Part II: From Bad To Worse

Chapter Four: I Can't Believe We're Doing This

"And this is supposed to work, how?" Lily asked to no one in particular. James grinned at her.

"Lily, this isn't supposed to work. It's Sirius's plan. You do the math. We're trying to draw attention to the unjust justice system at Hogwarts," Lily rolled her eyes and James's grin boarded. "And possibly make Snape wish he was never born," He added.

"Okay, and explain to me how pretending to be ministry officials at some conference in Hogsmead of the greatest wizards in the world, order of Merlin first class might I add, helps us to do that," Lily was skeptical.

"Well, we have a theory,"

"No! Not another theory!" Lily moaned.

James ignored her. "We think that Snape cheated on his N.E.W.T.'s. And while we're here, we're casually going to ask to see the test scores, then reveal that he cheated,"

"Oh boy," Lily moaned, hanging her head.

"But look around! This is so cool! It's the chance of a lifetime! Here, drink you're Polyjuice potion," He handed her a bottle. "Don't worry, I didn't do anything to it. Though it was very tempting,"

Lily shook her head. "Sometimes I worry about you're sanity, James," She paused, and tried to look thoughtful. "And then I think to myself, if God wanted to make you insane, it worked,"

"Ha, ha," James said sarcastically, and paused, the Polyjuice potion already starting to take effect.

"And we've got how long, to pull this off? Remind me," Remus interrupted.

"Okay, okay. So this isn't the best-prepared prank we've ever played. Big deal," James tried to sound on top of things, failing terribly.

"Anyway, this is Sirius's bird-brain plan. We are merely his accomplices,"

"I know, and that's what scares me. Somehow I keep wondering if they throw people in Azkaban for impersonating the greatest wizards in the world to try to get back and deranged Slytherins," Melina said, stepping out from behind a curtain. Once she had fully immerged, Lily stared at the frail old witch who just happened to be her best friend.

"Where is Sirius anyway, I thought this was his idea," The old witch/ Melina frowned.

Remus shrugged. "Don't know. Haven't seen him for about twenty minutes,"

"Don't worry you two, he didn't chicken out. If it's his plan, he's going to go through with it. No matter how much trouble he gets in," James assured the two girls, both of who were looking skeptical. "Or else he'll have to deal with me," James pointed himself.

They sulked around Hogsmead for the next hour, practicing surveillance, and just trying to figure out how the heck they were going to pull this off. Melina was also secretly looking for Sirius, though she seriously doubted that she would be telling that to the others.

James checked his watch. "Okay, gang. We better head back to the meeting place. It's almost time for us to take the potion again," Without a sound, they walked back, each of them silently cursing Sirius for making them do this, and wondering where the hell he was.

James paused to stick a few Knuts into a chocolate frog machine. Lily watched as he grew steadily taller and he was beginning to grow hair in every which way again. Melina had already fully transformed back into her old self. Remus looked around himself in disgust. "God, we've been looking around for an hour and we still haven't found Sirius. You'd think he'd at least help out with his own practical joke," He muttered.

"Wonder where he is," Peter said thoughtfully.

"Um guys," Lily began, staring at the ground where a bright circle of light had formed around each of them. Then, quite suddenly, their feet weren't exactly on the ground anymore. In fact, they were speeding through the air. Lily screamed. Melina felt as thought 'AHHHHHHHH!' pretty much summed up the situation. Remus agreed.

James turned around. "Anyone got a few more Knuts...um...guys? Where are you?"

***

When they finally slowed to a stop, everyone was standing and shaking. Lily gazed around the room with metal walls, and gasped. Turning to her left, she said. "Melina, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore,"

Chapter Five: Sirius Has No Clue Where He Is

Sirius wasn't exactly sure where he was, but he knew he knew where he wasn't. Looking around the room, he said that no one was around. Abruptly, a woman with short black hair and wearing a silver uniform like they wore on Star Trek appeared. Not that they got Star Trek at home. Lily and Melina had shown him one time for laughs.

"Excuse me, sir. You're assistance is requested immediately on the Command Deck," She said with a shy smile. Sirius felt his jaw drop.

"Excuse me?" he asked.

"You're presence is immediately requested on the Command Deck, sir. Please follow me," Sirius gaped at her, but got to his feet, and followed feeling as though this was definitely not what was supposed to be happening here.

Chapter Six: "Okay, Then. Anyone Else?"

Lily, Melina, Remus, and Peter stood frozen where they were, shaking and gasping for breath. Suddenly, one of the huge metal doors began to lift up and three creatures that looked somewhat like mutant octopi in all the colors of the rainbow started coming toward them. Lily would've given Melina a sidelong glance and then run for her life if she could, but she couldn't move.

The giant octopi approached slowly and started prodding them with all sorts of horrible looking metal objects. Lily was staring in horror and trying to breath normally, but she was shaking so hard it was impossible.

Then hastily, the octopi retreated, and in a matter of seconds transformed into humans. "We're sorry, we forgot our appearance generators," One of the two men explained.

"Hey, guys, how was the trip?" Sirius said cheerfully, entering the room, dressed in the same manner as the aliens, a Star Trek uniform. No one moved or spoke. Suddenly, another person appeared the room.

James stepped out of the traveling-pod circle, and walked over to where Sirius was. "That was a hell of a ride," He grinned, then turned back to look at the four of them. "What's wrong with them?" he asked, puzzled. Sirius shrugged.

"Okay! Who wants a grand tour of the space ship? He asked brightly.

Lily gulped. "A space ship? Oh, me... oh, my...ahhhhhh..." she fell backward in a dead faint and hit the floor with a thud. Sirius seemed utterly undisturbed. "Okay then, anyone else? I just need to tell them how many stretchers to bring up here," He told them with a grin.

Melina gulped. "Are we really on a space ship?" she asked, voice shaking.

"No," Sirius answered. "This is a space port for the ship. Would you like to see the ship?" Melina shook her head as thought doubting Sirius's sanity, which in fact, she was, and knelt down to try to revive Lily.

"Um, Sirius, could you just explain why we're here?" Remus asked.

"Well, they sort of made a slight mistake..." Sirius said, smile fading.

"How slight of a mistake?" Melina asked, looking up at him.

"Well, they sort of think that we are... er... Dumbledore and Company," He smiled an innocent, happy smile.

Melina rolled her eyes. "I have one thing to say: And here it is: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!" she shouted.

Once Lily had regained consciousness, Sirius took them down the hall to see the actual space ship. Or what supposedly was a spaceship. Melina still didn't quite believe they were actually in space. I mean, c'mon, space? She thought to herself. Couldn't Sirius just be playing some elaborate joke on us?

Five seconds later, she decided against it.

Because five seconds later, she was staring out into space, and wondering how the heck she had gotten mixed up in this mess.

Chapter Seven: Maybe We're Not The Right People For This Job...

"Okay, time to get down to business," Sirius said brightly as they all stepped onto the Command Deck of the space ship. "Let's see here... Lily, you're driving. Remus, you and Peter watch the radar to make sure we're not being attacked. James, you're doing the technical stuff. Melina, you're translator. The computer is only going to listen to you, so you've got to talk to it for us," he explained. The rest of them gaped, and in unison burst out in protest.

"My job is to repeat the stupid computer?!" Melina objected.

"Sirius, what the heck do you mean I'm doing all the "technical stuff"?!?!" James gaped at his best friend.

"And I'm driving? Excuse me? I can't ride a broom, much less drive a space ship!" Lily informed him.

Sirius ignored them all. "Lily, shut up and take out the stupid ship," Sirius ordered. Lily glared, but sat down.

"And now what am I supposed to do?" she demanded.

"Lily... shut up and drive the stupid ship!!!!"

Lily shrugged, and turned to the controls, as if looking for one that said 'Driving Space Ship 101'. Finally she located the 'On' button and pressed it. "Um, Sirius, just out of curiosity. WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING TRYING TO DRIVE A SPACE SHIP?!?!" Lily shouted at him.

"Yeah, you seem to have handily forgotten that part," Melina said.

"It's okay, guys. The Thermions, that's what they're called, they're from the planet 'Thermia', are having some trouble with this evil guy named Saris. They need help because he's trying to take over their planet, and now there are only a few thousand of them left," Sirius explained, shrugging as if it was no problem at all. The others, however, thought it was a very big problem indeed.

"And where do we come into all of this sheer lunacy?" Remus asked, unsure of why he was listening to Sirius anyway. He knew what had happened. He'd been saying it for years: Sirius was mentally unstable. Well, now he had finally lost his mind, that is, if he ever had had a mind, and if that wasn't enough, he seemed determined to drag his friends over the edge with him. Kicking and screaming all the way down.

"Lily, stop this stupid ship and let him explain," Melina demanded.

"No need," Sirius said brightly. "Just get out into open space and then you shouldn't have too much trouble," He grinned. Lily shook her head.

"Whatever you say, Captain Idiot,"

"Wait, wait, wait, wait! We're trying to fight this guy, Saris? Are you NUTS?!?!" Peter demanded.

"Peter, we've known the answer to that question for years," Remus called over to him.

The ship started to move slowly forward, but then started to turn slightly. "Lily, you've got to move to the right. A little more to the right..." Peter suggested, walked over to where Lily was and jerking his head in the correct direction.

"Will you just sit your ass down?" Lily demanded. Peter shrugged and stepped back.

Then slowly, the ship made contact with the wall of the spaceport, scraping along and making a terrible screeching noise. Then, finally silence as they glided out into open space.

"See? It wasn't so hard, Lily," Sirius grinned. Lily turned to glare at him.

"Sirius, if it wasn't for everybody else on this ship, I would crash it into the nearest planet," Lily told him.

"She would probably crash into the planet by mistake anyway," He muttered under his breath.

"Remus, get a map for me!"