Underwear, Girls and Suits
I felt the air rise up in me,
Kneeled down and cleared the stone of leaves,
I wonder out where you can't see,
Inside my shell I wait and bleed'
Wait and Bleed, By Slipknot.
' Okay! We need jockstraps!' yelled Chris a little too loudly, in the clothes store. At the sound of that loud comment at least thirty odd heads, turned to face in his direction. Trying not to blush, he buried his head in a leaflet he'd found on the bench. He dropped when he realised the content: ' Badly fitting bra?' by now more than 40 people were giving him weird looks, so he decided to try find another section where there was less people.
He hurried round a corner and almost collided with a dishevelled blonde kid with a wonder bra over his head and nearly tripped up over an olive skinned man, sporting a red g- string over his combats. Sighing he turned around and physically picked them, an eyebrow cocked.
' The new me?' asked Leon, giggling like a schoolgirl, as he placed the wonder bra back on the railings. ' I was thinking of getting Claire one'.
Chris's eyebrows rose higher. 'Leon, do I really want to know what type of underwear your buying for my sister?'
' Well she don't need one of them, man' was Carlos's reply. He jumped up on a bench and proceeded to moonwalk. ' What dya think of my Michael Jackson impression?' he shouted whilst wiggling his rear end and attracting the stares of many shoppers. Chris bodily pulled him down off the bench. But by then a number of shoppers had seen the display, and a group of girls immediately enveloped Carlos.
Carlos was lapping it all up, nodding and smiling and turning on his Spanish accent.
' So do you want to do something this weekend?' asked a 19 year old blonde wearing a skimpy top, which showed her impressive figure off.
' Sure, how's about 7: 30 pm, I can show you a good time' crooned Carlos, unable to keep his eyes off her chest. Just as he was about to reply, he felt a hand grip his shoulder. He froze slightly and turned to face a very angry salesgirl. She was no more than 20, and was dressed in a sleek suit. Carlos grinned.
' So you couldn't keep your hands of my either' he said in his best Spanish lilt. The salesgirl's face turned red. Not with embarrassment, but with....
' Excuse me, but we do not tolerate people who have no respect for the displays...' her yelling went on.... Chris was grinning in the corner and Leon was guffawing by the boxer shorts stand. Once the sexy salesgirl had finished her heated lecture and Carlos had handed over the underwear, the salesgirl turned to Chris.
' Now how may I help you?' she asked politely, whilst casually bending down to pick up some underwear off the floor, giving her an opportunity to show off her perfectly formed rear end.
' No thanks, I'm fine' said Chris, unconcernedly riffling through the underwear. The salesgirl smiled her best, and walked off wiggling her rear end. Carlos quickly turned around to the teenager, but she was gone and was ogling Leon, who was making her laugh.
' And he said: ' Sorry we're a potatoes store!' said Leon. The girl laughed even though she had no idea what he was talking about.
' Oh Leon, your so funny!' she cackled, tossing her mane of brown hair. Leon caught sight, of something in her tights, he played his trump card....
' Is that a ladder, or a stairway to heaven?' he asked blue eyes sparkling. The girl's face turned from smiling to anger...
' Pervert!' she yelled before raising her hand and smacking him hard across the face. The loud smack caused even more heads to turn and stare. She stomped off, not before smiling sweetly at Chris showing off her pearly whites, before she mixed into the crowd. Leon looked peeved and was feeling his face with his palm, groaning. Carlos stared longingly at the sales desk....
' Guys, Guys, guys...' said Chris, hands on waist. ' You still have to learn from the pro'.
The response he got was a barrage of groans.
' And why were you chatting up somebody other than my sister?' inquired Chris staring at Leon in the face, hands braced.
' Ummmm, why did the guy yell peanuts?!' and with that Leon darted through the underwear section and collided with a nude female model. At once the salesgirl came scurrying over, ready to lecture... Chris grabbed both men and they hurried into the suit section, free from the salesgirl. They collapsed onto a bench and heaved.
' Why did I take you guys shopping?' asked Chris, annoyed.
' We should have come when it was emptier' declared Leon, hand covering his face.
' When its fuller, there's more girls' quipped Carlos.
' I got the jockstraps' said Leon. 'Though I do not know why they feature in our RPD prank and my initiation'. He said, somewhat edgily.
' You haven't seen the thong I'm planning for you yet!' teased Chris.
' Well seeing as we're here why don't we try on some suits?' asked Carlos.
Chris shrugs. ' Okay, we can burn some time'.
The men hurry off to the tuxedo section....
' WAIT AND BLEED!!!!!!!!!' shouted Claire and Rebecca as loud as they could, imitating Slipknot. Jill who was driving swerved dangerously and almost drove upon the curb. Becky stood up in the convertible and continued to yell. A group of men, turned to look at her, she sat down, cheeks crimson. Claire, undaunted stood up and yelled the final ' WAIT AND BLEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDD!!!!!' her sudden yell startled Jill, who swerved and dodged a tree, which jerked Claire head first into her seat, her legs flailing in the air.
An even larger group of men guffawed loudly at her. Claire straightened herself out and ducked her head at the laughter. The song ended and started up with Korn, 'Dead Bodies Everywhere!' Jill sighed and ejected the tape.
' Jill, why dya turn it off?' shrieked Claire.
' Sweetie, thorough my past experience the phrase ' Wait and Bleed' and ' Dead Bodies Everywhere' seem all too relevant to my life' said Jill, turning into the highway. Her comment silenced the two teens in the back they sedately turned right and headed down the road.
' Well it's Ok for you guys, but I have no date for the dance' said Rebecca awkwardly twitching at her collar.
' How about the Machine expert in Alpha team? He's pretty cute' suggested Claire, going through her list of eligible men at the RPD.
' Hmm, I don't mind but I'm open to other offers' said Rebecca flicking back a lock of red hair.
' Well hon, you can't be too picky' remarked Jill, as she stopped at a red light.
'Joey Green? The dark guy with a firm ass?' asked Claire ticking off one on her list.
' He's be perfect except for he's dating that Yale Grad' replied Becky.
' Then win him away' was Claire's answer.
' No I've seen this girl. Blonde and curvy. She'll tear me a new ass' said Becky dropping her head into her hands.
' What about Carlos?' asked Jill, her voice smooth. She turned into the car lot, and parked the car. Becky looked at her. She was smirking slightly but her sunglasses hid her eyes. ' Think about what I said Becky. Think real hard' and with that they entered the mall.
' Hmmm, bow tie or plain tie?' said Chris twiddling at his collar. He stared in the mirror and reached for a bowtie. He tied it loosely around his neck, and looked at himself in the mirror. Nope, too smarmy. He untied it quickly and found a plain black tie. Perfect. He placed it on the 'Yes' rail, which was considerably emptier than the 'No' one, which seemed to overflow with rejects.
He took a look at one of the choices he had flung onto the pile. A Suede, plum coloured tux, with long tails and a silk shirt. Chris shuddered, and remembered what he had looked like in THAT. Meatloaf, eat your heart out. He was about to try on a black pair of dressy pants, when Leon stepped out of the changing room clad in Ralph Lauren from head to toe.
He stepped in front of the floor length mirror, and hit a James Bond style pose. He flicked back his blonde mop and pretended to draw a gun.
' Stick em' up!' he hollered, raising his arms. Chris tapped him on the shoulder.
' Leon, Ralph Lauren sure is good, but can your salary afford it?' He asked gently.
' No. Just acting out a little fantasy' replied Leon, sheepishly.
' Really Leon, I thought that was what you and Claire did in the infirmary' quipped Carlos, walking out of his dressing room, in complete Swede.
' Hate to tell you, but man, Meatloaf couldn't look for a better double!' chuckled Chris as an annoyed Carlos maced him with a hanger. That started off a pillow fight, if you could call a pillow fight including hangers.
' Go get it!!!!' hollered Chris as he aimed for Leon's unsuspecting ass.
' Yeowh!!!!!!!!!!' yelled a bedraggled Leon as the pointy end of the hanger caught him in rear end. Carlos finished off the fight by showing both enemies with hangers.
' Okay, you win' relented Chris as he pushed an agonised Leon off his middle. He came face to face, with the Salesgirl. The same one from the encounter, earlier that day. The pleasure of seeing Chris in a tight suit was shown on her face.
' We seem to be seeing each other a lot today, don't we?' she asked whilst dusting Chris front and back with her hands. She got extreme pleasure from the front half.
' Yeah we seem too' Chris managed to get out as he backed away a little.
' How about we do something this weekend?' she asked whilst straightening out his tie.
' Geez, you don't cut to the chase' he thought as he wildly tried to think up an excuse. Thankfully, Leon did that for him.
' Chris here is more of a man's man if you know what I mean' he said whilst nudging her with his elbow. ' You see that old man in aisle 23? Well, him and Chris are you know?' he winked at her this time. The girl looked a little startled but nodded.
' But I saw him with a red haired lady at Shooter's last weekend?' she asked, trying to grovel onto some hope.
' He was? Isn't it nice that Chris would date a woman, just to please his friends?' Leon clasped his hands. Chris turned a deeper shade of beetroot, as Leon said this. This just added more to his embarrassment. The salesgirl hustled off, in a flurry of blonde hair and pillar-box red lipstick.
' Thanks, pal, nice to know I have you in bad situations' groaned Chris. Raking his hands through his hair.
' I know your holding out on us Chris. Come on, let's do the man dance!' teased Leon, wiggling his rear end. Chris responded by shoving Leon's head into the tie rack. Carlos who had been hidden behind the jacket stand emerged.
' I think your wrong there, Leon. Chris's here is a sheep's man!' he taunted. ' Well as we seem to not be able to find anything decent here, why don't we take a break?'
' Is this your not so subtle hint for us go pick up a big box of donuts?' asked Chris.
' Well, I was aiming more for a Latte at Star Buck's' condescended Carlos.
' Why don't we try on those multi coloured lycra suits?' asked Leon, going through the clothes rack.
' Now who was the one going on about the man's man?' asked Chris.
' Look just for a little fun. We can pretend we're hippies again!' said Leon excitement coming into his blue eyes.
' Again?' asked Chris and Carlos in unison.
' This might a good feature to the prank...' said Chris thoughtfully.
' Forget I even asked' said Leon, quickly stowing the suits back on the rack.
' Let's do it for some fun' said Carlos looking at Chris for some approval.
' Okay, but if anyone sees me, I'm pretending that we're on some publicity stunt' replied Chris, pulling a neon green suit from the rack.
Rebecca Chambers sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror. Just plain old Rebecca, she thought as she stared at herself in the sleek black number she was trying on. Just as she thought that, Jill came out looking stunning in the blue satin strappy dress.
Claire sashayed out in a ' burnt bronze' strapless style dress. Rebecca stared at them enviously. She wished she looked more like them. Jill had always been built like a Greek Goddess and was blessed with startlingly blue eyes that went well with her fiery red mane.
Claire was much the same, and had a beautiful tan to go with her auburn hair, and her green eyes very much like Chris's. She turned to look in the mirror. Skinny, flat-chested, short and pasty, she thought. I'll never get a date. Maybe I should just set up my own trust fund, ' Becky Chambers: Inside every freaky geek, was an even bigger loser.
She sighed, and went back to change into her normal clothes. They met outside the changing rooms, all dressed normally.
' I'm getting the bronze one' said Claire, retying her hair into a ponytail.
' Oh my god, Claire Redfield finally decides, the tabloid must here this!' said Jill incredulously. ' I'm getting the satin one'.
They both turn to look at Becky, awaiting her decision. She twiddled her collar, and thought, if I say yes; I can go home and mope. ' Yes'.
They all go up to the cash register, and paid for their clothes.
' How about if we go to the men's' section? I need to pick up a shirt for Leon' said Claire admiring the dress she'd just bought.
' Sure. Chris could do with a few new things. I swear he lives in jeans.' Replies Jill.
Oh no, groaned Becky, more toiling.
They head over to the men's section to be met by raucous cries. Carlos, Chris and Leon dressed in lycra , neon green suits, posing in front of the mirrors, Leon started up
' It's raining men!' and Carlos and Chris joined in, almost breaking the sound barriers. All three women doubled up with laughter. The men noticed and all three turned equal shades of crimson. Jill walked up to Chris.
' Chris is there something you should be telling me? Is this men's stuff you were gonna do?' she asked, angel faced. Chris muttered something intelligible, and walked into the changing room to put on his normal clothes.
Jill barred the way, milking the moment for all it's worth. Leon however was having an even harder time with Claire.
' Leon have you bought something? Let me see.' Asked Claire opening the bag next to his feet. She pulls out the jockstrap. A joyous look crossed her face. 'So you finally took my advice?' she asked. Leon gulped.
' What advice?' he asked.
' To play more sport. I like a guy with a fit bod' said Claire playfully bumping her butt into his.
' Uh yuh...' groaned Leon, the thought of playing football with a huge group of well built men, did not rate high on his list.
It would be a repeat performance of the time, he and Sherry had played cricket, and he had somehow broke his nose, after Sherry had tested out her skills as spin bowler. Ouch. He did not know what was more embarrassing, breaking his nose, or having it broken by a 13 year old.
A thought came to him. He reached for Claire's bag. She tried to stop him, but he had beaten her. He pulled out the nearest thing he could grab.
' Claire, what is this?' he asked, whilst swinging the string like red article, to and fro in the air.
' Uhhhh, I bought it for you' she choked out, grabbing the underwear.
' Claire, do you underestimate the size of my butt?' Leon countered.
' Well I bought it to GIVE you a little fun' said Claire, batting her eyelashes. Leon grinned.
' Well we'll have fun tonight, my sugar pumpkin' he said, pulling her into a hug, before kissing her.
' Indeed we will my little neon lycra clad hippie lover' she said, excepting the kiss. She drew the both of them into the large changing and drew the curtain. The remaining group shared a joint sigh.
' Do you remember being like that? Getting it on for all to see?' asked Jill, fingering Chris' s suit.
' Sure do hon. Boy, we did have good times.' Replied Chris, taking hold of Jill's hands.
'The memory that will stay with me forever, is when Wesker and the rest of the STARs caught you getting randy in the locker room' said Rebecca remembering the scene. 'One moment you were lip locked, next thing you were landed in deep crap by Wesker'.
' Wish I could a seen it. It might of helped me get over the shock of finding Leon and Claire in the infirmary' said Carlos.
' Come on, Carlos. You must have a story' said Jill. ' The horny Spanish amigo, is hornless? That can't be true'.
' Well there was time when I was caught by Nicholai. Having a great time in his office' said Carlos, grinning at the memory.
' But, if you've been through as much as they have, then you live for the moment' said Rebecca softly.
' Depends on the age. Only, late teens do what they're doing' said Chris, listening to the strange noises coming from the changing room.
' Don't you believe it. When we had just escaped that hellish mansion, you guys were going all for it' said Rebecca. Chris and Jill, look amazed.
' Weren't you asleep?' questioned Jill.
' How could I? With that racket going on?' countered Rebecca, without batting an eye.
Before any more conflict could happen, Claire and Leon emerge from the changing room, smiling and buttoning up.
' How about we head to a bowling alley now?' asked Leon, adjusting his collar.
' Well your gonna be hungry after that workout you and Claire just had' said Jill.
' Course. He's not my Lovegod Leon for nothing' said Claire wrapping her arms around Leon.
' Don't get them started, Jill. Otherwise they'll be at it again, giving us an UNCENSORED showing' said Chris.
' Exclusive to us' said Rebecca. They group head off, partnering up, walking behind each other. Chris and Jill were having a discussion on Leon and Claire's displays of affection. Just behind Claire and Leon, were discussing their newly adopted daughter, Sherry. That left Rebecca and Carlos. They had a moment of awkward silence. Rebecca tried to break the ice a little.
' This men's stuff was just an excuse to escape to your true selves' asked Rebecca, in a reasonable attempt. Carlos grunted in reply. The two couples ahead of them continued to talk animatedly. This made Rebecca feel even more uncomfortable. It was not she found it hard to talk to Carlos, but they were really forced together.
Sure, she had nothing against him, he was adorable to look at, and had a sense of humor that made her sides spilt, and a great accent. She snuck a look, at his well-muscled thighs, his broad chest; she could see the sinewy muscles beneath his New York Brass t-shirt. She gulped and turned her head away to try forgetting the lustful thoughts that had just passed through her head.
She looked at the ground. It was probably one of her crushes, like the one she had experienced when she had first met Chris. She had daydreamed about him, and dreamt about him every night, him featuring in her steamy dreams. She turned to look at Carlos. She was surprised to find him looking at thoughtfully.
' Us gals will follow you, in Jill's car' shrieked Claire, arms around Leon's neck.
' Uhh, Claire to leave, I think you gonna have to let go of me' said a disgruntled Leon, victim to Claire's vicious embraces.
' Your riding with us! Bec can ride with Chris and Carlos' replied Claire, dragging Leon to Jill's convertible.
' Do I have any choice?' asked Bec.
' Nope. It'll save me from having to endure the Wait and Bleed' experience accompanied with Claire's excuse for singing' said Jill, swaggering off to her car. 'Besides who would complain, riding ALONE with two gorgeous studs' said Jill, escaping just out of reach of Bec's slug. Bec turned to face the men
' Guess I'm riding with you' she said embarrassedly, turning for Chris's jeep.
The gang head to the bowling alley.
Chicky sez: What do you think of this chapter? Worth continuing? What were Leon and Claire actually doing in the changing room? What's the deal with Rebecca and Carlos? Wait and see, not bleed! Love to all my fans not that I have any! Later! . And a trip to the health farm proves disastrous.