Author's Notes: Hello? Still out there? Yes, yes, I know I've been ages with this, and I feel really bad for it, but I really have been busy with drama exams and homework and all other manner of nasty things. Anyway, I'm drawing this to a close. Probably two more chapters after this one, and I'll try to get them out as soon as I possibly can, but exams are becoming more imminent by the day, so please be patient. And I still like reviews. Reviews are always a good thing.
Disclaimer: Oh for goodness sake...
Chapter 8
//Aragorn had prepared himself for the bitter coldness of Caradhras, but it seemed inconsequential next to the reception that Legolas had given him since they had set out on the quest. The two barely spoke, save the occasional order that Aragorn used on all the others, but loathed doing so with Legolas all the same. And he knew whom to blame for it. He knew the reason why the Elf never confided in him anymore; as a friend or as a comrade. Boromir. How Aragorn loathed that name. How he wished that this fellow human man, this threat, had never joined the fellowship. If he wasn't here, if he didn't have Legolas' undivided attention, Aragorn would be free to pursue his object of desire, to tell him how he really felt about him. It would also have made the quest more bearable, were that possible. Now, Aragorn had to contend with his feelings for the Elf, as well help Gandalf lead the mission, and whilst he found his professional duties manageable, his personal feelings were much harder to control.
"There is no worse love than a love that gives you no reward back." Gandalf informed him as they battled on through the snow. Aragorn looked at the wizened man, realising he had been staring intently at Legolas for some time now.
"You read me too easily, Gandalf." Aragorn confessed. "Are my feelings so obvious?"
"Perhaps to some, yes." Gandalf looked across to Boromir, who was pulling a fallen Pippin up to his feet. "Boromir knows."
"Does he?" Aragorn looked at Boromir in surprise. "How?"
"He sees the look in your eyes, and he recognises it. The same carnal lust burns in him."
"My feelings for Legolas are not made up of lust..." Aragorn started to protest, but stopped when a smile spread thinly across Gandalf's face.
"So they are chaste?"
"No, but..." Aragorn sighed. "I would treat him better. I would not hurt him."
"Indeed. And what of the Lady Arwen? Would you hurt her?"
"I do not wish to speak of her." Aragorn exclaimed. There was that name, the other bane of his life. He could not forget her, nor could he reject her. He loved her and he hated her. Arwen was beautiful, even the simplest of men could see that, but she did not affect Aragorn in the same way that Legolas did. He wished he had never set eyes on her, never made that commitment. But he had, and he had to live with the consequences, whatever they might be.
"Then we shall not." Gandalf agreed. "I only hope that your love for the fair Elf does not affect your duties to the fellowship. Remember, you are a leader first and foremost."
He walked away, leaving Aragorn to ponder his words. A leader first and foremost. Of course, he was right. If he immersed himself entirely in his duties, he would not have time to desire Legolas. His priorities lied with the ringbearer, Frodo. It was time to take control.//
***
Legolas patrolled the campsite silently, his feet making no sound as he scouted the surrounding woods. He could hear the heavy, content breathing of Gimli, and Aragon's short, laboured breaths, but otherwise the woods were silent. His memories of Boromir were more lucid at night, when his imagination was free to run wild with no sound or movement to disrupt him. Every word that the man had ever said to him, every embrace they had shared, every kiss, Legolas remembered it all. Boromir may not have been perfect, but in Legolas' mind, in his memories, he was very nearly.
But now he could no longer think only of Boromir. Somewhere, somehow, Aragorn had intruded, and Legolas was racked with guilt every time he thought of the other man. Would Boromir have minded if Legolas were to fall for Aragorn, so soon after his death? Of course he would, Legolas told himself. But was that only because it was Aragorn? If it was another man offering to end his heartache, would he feel so betrayed?
Aragorn. The name was starting to haunt him. It would be a lie to say that he had never thought of the human in a way that would suggest that he wanted him as more than a friend. But that was just fantasy; Legolas never even conceived that one day he'd have to admit these feelings, nor would he have wanted to. He valued Aragorn as a friend, and whilst he could not deny that he found him attractive, being with him would cause too much heartache, not least for Arwen, whom he was as close to as a sister.
Time passed, and Legolas began to head back to the site to wake up Aragorn for his watch. He did not want to speak to the human, but he knew that if he did not wake him, he would be angry about it in the morning. He suddenly heard a branch snap some meters away. His bow and arrow was poised in his arm before he even had time to register he was loading it.
"Legolas, hold your arrows, it is Aragorn." The familiar voice warned him. Legolas sighed and put the arrow back. Aragorn made his way over to him.
"You should not be moving silently in the dark." Legolas reproached him.
"Well, if it's any consolation, I'm sure you would have got me." Aragorn smiled wryly.
"It is your turn, anyway. I'm going back." Legolas started to walk away. Aragorn touched him lightly on the arm,
"Stay a while. I wish to talk to you."
"You have nothing to say to me, Aragorn. You have seen to that." Legolas told him stiffly. He saw Aragorn frown, the moonlight casting a shadow onto his face. It was how he would always remember him; face half-hidden by the darkness, his expression deep and unfathomable.
"I am a man, Legolas, with all the weaknesses that a man possesses. I did not ask to fall in love with you, and I wish with all my soul that I were not. What would you have me do?"
"I always believed you were a stronger than a man. You were not supposed to possess Boromir's weaknesses. He was killed because of them. Would you go the same way?"
"Not if you did not will it." Aragorn told him softly. Legolas turned away from him, shaking his head.
"What I will is for you not to speak of this again." He told him. He started to walk away, but Aragorn took hold of his arm firmly and turned him back around.
"Do not deny my feelings for you, Elf. I want you to belong to me." He told him harshly. He slammed his lips against Legolas', pushing his body up against him. Legolas struggled frantically, desperately trying to pull away as Aragorn pushed him to the floor, his hands fumbling to find a way through Legolas' clothes and onto his skin. As they fell to the ground, Legolas kicked him hard in the shins. Aragorn pulled away in pain, and Legolas quickly crawled out from underneath him.
"I..." Aragorn looked at him, dismayed. His breathing was short and ragged. Legolas stared at him in disbelief.
"Now I know exactly what your feelings are for me, Human." He spat out. "You disgust me."
"I want more from you, Legolas, but you won't give it to me. I can only take what is on offer." Aragorn told him helplessly.
"My body is not on offer to you, and it never has been. Have I ever given you reason to think otherwise?" Aragorn faltered. "Well, have I?"
"Nay, but..."
"But nothing. I gave myself to Boromir, and however hard you might find it to believe, you do not have the right to claim me as your own. If I give myself to you, it will be my word. Do you understand?"
"You mean you would still...?"
"I did not say that. If you love me as much as you say you do, you will wait for me to make a decision." He stood up, still shaking from the attempted attack. Aragorn stood up to face him.
"When will you tell me?"
"When I decide." Legolas told him sharply. "But should you ever again attempt to..."
"I won't." Aragorn cut him off. "Not unless you desire it also."
"Then I will bid you goodnight." Legolas turned away from him and made his way back to the campsite. Aragorn's advances shouldn't have shaken him so. But it was not fear that had caused such a strong reaction in him. The simple truth was, he had come close to enjoying it.
Disclaimer: Oh for goodness sake...
Chapter 8
//Aragorn had prepared himself for the bitter coldness of Caradhras, but it seemed inconsequential next to the reception that Legolas had given him since they had set out on the quest. The two barely spoke, save the occasional order that Aragorn used on all the others, but loathed doing so with Legolas all the same. And he knew whom to blame for it. He knew the reason why the Elf never confided in him anymore; as a friend or as a comrade. Boromir. How Aragorn loathed that name. How he wished that this fellow human man, this threat, had never joined the fellowship. If he wasn't here, if he didn't have Legolas' undivided attention, Aragorn would be free to pursue his object of desire, to tell him how he really felt about him. It would also have made the quest more bearable, were that possible. Now, Aragorn had to contend with his feelings for the Elf, as well help Gandalf lead the mission, and whilst he found his professional duties manageable, his personal feelings were much harder to control.
"There is no worse love than a love that gives you no reward back." Gandalf informed him as they battled on through the snow. Aragorn looked at the wizened man, realising he had been staring intently at Legolas for some time now.
"You read me too easily, Gandalf." Aragorn confessed. "Are my feelings so obvious?"
"Perhaps to some, yes." Gandalf looked across to Boromir, who was pulling a fallen Pippin up to his feet. "Boromir knows."
"Does he?" Aragorn looked at Boromir in surprise. "How?"
"He sees the look in your eyes, and he recognises it. The same carnal lust burns in him."
"My feelings for Legolas are not made up of lust..." Aragorn started to protest, but stopped when a smile spread thinly across Gandalf's face.
"So they are chaste?"
"No, but..." Aragorn sighed. "I would treat him better. I would not hurt him."
"Indeed. And what of the Lady Arwen? Would you hurt her?"
"I do not wish to speak of her." Aragorn exclaimed. There was that name, the other bane of his life. He could not forget her, nor could he reject her. He loved her and he hated her. Arwen was beautiful, even the simplest of men could see that, but she did not affect Aragorn in the same way that Legolas did. He wished he had never set eyes on her, never made that commitment. But he had, and he had to live with the consequences, whatever they might be.
"Then we shall not." Gandalf agreed. "I only hope that your love for the fair Elf does not affect your duties to the fellowship. Remember, you are a leader first and foremost."
He walked away, leaving Aragorn to ponder his words. A leader first and foremost. Of course, he was right. If he immersed himself entirely in his duties, he would not have time to desire Legolas. His priorities lied with the ringbearer, Frodo. It was time to take control.//
***
Legolas patrolled the campsite silently, his feet making no sound as he scouted the surrounding woods. He could hear the heavy, content breathing of Gimli, and Aragon's short, laboured breaths, but otherwise the woods were silent. His memories of Boromir were more lucid at night, when his imagination was free to run wild with no sound or movement to disrupt him. Every word that the man had ever said to him, every embrace they had shared, every kiss, Legolas remembered it all. Boromir may not have been perfect, but in Legolas' mind, in his memories, he was very nearly.
But now he could no longer think only of Boromir. Somewhere, somehow, Aragorn had intruded, and Legolas was racked with guilt every time he thought of the other man. Would Boromir have minded if Legolas were to fall for Aragorn, so soon after his death? Of course he would, Legolas told himself. But was that only because it was Aragorn? If it was another man offering to end his heartache, would he feel so betrayed?
Aragorn. The name was starting to haunt him. It would be a lie to say that he had never thought of the human in a way that would suggest that he wanted him as more than a friend. But that was just fantasy; Legolas never even conceived that one day he'd have to admit these feelings, nor would he have wanted to. He valued Aragorn as a friend, and whilst he could not deny that he found him attractive, being with him would cause too much heartache, not least for Arwen, whom he was as close to as a sister.
Time passed, and Legolas began to head back to the site to wake up Aragorn for his watch. He did not want to speak to the human, but he knew that if he did not wake him, he would be angry about it in the morning. He suddenly heard a branch snap some meters away. His bow and arrow was poised in his arm before he even had time to register he was loading it.
"Legolas, hold your arrows, it is Aragorn." The familiar voice warned him. Legolas sighed and put the arrow back. Aragorn made his way over to him.
"You should not be moving silently in the dark." Legolas reproached him.
"Well, if it's any consolation, I'm sure you would have got me." Aragorn smiled wryly.
"It is your turn, anyway. I'm going back." Legolas started to walk away. Aragorn touched him lightly on the arm,
"Stay a while. I wish to talk to you."
"You have nothing to say to me, Aragorn. You have seen to that." Legolas told him stiffly. He saw Aragorn frown, the moonlight casting a shadow onto his face. It was how he would always remember him; face half-hidden by the darkness, his expression deep and unfathomable.
"I am a man, Legolas, with all the weaknesses that a man possesses. I did not ask to fall in love with you, and I wish with all my soul that I were not. What would you have me do?"
"I always believed you were a stronger than a man. You were not supposed to possess Boromir's weaknesses. He was killed because of them. Would you go the same way?"
"Not if you did not will it." Aragorn told him softly. Legolas turned away from him, shaking his head.
"What I will is for you not to speak of this again." He told him. He started to walk away, but Aragorn took hold of his arm firmly and turned him back around.
"Do not deny my feelings for you, Elf. I want you to belong to me." He told him harshly. He slammed his lips against Legolas', pushing his body up against him. Legolas struggled frantically, desperately trying to pull away as Aragorn pushed him to the floor, his hands fumbling to find a way through Legolas' clothes and onto his skin. As they fell to the ground, Legolas kicked him hard in the shins. Aragorn pulled away in pain, and Legolas quickly crawled out from underneath him.
"I..." Aragorn looked at him, dismayed. His breathing was short and ragged. Legolas stared at him in disbelief.
"Now I know exactly what your feelings are for me, Human." He spat out. "You disgust me."
"I want more from you, Legolas, but you won't give it to me. I can only take what is on offer." Aragorn told him helplessly.
"My body is not on offer to you, and it never has been. Have I ever given you reason to think otherwise?" Aragorn faltered. "Well, have I?"
"Nay, but..."
"But nothing. I gave myself to Boromir, and however hard you might find it to believe, you do not have the right to claim me as your own. If I give myself to you, it will be my word. Do you understand?"
"You mean you would still...?"
"I did not say that. If you love me as much as you say you do, you will wait for me to make a decision." He stood up, still shaking from the attempted attack. Aragorn stood up to face him.
"When will you tell me?"
"When I decide." Legolas told him sharply. "But should you ever again attempt to..."
"I won't." Aragorn cut him off. "Not unless you desire it also."
"Then I will bid you goodnight." Legolas turned away from him and made his way back to the campsite. Aragorn's advances shouldn't have shaken him so. But it was not fear that had caused such a strong reaction in him. The simple truth was, he had come close to enjoying it.