Things could only get worse before they got better.
Tashi, Risa and I got on each other's nerves so much that we wouldn't speak to each other for days. Unit-01 would start to talk to me, and then I would snap at him and he'd recede so far that the Eva wouldn't function very well. To make things worse, we lost power for a week due to an eathquake that damaged Unit-01 and 00 so badly that they had to be repaired with pieces from a white Eva. At least this time we were careful not to remove too much.
The slump lasted for about a month. Then it started to even out, but not too quickly. It was hard to even notice the change. It might as well not even have bothered. A week later, things got much, much worse. It made everything from the past month seem like paradise in comparison.
I should have figured that he would have been back. I think we all "forgot" about him, when we should have been preparing.
We were eating lunch, and trying to be civil to each other, when several men burst into C&C, where we were eating, holding shiny guns and yelling at us to not move. We were so startled that we just stared at them, forgetting to chew or swallow or put the food down. They surrounded us; each of us had at least two guns trained on us. I started to shake; my sandwich fell out of my hands to the floor. Are they going to kill us? Would I be able to kill one of them...like I killed the Eva?
I would have turned to Risa. I had barely twisted my head around when the barrel of the gun was shoved into my neck. It was cold against my skin. "Don't move," the man holding it hissed. I felt tears come to my eyes. Kyle could have killed me, but it would have been in anger...a human emotion. This man seemed cold, mechanical...yet still alive...
"I'm so glad to finally join my lost children in their residence," a smooth voice interupted. I slid my eyes past Tashi's head. A tall man stood there, dressed in fancy clothing I had only seen something similar to once, with a smirk on his face that I wish I could have wiped off with a fist. He was handsome enough, I suppose, but there was an air about him that I could practically taste. He reminded me of Kyle, only a thousand times worse.
"We weren't lost," Tashi replied softly. His eyes had glazed over.
"Ah, but you were." The man came into the room, stepped into our circle and bent down to face Tashi, eye to eye though he still looked down at him. I couldn't see his face anymore, though I could clearly make out each thread in his long coat. It was new, or close to new. It was barely damaged. Somewhere deep inside me, I envied him. He could get new clothes, while we had to make do with what we found.
"All of you belonged to me," he continued on. "I brought you all here to work for me, to find these marvelous discoveries so that you may share in the glory of their rebirth." He was lying; not about finding NERV and Eva, but about "sharing the glory". The only thing he would share with us, I was sure, was the bullets in the guns.
He sighed dramatically and stood straight. He turned to face Risa and bent to look her eye to eye. It didn't help that Risa already was shorter than one of the shelves Tashi stored his maps on. "You, my darling pilot. I have missed you." I still couldn't see him; he was beyond my line of vision.
I made eye contact with Tashi. His eyes had been blank; the moment I looked at him, they focused. It was so hard to read what they said....I missed everything else that the man said to Risa, and I jumped when his body stood between Tashi and me, and he bent to look me in the eye.
I dropped my head. I refused to look at him.
"Look at me, dear one," he said softly, persuasively. I looked at the black bottom of my plug suited feet. "Look at me," he tried again, more forcefully. I blinked.
He took my chin in his hand and forced my head up. "I said, look at me," he hissed.
I stared at him, hoping that I was keeping the fear out of my eyes. His eyes gleamed like Kyle's had...I couldn't help it. I started to shake even more.
He smirked. "You're beautiful," he confided. "Perhaps with a bit of cleaning up here and there...a hairstlyist to trim that hair. Yes, you will be presentable." He let go of me and straightened, stepping away from us before turning, his coat swinging out dramatically.
"I suppose you're wondering who I am," he declared, even though we hadn't been wondering. "I am Adam Carson, and it has been my lifelong dream to rediscover NERV and revive the Evas. I plan on taking them out of this place, perhaps East to the American Alliance, maybe West to the European Alliance, or both. I will show the world that they exist. I will show them that there is nothing to worry about. There are no such beings as Angels. They will see that."
I burst into tears. I could hardly believe I did that, but I just couldn't help it. So many pieces fell into place at once.
Everyone knew the legend of the Evangelions. I used to be bullied by older kids that if I didn't give them the little food I had found that day -- perhaps the first food I'd had all week -- the Angels would come and get me. Kids with homes told me to get away from them, like I was diseased, or their parents would tell me to leave when I asked for shelter, or the Evangelions would stomp me to bits. I had never seen an Angel or an Evangelion. Yet I knew when we had found Eva, when Tashi and I had found him, that he would not stomp me. I knew he would stop the Angels. But I suppressed it. I forgot. Eva didn't remind me. He wasn't allowed to....or he didn't remember, either.
I looked at Tashi. Tashi had been nice to me...he had played with me, given me shelter when it rained, given me food when I was hungry. He would read me stories, draw pictures with colour sticks with me, show me how to play games properly. He gave me clothing, a blanket, a pillow, a strength inside I could never repay him for...
My eyes widened, even as the tears continued to pour. No one moved. Tashi had given me something I could never hope to give back...something I could never give of myself...
And it all fell into place now. I had never seen it before, never seen the whole picture. I had only seen my corner...had only wanted to see my corner.
The gun was removed from my neck. The two men grabbed my arms and lifted me to my feet, dragging me away. I continued to cry, wishing I had the strength to turn my head, twist around, do something...just to see Tashi.
I didn't eat, slept when I was tired, lay around the rest of the time. I could feel myself dying.
And I didn't care. Adam Carson was going to use Eva as a tool for himself. He wanted fame, that was all he wanted. He didn't want to save the world, or prove anyone wrong. He just wanted to be the man that had rediscovered NERV and revived Eva. And he was going to use me to do it.
He had told me what his plans were. Risa and Tashi were being held somewhere nearby. He wouldn't have them stand in the way. He was going to bring in a bunch of people, then let them go, and then have me take Unit-01 up to the surface to the waiting transportation, and then take me and Eva to where ever he wanted, and show us off.
Like dolls.
I was damned if I was going to let myself be a doll.
He came to me often. I either pretended to be asleep or stared at the ceiling, unmoving. He would hold my hand, and my skin would crawl. I thought I would never have preferred Kyle's company to anyone else's. "You have to eat, Precious," he would say. "You have to look good in that suit for everyone." My body was already so thin. Now, I could see my ribs and my hip bones if I cared to look.
He came to me one last time. I stared at the wall as he sat next to me and rested a hand on a protruding hip bone. "We're leaving tomorrow," he said. There was something about his voice...something threatening. Like the clouds that covered the city on the surface. "Everyone is coming here, because I don't have anything big enough to transport the Evangelion anywhere. I'm asking you once more, Precious: Will you pilot the Evangelion?"
His words turned over in my mind. I licked dry lips with an almost equally dry tongue. "I want to see Tashi," I whispered.
"No. Out of the question."
"Tashi."
"I said no."
"Then I'm not piloting. I have nothing more to say to you."
He was mad. His hand on my hip tightened ever so slightly, but the air around him so compressed with anger that I could have choked on it. He got up and left, slamming the door behind him.
In my mind, I thought about what would happen. Would he kill me now, and find a new pilot? Maybe use Risa? I didn't know if Eva would accept her or not. I had thought a lot about Eva recently...I wondered how Shinji was, what he thought of all this, whether he would do it or not...
How long have I thought about the Unit as a person? Or cared about Shinji?
The door opened again, and closed. Soft footsteps, barely audible, the bench creaking under added weight as he sat down.
"Mei?" It was Tashi. "Are you alright?" I think he was afraid to touch me.
I didn't answer. "He's going to kill us," I said instead.
He was nodding; I could feel that. "I know. But he won't do it yet. He needs you tomorrow, and for however longs he plans to show the Unit off, until he can train a new pilot. If he can. He's already tried to use Risa and me, and another kid. I'm too old now, and it's never liked me in the first place -- "
"He," I interupted.
"What?"
"He. Eva is a he."
"Oh. Well, he's never liked me from the start, and Risa says it -- he -- told her to get out, rather meanly. I don't know about the other kid. He's been unconcious since before he came out. They had to cut part of the plug door off to get him out, even. You have to do it, Mei."
I rolled over to face him. "Why."
He stared at me for a moment in the dimly lit room. "Because it doesn't want anyone else. It told me that when Carson forced me into the plug. The screens changed, like they used to, and then there was this voice, saying that he wanted you. I had the biggest headache for nearly a week. Risa told me that he said, 'You are not Mei. I don't want you. Get out,' to her. The other kid, well, Carson won't let me see him. I don't like him, Mei. We have to stop him. I have this horrible feeling that something is going to happen, something big, and we can't handle it without you." He looked up at the ceiling. "We really need you, Mei...I need you. You can't let Carson take control of Unit-01, or any of the others. He'll destroy them, the world and us with it. He doesn't care about anything...nothing but himself."
I already had known that. Adam Carson was no better than the people who originally built NERV.
Tashi bent down and gathered me up in his arms, crushing me against his chest. My head rolled back on my neck, so I was staring up at the ceiling. His hair was soft against my cheek. "I love you, Mei," he whispered, his voice sounding tight. I felt a drop of wetness roll down my shoulder. "I always have. I need you to be the person I once knew...you're like a shell now, and I can't help but think that I made you that way. I should have warned you about Kyle, should have warned him...so many things I should have done, so many things I didn't do."
He was crying.
I tried to picture him, my Tashi, my savior, crying. I couldn't see it. Yet he was doing it, and all because of me.
"I'll do it."
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Characters & concept: © 1997-2002 Katsura /\ Evangelion © Gainax