Disclaimer: I own Bailey and only Bailey. Boo.
Chapter 8 [I'm so sorry]
"SPOT GET OFF OF ME!"
For such a small kid he had a lot of fight, and either way, he was still bigger then I was.
"Oh come on," he said calmly, "I wouldn't do it if I didn't love you."
My whimpers became scarcer and my tears washed away as I drained every ounce of my energy trying to fight him off. Soon, there was no fight left in me, I couldn't beat him.
I felt so dirty. so used, but kept trying to convince myself that it was all right. It was all right because he told me he loved me. He wouldn't have done that if he didn't love me right?
Right.
Why was it that the first time I heard the words 'I love you' I was afraid? And the second time it didn't phase me at all.
I sat on the steps leading up to the Brooklyn Lodging House, trying to recall my dream.
Bit by bit it came back. I saw sandy colored hair. and I heard those frightening words over and over, bellowing in my head.
In slow motion the dream became clear to me.
*~*~*
An innocent looking boy approached me. sandy colored hair and a smile that could kill. He told me he loved me. Then took advantage of me. Then told me that I meant nothing to him. That I was ordinary... and unwanted. The boy in my dream broke my heart and took away my innocence.
*~*~*
My eyes grew wide and vulgar as I realized that all of those things had almost already come true. I tried to calm myself down by thinking that Spot hadn't told me I meant nothing. Maybe that's what would have happened if I had stayed with Jack that night. maybe I did a good thing by leaving Jack.
Just as that thought left my mind I heard the front door of the LH open and Spot came out.
And walked right past me.
"Spot!" I said, trying to grab his attention.
He looked back at me and raised his eyebrows. "What do you want?"
"But Spot.. I, I thought you loved me."
With a laugh he turned around and kept walking. "You didn't mean anything to me."
I chased him and grabbed his shoulder so that he swung around and faced me. "What?" I said, tears dwelling in my eyes.
"Get it through your head doll, you meant nothing to me. I don't want you. You're nothing but an ordinary girl who obviously wanted what the infamous Spot Conlon had to offer." He said pointing to himself as though I had begged him to strip me of my innocence.
Wrong boy with sandy-colored hair.
With that I slapped him hard across the face picked up my dress and ran clear through Brooklyn until I reached the bridge.
This time there was no question as to whether or not I should stay here or go back to Manhattan, home to Jack.
And with that I ran straight over the Brooklyn Bridge, past where Jack had held me in his arms after he saved my life, past the corner that we saw Mush and past the bench outside of Tibby's. I ran straight past Tibby's through the town circle where Horace Greeley's statue resided and right up to the Manhattan Lodging House door. I pushed open the door and ran past Kloppman asleep at his desk and right up the creaky old stairs.
I stopped running at the top of the stairs to catch my breathe. collect my thoughts once more.
I then held my hand on the doorknob for a second, closing my eyes and breathing deeply through my nose. I then pushed the door open with little force and stuck my head in first. All was well when I rejoiced silently noticing that the boys were all asleep.
I walked into the room slowly and silently. trying carefully not to disturb anybody.
"Bailey," I heard from behind me call in a whisper, and I took a deep breathe in and turned around.
"Jack," I whispered as I broke into a run to see him.
Tears gathered in my eyes as I wrapped my arms around him tightly and pressed my cheek hard against his chest.
"I'm so sorry." I whispered again and again until I fell asleep, safe in his arms.
Chapter 8 [I'm so sorry]
"SPOT GET OFF OF ME!"
For such a small kid he had a lot of fight, and either way, he was still bigger then I was.
"Oh come on," he said calmly, "I wouldn't do it if I didn't love you."
My whimpers became scarcer and my tears washed away as I drained every ounce of my energy trying to fight him off. Soon, there was no fight left in me, I couldn't beat him.
I felt so dirty. so used, but kept trying to convince myself that it was all right. It was all right because he told me he loved me. He wouldn't have done that if he didn't love me right?
Right.
Why was it that the first time I heard the words 'I love you' I was afraid? And the second time it didn't phase me at all.
I sat on the steps leading up to the Brooklyn Lodging House, trying to recall my dream.
Bit by bit it came back. I saw sandy colored hair. and I heard those frightening words over and over, bellowing in my head.
In slow motion the dream became clear to me.
*~*~*
An innocent looking boy approached me. sandy colored hair and a smile that could kill. He told me he loved me. Then took advantage of me. Then told me that I meant nothing to him. That I was ordinary... and unwanted. The boy in my dream broke my heart and took away my innocence.
*~*~*
My eyes grew wide and vulgar as I realized that all of those things had almost already come true. I tried to calm myself down by thinking that Spot hadn't told me I meant nothing. Maybe that's what would have happened if I had stayed with Jack that night. maybe I did a good thing by leaving Jack.
Just as that thought left my mind I heard the front door of the LH open and Spot came out.
And walked right past me.
"Spot!" I said, trying to grab his attention.
He looked back at me and raised his eyebrows. "What do you want?"
"But Spot.. I, I thought you loved me."
With a laugh he turned around and kept walking. "You didn't mean anything to me."
I chased him and grabbed his shoulder so that he swung around and faced me. "What?" I said, tears dwelling in my eyes.
"Get it through your head doll, you meant nothing to me. I don't want you. You're nothing but an ordinary girl who obviously wanted what the infamous Spot Conlon had to offer." He said pointing to himself as though I had begged him to strip me of my innocence.
Wrong boy with sandy-colored hair.
With that I slapped him hard across the face picked up my dress and ran clear through Brooklyn until I reached the bridge.
This time there was no question as to whether or not I should stay here or go back to Manhattan, home to Jack.
And with that I ran straight over the Brooklyn Bridge, past where Jack had held me in his arms after he saved my life, past the corner that we saw Mush and past the bench outside of Tibby's. I ran straight past Tibby's through the town circle where Horace Greeley's statue resided and right up to the Manhattan Lodging House door. I pushed open the door and ran past Kloppman asleep at his desk and right up the creaky old stairs.
I stopped running at the top of the stairs to catch my breathe. collect my thoughts once more.
I then held my hand on the doorknob for a second, closing my eyes and breathing deeply through my nose. I then pushed the door open with little force and stuck my head in first. All was well when I rejoiced silently noticing that the boys were all asleep.
I walked into the room slowly and silently. trying carefully not to disturb anybody.
"Bailey," I heard from behind me call in a whisper, and I took a deep breathe in and turned around.
"Jack," I whispered as I broke into a run to see him.
Tears gathered in my eyes as I wrapped my arms around him tightly and pressed my cheek hard against his chest.
"I'm so sorry." I whispered again and again until I fell asleep, safe in his arms.