By Admiral Albia
Potter, Black, Lupin! Detention! ^_^ (Well, minus the Potter. But Snape can't have EVERYTHING his own way...)
Note; All quotes and songs will be marked. If it's not marked (and this
applies to Chapter 1 too), then I wrote it. Just to sort out any problems
which may arise with people saying `That's not Shakespeare!` when they
read Chapter 1, for example. I know it's not Shakespeare, I wrote
it. ^_^
On the same note, I'm going to try to make sure
Sirius sings songs that are in keeping with his timeline. That unfortunately
means that he will NOT be singing `Who Let the Dogs Out` unless someone
introduces it to him. You can expect 50's/60's rock and roll, though. ^_^
OK, so it's a little out, but I don't know much 70's music.
Disclaimer; If I owned Harry Potter, I would be working my arse off writing TOOTP(Book Five), not this crap. Sorry.
This chapter; Snape tries to get Remus killed. Sirius retaliates.
Chapter Six; Detention
"I blame you."
"What a coincidence. I blame you, Moony my friend."
"I blame Snape."
"Good point, actually..." Sirius rubbed his nose as he looked thoughtfully up at the forest. "Did the slimy git even tell us which potion ingredients we're going in there to find?"
"Yeah... hold on... er... ah." Remus fished around in his pocket until he found the paper he was looking for. "Oh, by the way; Gryffindor password's carpe diem."
"Thanks. Slytherin one's `Mudbloods out`, in case you want to do any Dungbombing while I'm not there... so, what've we got to find?"
"Feverfew, dandelion leaves, wormwood, unicorn water [1], wolfsbane... wolfsbane?"
"That does it," Sirius said through gritted teeth. "For that one, he pays. What does he think you are, a bloody human?"
"...thanks, Sirius..."
"Who's a bloody human?" Hagrid asked from behind them. Remus thrust the list at the huge man furiously.
"Snape wants me to get him wolfsbane! Wolfsbane!"[2]
"Jus' tell him yeh can' get it."
"Hello? This is Snape we're talking about?"
"Well, I'm sorry, Remus, but yeh shouldn'a badmouthed him. Sirius can pick it..."
"Yeah, I'll pick it, Remus, don't worry..."
"I'VE NEVER SWORN IN MY BLOODY LIFE!" Remus shrieked, unwittingly contradicting himself as he said it. Sirius and Hagrid exchanged glances.
"Uhhhh... Remus? Is it by any chance full moon tonight?"
"Tomorrow. Why?"
"Thought so. You're acting snippy and bitchy... no, doggy. Somehow doggy doesn't sound right... wolfy?"
"Sirius?"
"Yes, Remus?"
"Drop it." Sirius grinned.
"Ok."
"They'll be fine, they've got a werewolf with them," Ron said unfeelingly. "He can negotiate terms with the other monsters."
"Ron, that's not-" Fortunately, the readers were spared the agony of another Ron vs Hermione deathmatch by the opening of the portrait hole and the arrival of a very upset and hurried looking teenager, by the name of Sirius Black. "Sirius? How did you get in?"
"Remus told me the password. Ron, I need to get his things. Quickly."
"Ok, they're up there..." Ron sighed at the look of utter confusion on Sirius' face and got up. "I'll show you, but be quiet because everyone's asleep."
"Including Harry?"
"Yeah, he was going to wait up for you but Binns kept him after class about something, he came back so tired he just went straight up to bed..."
"I don't blame him," Sirius muttered, lowering his voice as they entered the dormitory. "Right, Remus is pretty predictable... he won't be back for at least three days so he'll need his basket... bone... damn, where are those keys? Ah."
"Full moon?" Ron whispered.
"No; that's tomorrow. Snape made us collect wolfsbane...
bastard stuck it under Moony's nose when we got back and he is really,
I mean really ill." Sirius groaned. "How hard can it be to find
a dog-basket, for God's sake? I want to get back down there!"
"Snape tried to kill him?"
"From what I saw, yes." Sirius smirked. "He's with Dumbledore now..."
"Oh..." Sirius wheeled round, nearly throwing the basket across the room because he wasn't holding it properly.
"If that was an oh for `oh, it's a shame he didn't get away with it,`" he hissed, "then you can just leave. Right now. Remus is a person, with a name and a personality, and just because he has to handle Sickles with gloves on and he gets sick at wolfsbane doesn't mean he's any less nice to know. In fact he's a good deal nicer than most people, because he's not prejudiced! OK? And I'm tired, and I'm stressed, and... I'll tell you what, Ron. Get yourself three friends. Now kill one off. Discover that the second is the one that killed the first one. With me so far? Right. Now. Do you want the third one to die too?"
And with that he turned and stalked off with the basket, tin of dog food and rubber bone, leaving Ron standing there looking quite stupid, and leaving a couple of the other boys in the dormitory, who had been woken up, with something to think about.
"Hospital wing," Ron grunted. "Wolfsbane poisoning. Apparently by Snape."
"Snape tried to kill him?"
"That's what Sirius said last night."
"How'd Sirius get in here?"
"Remus gave him the password."
"Oh. Is Remus all right?"
"I dunno. Sirius seemed pretty worried last night..."
"I don't believe Snape'd do that," Hermione whispered as they opened the door quietly.
"Believe it," a strained voice said from the bed. Remus smiled wearily at them. "He's tried it before." He sighed. "Of course, this time it's more aimed at Sirius..." he stopped, coughing. "He thinks if he can take me out Padfoot'll be so angry he'll try to get Snape, then Snape can call the Ministry and be The Hero Who Stopped Sirius Black... did you sleep last night?" This last question was directed at Sirius, who had just entered the room and who now sat down, shaking his head.
"Those bastards were gloating too much for me to sleep. Snape went up and told them what he'd done... how're you doing?"
"He'd be better if you didn't all crowd around the bed," Madam Pomfrey said pointedly. "Move, I have a patient to see to... now dear, say `aaah...`
"Aaaaaah...."*cough**cough*
"What did Dumbledore say?" Sirius asked while the nurse forced half a spoon of a rather vile-smelling potion down Remus' throat.
"Hm? Oh... I'm not too sure..."
"Snape's claiming extreme provocation," McGonagall said sourly from the doorway. "I, however, fail to see why the Headmaster is incapable of firing a teacher who tried to poison one of the students, even if the student has already passed all his exams."
[2] OK, for anyone wondering why such a fuss; any plant with -bane on the end of its name kills (or is said to kill) the creature in the name. So you get wolfsbane, dragonsbane... traditionally, wolfsbane also works on werewolves.
Nasty, nasty Snape... evil Snape! Evil!
Review please!