"Initial ratio was over 30 percent," Tashi said as the first sync test progressed.
I was watching the test from C&C with Tashi while Risa provided the "stable" test subject in the entry plug.
"That's good?" I asked.
"Very," he replied, his eyes fixed to the screen of harmonics patterns. "Her thoughts are a little scattered, but Unit-02 seems to be responding well enough."
I nodded to myself. "How long has it been?" I asked.
Tashi checked the time counter in the corner. "Almost time to let them out. About another half an hour. Better start getting ready."
I let out an explosive breath of air and ran my hand through my hair. It bugged me, the new haircut. "I'll see you in a bit then," I said, turning and walking from the room.
I took my time getting the plug suit on. I just sat there, on the bench in the change room, for at least ten minutes, wondering what on earth I was going to do.
I'm almost 16...Tashi said that only 14-year-olds could pilot...I changed her life forever...even if Unit-02 rejects her, she's been inside of it...a part of it, even if it was for such a fleeting moment...I can't pilot forever, can I?...This is all I've known for so long... The same thoughts ran through my head the whole time. How could I go on? What if Unit-01 suddenly rejected me, didn't want me anymore? What would I do then?
I shook my head. That wouldn't happen. Shinji had said so himself.
I jumped up in frustration. I was talking about a spirit!! He didn't really exist! Just in Eva, powered it, made it interface with me. Nothing more.
I dropped back to the bench, suddenly tired and worn out. He wasn't just a part of Eva...he was a part of me too...
I slouched against the wall and stared up at the white ceiling, lit by flat bars of light. How many more times will I see this ceiling?
It was a few minutes later that I started to undress and pull on my plug suit.
"Mei, your ratio is way below normal," Tashi said.
"I know," I replied, feeling tears come to my eyes. "I'm trying..."
"Keep at it," he encouraged. "I know you can do it."
How long I sat there, I have no idea. I knew I wasn't synchronizing very well with Eva. I could actually feel that. It was like there was a wall there, in front of me, and I couldn't find a way to get over or around it. What was happening to me?
It finally got to the point where I could talk to Shinji. His 'voice' seemed very far away, like he was on the other side of the wall. I realized with a bit of a start that he probably was.
What's wrong? he asked. It was hard to hear him through the noise in my mind.
I wanted to burst into tears right then. "I can't get past this...wall!" I cried, remembering too late that I hadn't turned off the internal microphones. I didn't care at the moment either.
You have to try to bring it down.
"I CAN'T!!"
"I'm shutting the test down," Tashi interupted then, rather abruptly.
You are needed, Mei, I barely heard just before the screens shifted throught the spectrum again and the plug was ejected. I wondered if I had imagined it out of a need to hear it.
I stumbled out of the plug. Risa and Kaori were there, with a pair of matching towels to hand to me. Tashi joined us a minute later.
"What's wrong, Mei?" all three of them asked, fairly close together. Tashi was the last one to ask. I looked up at him, saw the concern, the questions, in his eyes...and burst into tears, dropping to my knees on the catwalk.
Risa and Kaori were there beside me almost immeadiately, hugging me from either side. "I still love you, Mei," Risa declared.
Tashi just watched us for a moment before kneeling in front me, carefully, and brushing Risa and Kaori aside, taking my shoulders in his hands. "Get it together, Mei," he said softly, shaking me gently. "We need you."
"Why?" I cried, more forcefully than I'd wanted to. "You said that only 14-year-olds pilot -- I'm almost 16 now! You don't need me!" I was nearly hysterical. I barely recognized myself.
I couldn't believe it -- Tashi raised his hand and slapped me.
It was deathly silent, much like we had first found NERV. A lot of the technicians were just contemplating repairs of the white Units or on a break of some sort and not anywhere near us. Time seemed to stand still as my head followed the direction of his blow, and it seemed to hurt worse than it actually did.
He grabbed me by the chin then and forced me to look at him, even though I didn't want to at that paticular moment. "Will you listen to me for a minute?" he demanded. "You have to be 14 to be a pilot, but if you grow up over two years, Eva doesn't care! Your mind is still the same as it was two years ago, maybe a little smarter and a lot more in tune to the robot anyway. So get over that! And we do need you. You are the only one with a sync ratio high enough to be dependable all the time. I'll bet you don't even know what it is!"
"It's over 75% upon entry," Risa supplied helpfully. "Within ten minutes or less it's 98%."
I didn't turn my head to stare at her as I was staring at Tashi now, even though the numbers did make an impact on my scattered mind. That meant that when I got into Eva, it was like it really was me, and not me inside a machine.
"So smarten up, Mei," Tashi said then. "We really don't have time to bring you back up to those levels." He got up and walked away then.
I could have cried again. He was being so mean!
It was just as well that he was being mean. I found myself struggling to bring myself back up to my original standard to try and please him, and even though it never seemed to make him happy, I got better and better.
One of the problems was, everyone could tell I was trying to please Tashi. It got to the point where rumors were running around the building about us. I didn't hear any of them until some of the worst ones had had a chance to take hold. And then they bashed me down a bit. It was hard to ignore them.
My ratios had dropped again in the two weeks I'd known about the rumors. One day, Tashi called me down to the infirmary. I entered the room and found Kaori sitting on the counter there with a sour expresion on her face and Risa applying a bandage to her cheek.
"I couldn't stand it anymore, Mei!" Kaori explained when she saw me in the doorway. "They were making me so mad, saying all those bad things about you -- so I punched 'em one. OW!"
"Quit talking or it'll hurt again," Risa said impatiently.
"Apparently, some of the technicians were being less than kind," Tashi said to me. "Kaori took it upon herself to...defend your good name." It was then that I noticed the bandage just above his eyebrow.
"How does that explain that?" I said, stepping closer to him and peering at the bandage.
"Oh that. Someone had to break up the fight," he said noncommitally.
"Hmm," I replied, just as noncommitally.
The rumors stopped after that. Either that, or whoever was repeating them did it very quietly.
It took about two months to get back up to where I had been, and even then I couldn't maintain it for very long.
One thing I never counted on was how much I had depended on Shinji's voice in my head. He didn't talk to me the entire time I was trying to build myself back up, and I never realized how much I had missed hearing it.
Better now, I see, he said at last during a sync test.
I actually jumped, I was so surprised.
"You're back," I replied, telling my heart to calm down.
"Who is Mei talking to, Risa?" I heard Kaori ask over our radios.
"Don't worry about it, dearie," Risa replied. "It's not important."
"But she's talking to herself -- "
"Don't worry about it!"
"Are you girls done yet?" Tashi interuptted impatiently.
"Yes sir," all three of us replied together, and then we promptly started giggling.
He sighed. "Girls," he said wonderously, as if that would explain it all. "We've lost the test now," he went on. "You can all get out."
I didn't get out right away, though Risa and Kaori did. I heard Carson's voice over the speakers; "What is going on?!"
"Thank you," I whispered to the Unit and then deactivated the plug.
A week later was a day that Tashi had declared our rest day. We wouldn't do a thing that involved Eva, Carson, any kind of paperwork, nothing that could be considered work. So he was taking us for a trip to the growing city above ground. Even Kaori was excited, and she had lived in the city for a time. She had offered to take us around even, and Tashi agreed, whispering to me that he really had no idea what he was doing or where he was going anyway. I don't know how he did it, but he got Carson to agree to let us go. He couldn't have stopped us, that I could see.
Risa and I were the most excited. The last time I had ever been on a trip like this was so long ago that I couldn't even remember it. Risa had lived in a city before, but it had been a long time for her too. Kaori was always excited about something. The three of us were infectious; Tashi was often grinning when he saw us talking about it.
It was almost hard to believe when we finally did leave. We got to the city above, were confronted by the sunshine --
And basked in the warmth we weren't forced to endure. Before, we had always been above ground for some sort of event that Carson cooked up. Excited, we ran to the nearest intersection.
Construction of the new city was still going on. Right across from us was the beginnings of a tall building. Kaori ignored it, grabbed Risa's hand and ran away down the street. Laughing, I chased after them, Tashi following me.
It was a great day. By the time the sun was setting, we were all pretty tired, but we felt great. Our last stop was on a hillside in an undeveloped area, away from the construction and all the noice associated with that. Tashi had insisted. "I want to see if the sunset is as beautiful as I remember," he had said.
So there we sat, watching as the blue sky slowly changed from blue to pink and then to yellow, red and gold. It was breathtaking. I had all but forgotten how nice the sunset was. Only when the sun had disappeared beyond the horizon did we start the walk back into the city to get back to NERV.
Poor Kaori. She was still so young and a bit fragile. Tashi ended up carrying her piggyback. She fell asleep on his shoulder within moments as he walked ahead of Risa and I. It was quite cute, and I had to smile.
"She's really adorable," Risa said fondly, also smiling. "I can't believe she's synchronized so well with Unit-02."
"Why not?" I asked, a little confused. Despite the recent events and everything, I think she was doing exceptionally well.
She looked over at me. "Didn't you say that it felt wierd, being inside it?" she asked.
"Well, yeah, but that's because I've been with Unit-01 for so long," I answered.
"Is it now. Seriously, Mei, think about it...I've read some of the old reports. No one was allowed in Unit-02 besides the designated pilot, yet the pilots of Units 00 and 01 switched. Only 01 accepted the other pilot, but that's not the point. The thing is...I don't think Kaori really has the mentality to handle this very well."
"What makes you say that?" I wanted to know. "I wish I had been like her when I started piloting." I made a face and shoved my hands into my jacket pockets. "Maybe I was...I feel so different now. I can hardly believe I was ever as innocent as Kaori is."
"You weren't," Tashi called back to us. "Trusting, certainly, but never innocent."
I stuck my tongue out at his back. "Thanks for sharing that," I shouted to him.
"As I was saying," Risa continued loudly, before lowering her voice again. "She's still very young in all respects. I mean, maybe she's naive enough that Unit-02 just latches on to her...what if it won't let her go?"
"Mmm," I started, thinking hard. "Kinda like -- "
"The way Unit-01's latched onto you," Risa confirmed. "I swear, I have never seen anyone hold onto someone or something as much as that machine has held onto you. I'm not trying to disturb you, Mei, really, I'm not. But I'm telling you honestly..." She slowed down until she wasn't walking anymore; I stopped too, but Tashi kept on going. "There's just no other explanation for it. That machine is ALIVE. It has feelings and emotions and it's more than just a biological body with an armour suit. It's scary...it's almost human."
I stared at my feet. "I know I've asked before," I said quietly, "but Unit-00 talks to you, right?"
She looked up at me. "Yeah...but not very often, or with very many words."
"Mmm." I looked up to where Tashi has stopped, sat down and was waiting for us, holding Kaori in his lap. "He...he talks to me a lot. I know his name, and who he was...and he knows everything about me."
"Who is it?" Risa asked, stepping closer to me. "Who was he?"
I looked at her finally, wondering if I could tell her. Before I could do anything, a bright flash of light from the other side of the city distracted all of us. Our heads turned immeadiately, fast enough to catch the huge, silent explosion that sent up a fountain of dirt and debris.
Risa and I glanced at each other before running to Tashi. He was already on his feet and swinging Kaori to his back. "It's an Angel; it has to be," he said. "We have to get back NOW."
Within an hour, we had all the information we could possibly get and were decided on the course of action. It was an Angel, and it was even uglier than the last one, what little I had seen of it.
"We're counting on you, girls," Carson had said gravely as we were leaving the room to activate the Evas. "Don't fail us." His last words had held an element on threat.
"He acts so tough!" Kaori had complained, slamming her fist into her palm when we were out of earshot. "I'd like to pop him a few -- BAM! Then he wouldn't be so high and mighty anymore!"
"Calm down dearie," Risa advised. "It's not good to go out with that attitude."
All three Units activated minutes after that and we moved towards the launch area. I watched Kaori climb into the harness, directed her to move her arm that much to one side, before climbing into my own. "Ready!" we all reported.
"Good luck," Tashi said over the radios, right before all three harnesses flew upwards.
Above ground, a bit more of the city was now destroyed. Buildings lay in ruins, dust still floating in the air where they used to be. And in the center of all the destruction was the Angel.
Kaori made a disgusted sound. "THAT'S an angel?" she asked in wonder and amazement. "That doesn't look anything LIKE the angels I've seen."
I would have laughed if the situation wasn't so serious. I made a face at the big ... lump that was the Angel. It didn't look like any Angel I'd seen either.
It looked nothing more like a big blob of black goo, lying in a puddle in the middle of the street. It was sickenly pretty, just lying there calmly with the dark raised circle of the globe in the center. The city lights that were still on after the destrucion it had caused reflected off its surface. Yet it seemed that they weren't so much reflected as swallowed up...and shone back out. Even as I watched it, another explosion sent up clouds of dust and debris behind it.
"Just remember the plan," Risa reminded her, sounding disgusted. "You had to go up against one of those, Mei?" she asked.
"It wasn't that ugly," I said.
"Get on with it, girls!" Carson shouted over the radios. "That thing is destroying the city!"
I rolled my eyes, said nothing, and moved Unit-01 into the planned position. "Ready," I reported, hiding behind a building. Risa and Kaori were ready moments later. "Okay...on three," I started. "One...two...thr--" I didn't get a chance to finish the sentence as my building suddenly disappeared. Unit-01 whipped around. The black mass that was the Angel confronted me.
I just stared at it, not moving, and it didn't do anything either. After a moment, it gathered its "body" into a dark semblence of Unit-01. The red globe was set near the "ribs", and it had a dark center, just like the last one.
"I don't believe it," I whispered. Slowly, I reached a hand out to touch it...
Mei, NO! The warning came too late. My view warped briefly.
The Angel's globe lit up. In it's center was the curled human form of my dream. A blast of light, and Unit-01 was pushed backwards, toppling the building behind me.
"What is that?" I gasped, staring up at the dark sky.
Its weapon and AT Field, came Shinji's voice distantly, like he was concentrating on something else. I can't explain now. I need you to focus. Get the progressive blade out of your shoulder.
I untangled myself from the building and rose shakily to my feet. Risa had moved forward to engage the Angel. I could only watch as it sent out the blast of light again, which sent her flying backwards, crashing into another building and not getting up. "Risa..." I whispered, staring at the melting feet of Unit-00.
The KNIFE!
I shook my head slightly, dropped the one shoulder and activated the knife. At the same time, Kaori ran forward to attack the Angel. Why isn't my radio on? I wondered. The Angel didn't even turn around to deal with her in the same way. She landed much farther away, in an area that was already destroyed. I was amazed that she got up and tried again. Another flash of light, and this time...she stayed down. They can't be dead... Unit-02 lay on it's side farther away than before, the shoulder plates melting downwards.
In that moment, I realized how much they had meant to me. I started to get mad. I grabbed the handle of the progressive knife, yanked it out of the holder and dropped to one knee. I barely noticed the extra presence within my own.
I didn't know if I would ever remember the details. Unit-01 launched itself forward, encountering a bright red field of some sorts for a moment, but it quickly disentegrated. I brought the knife up, jamming it towards the globe. It contacted, and the globe cracked. My knife started to bury into it, shooting out sparks of light, but its "body" jellified and wrapped around me. The force of it knocked my hand away from the handle and pressed both it and the red sphere agaisnt my viewscreen. The light emitted from behind the globe grew brighter and brighter, and the last thing I saw before it destroyed itself was the curled form stretch out, turn towards me and open it's eyes.
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Characters & concept: © 1997-2002 Katsura /\ Evangelion © Gainax