Part Fifth – In Life this is no Ending – Chapter Twelve
The first thing he did when he woke up was to check on her. He had been awoken in the night by some noise, but it was just a nightmare she was having.
"Shit!" By her bed were bottles of pills, bottles he had thought were harmless. They were knocked over, in a mess. He picked up one after another, and read the labels. All-in-One Vitamins – For a Woman's Daily Needs. A large bottle. Calcium. A medium size bottle. Dulcolax – Contact Laxatives. A child-proof cap on a medium bottle. Halcion – Sleeping Pills. Another child-proof cap on another medium bottle.
The last one was empty.
"What do you think you are doing?!" He leant over her, near enough to touch. His face over hers, his pale pink health contrasting her ashen yellow skin. Her bones shading her skin in a pall that reflected his colourless eyes. He couldn't have known she did not mean it.
"How can you give up just like this?" He reached out and shook her shoulders, his voice breaking and scraping over and over itself. "How can you give up now? What do you think you are doing?"
He squeezed his eyes shut, throwing his head back, as if in defeat. "Don't you know how hard I've tried? I didn't want you to end up this way! I tried, damn it, I tried. Am I useless? Am I useless, Fuuko? You tell me!
"Why didn't you stop before it came to this? Damn you, Fuuko, why didn't you listen? Why did you have to do this to yourself? Why did you have to do this to me?!"
He took a deep breath, and slowly knelt by the bed. Beside the fragile body that lay in it. Beyond the light that shaded drained features and the shadows that pooled in the bones. Hands that trembled clenched the blanket. He gulped air in huge textured gasps.
"What did I do?" His words were drawn and pained. "Did I make you do this? I'm sorry! Dammit, I'm sorry! Are you listening? I'm sorry!"
He drew a hand roughly across his face. "Fuuko – "
He was crying.