A/N: IM SO GLAD THAT YOU GUYS ARE LIKING THIS SO FAR. I KNOW THAT MAX'S ATTITUDE IS CONFUSING BUT IT'LL ALL BE EXPLAINED HERE. I HOPE IT MAKES SENSE. HOPE YOU GUYS STILL LIKE IT. THIS FIC IS ALMOST OVER, IM SAD TO SAY.

MORE REVIEWS PLEASE.

Max walked over to Alec. He was sitting quietly on the couch, flipping through channels, not really watching. They had both gotten back from work. Ben was in his bed sleeping.

"Hey," She said softly, taking a seat next to him.

"Hey," He replied without even glancing at her. Alec concentrated on flipping channels.

He was ignoring her. Great. He wanted to make this real hard for her. Just great. Max sighed heavily. Her hands were clasped together. She didn't know why she was so damn nervous. They were just going to talk.

Talk.

It scared her. Really scared her. "Here goes nothing," she thought.

"I pretend because I don't feel so crazy when I do it." Max said.

Alec looked startled. He had almost forgotten that she was there, willing to talk to him. She had been quiet for a few minutes. "Crazy?" Alec echoed looking at her.

"Yes, crazy." She said. "I know that it hurts you but when I pretend that we're okay, I feel like the world isn't crashing around me, that I'm not going insane with worry every time I step out that door." Max explained looking back.

"It helps. It really does. In my mind, we're okay, just like before and I forget about Manticore. I forget that I ever had to go back there again." She sighed heavily. She knew she wasn't making any sense but she said it anyway. She wanted him to know what she was thinking.

"But before was different, Max." Alec insisted. Before you were in love with Logan and I was just chasing you around.

"But I don't want it to be different." She said.

Alec's heart seemed to stop when she said it. She didn't want it to be different. He didn't know what she meant exactly but that hurt him anyway.

"You don't?" He managed to ask.

"Alec, I liked the way we were before. We fought we argued. I kicked your ass." She said with a sad smile.

"And you were in love with Logan." He added sadly. "Is that it? Is that why you wanted things to be the way they were?" He asked.

Max looked shocked. She shook her head. "No. That's not it. Before I was taken back to Manticore, I already figured it out. I knew I didn't want to be with Logan. I knew." She explained.

"Then what is it? What is it that's making you like this?" He demanded, sounding so hurt and angry.

"I don't know Alec. I don't know." She answered. "I feel like I've been shoved into a life that doesn't belong to me. To us. When you rescued me, I was happy. I was glad to out there and be back here. I was glad that I could see you again. We had Ben. I thought I was happy." She sighed.

"But?" Alec asked.

"But I wasn't. Everything is so strange, so different. You, all of you had a life without me. It was like; I had to catch up again. Catch up to all the things I've missed out on." She answered. "Alec, listen to me. I love you. You know that but I don't like what we are now. We can't even talk without being edgy, without holding back. I liked the way we were before. We were honest, and rude and mean but we were us. Now, I look at us and I see it all differently. You most of all. You weren't like this. You were obnoxious, a smart ass and you got under my skin."

Alec didn't know if that was supposed to be a good thing but he didn't say anything. He wanted to listen.

"That day when we fought, it finally hit me." She whispered. "I saw that girl with you. She was beautiful, and she wanted you. She was so eager. She flirted and you did the same but you held back. You never held back Alec. Never. Then, I had to wonder why you were doing this. Why you were here, taking care of me and Ben. You didn't have to." Max paused and waited for Alec to say something. A million emotions were written all over his face. He looked hurt, like she had slapped him across the face.

"It made me feel guilty." Max continued when he didn't say anything. "I didn't even ask. I didn't ask if this was the life you wanted. I just assumed. I handed you the responsibility of taking care of Ben because..because I thought it was the right thing to do, since he was our son. I know now that I don't want to force you. I don't ever want you to feel like you're obligated to do the right thing, to stand by us and have to play father. I can't help but feel that I'm robbing you of the life you want and deserve." She finished.

That was it. She finally let it all out. That was what had been eating at her.

Guilt.

Alec stood up and walked over to the window; leaving Max confused and even more scared that before. Great! She shouldn't have said that! She ruined things now. Shit! Shit! Shit!

"But this is what I want." Alec whispered. At first, Max thought he hadn't said it. But he was standing there, repeating what he had just said, his face filled with determination despite the hurt.

"I like what we have. I know that things between us have been strained and that we're not really okay. But I like what we have. I like sharing this apartment with you and Ben. I like having to wake up and take care of him in the middle of the night. I like waking up to you in the morning. I like us, Max. I really do." He said softly. "I like this. I know that it wasn't planned, that things haven't gone the way we would have wanted but we're here now. I don't care if we have to keep fighting White for the rest of our lives. I don't mind the shit that we have to go through. I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world, Max." Alec didn't know he felt this much but he was glad he finally said it.

He was being honest with Max and with himself.

Max nodded. She was crying. She felt so damn guilty, and happy, and relieved. She didn't know what it was but at least the truth had been said. The weight on her shoulders didn't feel so damn heavy anymore.

Alec walked over to her and hugged her. "It's okay. I'm here. I won't ever leave." He whispered stroking her back as if he could read her mind.

It was true. Alec would always be there for her. For Ben too. "Thank god for that," Max thought.

Max clung to him tightly. Alec had no idea how much she loved him, how grateful she was that he was there, loving her even when she wasn't so nice to him, even when she was trying to push him away because she was so afraid.

She'd been so afraid to be close to him because she was waiting for the moment that Alec would leave her and Ben for someone else. She was so afraid that something would come in their way again and he'd be gone. Or she'd be gone. Then one of them would be left, hurting. Then all her feelings wouldn't mean anything.

"Shh, it's okay." He whispered. "It's okay, Maxie."

Max nodded. Alec was right. It was okay. They'd get through this. She'd get through this, as long as he was there.

They fell asleep like that on the couch, Alec holding Max in his arms until Ben cried for his bottle and Alec woke up. He moved Max onto their bed.

She looked so peaceful as he watched her. If Alec had been a stranger, he wouldn't have known the pain that Max felt, the agony that she went through, the guilt and fear and uncertainty and paranoia that she would always bear with her. But then again, he did. He did know.

Because he felt them too. He wasn't just any stranger.

He loved her.