FIVE
Buffy looked around helplessly. She had only been in this town for a short
while and she was hopeless at directions. She rubbed the bridge of her nose
painfully; it still stung. She spotted a man standing at the sidewalk and
she walked up to him. "Excuse me, I'm looking for the Waterfall Motel , and
I…"
"Bah!" the man waved his hand at Buffy and walked away.
She cursed under her breath and walked to woman who was also standing
nearby. "Excuse me, could you tell me where the Waterfall Motel is?"
The woman pushed down her sunglasses and looked at her kindly. "Sure… see
that road down there? Follow that and take the first right. Keep on going
and you'll pass a police station, and then take… let's see… another right
and keep on going. You'll find it."
"Thanks."
* * *
"Is there an Alexander Harris staying here?" asked Buffy.
The man behind the counter stared at her stupidly. "What?"
"Is there an Alexander Harris staying here?" Buffy repeated. She was getting
impatient.
"Ehh… er…" The man shifted through a pile of papers and took out a dirty,
dog-eared book. "Alexander Harris. Room 8."
"Thanks," mumbled Buffy and proceeded to the door.
"You're not planning on staying, right?" The man asked as she was nearly out
the door. "Because roommates are extra."
"No, I'm just a friend." Buffy said without turning back. Maybe something
more than that, she thought, if he gives me a chance.
She walked down the corridor and looked at the room numbers. Room 5, Room 6
, Room 7 …. Room 8. She gave a deep breath before walking right up to the
door. She paused and thought about it. Maybe she should run now. He'll never
have to know she came all the way here. Maybe she should give him a few days
to cool down. Maybe she should write him. Words are always easier when
they're not spoken. She mentally slapped herself and knocked on the door.
"I said I'm GOING!" yelled Xander from the inside. "Jesus, can't you give a
guy a few minutes?"
Buffy placed her hands on the handle and realised that it was not locked.
She turned it and pushed the door open. She saw Xander with his back to her,
and a suitcase on the bed. "Hey!"
He spun around. "Buffy!" His failed to hide his excited tone, as angry as he
was at her. He said nothing for a while and then turned back to his packing.
"What are you doing?" Buffy asked as she carefully took a small step inside
his room.
"I'm leaving," he replied coldly, "So you don't have to."
Buffy winced. She spoke in a soft voice. "Ow. I guess I deserve that."
Xander stopped packing. He spoke without turning around. "Yes. Yes, you do."
"Xander…" Buffy tried to think of what she should be saying. She wished she
never opened her big mouth and shoved her big foot down it in the first
place. "I'm sorry. About all those things I said in the diner."
"Why should you be?" His voice was hard and sharp. "You meant it."
"That's the whole point… I didn't mean …"
"Right." Xander cut her off. He finally turned around. "It's always like
this with you. You treat people however you feel like treating them,
regardless of how *they* feel, and when you realise you need them again, you
just go all 'I'm sorry!' and then expect us to fall at your feet and serve
you again. Well, *I'm* sorry, because I'm tired of doing that."
Buffy felt tears welling in her eyes. "That's a mean thing to say."
"Yeah, well, you've said a lot of mean things as well," said Xander
heartlessly, "You're not the only one with that skill."
"Look Xander, all I want to say is…"
"Save it." He turned around and shoved the last few articles of clothing
into the suitcase. "I'm tired of listening to you. And I don't want to.
Because I'm stupid enough to believe everything you tell me, and I'm stupid
enough to keep crawling back to you after you've kicked me down over and
over again. And if I intend to go anywhere in my life, I can't have anything
to do with you anymore."
The tears flowed freely from her eyes. She walked up to him and placed her
hand on his shoulder. "Xander, please…"
He turned around and shrugged her hand off him. "Don't touch me." He closed
the suitcase and snapped it shut. "I'm leaving, and you don't ever have to
see me again. That's what you want, isn't it? You don't want to be with me,
well guess what, I just discovered I really don't want to be with you
either."
"You're not even listening to…"
"Please, Buffy." His voice softened and he spoke slower. It hurt him to see
her crying, and it hurt him even more that he had been the source of all
this. He shrugged the feeling off - if he didn't they would be going round
and round in circles again. "No more."
He placed his hand on her cheek and wiped the tears from her eyes. He
kissed her softly on the forehead, oblivious to his own tears that were
trickling down his face. "Goodbye, Buffy. It's been fun."
"Don't leave, Xander."
"I'm sorry." He grabbed the suitcase that was lying on his bed. "I love
you."
"Xander…"
He pressed his finger on her lips. "I don't think I can take any more of
this. So don't. Please."
Buffy nodded, and more tears rolled down her cheek. Xander gave her one
last look, and walked out the door. Buffy stared out after him. She wanted
to call him, she wanted to yell out how much she loved him, how much she
needed him, but for some reason, she couldn't find her voice. Her legs felt
weak and she sat down on the bed, crying.
- - -
"Are you sure?" Miranda asked in disbelief as she leaned against the
counter.
"Absolutely. Cross my heart and hope to die." Alex made a cross above his
heart and then crossed his fingers.
"I don't believe that he…" Miranda stopped as she heard the familiar tinkle
of the bell. She looked up and expected to see Buffy come in with Xander.
Well, she was half right.
Buffy walked in ,looking like a zombie. She had been crying for the past
half an hour alone in the motel room, until the owner came and told her to
leave. She then roamed the streets aimlessly, bemoaning her stupid life and
wishing about all the things she should have said and done.
She entered and looked at Miranda. And Alex. God, he looked so much like
Xander.
The mere thought of Xander brought tears to her eyes and she started crying
again.
Alex jumped up from his seat and rushed to her. "Are you all right?"
Buffy mumbled some kind of incoherent reply and then moved to the counter.
She sat down on the stool and rested her head on the counter, sobbing away.
Miranda looked at Buffy with concern and sympathy in her eyes. Alex walked
up to the counter and started to say something. Miranda signaled for him to
him to stop by shaking her head. Alex nodded in understanding and sat down
beside Buffy silently.
Buffy looked around helplessly. She had only been in this town for a short
while and she was hopeless at directions. She rubbed the bridge of her nose
painfully; it still stung. She spotted a man standing at the sidewalk and
she walked up to him. "Excuse me, I'm looking for the Waterfall Motel , and
I…"
"Bah!" the man waved his hand at Buffy and walked away.
She cursed under her breath and walked to woman who was also standing
nearby. "Excuse me, could you tell me where the Waterfall Motel is?"
The woman pushed down her sunglasses and looked at her kindly. "Sure… see
that road down there? Follow that and take the first right. Keep on going
and you'll pass a police station, and then take… let's see… another right
and keep on going. You'll find it."
"Thanks."
* * *
"Is there an Alexander Harris staying here?" asked Buffy.
The man behind the counter stared at her stupidly. "What?"
"Is there an Alexander Harris staying here?" Buffy repeated. She was getting
impatient.
"Ehh… er…" The man shifted through a pile of papers and took out a dirty,
dog-eared book. "Alexander Harris. Room 8."
"Thanks," mumbled Buffy and proceeded to the door.
"You're not planning on staying, right?" The man asked as she was nearly out
the door. "Because roommates are extra."
"No, I'm just a friend." Buffy said without turning back. Maybe something
more than that, she thought, if he gives me a chance.
She walked down the corridor and looked at the room numbers. Room 5, Room 6
, Room 7 …. Room 8. She gave a deep breath before walking right up to the
door. She paused and thought about it. Maybe she should run now. He'll never
have to know she came all the way here. Maybe she should give him a few days
to cool down. Maybe she should write him. Words are always easier when
they're not spoken. She mentally slapped herself and knocked on the door.
"I said I'm GOING!" yelled Xander from the inside. "Jesus, can't you give a
guy a few minutes?"
Buffy placed her hands on the handle and realised that it was not locked.
She turned it and pushed the door open. She saw Xander with his back to her,
and a suitcase on the bed. "Hey!"
He spun around. "Buffy!" His failed to hide his excited tone, as angry as he
was at her. He said nothing for a while and then turned back to his packing.
"What are you doing?" Buffy asked as she carefully took a small step inside
his room.
"I'm leaving," he replied coldly, "So you don't have to."
Buffy winced. She spoke in a soft voice. "Ow. I guess I deserve that."
Xander stopped packing. He spoke without turning around. "Yes. Yes, you do."
"Xander…" Buffy tried to think of what she should be saying. She wished she
never opened her big mouth and shoved her big foot down it in the first
place. "I'm sorry. About all those things I said in the diner."
"Why should you be?" His voice was hard and sharp. "You meant it."
"That's the whole point… I didn't mean …"
"Right." Xander cut her off. He finally turned around. "It's always like
this with you. You treat people however you feel like treating them,
regardless of how *they* feel, and when you realise you need them again, you
just go all 'I'm sorry!' and then expect us to fall at your feet and serve
you again. Well, *I'm* sorry, because I'm tired of doing that."
Buffy felt tears welling in her eyes. "That's a mean thing to say."
"Yeah, well, you've said a lot of mean things as well," said Xander
heartlessly, "You're not the only one with that skill."
"Look Xander, all I want to say is…"
"Save it." He turned around and shoved the last few articles of clothing
into the suitcase. "I'm tired of listening to you. And I don't want to.
Because I'm stupid enough to believe everything you tell me, and I'm stupid
enough to keep crawling back to you after you've kicked me down over and
over again. And if I intend to go anywhere in my life, I can't have anything
to do with you anymore."
The tears flowed freely from her eyes. She walked up to him and placed her
hand on his shoulder. "Xander, please…"
He turned around and shrugged her hand off him. "Don't touch me." He closed
the suitcase and snapped it shut. "I'm leaving, and you don't ever have to
see me again. That's what you want, isn't it? You don't want to be with me,
well guess what, I just discovered I really don't want to be with you
either."
"You're not even listening to…"
"Please, Buffy." His voice softened and he spoke slower. It hurt him to see
her crying, and it hurt him even more that he had been the source of all
this. He shrugged the feeling off - if he didn't they would be going round
and round in circles again. "No more."
He placed his hand on her cheek and wiped the tears from her eyes. He
kissed her softly on the forehead, oblivious to his own tears that were
trickling down his face. "Goodbye, Buffy. It's been fun."
"Don't leave, Xander."
"I'm sorry." He grabbed the suitcase that was lying on his bed. "I love
you."
"Xander…"
He pressed his finger on her lips. "I don't think I can take any more of
this. So don't. Please."
Buffy nodded, and more tears rolled down her cheek. Xander gave her one
last look, and walked out the door. Buffy stared out after him. She wanted
to call him, she wanted to yell out how much she loved him, how much she
needed him, but for some reason, she couldn't find her voice. Her legs felt
weak and she sat down on the bed, crying.
- - -
"Are you sure?" Miranda asked in disbelief as she leaned against the
counter.
"Absolutely. Cross my heart and hope to die." Alex made a cross above his
heart and then crossed his fingers.
"I don't believe that he…" Miranda stopped as she heard the familiar tinkle
of the bell. She looked up and expected to see Buffy come in with Xander.
Well, she was half right.
Buffy walked in ,looking like a zombie. She had been crying for the past
half an hour alone in the motel room, until the owner came and told her to
leave. She then roamed the streets aimlessly, bemoaning her stupid life and
wishing about all the things she should have said and done.
She entered and looked at Miranda. And Alex. God, he looked so much like
Xander.
The mere thought of Xander brought tears to her eyes and she started crying
again.
Alex jumped up from his seat and rushed to her. "Are you all right?"
Buffy mumbled some kind of incoherent reply and then moved to the counter.
She sat down on the stool and rested her head on the counter, sobbing away.
Miranda looked at Buffy with concern and sympathy in her eyes. Alex walked
up to the counter and started to say something. Miranda signaled for him to
him to stop by shaking her head. Alex nodded in understanding and sat down
beside Buffy silently.