ENTRY 6:
HARRY:
(comes onstage) ok…unfortunately I have recently found, due to my encounter w/wolves, that I am bleeding internally and have 1 year to live. In the rest of my short life, I will dedicate my life to being a big awesome hero. (takes out cocaine and snorts) (sob) goodbye…
Harry(written)
Breastfed wolves yesterday. Very painful. Found out am dying. Not good. Walked in on teachers going at it like there's no tomorrow…Good lord, only 1 year to live and I'm emotionally deranged…Stupid existence.
RON:
(Crying) confessed my true feelings to Malfoy today… didn't go well. He had a gun and was so upset that he shot his toes. Definitely not a good relationship start. Godammit, why is this so unfair?! (breaks into wailing sobs) (Ron looks down) Dammit, Hermione, just give it up okay??
COLIN: guest diary
(has camera) wow, looks like Harry has become strangely heroic over the past week. See? (takes out pictures of Harry, all look like they've been taken w/out him knowing) (Flips through) Here's Harry, sitting in front of a TV, being lazy. (takes out one of him sleeping) lazy again. (takes one of Harry getting nipples ripped off by wolves) see? Suddenly he's breastfeeding wolves, and, (takes out picture of Harry saving cat from a tree) heroic. (takes out pic of Harry and Ron fighting troll) heroic. (accidentally takes out pic of Harry in the shower) oops, erm…how did that get there? (pulls out one of Harry fighting Voldie) ::ahem:: see? Heroic. Weird…
HERMIONE: (written)
Was rejected 7 times by 7 different guys today. Am thinking of having eyebrows waxed. Maybe I'll be less repulsive. Ron said he was gay. Already knew that. Duh. It's all the same down there. Right??