"The leaves they fall
They go so far sometimes
Do I blame the wind
Or the tree that let it go
Or do I wave goodbye, settling…"
- Tara Maclean, Settling

NINE

"I don't know what to order," said Buffy , looking at the menu, wrinkling
her forehead. "I don't understand half the words here."

"There's a description in small print below each entry," Alex leaned over
and pointed out helpfully. "Unless your eyes are giving you trouble again."

"Not at all," said Buffy, glancing through all the entries, wondering what
to order. "It's just that I haven't eaten out in a while. I used to… but
nowadays it kind of defeats the purpose."

"Why?"

"Nothing's worse than eating out alone," said Buffy, "I just get this vibe
that everybody'll stare and start to feel sorry for me."

"I know," agreed Alex, "Why do you think I hang out at the diner so often?
You're kind of expected to eat alone there. I think."

"Tell me about it." Buffy paused. "There was this place back home that
served the best food. Xander and I would go there …" She stopped almost
immediately after she brought up Xander's name. She looked down and said
nothing for a while.

Alex looked at her sympathetically, and took it upon himself to change the
subject. "So. Sunnydale, huh."

Buffy looked up. "Yeah. Huh."

"What's it like now? I hardly remember the place." Alex attempted to get
her to talk.

"Well…" Buffy pondered the question. "We don't have a high school anymore."

"How's that?"

"Long story. Graduation, fiery carnage, blazing inferno." She smiled. "Not
such a long story after all."

Alex returned the smile. "So. Are you ready to order?"

Buffy picked up the menu and glanced over it one more time. "Not really. I
sort of forgot about ordering for a while."

"Take your time," said Alex, "I can't decide myself."
* * *

Buffy put down her fork by her plate. "… so that's basically it."

Alex dabbed the corners of his mouth with the napkin. "You had such an
interesting childhood."

"That's not the half of it," answered Buffy, thinking about her
responsibilities as the Slayer. "And believe me, you really don't want to
hear about the other half."

"Why not?"

"Angst filled, emotional turbulence, same old, same old."

"What's this teen angst thing I keep hearing about?" asked Alex innocently.
"I went through my teens without even the slightest feeling of angst. I
wonder what I've been missing."

"Nothing great, let's put it this way. I remember when I…" She stopped as
she looked at the window behind Alex. For a moment , she thought she saw
Xander. Standing there, leaning against the wall, looking in, watching her.
She blinked her eyes and shook her head. Her eyes were playing tricks on her
again. Xander wasn't here. He was back home at Sunnydale, living the great
Life Without Buffy.

"You remember when you what?" asked Alex after a very long moment of
silence.

"I… I…" Buffy shifted her gaze from the window back to Alex. "I'm sorry. I …
thought I saw a friend."

"Again?" Alex turned around and looked at the window.

"Again." Buffy twiddled her fingers and sighed. "I know, I know, I'm so
hallucinating."

"I take it this 'friend', is something more than just a 'friend', right?"
said Alex, getting the hint.

"What?"

"That friend. It's *your* guy. Right. Xander."

Buffy looked at Alex. "Yeah. Maybe. I'm sorry."

"Why should you be sorry?"

The slayer put her hands up in the air. "I haven't exactly been the best
company."

"That's okay," said Alex, putting his hand on hers. "I really don't mind."

"It's just that… I can't get him out of my mind," Buffy said. "Maybe that
makes me a little bit crazy, or a little bit obsessive. But I don't care."

"Do you really care about him?"

"Of course I do," answered Buffy almost immediately.

"Then what are you doing here?" Alex asked bluntly. "Sitting here moping
about instead of going off and finding him."

Buffy blinked and stared at Alex. "But… Miranda… she said…"

"If Miranda asked you to jump of a bridge would you do that?"

"Well , first of all, Miranda would never ask me to…"

"You shouldn't be listening to Miranda, when you should be listening to
yourself."

"Who are you, the Emotions Police?"

Alex leaned forward and gazed into her eyes. "Go to him."

"But I…"

Alex put his index finger on her lips. "I don't want to hear about it. Go
to him."

Buffy looked at him kindly, and smiled. She held his hand. "Thank you,
Alex. You're a good friend. And one of the nicest guys."

"Well, pass that message on to all your attractive female friends," said
Alex, pulling his hand away. "Maybe I'll finally get lucky."

"I will," said Buffy with a small laugh. She stood up and placed a small
kiss on his forehead. "And thank you. Again."

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