Broken Inside

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : Weiss Kreuz ain't mine and they never will be either *sighs*

Paring : Ran(Aya)/Ken

Warnings : Yaoi, OCC, angst (as always *mutters*)

Notes : Stuff written in Italic are thoughts.

Chapter 5. An Empty Shell

Ken numbly picked up another rose and started picking off the thorns. Everything he did went on routine. If he was confronted with something new he was at a loss. A thorn pricked him but he didn't even feel it. His head was so foggy and his body felt heavy, like it wasn't really his.

"Ken-kun?" The brunette turned slowly and set his blank eyes on Omi.

"Yes Omi," he answered without a single emotion in his voice.

"It's time to close." Ken put down the flower and slowly rose from the chair he had been sitting on.

"Yes Omi."

"Ken-kun are you alright?" The brunette looked into big blue eyes and felt… nothing.

"Yes Omi."

It had been like that for over a month now. He was dead inside due to the drugs his shrink had subscribed for him. There were no more nightmares and when he went on missions he killed without even thinking about it, he didn't feel anything at all anymore. The only emotion he could muster was…detachment.

Completely numb inside Ken went through the stages that closing the shop called for. When he was done he took off his apron and headed for his room. Something in his life was missing, something was very wrong but he couldn't understand what it was.

Didn't really matter though, he did what they told him to do and that was it. Sometimes when no one told him what do he was just so very lost, like his whole purpose in life was to obey his team-mates.

*~*~*~*~*~*~

Aya watched as Ken walked up the stairs with an expression of complete emptiness in his face. The brunette didn't smile anymore, didn't laugh, never did anything except what he was told to do. Ken was a puppet, an emotionless puppet created by drugs.

Aya sighed deeply and shook his head. That fucking shrink should be run over by a very large truck, preferbly several times! The redhead gritted his teeth. It was his fault that Ken had gone to see her and started on those damn drugs that were suppose to keep his attacks in check.

"Aya-kun?" The redhead turned around.

"Aa?" Omi looked at Ken's disappearing back and sighed.

"Is he suppose to be like that?" Aya let out a quiet huff. Was Ken suppose to be like that?

"Hn," was the only thing he could get out.

"But he's not Ken anymore," Omi said sadly and Aya had to agree.

"I know Omi." he sighed.

"Well? Aren't you going to do something about it then?" Aya stared at the blonde who frowned at him. Omi wanted him to do something about it? But what?

When Ken had come around after his last attack he had been so broken it had almost crushed Aya. The brunette had clinged to him and screamed hystericly if anyone even thought that Aya should leave him. It had been awful. Finally they had been forced to call a doctor who had showed up and given the brunette enough sedativs to bring down an elephant.

The redhead had talked to Morioka who had suggested that Ken should be put on drugs that would 'shield' him from his anxiety attacks. It was just that instead of helping the brunette, the drugs had taken him away, leaving behind an empty shell.

"What can I do?" Aya answered Omi's question with another one. The strange tone in his deep voice made the blonde stare at him. He felt so helpless and he hated it. Aya left the small blonde before he had a chance to say anything else.

When he reached the top of the stairs the redhead saw Ken. The brunette was standing outside his door staring into thin air. He did that a lot lately. Sometimes Ken got lost in the house. Aya could find him standing in the kitchen without a clue of how to get back to his own room and that was unnerving.

"Ken?" he asked quietly and saw how the brunette slowly turned around and set his dead eyes on him.

"Yes Aya?"

"Is something wrong?" Ken's expressionless face twitched a little at that.

"Yes… no… I don't know," he said with uncertainty. "I… I don't know where I am." Aya cried inside. This couldn't go on any longer! Ken couldn't tell left from right and the complete lack of anything human in his eyes was awful.

"Ken, you have to stop taking those drugs!" the redhead said firmly and came closer.

"But Morioka-san said I had to take them," Ken objected with his empty voice.

"Screw her! I want those bottles Ken!" Aya demanded and opened the door to the brunette's room. "I don't give a shit about what she said! Give me the bottles!" Ken nodded but didn't move.

"Aya, where am I?" It wasn't until Aya looked into Ken's brown eyes that he understood what it was the brunette really meant by that. He didn't mean that he didn't know where he was in the house, he meant that he didn't know where he, Ken, was. The redhead had to fight hard to keep himself from crying. Ken was lost and the worst part of it was that the brunette knew it.

"Ken I don't know but… you have to stop taking those damn pills. It's because of them you're lost." The brunette blinked slowly and nodded again.

"They're on the table."

*~*~*~*~*~*~

"What you're doing is very dangerous!" Aya glared at the short woman before him.

"I don't care!"

"Taking Ken off those drugs like that could put him into a psychosis Fujimiya-san!" Morioka said harshly.

"Is that so? Well have you seen him lately?! He's not even Ken anymore! He's just some puppet who'll jump if you tell him to," Aya snarled and set his violet ice eyes at the shrink. "You said that those drugs would help him but they're not helping him!"

"No drug is perfect," Morioka snorted. "He's doing missions again, isn't he? There have been no more screw-ups during them, which means that he's back in action." The redhead clenched his jaws together so hard his teeth hurt.

"Missions? I don't give a shit about missions! Ken is not some damn doll you can toy with. He's a person or at least he used to be. Now thanks to you and your drugs he's an emotionless shell! Some days he's so high he can't even find his way back to his own room!" Aya snarled and sent the shrink backing up against the wall.

"Listen to me Fujimiya-san! Ken is very fragile and those drugs are the only thing keeping him sane at the moment," Morioka said flatly and nervously tried to put some distance between herself and the enraged redhead.

"You call that sane?!" Aya asked with his voice low and dangerous as he pointed to Ken who was standing in the middle of the kitchen staring into space. "Watch this and then tell me if you think he's alright!" With a deadly glare at the shrink Aya turned around. "Ken, come here." The brunette pulled away from his staring and did as he was told.

"Yes, Aya."

"Sit Ken."

"Yes, Aya." Obediently the brunette sat down on a chair.

"Stand up." Ken rose again.

"Sit." Ken sat down.

"Stand up." Ken rose again. "Is that sane?" Amethyst eyes turned to the shrink again.

"So he's a little…" Aya shut her up by turning his glare ten times colder.

"A little what??? He's a damn cocker spaniel! I don't care how you do it but you are going to sort this out!" the redhead growled. Feeling guilty about the way he had treated Ken he again turned to him. "Ken why don't you go upstairs and take a nap," he suggested softly.

"Yes, Aya." Much like a dog who had been given a command the brunette trotted up the stairs.

"He has no will of his own anymore and he doesn't know left from right, up from down. Fix it!" Aya snarled under his breath and stalked after Ken.

The redhead wanted to cry. Ken got more and more lost with each day. Those drugs had killed his spirits and Aya couldn't take it a moment longer. He wanted the normal Ken back, the one who smiled, dropped pots, played soccer with the kids and had nightmares that Aya had to help him with.

The redhead winced at that. Okay so that was selfish but dammit he wanted it back! Carefully he looked inside Ken's room and found it empty. That's strange, Aya thought, where did he go? Frowning to himself the redhead went to his own room. Ken was sleeping on his bed. Why had he gone there? Sighing a little Aya sat down beside the sleeping brunette.

"I will bring you back Ken, I promise," the redhead whispered and ran his fingers through soft brown hair. Carefully he leaned forward and brushed his lips against Ken's. Please just be alright Ken, he begged in his head and pulled a blanket over his sleeping friend.

Aya rose from the bed and walked across the floor to close the door. He was tired or rather, he was exhausted. Without really thinking about it he laid down next to Ken and pulled the brunette into his arms.

The warm body still felt the same. On the outside Ken was the same but on the inside he was… missing. Sighing sadly Aya closed his eyes and buried his face against soft brown hair. He would get Ken back, he had to. Fate had brought his sister back to him and it would damn well do the same with the brunette!

*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ken woke up slowly and opened his eyes. Inside he felt so jaded, so lost and he couldn't understand why. He rubbed his cheek against his pillow and drew in its familier scent. Despite his lack of emotions he felt safe there, with arms wrapped around him and someone else's heartbeats in his ear. His dull brain twisted the information it received for a while before it sent a message to his body.

Something was wrong with the picture it painted. Ken ignored it. He was too tired mentally to care about why his brain objected. The arms around him pulled him closer and the brunette sighed with content. He hadn't felt so many things since he had started taking those drugs.

A part of his brain informed him that he should have taken his pills hours ago. Automaticly Ken freed himself from Aya and sat up. His brain processed for a while before it told him that Aya had said that he shouldn't take the pills anymore.

"Aya?" Ken asked and looked beside him. Yes, the redhead was sleeping there. But why was Aya in his bed? Ken looked around and tried to get himself to think clearer. It wasn't his room, it was much too neat and tidy to be his room.

"Aya?" he asked again and felt so helpless. Why couldn't he think straight? Why didn't he feel anything? Actually he could feel something. He felt… he felt… Ken let out a low whimper as he racked his brain to find an answer.

Tears he couldn't understand ran down his cheeks and the brunette returned to the only place where he had found feelings since he had lost himself. Crying silently Ken curled up against Aya again, holding on to the redhead, desperately searching himself for anything that could confirm that he was still human.

*~*~*~*~*~*~

Amethyst eyes glared at Manx but their owner still hadn't said a word. The woman infront of them paced back and forth.

"Ran?" At the sound of his real name the redhead frowned.

"Aa."

"Kritiker is very unhappy with you," Manx said quietly and stopped her pacing. Aya snorted. Like he cared.

"Hn."

"They're impatience you know that. Siberian has been out of action for over three months and now he's finally back and you want to…"

"Siberian isn't back," he said flatly. "Ken is Siberian and he's not there anymore." Manx knitted her eyebrows together.

"How bad is it?"

"You know those little robotic dogs that all the kids have?" Aya asked coldly.

"What about them?"

"Minus the batteries that's Ken. He walks around the house like a zombie and most of the time he can't find his way around the place even though he's lived here for years." Manx frown deepened at that.

"I was afraid this was going to happen," she sighed. "Morioka has been working for Kritiker for years and years and she's extremely good at getting her job done but… the price is usually very high."

"She's cutting his doses down gradually."

"Has she told you about the risks?" Aya raised an eyebrow.

"Aa."

"Ran you do understand that this could destroy Ken," Manx said quietly. Aya didn't need to hear that. He was already concerned enough and constantly worried about whether or not he was doing the right thing. But he had to get Ken back, it was the only thing he wanted.

"I know," he sighed. "It's on my mind constantly."

~TBC~

Okay the drug Ken's on here is my stuff so there might not be anything like that on the market but then again there's a lot of strange drugs for ppl who others think are insane. *did that sentense make any sense at all????* Anyways let's hope that Aya can bring back Kenken ne? *hugs Aya to urge him on* Don't just stand there go help Ken!!!

I'm sorry that the chapters have gotten shorter but since I'm back at school and I'm juggling three fics again I suspected that you would prefer shorter chapters and faster updates. The only chapters that still are the same length is When I don't remember which means that the updates won't be as fast on that one. But then again you got a new chappy for that one yesterday hm or was it the day before yesterday? Damned be this blonde hair! Ja/Atsureki