Broken Inside
By: Atsureki
Disclaimers : Weiss Kreuz ain't mine and they never will be either *sighs*
Paring : Ran(Aya)/Ken
Warnings : Yaoi, OCC, angst (as always *mutters*)
Notes : Stuff written in Italic are thoughts.
Chapter 1. Broken
Three pairs of eyes watched the sleeping form of their friend. If his chest hadn't been moving they would have thought he was dead.
"What happened to him?" Green eyes met blue and narrowed slightly.
"I don't know Omi. He was covered in blood but most of it wasn't his."
"Maybe he got hit over the head?" Omi suggested and frowned.
"I don't think so… This is something else. Aya is that damn doctor coming or what?" the green eyed blonde growled.
"Hrn."
"Dammit Aya can you answer a question with a real word!" Amethyst eyes looked at the tall blonde showing nothing but blandness.
"Yes," the readhead finally said with his monotone voice.
"Yes what? Yes you can answer with a real word or yes the doctor is coming?"
"Both."
"Fuck!"
"Yoji this isn't helping," Omi sighed.
"He's here," Aya commented and left the room.
"He who?" Yoji asked after him and didn't get an answer, not that he had expected one.
"Must be the doctor," the younger blonde mumbled. "Yoji… do you think Ken will be alright?" The lanky blonde patted his smaller friend's shoulder and smiled slightly.
"Of course he'll be alright Omi." But that answer sounded false even in Yoji's ears.
*~*~*~*~*~*~
Someone or something was trying to get him to wake up. He didn't want to so he struggled. It was starting to really annoy him that whatever or whoever it was refused to let him stay in the safe numbness where his memories couldn't hurt him.
"Ken?" Oh great they had found him and if he could hear them it could only mean that he was awake.
"I don't want to wake up," he croaked out and tried to crawl back into the hole of unconsciousness again.
"Oh yes you do Ken!"
"Go! Away! Yoji!" he muttered with irritation and swung his arm to show how serious he was.
"Please Kenken," a much softer voice begged him.
"Yoji, Omi, leave him alone," a deep bland tone said.
"But Aya…"
"Now." The redhead's command gave no room for argument.
"Yes Aya," Omi sighed.
"It's really annoying how you always play boss around here," Yoji snorted but Ken could hear that the lanky blonde left the room.
Carefully the former soccer-player opened his eyes. He was in his own bed in his own room. It must have been rather late for there was no light coming from the windows. Suddenly someone said his name and caused him to almost jump out of his skin.
"Tea." A mug was placed on the table beside the bed as Ken's eyes focused on the pale face of Aya.
"I don't want it. Just leave me alone!" His inside was numb and he wanted to be alone. The redhead watched him for a few moments before he turned around and disappeared as quietly as he had appeared.
*~*~*~*~*~*~
Almost a month had passed by since the last mission. Every night Ken paced his room like a restless ghost. They had tried to talk to the brunette but no one got through. Especially Omi suffered from not being able to help his older friend. It was almost as if the brown haired man had left his body, leaving only an empty shell behind.
Only when he tried to sleep Ken showed that he still was in there. The heartbreaking screams from horrible nightmares and later the painful crying was a torment to listen to. Aya sighed as he stood outside Ken's door. He was of course the last one any sane person would have picked out to help Ken but icey walls can hide more than meets the eye… With his cold mask in place the red haired assassin knocked on the door.
"Go away!" came the hollow and familier answer. Aya ignored it and opened the door.
"We need to talk Ken," the older man said quietly.
"I don't want to talk to you Aya! Leave me alone!"
"No." Ken narrowed his eyes and glared at the slender redhead.
"No?" he frowned and pulled a shaky hand through his messy hair.
"No," Aya repeated firmly and came closer. He could see something that almost look like panic in Ken's eyes. "What happened that night?" Had that question been asked by Omi or Yoji it wouldn't have surprised the brown haired assassin, but since it was Aya who asked him he was completely baffled.
"I… I… just snapped," Ken managed to stammer and sank down on the edge of the bed. "There was so much blood, death and and… I'm the one who caused it… Everything is death, I killed it all, nobody lives, everybody dies. I'm dead… It's all I ever do… Spill blood, clean it up, spill it again… Slashing through flesh… Destroy… Kill…" he rambled not really talking to anyone. Aya couldn't keep a shadow of concern from creeping across his face. "Am I dead Aya?" Ken's sudden question caused the redhead to wince.
"No, you're not dead." Is that really true though? Aya asked himself, We're all dead in one way or another, aren't we? But Ken was always so much more alive… and now he's… not.
"Then how come I can't feel anything?" Ken asked with tears in his eyes. Aya didn't know what to say, he wasn't good with words and especially not comforting words.
"I don't know…"
"Get out!" Ken growled through his tears. Aya sighed quietly and left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~
Yoji looked up and watched Aya entered the kitchen. The read head looked just as stoic as he always did.
"Did you talk to him?" the blonde asked.
"Aa."
"And?" Aya sat down and for a brief moment he looked very tired.
"I can't get through to him. He either can't or doesn't want me to…" Aya sighed. Yoji realized that he had never seen or heard so many emotions coming from the redhead before.
"I don't understand Aya. We've done so many missions and that one wasn't even difficult. How could it had effected him so badly?" the lanky blonde asked slowly. His fellow assassin met his eyes for a moment.
"I don't think it was the mission Yoji," Aya answered with his voice back to its normal blandness.
"I don't understand."
"Sometimes we try to run away from bad things and when we think we've lost them to the past we slow down. But you can't run away from yourself, your past will always catch up with you and I think Ken found that out that night. I suppose the massive bloodshed had a part in it but it probably would have happened sooner or later." Yoji had never heard Aya talk for that long before and gave him a strange look.
"If you stare into the darkness long enough the darkness will stare back," the blonde sighed.
"Something like that," Aya nodded.
"What did the doctor say?"
"He thinks Ken should see a shrink."
"A shrink? Great! Like he needs someone poking around in his brain," Yoji muttered and shook his head.
"We can't help him Yoji. If he doesn't get help he might end up doing something dangerous to himself." The lanky blonde swallowed and looked into the redhead's eyes. "He's walking on a thin line…" Yoji shuddered. Aya was right, but that didn't mean he wanted to hear it.
"Ken would never… hurt himself… would he?"
"Normally I would say no but now I'm not so sure," Aya sighed and even sounded tired. The blonde was confused. It actually looked like their cold hearted leader cared.
"Did you talk to Manx?" Yoji asked and grabbed his can of beer.
"She's putting Weiss on hold and if Ken doesn't get better they'll have no other choice than to… remove him from the team."
"Remove him? What the fuck does that mean? Ken is our friend dammit!" Yoji growled and glared at the younger assassin.
"Would you be willing to put your life in Ken's hands at the moment? Can you honestly say that you trust him to cover your back during a mission?" Aya asked quietly and gave the blonde a cold look. Always the team. Guess I was wrong Aya, you don't give a shit about Ken, do you? Yoji snorted inside.
"Forget the team for one damn second! I don't give a fuck about Weiss! I'm worried about Ken and for a moment I was stupid enough to think that you were too," the blonde spat out. The only reaction he got from Aya was a raised eyebrow and a bland look. Without bothering to answer the redhead left the kitchen.
*~*~*~*~*~*~
Underneath his emotionless facade Aya fumed. Yoji always managed to get to him and it was so damn annoying. Just because he looked and acted like he didn't care it didn't mean that he was completely dead inside.
He was worried about Ken too but he chose not to show it. The redhead stopped outside the former soccer-player's door and knocked on it. When he got no answer he opened the door and took a look inside. Empty.
"Omi?" Aya called out and waited for the petit blonde to appear.
"Yes Aya?"
"Have you seen Ken this evening?"
"No, but you know he doesn't leave his room anymore," Omi answered with a sigh.
"Well he has now. He's not there." The short blonde frowned and looked worried.
"What if he…" Omi couldn't bring himself to finish what he was about to say.
"I'm sure he's alright," Aya objected and gave the younger man a hint of a smile.
"Should we go look for him?"
"I'll go Omi, I think I know where he is," the redhead sighed and turned around. Despite his calm answer Aya was worried about Ken and what he might do to himself. The former soccer-player was way out of character and not in a good way.
Each and every one of the four assassins hid behind masks but Ken had always been... What was it that Ken always was? Heartfilled? Full of life? Aya suggested. Ken had a love for life that only Omi managed to come close to. Aya frowned deeply as he walked up to his car. Ken don't do anything stupid, he begged inside his head.
If there was one thing Aya couldn't stand it was the loss of innocence. He had already lost his, Yoji was a lost cause for obvious reasons, Omi held his firmly mostly due to his young age but Ken had his naturally. It wasn't really childish it was just pure innocence even if it probably wasn't as complete as it once had been.
With a concerned shadow in his violet eyes the redhead started his car and backed out onto the street. Every nerve was on edge when Aya parked infront of a huge stadium.
The loud rumble of thunder caused him to wince and then a golden flash of lightning sped across the dark sky, seconds later the rain was pouring down. Aya pulled his coat tighter around him and entered the stadium. If Ken wasn't there he had no idea of where to look but he convinced himself not to think about that.
A dark tunnel took him underneath the stands. The sound of rain drowned out all other sounds as he entered the dusky soccerfield. To his relief he saw a huddling form sitting in the middle of it.
"Ken," Aya sighed and hurried towards him. He stopped a few feet from his friend when he heard the brunette talking. The words were hard to hear over the rain but the redhead could make out Sorry, Death, Blood and Hell.
Carefully he approached the former soccer-player. Ken slowly turned his head and looked at him. His face was pale and the rain ran down his cheeks.
"Ken?" Aya asked quietly. "Are you okay?" Shakingly his fellow assassin rose to his feet and shook his head.
"I'm scared Aya." Ken mumbled and clenched his hands into fists. "I… I don't know what's happening to me anymore.
"We'll… I'll help you Ken." The brunette started shaking even more and suddenly he reached out his hand to Aya.
"Help me, please Aya, help me. I… I can't stand it anymore," he whimpered and threw himself against the redhead's chest tightly gripping the soaked coat with his hands. For a moment the taller man froze, completely taken aback by Ken's actions.
No one touched Aya and Aya touched no one, those were the unspoken rules but when the normally so stoic man heard the desperate crying of his friend something broke free inside of him. Without thinking, or understanding, the redhead wrapped his arms around the shaking body pressed against his.
"Sch Ken, it's okay. I promise I'll help if you just please come back to the house with me," Aya mumbled with a softer voice than he had ever used before, except when he was talking to his sister. He was confused by his own actions and feelings. Showing only a bland, stoic facade was something he just had to do.
Emotions didn't do anyone any good and hiding them meant that he was in control, that no one could take advantage of the way he felt. But Aya also had a hidden need to protect others even if he managed to supress it most of the time. His sister didn't need him as much as she used to and that had left him feeling… empty. With a shudder the redhead pushed away his thoughts.
"Ken we need to get you back to bed before you get sick."
"NO!" the brunette almost screamed. "I don't want to sleep! The nightmares…I don't want to be alone in the dark anymore…"
"Sch calm down Ken," the taller man murmured. "I'll stay with you, if you want me to?" Aya raised an eyebrow at his own words. Where the hell had that come from?
"Promise?" Ken asked quietly and tilted his face up so that his brown eyes could meet amethyst.
"I promise. I'll sit with you all night if you just come back to the house with me," Aya nodded. When Ken didn't answer the redhead started leading him from the field still with one arm placed around his shoulders.
TBC?
Aya is acting OOC here but bare with me. I'm giving him a few feelings I'm not sure he really has but hey it's all for the good of the fic! *laffs* Besides he does strike me as a protecting person even though he doesn't exactly flaunt it. I mean just look at his relationship with his sister./Atsureki