Disclaimer: The characters appearing in this story are not mine, unless
otherwise indicated and I have no legal right to them. The cast of Slayers
are the intellectual property of Hajime Kanzaka and I am using them without
permission. Fortunately, the legalities don't really matter to me as most of
my stories are parodies and not lemons. If you think you smell citrus, you
don't.
Notes: This story takes place at some point during the latter half of Slayers
Try. Where exactly, I'm not sure. I'm not doing a whole lot of research on
this subject. I just hope you enjoy the story. I enjoyed writing it.
If you enjoy my story, please feel free to submit a review. If not, please
feel free to flame me at flamingpitsofhell@yahoo.com, my 24 hour a day
firepit where you can feel free to crispify me to your heart's content.
Teehee...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dinner At Another Inn!
by Bezo The Blue Priest
(A rather normal, everyday Inn, populated by a completely different selection of
rather normal, everyday Inn-dwelling people, furnished in a familiar, if slightly
varied rather normal, every Innish way [16th century Innish, due to the local
custom which is far more traditional than the average Inn in the area]. Patrons
are eating and socializing and performing the various counterintelligence operations
that are commonly associated with Inns of this area, controlled by the Seiraag mafia
overlords [specifically the four that weren't obliterated by Copy Rezo's attack on
the city a few years back]. A band of six people enter the Inn and and take a seat
at a table for seven, foreshadowing that someone may indeed be joining them. Or
else perhaps to make room for more food, given the identity of at least two of the
party of six, Lina Inverse and Gourry Gabriev; known in these parts as hunger in
human form.)
Waiter#1: Oh no! It's hunger in human form!
Waiter#2: Hide the menus!
Waiter#3: Batten down the hatches!
Waiter#2: The hatches? What the heck are you talking about?
Waiter#3: Sorry. I used to be a pirate.
Waiter#1: Why the sudden career change?
Waiter#3: I felt food services was where my true calling lie.
(While Waiter#1 and Waiter#2 are rolling on the floor laughing at the clear stupidity
of Waiter#3's career counselor, we cut across the room back to the band of six, two
of which constitute hunger in human form, one of which constitutes sarcasm/apathy in
human form, one of which constitutes justice in human form, and a monster and golden
dragon)
Filia: Miss Lina, I really insist that we get back on the road. If we plan to find
the remaining Dark Star weapons, we can't keep stopping at every Inn and ordering
one of everything on the menu.
Lina: You're right, Filia. One of everything wouldn't nearly be enough. Waiter!
(Waiter#3 wanders over)
Waiter#3: Arrrr! What can I do for ye, laddie?
Lina: Did you just call me a guy? (readies the dragon slave)
Gourry: Uh, Lina? Didn't you blow up a waiter for calling you sir last time?
Lina: You're right. I'd hate for the game warden to bust me for being over the limit.
Waiter#3: Arrrr! I recommend the catch of the day. It be a lovely haddock in
white wine sauce. With wedge cut potatoes and dragon gravy!
Zelgadis: Call me crazy, but I would be hesitant to sample the 'catch of the day' at
any Inn that was completely landlocked...and since this particular Inn is about as
close the center of the continent as you can get...
Amelia (sparkling eyes): Oh...Mr. Zelgadis.
Gourry: I'll take three.
Zelgadis: Hmmm, perhaps stupid would have been a better word than crazy in this case.
Xellos: Oh dear, it would seem that...(gets cut off as Filia smashes him to bits with
her mace)
Filia: Namagomi!!!! (smashsmashsmashsmash)
Xellos: (in bits) Owwww...
Waiter#3: (to bits of Xellos) Anything for you, sir?
Xellos Bits:Perhaps a glass of water...and some Advil(tm).
Lina: Ah yes, Advil(tm). Just the thing when you're tired from fighting off a Dark
Lord of another plane...or even this one.
Zelgadis: Advil(tm) is perfect for curing those post-coffee binge migraines. (gives a
smiling thumbs up [ping to be edited in later])
Gourry: Advil(tm)...uh...line?
Amelia: Is good, Mr. Gourry.
Gourry: Advil(tm) is good, Mr. Gourry! (smiling thumbs up)
Xellos Bits:Anyway...
Filia: Namagomi!!!! (smashsmashsmashsmash)
Xellos Smaller Bits: Owwww...
Waiter#3: So, mateys. Besides the three catch o' the days for your blond hero here, would
anyone else like to order some food for the evening?
Gourry: Actually, I wasn't finished ordering yet. The fish was my appetizer. (sheepish grin)
Waiter#3: (ka-ching) Arrr! That's the spirit, ya scurvy dog.
Zelgadis: You know, in my experience...which albeit is limited to a jar...real pirates don't
talk like that. They talk like normal sailing folk...with more swearing. And they don't
say 'Arrr!' every five seconds.
Waiter#3: Arrr...alright. So I'm not a real pirate. Before this, I was a simple file clerk
at Vrumugun's Copy Hut. My painful secret has been revealed. (runs away sobbing)
Waiter#2: (walking up) Man, those pirates are emotional. Must be all the gold they have to
leave behind.
Xellos Smaller Bits: You know, he wasn't really...
Filia: Namagomi!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (smashsmashsmashsmashsmash)
Amelia: Miss Filia! Even though Mr. Xellos may be a monster with nothing but evil intentions
for all of us, you should at least let him finish his sentences. This is unjust...
Filia: (brandishes mace menacingly)
Amelia: (to Waiter#2) Uhm...I'll have a side salad.
Zelgadis: I've heard they're terrible, Amelia.
Amelia: Perhaps, Mr. Zelgadis, but I have to maintain my figure. How else am I going to snare
a husband to help me rule Seyruun when the time comes?
Zelgadis: (blushes) Well...I kinda thought we...uh...
Amelia: (eyes sparkle) Yes Mr. Zelgadis?
Zelgadis: I...uh...thought we...had a...thing.
Amelia: (huge smile) You...think we...have...a thing? Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Lina: (to Waiter#2) ...and so after those, I think I'll have 8 of the Mandragora Stew. And look
buddy, I swear to Gaav, if it's not cooked properly, they'll be Hellmaster to pay!
Xellos Dust:Oh dear...
Filia: (whamwhamwhamwhamwhamwham)
Xellos Microbes: *sigh*
Lina: (to Waiter#1) Hey, you'd better hire some more people because I've had a look at all of you
and you people are not nearly enough to carry all the food we plan to order.
Waiter#2: I know it's technically a formality for later, but how exactly do you intend to pay for
all of this?
Lina: Visa.
Waiter#2: Ah.
Filia: Miss Lina...that isn't the Supreme Elder's Royal Visa...is it? (brandishes mace menacingly)
Lina: For crying out loud, Filia, put that thing down for three seconds. Of course it's not the Supreme
Elder's Royal Visa! I stole it from Valgaav's Fortress before we went to the pillar of light.
A smart girl does not turn down a free credit card.
Filia: (puts the mace down and counts silently to three)
Xellos Microbes: Hmmmm...I should reconstitute myself while I still have any physical presense. (does so)
Zelgadis: And what a small physical presense it is.
Xellos: Burning resentment, Mr. Zelgadis?
Zelgadis: Go to hell, freak.
Xellos: Hmmm...I think I'd rather not. Hellmaster is still kind of irritated at me for that whole
'letting Mother kill him' incident.
Gourry: Wait a minute...you mean Hellmaster is still alive?
Xellos: Of course. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to kill a monster?
Fllia: (evil grin) Let's test that, shall we?
Xellos: That'd be my cue. (winks out)
Lina: Filia! Now Xellos is gone. You and your anger management...
Filia: Hmph! (winks out)
Gourry: This means we get more food right?
Lina: Mmmmm...(shrugs) Probably.
Zelgadis: You know, I suddenly find myself not very hungry.
Amelia: Me...either. (stomach gurgles) That...is a gurgle of *non*-hunger (grins sheepishly)
Zelgadis: You want to go up to our room, Amelia? To...discuss...uh...the Dark Star weapons..?
Amelia: Of course. I wouldn't miss...discussing those...for anything in the whole world. (blush)
Zelgadis: Goodnight, Gourry. Lina. (runs upstairs)
Amelia: Yeah, seeya. (runs after Zel)
Gourry: Those two should take a break. They never stop talking about the Dark Star weapons.
What was that? The eighth time today? Filia must really be working them hard.
Lina: (smiles) You know, Gourry. We've been through so much together. You and I have grown so
close in the three years we've known each other. We've battled unstoppable evils teogether.
We've conquered unlimited buffets all over the world. But no matter how much the world gets
inside your head, you're still the same innocent Gourry who swore to be my protector by that
fireside. I hope you never change.
Waiter#2: So, are you done ordering yet?
The End
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Warning: Plug! Plug! Plug!
Commercial Segment
Are you sick of those boring and often completely crappy fan fictions where a character is sucked
into their favourite video game, and completely takes over, becoming more powerful than all the
other (actual) characters put together? Are you sick of canon romances being torn asunder by
delusional fangirls (and some boys)? Are you tired of reading this obvious plug?
Then go read "Of Godly Bunnies And Godly Hats" right now. Bezo and Yezo at their finest. Bezo
and Yezo at their funniest. And we can guarantee that this is one fic where the people sucked
into the video game do NOT take over the story. They just...suck.
Now hurry and read it! The first three people to read and review it get a free puppy!
(not a guarantee)
Thank you.
otherwise indicated and I have no legal right to them. The cast of Slayers
are the intellectual property of Hajime Kanzaka and I am using them without
permission. Fortunately, the legalities don't really matter to me as most of
my stories are parodies and not lemons. If you think you smell citrus, you
don't.
Notes: This story takes place at some point during the latter half of Slayers
Try. Where exactly, I'm not sure. I'm not doing a whole lot of research on
this subject. I just hope you enjoy the story. I enjoyed writing it.
If you enjoy my story, please feel free to submit a review. If not, please
feel free to flame me at flamingpitsofhell@yahoo.com, my 24 hour a day
firepit where you can feel free to crispify me to your heart's content.
Teehee...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dinner At Another Inn!
by Bezo The Blue Priest
(A rather normal, everyday Inn, populated by a completely different selection of
rather normal, everyday Inn-dwelling people, furnished in a familiar, if slightly
varied rather normal, every Innish way [16th century Innish, due to the local
custom which is far more traditional than the average Inn in the area]. Patrons
are eating and socializing and performing the various counterintelligence operations
that are commonly associated with Inns of this area, controlled by the Seiraag mafia
overlords [specifically the four that weren't obliterated by Copy Rezo's attack on
the city a few years back]. A band of six people enter the Inn and and take a seat
at a table for seven, foreshadowing that someone may indeed be joining them. Or
else perhaps to make room for more food, given the identity of at least two of the
party of six, Lina Inverse and Gourry Gabriev; known in these parts as hunger in
human form.)
Waiter#1: Oh no! It's hunger in human form!
Waiter#2: Hide the menus!
Waiter#3: Batten down the hatches!
Waiter#2: The hatches? What the heck are you talking about?
Waiter#3: Sorry. I used to be a pirate.
Waiter#1: Why the sudden career change?
Waiter#3: I felt food services was where my true calling lie.
(While Waiter#1 and Waiter#2 are rolling on the floor laughing at the clear stupidity
of Waiter#3's career counselor, we cut across the room back to the band of six, two
of which constitute hunger in human form, one of which constitutes sarcasm/apathy in
human form, one of which constitutes justice in human form, and a monster and golden
dragon)
Filia: Miss Lina, I really insist that we get back on the road. If we plan to find
the remaining Dark Star weapons, we can't keep stopping at every Inn and ordering
one of everything on the menu.
Lina: You're right, Filia. One of everything wouldn't nearly be enough. Waiter!
(Waiter#3 wanders over)
Waiter#3: Arrrr! What can I do for ye, laddie?
Lina: Did you just call me a guy? (readies the dragon slave)
Gourry: Uh, Lina? Didn't you blow up a waiter for calling you sir last time?
Lina: You're right. I'd hate for the game warden to bust me for being over the limit.
Waiter#3: Arrrr! I recommend the catch of the day. It be a lovely haddock in
white wine sauce. With wedge cut potatoes and dragon gravy!
Zelgadis: Call me crazy, but I would be hesitant to sample the 'catch of the day' at
any Inn that was completely landlocked...and since this particular Inn is about as
close the center of the continent as you can get...
Amelia (sparkling eyes): Oh...Mr. Zelgadis.
Gourry: I'll take three.
Zelgadis: Hmmm, perhaps stupid would have been a better word than crazy in this case.
Xellos: Oh dear, it would seem that...(gets cut off as Filia smashes him to bits with
her mace)
Filia: Namagomi!!!! (smashsmashsmashsmash)
Xellos: (in bits) Owwww...
Waiter#3: (to bits of Xellos) Anything for you, sir?
Xellos Bits:Perhaps a glass of water...and some Advil(tm).
Lina: Ah yes, Advil(tm). Just the thing when you're tired from fighting off a Dark
Lord of another plane...or even this one.
Zelgadis: Advil(tm) is perfect for curing those post-coffee binge migraines. (gives a
smiling thumbs up [ping to be edited in later])
Gourry: Advil(tm)...uh...line?
Amelia: Is good, Mr. Gourry.
Gourry: Advil(tm) is good, Mr. Gourry! (smiling thumbs up)
Xellos Bits:Anyway...
Filia: Namagomi!!!! (smashsmashsmashsmash)
Xellos Smaller Bits: Owwww...
Waiter#3: So, mateys. Besides the three catch o' the days for your blond hero here, would
anyone else like to order some food for the evening?
Gourry: Actually, I wasn't finished ordering yet. The fish was my appetizer. (sheepish grin)
Waiter#3: (ka-ching) Arrr! That's the spirit, ya scurvy dog.
Zelgadis: You know, in my experience...which albeit is limited to a jar...real pirates don't
talk like that. They talk like normal sailing folk...with more swearing. And they don't
say 'Arrr!' every five seconds.
Waiter#3: Arrr...alright. So I'm not a real pirate. Before this, I was a simple file clerk
at Vrumugun's Copy Hut. My painful secret has been revealed. (runs away sobbing)
Waiter#2: (walking up) Man, those pirates are emotional. Must be all the gold they have to
leave behind.
Xellos Smaller Bits: You know, he wasn't really...
Filia: Namagomi!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (smashsmashsmashsmashsmash)
Amelia: Miss Filia! Even though Mr. Xellos may be a monster with nothing but evil intentions
for all of us, you should at least let him finish his sentences. This is unjust...
Filia: (brandishes mace menacingly)
Amelia: (to Waiter#2) Uhm...I'll have a side salad.
Zelgadis: I've heard they're terrible, Amelia.
Amelia: Perhaps, Mr. Zelgadis, but I have to maintain my figure. How else am I going to snare
a husband to help me rule Seyruun when the time comes?
Zelgadis: (blushes) Well...I kinda thought we...uh...
Amelia: (eyes sparkle) Yes Mr. Zelgadis?
Zelgadis: I...uh...thought we...had a...thing.
Amelia: (huge smile) You...think we...have...a thing? Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Lina: (to Waiter#2) ...and so after those, I think I'll have 8 of the Mandragora Stew. And look
buddy, I swear to Gaav, if it's not cooked properly, they'll be Hellmaster to pay!
Xellos Dust:Oh dear...
Filia: (whamwhamwhamwhamwhamwham)
Xellos Microbes: *sigh*
Lina: (to Waiter#1) Hey, you'd better hire some more people because I've had a look at all of you
and you people are not nearly enough to carry all the food we plan to order.
Waiter#2: I know it's technically a formality for later, but how exactly do you intend to pay for
all of this?
Lina: Visa.
Waiter#2: Ah.
Filia: Miss Lina...that isn't the Supreme Elder's Royal Visa...is it? (brandishes mace menacingly)
Lina: For crying out loud, Filia, put that thing down for three seconds. Of course it's not the Supreme
Elder's Royal Visa! I stole it from Valgaav's Fortress before we went to the pillar of light.
A smart girl does not turn down a free credit card.
Filia: (puts the mace down and counts silently to three)
Xellos Microbes: Hmmmm...I should reconstitute myself while I still have any physical presense. (does so)
Zelgadis: And what a small physical presense it is.
Xellos: Burning resentment, Mr. Zelgadis?
Zelgadis: Go to hell, freak.
Xellos: Hmmm...I think I'd rather not. Hellmaster is still kind of irritated at me for that whole
'letting Mother kill him' incident.
Gourry: Wait a minute...you mean Hellmaster is still alive?
Xellos: Of course. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to kill a monster?
Fllia: (evil grin) Let's test that, shall we?
Xellos: That'd be my cue. (winks out)
Lina: Filia! Now Xellos is gone. You and your anger management...
Filia: Hmph! (winks out)
Gourry: This means we get more food right?
Lina: Mmmmm...(shrugs) Probably.
Zelgadis: You know, I suddenly find myself not very hungry.
Amelia: Me...either. (stomach gurgles) That...is a gurgle of *non*-hunger (grins sheepishly)
Zelgadis: You want to go up to our room, Amelia? To...discuss...uh...the Dark Star weapons..?
Amelia: Of course. I wouldn't miss...discussing those...for anything in the whole world. (blush)
Zelgadis: Goodnight, Gourry. Lina. (runs upstairs)
Amelia: Yeah, seeya. (runs after Zel)
Gourry: Those two should take a break. They never stop talking about the Dark Star weapons.
What was that? The eighth time today? Filia must really be working them hard.
Lina: (smiles) You know, Gourry. We've been through so much together. You and I have grown so
close in the three years we've known each other. We've battled unstoppable evils teogether.
We've conquered unlimited buffets all over the world. But no matter how much the world gets
inside your head, you're still the same innocent Gourry who swore to be my protector by that
fireside. I hope you never change.
Waiter#2: So, are you done ordering yet?
The End
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Warning: Plug! Plug! Plug!
Commercial Segment
Are you sick of those boring and often completely crappy fan fictions where a character is sucked
into their favourite video game, and completely takes over, becoming more powerful than all the
other (actual) characters put together? Are you sick of canon romances being torn asunder by
delusional fangirls (and some boys)? Are you tired of reading this obvious plug?
Then go read "Of Godly Bunnies And Godly Hats" right now. Bezo and Yezo at their finest. Bezo
and Yezo at their funniest. And we can guarantee that this is one fic where the people sucked
into the video game do NOT take over the story. They just...suck.
Now hurry and read it! The first three people to read and review it get a free puppy!
(not a guarantee)
Thank you.