Qui-Gon Jinn sank to his knees at the foot of his bed. He reached under it,
and pulled out a dark wooden chest. The chest groaned as he eased the lid
open, revealing its contents.
Everything was covered by a pale Jedi-robe, which he lifted out and held close to himself. Pressing his face into the material, he inhaled deeply, before reaching again into the chest.
The silver handle of a lightsaber was the next item he removed. He held the 'sabre in his hands, feeling the weight of it before igniting it, the blue blade illuminating the room. He played the blade around, relishing in the humming of it. His eyes followed the blade, hypnotised by the colour. Reluctantly, he powered it down, blinking as the room darkened again. He placed the 'sabre on the floor next to him and reached into the chest.
He pulled out a lock of reddish-gold hair plaited with coloured beads woven into it. He wrapped the braid around his wrist, and held his arms close to his chest, tears streaming down his face, lips moving silently.
A gentle hand tipped his chin up, and his tears were kissed away. Qui-Gon blinked to clear his eyes, and, seeing Obi-Wan crouched in front of him, felt the tears well up again. The image of his padawan was so substantial, despite the impossibility of seeing him here; that Qui-Gon could almost bring himself to believe it was real, which brought the pain to the surface once again.
"I'm sorr... I'm so sorry padawan." he reached a hand out to touch Obi-Wan, but pulled back sharply before he reached him.
"Mas." A look at the panic-stricken expression on Qui-Gon's face stopped him.
"Qui-Gon, listen to me - it's not your fault. Master, please believe me."
"Don't call me that."
"But, you ARE my Master." Obi-Wan protested.
"I'm not worthy of being anyone's master." A lone tear tracked down Qui- Gon's cheek. "I'm a failure as a Jedi..."
"That's not true Qui-Gon, and you know it. You are an amazing Jedi, and I won't have anyone say otherwise, not even you."
"How can you say that Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon met his Padawan's eyes. "I... I let you die... I don't understand..."
The Force-ghost form of Obi-Wan Kenobi reached out a hand to reassure his master, scowling when his hand went straight through the master's shoulder. "Because it's true. Yes, I'm dead, but it's not your fault... it 's mine. I should never have rushed ahead without you on Naboo... if I hadn't been so intent on protecting you... " He shrugged.
"Protecting me?" Qui-Gon spluttered. "Protecting ME?"
Obi-Wan nodded slowly. "I loved you... still do, and I didn't want to see you hurt." Now that he started his confession, the words just came rushing out. "And I had this awful feeling that the sith was going to kill you and I just knew I didn't want to live if you were dead and....." His voice broke when he saw the incredulous expression on Qui-Gon's face. "Master?"
"You..." Qui-Gon paused, shaking his head. "You said... you love me?"
Obi-Wan nodded, sitting down from his crouch and playing with his braid, a habit that not even death had robbed him of. "I have for years... how could I not? You are the most amazing man I ever met; intelligent, handsome, strong but gentle."
Qui-Gon reached out to stroke Obi-Wan's braid, an affectionate gesture he had used when his padawan was younger, face falling when his hand went straight through the ghostly form. Obi-Wan's face screwed in concentration, his form becoming more solid by the second until it looked as though he really sitting in front of Qui-Gon.
Obi-Wan leaned forward, pressing his lips against Qui-Gon's, his hands reaching up to tangle in his master's long hair. Qui-Gon accepted the kiss for a few moments before pushing Obi-Wan back. Obi-Wan landed heavily, blinking confusedly at his master.
"Did you ever stop to think about me?" Qui-Gon's spoke in a quiet tone, laced with pain and anger. "About how I felt as you were dying in my arms? How I've felt for the past three years blaming myself for being too old and too slow to save you?"
"I..."
"You didn't want to live if I was dead. well I've been feeling the same, only I've lacked the courage to go through with it. You were, you ARE my reason for living. Obi-Wan, I honestly don't know how I've coped without you." Qui-Gon's voice rose, and he was shaking with suppressed anger and hurt
Obi-Wan's form started fade, buffeted by the strong emotions in the room.
"No... No." Qui-Gon shook his head in denial, hands reaching out to Obi- Wan. "Don't leave me again, please, Obi. I can't. I... I love you Obi-Wan, and I don't want to lose you again."
A huge grin lit up Obi-Wan's face at Qui-Gon's words, and he forced himself to stay. "I... You... L... Love me?" He was at a loss for words, a state Qui-Gon had rarely seen him in.
"Yes, Obi-Wan, I love you." Qui-Gon reached out, brushing his hand against Obi-Wan's cheekbone. "I have loved you for years, since long before I should have." A self-deprecating smile, and a sigh. "I didn't mean to shout at you like that, I..."
"You needed an outlet. You haven't let yourself grieve at all, have you?"
"No, no I haven't. It's as if... I didn't let you go, then I could pretend that you weren't dead, that you were coming back, that everything was fine and normal and Naboo di...."
Obi-Wan pressed a finger against his master's mouth, effectively quieting him. "It's over, I'm here now, and I'll never leave if you don't want me to."
Qui-Gon shook with relief. "Really? You mean that?" He drew Obi-Wan in for a hug, his chin resting on top of the golden head. He pulled back, holding Obi-Wan at arms' length. "This isn't like me at all, is it? I. I don't know what to say. I could apologise for being such an idiot but I get the feeling you'd tell me off for..."
"Qui-Gon," Obi-Wan interrupted
"Yes, love?"
"Shut up and kiss me!"
Everything was covered by a pale Jedi-robe, which he lifted out and held close to himself. Pressing his face into the material, he inhaled deeply, before reaching again into the chest.
The silver handle of a lightsaber was the next item he removed. He held the 'sabre in his hands, feeling the weight of it before igniting it, the blue blade illuminating the room. He played the blade around, relishing in the humming of it. His eyes followed the blade, hypnotised by the colour. Reluctantly, he powered it down, blinking as the room darkened again. He placed the 'sabre on the floor next to him and reached into the chest.
He pulled out a lock of reddish-gold hair plaited with coloured beads woven into it. He wrapped the braid around his wrist, and held his arms close to his chest, tears streaming down his face, lips moving silently.
A gentle hand tipped his chin up, and his tears were kissed away. Qui-Gon blinked to clear his eyes, and, seeing Obi-Wan crouched in front of him, felt the tears well up again. The image of his padawan was so substantial, despite the impossibility of seeing him here; that Qui-Gon could almost bring himself to believe it was real, which brought the pain to the surface once again.
"I'm sorr... I'm so sorry padawan." he reached a hand out to touch Obi-Wan, but pulled back sharply before he reached him.
"Mas." A look at the panic-stricken expression on Qui-Gon's face stopped him.
"Qui-Gon, listen to me - it's not your fault. Master, please believe me."
"Don't call me that."
"But, you ARE my Master." Obi-Wan protested.
"I'm not worthy of being anyone's master." A lone tear tracked down Qui- Gon's cheek. "I'm a failure as a Jedi..."
"That's not true Qui-Gon, and you know it. You are an amazing Jedi, and I won't have anyone say otherwise, not even you."
"How can you say that Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon met his Padawan's eyes. "I... I let you die... I don't understand..."
The Force-ghost form of Obi-Wan Kenobi reached out a hand to reassure his master, scowling when his hand went straight through the master's shoulder. "Because it's true. Yes, I'm dead, but it's not your fault... it 's mine. I should never have rushed ahead without you on Naboo... if I hadn't been so intent on protecting you... " He shrugged.
"Protecting me?" Qui-Gon spluttered. "Protecting ME?"
Obi-Wan nodded slowly. "I loved you... still do, and I didn't want to see you hurt." Now that he started his confession, the words just came rushing out. "And I had this awful feeling that the sith was going to kill you and I just knew I didn't want to live if you were dead and....." His voice broke when he saw the incredulous expression on Qui-Gon's face. "Master?"
"You..." Qui-Gon paused, shaking his head. "You said... you love me?"
Obi-Wan nodded, sitting down from his crouch and playing with his braid, a habit that not even death had robbed him of. "I have for years... how could I not? You are the most amazing man I ever met; intelligent, handsome, strong but gentle."
Qui-Gon reached out to stroke Obi-Wan's braid, an affectionate gesture he had used when his padawan was younger, face falling when his hand went straight through the ghostly form. Obi-Wan's face screwed in concentration, his form becoming more solid by the second until it looked as though he really sitting in front of Qui-Gon.
Obi-Wan leaned forward, pressing his lips against Qui-Gon's, his hands reaching up to tangle in his master's long hair. Qui-Gon accepted the kiss for a few moments before pushing Obi-Wan back. Obi-Wan landed heavily, blinking confusedly at his master.
"Did you ever stop to think about me?" Qui-Gon's spoke in a quiet tone, laced with pain and anger. "About how I felt as you were dying in my arms? How I've felt for the past three years blaming myself for being too old and too slow to save you?"
"I..."
"You didn't want to live if I was dead. well I've been feeling the same, only I've lacked the courage to go through with it. You were, you ARE my reason for living. Obi-Wan, I honestly don't know how I've coped without you." Qui-Gon's voice rose, and he was shaking with suppressed anger and hurt
Obi-Wan's form started fade, buffeted by the strong emotions in the room.
"No... No." Qui-Gon shook his head in denial, hands reaching out to Obi- Wan. "Don't leave me again, please, Obi. I can't. I... I love you Obi-Wan, and I don't want to lose you again."
A huge grin lit up Obi-Wan's face at Qui-Gon's words, and he forced himself to stay. "I... You... L... Love me?" He was at a loss for words, a state Qui-Gon had rarely seen him in.
"Yes, Obi-Wan, I love you." Qui-Gon reached out, brushing his hand against Obi-Wan's cheekbone. "I have loved you for years, since long before I should have." A self-deprecating smile, and a sigh. "I didn't mean to shout at you like that, I..."
"You needed an outlet. You haven't let yourself grieve at all, have you?"
"No, no I haven't. It's as if... I didn't let you go, then I could pretend that you weren't dead, that you were coming back, that everything was fine and normal and Naboo di...."
Obi-Wan pressed a finger against his master's mouth, effectively quieting him. "It's over, I'm here now, and I'll never leave if you don't want me to."
Qui-Gon shook with relief. "Really? You mean that?" He drew Obi-Wan in for a hug, his chin resting on top of the golden head. He pulled back, holding Obi-Wan at arms' length. "This isn't like me at all, is it? I. I don't know what to say. I could apologise for being such an idiot but I get the feeling you'd tell me off for..."
"Qui-Gon," Obi-Wan interrupted
"Yes, love?"
"Shut up and kiss me!"