Disclaimer: I own none of the characters within.

Author's Notes: You've all seen it: The Council of Elrond. The Fellowship is formed. And Figwit watching from the back with a look on his face that says 'I'm surrounded by idiots…' Obviously, he's none too impressed with the goings-on…

The (Fellow)Ship of Fools

Aka From Figwit's Eyes

Nine companions on an impossible quest

Each selected for the thing he does best

Be it swinging an axe, or a sword like the rest

To say 'motley' is rather polite

There are a few Men (actually, only two)

Some Hobbits who don't know what to do

An Elf, and a Dwarf, and a wise Wizard too

One must ask if they're feeling all right

For this band of nine courageous crusaders

(Some of which don't know swordplay from taters)

Might as well face a whole fleet of Darth Vaders

The odds are that sadly slim

At the head of the Quest is that poor old fellow

Once a wizard so wise, now I fear he's gone mellow

For to join in this folly, one's brain must be Jell-o!

And so I feel sorry for him

The lost King of Men comes along on the team

Though that greasy hair might give you reason to scream

He sings like an Elf, and walks in a dream

Let's hope he remembers his sword

And then comes the 'Son of Gondor'; he's the best

At least, that's what he says when put to the test

But any with eyes can see that he's obsessed

Perhaps he expects a reward?

At last here's some eye candy; here comes an Elf

Looks like he's fresh from the 'prettiness shelf'

I'll just pray that he cares for more than just himself

Or perhaps that's the one thing he lacks

Now to kick up the tempo of team animosity

Here comes a freaky and hairy monstrosity

A Dwarf whose brain has a piddling velocity

Let's hope he makes up with his axe

Here's come the kicker; a kid gets the Ring!

Okay, he's a Hobbit, but it's still the same thing

Not the kind of hero of whom harpers sing

I've seen Dwarflings bigger than that

Another one, too? Although this one looks kind

Like the friendly little fellow one might hope to find

But to do this, he must be out of his mind

But he's attached to the Ring-bearing rat

Two more Hobbits come; this is getting insane

'The Quest of the Midgets' should be this things' name

They're useless and tiny, that much is quite plain

The choice of companions is poor

Of course, Elrond sees this as an act of nobility

Watching it all from a mask of tranquility

Although now that I look, it seems more like senility

The old guy has lost it for sure

They pose like they're the last hope on earth

How dare they assume that they have that much worth

As the rest of the Council chatters with mirth

I rub my aching forehead

Now they're all going round and shaking hands

And in my mind, I sketch out some plans

For a one-way ticket to the Undying Lands

Before things get too horrid

Rather sad that they'd choose such a ragtag bunch

Based on a wizened old Wizard's hunch

But they'll all be consumed for the Dark Lord's lunch

I guess that's how things have to be

It could've been better, but now it's a mess

The whole world will crash on this ill-fated Quest

But if they had wanted an instant success

They should have hired me!

~ The End