Disclaimer: This is kind of a novelization of a comedic comic I do in school during study hall. I do not own Diablo, or any of the other Prime Evils, or anything else actually… Except the name, and plotline of my comic. Beh.
Now enjoy… The Prime Evils: Comic Adventures
Issue 1
Panel One
Deckard Cain stands in the center, smoking a joint and shrouded in pot smoke. He's gong to tell you a little story.
Cain: Hello! Stay awhile and listen… He takes a drag Oh, yeah, that's good… Um. Once upon a time, the three Prime Evils were cast out of Hell by the Lesser evils.
Scene fades.
Panel Two
Andariel, towering over Diablo, Baal, and Mephisto, stands in a flaming doorway, shouting and pointing.
Andariel: GET THE FUCK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Diablo walks off screen followed by his brothers, all muttering.
Baal: Whore…
Mephisto: Bitch…
Diablo: Screaming from off screenSKANK!!!!!!
Andariel: What the Hell did you just say?
Scene also fades.
Panel Three
The Three stand in a field, Diablo, in all his bigness, leans against a tree, sleeping. Baal, looking like a human with horns, and a robe, sits crosslegged on a stump, whistling gaily. Mephisto in all his skeletal, angry goodness floats back and forth angrily.
Cain's Narrative Voice: And so they had to find a new home… But where?
Panel Four
A close up of Diablo's fat, stupid, stupid face with a big stupid grin is all that can be seen.
Diablo: I have an idea!!! I have an idea!!!
Panel Five
Baal and Mephisto exchange glances, big sweatdrops forming on their heads.
Baal: Well, there's bound to be a first time for everything, right?
Mephisto: I just hope it doesn't involve another dead hooker… He always has those kinds of plans…
Panel Six
Diablo grins wider as he looks to his comrades.
Diablo: It doesn't!
The others look to each other surprisingly.
Diablo: But that last one almost got us the world! Right?
Mephisto flies slowly over, seething angrily with a large vein forming on the side of his head.
Panel Seven~SWACK~
Mephisto cracks Diablo in the head with one of his really long, bony tentacle.
Diablo: Ouchies!!!!
Mephisto: YOU IDIOT!!!!!! YOU ALMOST GOT US KILLED WITH THAT ONE!!!!!!
Panel Eight
Baal stares at his brothers with disdain, wearing a frilly pink drees. He shuts his eyes calmly and sighs.
Baal: Can we just hear him out?
Panel Nine
Diablo and Mephisto exchange worried glances, sweatdrops on their heads.
Diablo: Uhh…
Mephisto:*Cough Cough*
Panel Ten
Baal looks to the others, confused.
Baal: What?
Cain's Narration Voice: And so they tried Diablo's plan.
Panel Eleven
`Several Hours Later'
Diablo looks to his former "close friend" The Butcher.
Diablo: Hey, Butcher… So… Nice place you got here…
Butcher: What do you want, Diablo?
Diablo: I was wondering… could my bro's and I maybe, um, shack up with you for a few millennia?
Butcher: No…
Panel Twelve
Baal greets a little blue fallen one.
Baal: Rakanishu. 'S up?
Rakanishu: Big Uglies? What the Hell you want? Go away.
Panel Thirteen
`Several Hoursand failuresLater'
There is a knocking at a door, and a tall long-haired fellow in black(a Necromancer…Not Sirius) walks to the door.
Necromancer: Hold on, hold on… Jeeze, keep your pants on will ya?
Panel Fourteen
The Necromancer opens the door to see Mephisto at the front of his brothers, hovering nervously near the door.
Necromancer: If you're gonna ding-dong ditch someone, you have to run.
Mephisto: NO! It's not like that… We were just going to apologise for all the crap we gave you 'n your buds, and maybe ask if we could spend a few nigh-
Panel Fifteen
~SLAM~
The Necromancer slams the door in his face, his tentacle getting stuck in it.
Mephisto: Ouch! Hey. A little help here? Please? Diablo? Baal? WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO? I'LL KILL YOU IF I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!!!!!!!!
Panel Sixteen
The three sit back in the field they chilled in earlier…
Mephisto:Pacing I hate you all. I hate you all. I hate you all. I hate you all.
Baal:In Tears Now we're doomed to live in boxes, like rats, and never have a real home again… I hate my life…
Diablo seems to be wrestling with something in the background.
Panel Seventeen
Diablo: I have an answer to all our problems!
Mephisto: This'll be good…
Diablo spins, throwing his hands forward, producing a tent.(Which actually only fits in his hand)
Diablo: TADA! Ping, sparkle, sparkle…
Panel Eighteen
Baal and Mephisto exchange glances again.
Baal: It's a bit… small.
Mephisto: YOU BIG FRIGGIN' IDIOT! I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!
Panel Nineteen
A classic cartoony fight ensues, as a cloud of dust with fists rolls about the scene, soon engulfing poor Baal.
Panel Twenty
Baal: AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Baal's ear piercing screech rips though the air, rending eardrums. The dust cloud dies away to see a closeup of Baal's face, contorted in fear with Diablo's hand gripping his neck.
Panel Thirty
Diablo: Um… Aren't you supposed to be the Lord of Destruction?
Baal: Yeah. So.
Mephisto: Never mind… (His eyes widen)
Panel Thirty-one
Mephisto: A CAVE!!!!!! A home.
They all run to a small, dark cave, cheering all the way.
Panel Thirty-two
Cain sits in an even smokier room, taking bong hits.
Cain: And so the Prime Evils Lived Happily ever after in the cave… At least for a little while, anyway.
Author's note: So, What'd you think? Should I keep translating my comics into this form? Hope you liked it.