Broken Inside
By: Atsureki
Disclaimers : Weiss Kreuz ain't mine and they never will be either *sighs*
Paring : Ran(Aya)/Ken
Warnings : Yaoi, OCC, angst (as always *mutters*)
Notes : Stuff written in Italic are thoughts.
Loads of thanks to Jin, fei, Whisper Reilman and my other reviewers who pushed my selfasteem back up again *smiles* Without you wonderful ppl this chapter would never have made it to ff.net! *hugs for all of you*
Chapter 4. A Stupid Thing To Do
Ken stretched and pulled the blanket tighter around him. He was in heaven or at least pretty close to it.
"Ken-kun, are you going to sleep all day?" a genki voice chirped. Huffing the brunette opened his left eye and glared at Omi.
"Get out of my room, I'm not getting up yet," he muttered and buried his face in the pillow.
"You're not in your room Ken-kun, you're on the couch. I'm surprised Aya-kun didn't wake you up before he started his shift in the shop." At the mention of Aya's name Ken snapped his eyes opened.
"What do you mean?" Omi smiled warmly at him.
"I would have thought his lap was a little too bony to make a good pillow," the blonde chuckled and more or less bounced out. What the… Ken growled in his head. He remembered watching TV so that he wouldn't fall asleep but he had no memory of Aya or sleeping on his lap… again. Although that would explain why the nightmares had just stopped suddenly.
Ken groaned. This was insane! Sure it helped him when Aya sat with him but how long would the redhead agree to that arrangement? It wasn't like Ken could keep on sleeping on that lap for the rest of his life. Not to mention that every time Aya was close to him it became a little harder to push away the feelings he was developing for the silent man.
Just when had he started to fall for Aya? Ken didn't know and it really didn't matter. Sighing deeply he picked himself up from the couch and strolled out to the kitchen. There was one thing he hadn't tried though. The brunette chewed on his lip and sat down.
His nutty shrink had suggested that he should try some sort of drug but he had refused. Drugs were bad and they never took away the problems, they just hid them. But did he really have any other choice now? Ken frowned slightly at that question. He was running out of options fast.
Besides that there were other things that he couldn't quite understand. For two months Aya had ignored him completely, nightmares or no nightmares, so why had he suddenly come to the rescue again? The redhead had always been a mystery to Ken but this was something new. If Aya had been anybody else but Aya the answer would have been within reach but the silent man was who he was.
The brunette ran a hand through his hair and sighed deeply. That morning when he had woken up in Aya's arms it had felt so right and he wanted that feeling again. Ken let out a quiet huff. He didn't know if he should laugh or cry about the mess he was in. With a glance at the time he fixed himself something to eat and sat down. In about 11 or 12 hours he would get sleepy again and unless Aya took pity on him one more time he'd be forced to stay awake all night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~
Aya glared around the Koneko and the young girls that swamped the place. He was tired, kranky and confused. After having, almost, admitted to himself that he had feelings for Ken he had thought his problems would… would bug him less, but no such luck. He wanted Ken in his bed.
Aya raised an eyebrow and scowled at himself. Oh great now he was turning into some kind of sex-maniac. But the thought of a naked Ken in his arms was enticing. Aya shook his head and pushed away all thoughts he had about the brunette, or at least tried to.
As if to really make his life a living hell the object of his problems walked past him, ignoring him completely. He knows, the redhead groaned in his head. This time he had gone too far. The other two times Ken had asked for help but not last night. It had been wrong of him to go behind Ken's back like he had.
The redhead mentally slapped himself for being so stupid. Ken had told him to stay away, to stop helping him but he had ignored that. On a brighter note the brunette looked much better. When he managed to get some sleep he seemed to be back to his normal self.
Aya frowned slightly. Maybe he was overreacting? Ken would be fine now and Weiss could go back to business? A tug at his apron forced the redhead to drag his eyes from Ken.
"What?" he asked not too kindly.
"I said that I'm here for my shift now." Amethyst eyes glared into green.
"You're late Kudou," Aya said blandly, removed his apron and left. He needed to think about something that didn't have brown hair, chocolate-colored eyes and tanned skin.
*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ken felt Aya's eyes on him and frowned. Why was he staring at him like that? Wasn't it bad enough that his head was filled with images of ivory skin, crimson hair and soft lips that kissed him until he couldn't breathe? Ken sighed deeply and tried to focus on helping a drooling girl pick out some flowers.
The situation was disturbing to say the least. He would have to do something about it fast, before he found himself in one that would be so much more difficult to get out of. Ken wrapped up the flowers, exchanged them for money and left the shop.
He knew that Yoji and Omi were staring at him but he just had to find a way out of this mess. The brunette had almost reached his motorcycle when he saw Aya. Their silent leader was standing beside it with an unreadable look in his pale face.
"Ken we need to talk," the redhead said quietly and looked at him. Ken swallowed. He did not want to talk to Aya!
"Later, I have some things to do," he answered flatly and tried to walk past his team-mate but a hand on his arm stopped him.
"We need to talk, now." The brunette groaned inside.
"Why?"
"I know I said I would back off but…" What was this? Aya showing hesitation?
"So why don't you?" Ken asked with uncertainty. This was confusing him so much.
"I… Ken I just want to ask…" Well that didn't exactly explain anything. The brunette tilted his head and stared at Aya.
"What is it Aya?" The soft question seemed to make the redhead even more unsure. For a moment they looked at each other and then Aya moved.
In slow-motion Ken saw how the redhead's face came closer before their lips suddenly touched. It wasn't great nor did it last very long but it was a kiss none the less. When they parted again Aya's eyes were darkened with shock and something else that Ken couldn't read. A split second later the redhead was gone. Ken stared after him unable to move. Aya had kissed him. But why?
*~*~*~*~*~*~
Aya muttered sourly to himself as he walked outside. He would have to talk to Ken but what the hell was he suppose to say? It wasn't like he could just blurt out that he had certain feelings for the brunette and that he wanted him in his arms at night.
Aya scowled at himself and stopped beside Ken's motorcycle. What was he going to say? Well he could ask why Ken didn't want his help anymore. Before he really could decide the brunette came walking towards him. Shit! Aya cursed in his head. He needed more time but Ken was already infront of him.
"Ken we need to talk," Aya said quietly and met brown eyes. The brunette looked uncomfortable and like he would rather be anywhere but there.
"Later, I have some things to do," came the short answer. Ken tried to walk past him but Aya took a hold of his arm.
"We need to talk, now," Aya insisted and tried to mentally slap himself into thinking.
"Why?"
"I know I said I would back off but…" Fujimiya you idiot! the redhead spat out in his head. Would you make some sence?! And for crying out loud stop sounding like some stuttering moron!
"So why don't you?" Ken asked sounding rather confused.
"I… Ken I just want to ask…" Aya mumbled. He didn't know what to say, what to do anymore and having Ken so close was making him even more confused.
"What is it Aya?" the brunette asked softly.
That was all Aya could take. For the first time in his life the redhead found himself acting without a single thought in his head. He moved forward and simply pressed his lips against Ken's. It took about one second before his brain caught up with his body. Completely shocked by himself Aya pulled away and stared at the brunette. Lost in confusion the redhead swirled around and almost ran away from Ken.
*~*~*~*~*~*~
Aya paced his room restlessly. One, two, three, turn. One, two, three, turn. One, two, three, turn. Over and over again he walked back and forth. He had been doing it for hours now and still his mind was a mess. One, two, three, turn. One, two, three, turn. The pacing didn't help him one bit. One, two… He stopped suddenly.
"I kissed him!" the redhead exclaimed loudly and sank down on the bed. Of all the idiotic things in the world that he could have done he had kissed Ken.
Aya hugged his head and whimpered to himself. What was wrong with him? It was one thing to have feelings for someone, to lust after someone but to force a kiss on someone was a whole different thing. Sure Omi had said that Ken liked him a lot but that did in now way mean that Ken wanted Aya to kiss him.
Besides that, Ken was a man! Not a girl, a man! And probably so disgusted with Aya that he'd never be able to look at him ever again. A knock on the door sent the redhead several feet up into the air.
"Aya-kun?" Aya swallowed down his heart again and took a deep breath.
"Yes Omi?"
"Manx is here." The redhead rose and started pacing again. If Manx was there he'd have to go to the mission room and face Ken.
"I'll be right there," he heard himself answer.
"Okay," Omi said and left. Aya straightened himself and followed the blonde. He was the last one to enter the room and stayed as far away from the others as he possibly could. Ken didn't turn around and just sat stiffly on the couch.
"Glad you could join us Abyssinian," Manx commented and glared a little at the redhead. Aya chose not to say anything. "I have a small mission for two of you. It's a simple grab and go. The target has a folder that doesn't belong to him and I want two of you to go to his house, find the folder, kill the target if he interferes, and leave."
"When?" Omi asked.
"Tonight. I'm sorry I can't give you more time but this mission needs to happen as fast as possible. I want Balinese and Siberian to go." Four pairs of eyes stared at Manx. Aya sighed inside. So Kritiker wanted to test Ken. But it was too soon, wasn't it?
"I'm in," Yoji shrugged looking like the whole thing was boring him to no end.
"I'm in too," Ken said firmly without hesitation. Maybe I'm wrong, the redhead pondered, Ken seems to be okay with taking a mission. What really bothered Aya was that he wasn't allowed to go with the brunette to keep an eye on him.
*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Aya-kun would you please stop gritting your teeth," Omi begged the redhead and turned up the volume on the TV.
"Hn," Aya mumbled and tried to relax. Yoji and Ken should be home any minute now. It was hell to sit and wait for them to return.
Had something gone wrong? Was Ken hurt? Aya frowned. He couldn't go on like this, he was like some worried mother who had allowed her son to cross the road for the first time on his own. Ken was a grown man and he could take care of himself! With a huff he managed to firmly put his cold mask in place.
"I think they're back now," Omi suddenly said and jumped up from the couch. Slowly Aya rose and followed him. He could hear voices.
"Will you hang on to the folder Omi?" he heard Yoji say.
"Sure."
"I'll go up and clean myself." That was Ken's voice but it sounded a little bit wrong. With a very slight frown Aya walked closer. Ken had blood on his face and on his clothes but looked unharmed otherwise.
For a brief second brown eyes met amethyst and then the brunette walked towards the stairs. Something was wrong with Ken, Aya could see it but what could he do about it? Nothing.
Sighing quietly he headed upstairs too. The door to Ken's room was closed and he could hear his team-mate moving around inside. Aya walked into his own room and closed the door. For a moment silence filled his ears and then he heard a crash coming from the room next to his. As quickly as he could Aya headed for Ken's door.
"Ken?" he asked. Not a sound was heard.
"Ken!" Still nothing. Slowly the redhead tried the door and swung it open when he found it unlocked. The room was dark and the smell of blood was lingering in the air.
"Ken are you in here?" Aya frowned deeply when he got no answer that time either and stepped inside. The moon was the only source of light and it made it hard to tell one shadow from another. Narrowed amethyst eyes stopped at a mess on the floor.
A broken chair littered the floor along with a form that looked human. Quickly Aya reached for the light-switch and the room bathed in light. The form on the floor was Ken. He was curled up in a ball much in the same way as he had the night when he had snapped during that mission.
Aya carefully kneeled beside the brunette and touched his shoulder. Ken's skin was wet from sweat. Not again, the redhead sighed inside. His fellow assassin had had another anxiety attack.
"Ken wake up." The brunette's heartbeats were dangerously rapid and his breathing almost non-existing.
"Please Ken wake up."
*~*~*~*~*~*~
A man walked up to him and gave him a accusing look. The face infront of him was mutilated and bloody just like the others had been.
"How could you just kill me?" the man asked. "You left my children fatherless." Another man came up to him trying to keep his intrails inside his stomach.
"What did I ever do to you? You slaughtered me without even knowing my name." Ken hugged himself and desperately tried to push the nightmare away.
"I'll wait for you in hell." That voice he knew. Ken looked up and stared into Kase's eyes. "You killed me. I thought I was your friend and you killed me. You're going to hell and I'll wait for you there along with everybody else you've killed," Kase smiled and gestured to the never ending line of people Ken had murdered.
A scream escaped the brunette's lips but no sound was heard. It was always the same, but this time he couldn't wake up. A tall blonde man approached him. His head was almost separated from his neck.
"You claim you want to protect the innocent, the children, but you've just robbed two little girls from ever seeing their daddy again. How can you even live with yourself?" That was the man he had killed earlier that night. Ken cried and pressed his hand over his mouth.
"Help me," he begged and closed his eyes. "Aya help me."
"What makes you think he's going to help you?" Kase asked with glee. "Aya doesn't care about you, no one cares about you Kenken. You're no better than us, you should be dead too."
"Ken-kun what did you do to these people?" a soft voice asked. This was not a part of the normal nightmare.
"Omi. Please help me Omi." The slender blonde shook his head.
"Ken-kun you killed your best friend. One day you might kill me too." Ken sank down on the bloody floor and sobbed.
"Aya," he pleaded again. There was something wrong with the nightmare. Usually he would have woken up screaming by now but this time he couldn't.
"You told Aya you didn't want his help," Omi said matter-of-factly. "You said that he should leave you alone, remember?"
"But I didn't mean…"
"You're so stupid Kenken," Kase interrupted him. "Aya could have saved you from all this but you pushed him away. He's not going to help you this time because he doesn't really care about you!" Ken fought the tears and whimpered.
"He does care about me!" he exclaimed and hugged himself.
"What makes you so sure Kenken?" Kase asked with a cruel smirk on his lips.
"Aya kissed me, he does care…" the brunette mumbled.
"Poor little naïve Kenken," Kase sighed with pity and patted his former friend on the head. "Always the last one to find out, ne? Yes, Aya does care or rather he used to care but since you pushed him away… I think it's safe to say that he's stopped caring." Ken felt tears run down his cheeks. Aya had reached out to him and he had pushed the redhead away. Kase was right.
"I… I…"
"No one is going to help you now! You're trapped here just like I am Kenken," Kase laughed and his eyes started shining with sadistic glee. "Welcome to hell my friend."
"Aya, please help me!" Suddenly a soft hand was placed on his shoulder.
"Ken wake up." That deep smooth voice was like a life-line and the brunette grabbed it with both hands.
"Please Ken wake up."
~TBC~
Poor Kenken *hugs him* And Kase should die all over again for being so mean to him! *bah* Now… can Aya help poor Ken? How has this new attack affected our darling brunette??? Guess you'll have to wait to find that out *wicked laughter* And yes I am working on the next chapter *promises* Ja/Atsureki