"He's not even in the Five anymore," Quackerjack protested. "Why're you bugging him about joining? I can get you in."

She gave him a disgusted look. "No you can't. You just admitted yourself that 'you'd talk to Negaduck, but we know how he is'."

"Uh...that was...a...joke!"

Megavolt crossed his arms. "Yeah, and just like most of your jokes, it wasn't too funny."

Giggling, Quackerjack said, "Lighten up."

"Enough with the lightbulb puns!" the rat groaned. He plopped down on the couch. "Y'know what? I think Negaduck needs to join a health club. Get rid of all that stress. Or maybe go on a date. That would help, too." When he noticed Luminas's face had lit up, he exclaimed, "No, no, we're not setting him up. That would never work."

"Well, we could pay for his membership to the Fit 'n Trim in Duckburg," she suggested.

"The only way to get Negaduck's attention..." Quackerjack began.

"Is to commit a big crime," Megavolt finished for him.

"Right. So if you two can do something big--and I mean really big--then he might consider a couple new members."

"But the only thing big enough for him would be to get rid of Darkwing Duck," Megavolt grumbled.

Luminas's eyes widened and she grabbed the rat's arm. "Megs, that's it!"

His eyes flicked towards her hand on his glove and she removed it apologetically. After a second, he asked, with a little confusion coloring his tone, "Uh...what's it?"

"What you said!"

"Did I say something?"

She sighed. "Remember? Get rid of Darkwing Duck?"

"I can't even begin to tell you how many times we've tried that."

"But with me you might actually have a chance," she reasoned, a malicious gleam in her eye.

"Hey!"

"No offense. But I'm not quite as scatter-brained as you, and I've got a college education--"

"So do I," Quackerjack volunteered.

"But I'm not completely out of my mind."

"You've got a good point there."

She crossed her arms over her chest and portended, "If we're going to do this, we have to do it soon, before our vigilante friend knows I exist." Turning to the jester, she ordered, "And you can't help, QJ."

"What?!" he cried. "That not fair! You always get to have all the fun!"

"Quackerjack, you haven't even known me for a day. And trust me, I don't get to have too much fun."

With a shrug, the duck pointed at Megavolt and substituted, "He gets to have all the fun."

"Yeah, roasting Dipwing will be a lot of fun," Megavolt agreed viciously.

"Then you think we can pull it off?"

Shrugging, Megavolt answered, "Yeah, sure. With your power and my--ahem--even greater superpower and experience, it'll be a snap."

"Oh, goody, I'm glad we worked this all out," Quackerjack commented, rising and inching towards the door, suspecting that he'd better get out before they made him do something he'd rather not.

Luminas held out a hand. "Not so fast, Quackerjacker. You hinted you wanted to help out..."

~

"...So, y'see, they were thinking that maybe...if they pull off some kind of big crime...that you'll let Megavolt back in and Luminas can be a sixth member," Quackerjack finished hastily.

Negaduck circled his lackey in a way that gave Quackerjack the rather unpleasant image of a predator stalking its prey. "And just what kind of 'big crime' were those knobs planning?"

"Um...well...I'm not really sure, boss..."

At this, Negaduck grabbed the front of the jester's costume and growled threateningly, "I think you do, Quackerjack. In fact, I think you helped them come up with this little plan. Now tell me what those idiots are going to do!!"

Quackerjack gulped and squirmed, then answered in a tiny voice, "They--um--said something about stealing something big....maybe putting Darkwing Duck out of commission in the process..."

Abruptly, Negaduck dropped him to the ground. "That idiotic electrified rodent has never managed to steal anything big in his pathetic career. No, that won't work this time. I want those two to do something worthy of a real supervillain. Something that's actually impressive." He stared disdainfully down at Quackerjack, who was cowering on the floor. "You said something about putting Darkwing Duck out of commission? Good. That's what I want them to do. No robberies, no vandalism, just that duck. Out of the picture...for good."

"What, do you mean...like..."

"Murder, you knob!" Quackerjack mouthed 'oh' and scrambled to his feet, eager to be away from his boss. As the jester left the room, Negaduck grinned malevolently to himself. "Oh, no, Darkwing Duck, you won't escape this time. Not this time."

~

Luminas practically pounced on Quackerjack when he shut the door of the hideout. "What'd he say?" she demanded.

"Well...he agreed to let you in...if..."

"If?" she prompted.

The duck hesitated, then went on, "If you kill Darkwing Duck."

"That's what we were planning on doing anyway," she said smugly. "Or at least convince him to give up his mask and cape."

"See, that's not what the boss wants. He doesn't want you to kill Dorkwing if he gets in the way...he just wants you to kill him. Period."

"Cold-blooded murder?"

"Right."

"Oh." She shrugged. "That not a problem."

"Um, well, actually, that's the hardest way to even inflict any damage." Suddenly, he giggled. "Good luck." He pulled out Mr. Banana Brain, who recited gleefully, "If you fail, have no doubt, Negaduck will find you out!"

Shooting a disgusted look at the puppet's wielder, Luminas remarked, "Take that thing to a consignment shop."

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," Quackerjack retorted.

"Very clever. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a partner in crime to confer with."

"Yeah, okay, why don't you go back to your boyfriend."

Luminas turned around slowly, her eyes blazing. "Excuse me?"

"Oh, come on, Luminas! I'm not as blind as Sparky, and I'm definitely not that naive!" The bells on his hat jingled in the sudden icy silence. "If you're so interested, ask the guy out...of course, I can tell you right now what he'll say--"

In less than a second, Quackerjack found himself up against the wall with a furious Luminas holding him several inches off the ground. "Listen, you little toymaker, I have very little tolerance for people who make assumptions about me. I am in no way attracted to Megavolt, or any man, for that matter! That includes you!"

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!" Quackerjack whimpered.

The air around him began to grow rather warm, but after a moment, Luminas let him fall. "You're just lucky I can control my temper."

"If you call that controlling it..." the duck muttered under his breath, rubbing his neck. Being grabbed by the front of his outfit twice in ten minutes...not a good sign. Oh well. He wouldn't deal with them for a couple days. It was about time for him to get back to the warehouse and create a new toy. A new, dangerous toy. Quackerjack laughed to him himself and skipped off. Let Megavolt and Luminas make fools of themselves. He'd be having fun!

~

"No, I told you, that won't work!" Silence. "Well, you don't have to be like that." More silence. Megavolt sighed and set the lightbulb down on his lab table. He hadn't meant to hurt its feelings, but if that was the way it was going to be...

"Megavolt!"

He snapped his head towards the bulb. "Did you say something?"

"No, it didn't," Luminas informed him, letting herself into the lab.

"Oh, hey."

She didn't answer, instead telling him, "Negaduck made a decision."

"What?" the rodent questioned eagerly.

Giving him a look that hovered between doubtful and satisfied, she asked, "Are you sure you can handle it?"

With an exasperated expression on his face, Megavolt responded, "Give me some credit. Dorkwing named me his arch-enemy on his homepage."

"Speaking of Darkwing Duck..." she began, only to stop and try again, "Well, Negaduck want us to kill him. Y'know, find him, sneak up on him, shoot him."

Megavolt stared at her impassively. "And why is it you thought I couldn't handle this?"

"You don't seem like the type."

At this, he laughed. "Oh, man, I've been trying to get Dipwing with about ten million volts for longer than I can remember."

"Again, for you, that's not saying much," Luminas intoned.

"Why 'again'?"

"Never mind."

For a minute, they both pondered how they'd go about the task of eliminating St. Canard's--debatably--greatest and most irritating superhero. At least, Luminas was pondering it. She had no idea what Megavolt was thinking about. Finally, she said, "We need to lure him somewhere."

Megavolt's plug hat sparked, but Luminas assumed it was because he was deep in thought, since...well, since she wasn't a pile of ashes. "We could always kidnap that obnoxious little red-head," he mused.

She gave him a skeptical look. "What obnoxious little red-head?"

"Oh, I don't know who she is, but she's always hanging around with him. They're really close or something."

"Really close?"

"Yeah."

"Close enough to be...family?"

"Sure, I guess so."

After Luminas was silent for several minutes, Megavolt began to grow a bit nervous. "Um...did you just figure something out that I've been missing for a really long time?"

Snapping out of her reverie, she replied thoughtfully, "Maybe. Darkwing Duck has an alter ego, doesn't he?"

"I guess..."

"What is it?"

He shrugged. "We've never found out."

"The one thing you can really use against him and you never found out?"

"Well, it isn't the only thing we can use against him," Megavolt corrected her. "There's the obnoxious little red-head."

"How many times have you kidnapped her?"

"Who knows."

"It must be getting pretty old."

"Yeah, it is."

"And he probably expects it by now."

"Probably."

Luminas gave him a meaningful look. "Then that's not what we're going to do. All we really need to do is stage...something. Something that won't catch anyone else's attention."

"Like what?"

"Get me a phone book and find out what that girl's name is."

Megavolt did the first thing she asked and informed her, "Bushroot would probably know her name."

The cat smiled. "Good. I was thinking..."