Broken Inside

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : Weiss Kreuz ain't mine and they never will be either *sighs*

Paring : Ran(Aya)/Ken

Warnings : Yaoi, OCC, angst (as always *mutters*)

Notes : Stuff written in Italic are thoughts.

To you who read chapter 8 and reviewed on it telling me I should keep writing. I'm sorry that I went on like that *hangs head in shame. Anyways thanks to my lovely reviewers I'm still writing this story *grins* Oh and there will be two more chapters after this one and then it's over *sighs*

I want to send a huge thank you to loads of ppl!!! Jin (and no it wasn't you of course not *hugs Jinjin*), Siberian (I hate butter please don't use it *hides under the bed*), Keeshe Kal'daka (I need that book for school tomorrow *winces* School *shudders*), Foxy Kitsune (Um no trashcans and no Schu *laffs* But he is cute isn't he *cuddles Schu*), Whisper Reilman (I don't want you to cry so here's another chappy *glomps*), Shavica (there you go, sorry about leaving you hanging), Omi Godzilla (Thanks *S*). Did I forget anyone? If so I'm so very sorry ! *glomps all her reviewers* You are so the best ever, really you are!!!!

Chapter 9. Difficult Words To Say

"Aya?" The soft sound of his name made the redhead turn around. He had just removed his drenched coat and was about to pull off his shoes. His eyes landed on Ken's troubled face.

"I'm… wet," was the only thing Aya managed to say as he stared into brown orbs. Ken took his hand and started dragging him towards the stairs. Baffled the redhead came with him. He was pushed into Ken's room and the door closed behind them.

"Sit," the brunette ordered softly. Aya sank down on the bed shuddering from his wet, cold clothes. A towel was placed in his hands so that he could dry himself off. "We need to talk." The redhead looked up and swallowed. Yes they did need to talk but he wasn't so sure he wanted to hear what Ken had so say.

"Aa."

"Actually I'll talk and you'll listen," Ken muttered and Aya could hear that he was confused, scared and a little bit angry. "That night when you found me in the soccer-field I wanted to kill myself. All I had were bad memories and nightmares that scared the hell out of me but you took them away. I don't know how and I don't really care but you took them away Aya, you helped me just like you promised you would. There's a part of you that thinks that's why I said that I love you, isn't there?"

The redhead winced. That was partially true but how did Ken know that?

"Do you remember when you told me that I was a part of the team and that you wouldn't just abandon me? That really hurt because I thought you just pitied me. Aya, you have to let me know what's going on inside of you. Are you helping me because you feel you have to or is there some other reason?" Aya lowered his eyes to the floor. Ken had a right to know but… could he confess?

"Ken I…" The redhead sighed at himself. "I care a lot about you," he managed to get out.

"That's not what I asked Aya. I know you care about all of us. But what I want to know is… is…" Ken's voice trailed off. "I'm scared too. It's not like I planned on falling in love with you but I did and I can't just pretend that I didn't. If you feel the same way you have to tell me and if you don't you have to tell me that instead. Tell me you don't feel anything apart from friendship and I'll back off, I'll go to a new shrink and I won't bother you with my problems anymore." The brunette's words were filled with sadness, hurt and despair but Aya could tell that he meant every one of them.

"I want to tell you Ken but I just can't. I… try but…" the redhead said and stumbled over the words. "I've want to tell you but every time I try I just can't get the words out. Do you understand? I want to be Ran again because you can't love Aya, he doesn't feel anything. But I don't understand Ran, don't know if he's still in me. You scare me because you force me to feel again and I don't know how to handle it. I don't want you to back off but I can't seem to say that I love you!" The redhead was on the brink of tears as he rambled.

The room became quiet as Ken stared at Aya and Aya's brain informed the redhead what he just had said. Suddenly Ken smiled.

"You're such a baka Aya." Amethyst eyes stared into brown. "If Aya doesn't feel anything then why did he save me? He allowed me to sleep on his lap just so that I wouldn't have nightmares, he held me in his arms all night, he worried about me when I couldn't even gather enough emotions so feel anything at all. Yes, Aya can be cold, even heartless sometimes but I love him," Ken said firmly and sat down beside the redhead who was staring at him with wide eyes. "I'm not asking you to be Ran, I'm asking you to be you. You accept me the way I am Aya why would you think I wouldn't do the same for you?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ken watched the man next to him. Emotions ran across those amethyst eyes and he could only hope that he had said the right things. He needed Aya by his side, wanted him there. The nightmares didn't matter anymore nor did his broken inside. This was much more important.

For the first time in months he was allowed to deal with someone else's problems and it made him see his own so much clearer. He had been selfish when he hadn't considered how much pressure he had put on the redhead but he wanted to help him, needed to help him.

"You don't want Ran?" Aya asked quietly.

"No, I don't want Ran, I want you. I don't know Ran but I know you. Just please let me love you," Ken begged. "I don't care if you can't say those words back to me as long as you let me say them to you." A shaking pale hand touched the brunette's face.

"But I do… love you." Those were the sweetest words Ken had ever heard in his life and he knew that Aya meant them, he could see it in his eyes.

"Then let's stop being such bakas. We're driving Omi carzy," Ken smiled warmly and wrapped his arms around the taller assassin. A soft laugh was heard from Aya and then the room became quiet for a long time.

"I'm sorry about earlier." Ken looked into the redhead's violet eyes and smiled again.

"I understand Aya, I really do. And I'm sorry I didn't see what this was doing to you." Slowly he leaned forward and kissed Aya, his Aya. The redhead answered willingly and snaked his arms around Ken's waist.

Outside the door to the brunette's bedroom a small slender blonde preformed a happy little dance before he headed back to his own room smiling from ear to ear.

*~*~*~*~*~*~

Brown eyes peered into the darkness and narrowed. He could barely see anything and that annoyed him. His hands were trembling but he refused to let it get to him. A glance over his shoulder confirmed that the redhead was still there and he sighed in relief.

"The target is heading your way Siberian."

"Copy that Bombay," Ken answered quietly. He was on his first mission since he had been taken off of the drugs and he was nervous. What happened there was going to determine his future with Weiss.

"Are you okay?" The soft question made Ken smile. It felt safe to have Aya next to him even if he knew that the redhead wouldn't help him make the kill.

"I'm fine." Footsteps approached them so the brunette touched the triggers on his bugnuks and saw the claws shoot out. He was ready.

The man who came walking towards him was a drugdealer, responsible for several deaths and Ken knew that even if that man had children it was no excuse for what he had done. Laws couldn't touch him but Weiss could put on end to the killings.

When the man was close enough the brunette darted out from his hiding-place. Swiftly but shakingly he drove his steelclaws into a soft belly and moments later a dead body hit the floor. The panic was there, threatening to take over and send him into another anxiety-attack but he fought it this time. He wouldn't allow it to beat him again! He had too much riding on staying sane. Forcing himself together he retracted the claws.

"Bombay, the target has been destroyed."

"Copy that Siberian," Omi answer and Ken could tell by his voice that the blonde was smiling. "Balinese, Abyssinian, let's move out."

"Copy that Bombay," Yoji answered.

"Copy that Bombay," Aya's voice follwed. A strong arm was wrapped around Ken's shoulders. "Let's go home." The brunette leaned against the taller man and nodded.

"Yes, let's go home."

*~*~*~*~*~*~

"So?" Aya glanced up at the woman infront of him. "Well? How did it go?"

"Fine," the redhead answered blandly.

"Fine? Details Abyssinian, details!" Aya almost smiled at Manx.

"He was a bit nervous and he had to fight a little afterwards but he didn't hesitate."

"Thank God!" Manx sighed with relief. "Does he still have nightmares?" Aya tilted his head slightly.

"I don't know and I don't plan on finding out either," the slender assassin answered firmly.

"But he is still seeing his shrink, right?"

"Aa."

"And he's helping him, ne?"

"I believe so, yes."

"And about that other matter?" Manx asked with one eyebrow raised slightly.

"I haven't been near the store in three days. He can function on his own again."

"So I can report to Kritiker that Siberian is back in action?" Aya's eyes narrowed slightly.

"Aa, but you do understand that he won't be able to take missions like he used to yet, ne?" Manx nodded.

"I made a deal with you Abyssinian and I won't break it. For six months I won't offer you any missions where you and Siberian are separated."

"Good." The redhead rose from his seat and turned to leave.

"Ran." Frowing Aya faced Manx again. "You love him a lot, don't you?" she asked softly. Amethyst eyes softened.

"More than I thought was possible."

~TBC~

Gomen I know this was short but well I needed to write it quickly before I started dwelling on shit um stuff again *nods*

Aw Aya is so sweet *hugs him dearly* And Siberian is back in action ne? YAY Gooo Ken!!! Ja/Atsureki