You're Only Young Twice
By Admiral Albia

Thinking of a witty remark... back in fifteen minutes.

Note; All quotes and songs will be marked. If it's not marked (and this applies to Chapter 1 too), then I wrote it. Just to sort out any problems which may arise with people saying `That's not Shakespeare!` when they read Chapter 1, for example. I know it's not Shakespeare, I wrote it. ^_^
On the same note, I'm going to try to make sure Sirius sings songs that are in keeping with his timeline. That unfortunately means that he will NOT be singing `Who Let the Dogs Out` unless someone introduces it to him. You can expect 50's/60's rock and roll, though. ^_^ OK, so it's a little out, but I don't know much 70's music.

Disclaimer; If I owned Harry Potter, I would be working my arse off writing TOOTP(Book Five), not this crap. Sorry.

This chapter; Lucius Malfoy and Snape are added into the school as students, while Sirius loses sleep over Remus.

Chapter Seven; Don't get mad...
"So Black's first reaction was..."

"To call Snape a `bastard`, then rush Lupin to the hospital wing," Amy said, looking at her notes. Fudge groaned.

"And we're sure he doesn't know we're watching him?"

"Positive."

"We've got to make him look guilty somehow, Amy. If this gets out - with the Death Eaters running amok as well -" the secretary nodded.

"How about... oh, I know! We just need to give him enough provocation..."

"We've given him provocation!"

"Not quite. I was thinking of the sort of thing that made him try murder in sixth year..."

"Oh?"

/\/\/\
"Mr Black, there is nothing we can do here that won't get done quicker if I don't have to keep stepping over you! Go and do something useful! I'm sure you have homework!" Sirius looked up from where he was sitting on the floor.

"That's what I'm doing, Madam Pomfrey." The nurse sighed.

"Can't you go and do it somewhere else?"

"No."

"She's right though, Sirius," Remus offered from the bed. "I'll be fine, and you're tired. Go to bed, it's Saturday, nobody'll mind..." he stopped, coughing. "Besides, you have a revenge plan to work on."

"I can do that here..."

"Out!"

/\/\/\
He slipped through the bars and into the water, and was suddenly aware that for once everything was going his way. He wanted to laugh out loud, but that would blow his cover... besides, he doubted he could swim as a human, and he didn't have the energy to risk another change. So he just wagged his tail as he swam towards the far-off cliffs.

The cliffs seemed familiar, somehow, as though he'd seen them before. Coming closer, he could see the beach, one which he knew almost as well as... as a thing he knew very well. There was someone coming down the cliff path now; surely that was a bit dangerous in a gale?

He'd thought so. They'd slipped, and there was nobody in sight.

He had to do something! He used his last dregs of strength, that last small bit of remaining energy, and forced himself to speed up, motoring against the receding tide. And then he was on the shore, and running down the beach, still hoping, hoping he could catch them...

And then he was looking into the lifeless, staring eyes of James Potter, and the cry of the gulls had mutated into the cry of a baby... and he knew, somehow, that the whole thing was about to begin again-

/\/\/\
Sirius woke up, sweating, and stared up at the canopy over his bed. Not only did he have a recurring dream, but if he didn't managed to wake up it would recur within itself, repeating the same events over and over, in the same sequence.

It wasn't even accurate. He'd come ashore nowhere near Godric's Cove, and James certainly hadn't fallen to his death down the cliff-path there. The boy was as sure-footed as a - well, a mountain stag down that path, and in any case he'd hardly ever used it.

And he hadn't been a dog when he'd seen James dead, though he had had to be canine to hear Harry crying.

Sirius sighed, and sat up. No point in picking holes in a nightmare.

He was sitting in a wet patch.

Damn.

Working from years of hard experience, he got out of the bed, changed his underwear, got dressed, and pulled the sheets off the bed. Then he turned, intending to go and give them to the ever-helpful House Elves. Most times, nobody ever knew he'd been out of bed.

"Aww, did ickle Sirrikins wet the bed again?"

Apparently, this wasn't going to be one of those times. But... only one person had ever said that, and he was...

"Well?" Lucius Malfoy (now aged 16) asked, prodding Sirius in the chest. "You did, didn't you? Come on, I know you did. You always wet the bed."

Well, there was no point in denying it. "Yes, Malfoy, I wet the bed," Sirius said tiredly. "And now, what's a twit like you doing back at school? Or did they finally find out your dad bribed the Department for Magical Education to get you through your exams?"

Malfoy the Elder sneered. "I'd watch it if I were you, Black. You're the only one of your little gang around, and oh, it was so easy in first year, before you called your friends in..."

"Yeah, but you had a couple of big idiots with you," Sirius said, trying to maintain his calm and not lose his grasp on his damp bedsheets. "By the way, how are Crabbe and Goyle? I see their children have been carrying on the fine family tradition of being big and stupid..." Malfoy scowled. Sirius ducked to the side and then down, and ran out of the dormitory as fast as possible, narrowly avoiding Malfoy the Younger and Snape... Snape?"

At great personal hazard, he stopped and turned round. Snape smirked at him, then lunged; but he was still awkward in his now-sixteen-years-old body, and Sirius had the doggy advantage.

"See you later, Blackie," Malfoy (the Elder) hissed as he picked Snape up off the floor, and Sirius nodded shortly, picked up his bedsheets and ran for the kitchens.

/\/\/\
"Sirius, you don't look so good," were Remus' first words when he saw his friend again, five minutes later. Sirius sighed and sat down next to Harry.

"Malfoy's back. And Snape."

"Malfoy got Snapey off the hook?"

"I... don't think... so... Moony, they're both sixteen."

"So... this is Lucius we're talking about?"

"Oh... yeah."

"Crap."

"I thought you never bloody swore?" Sirius asked innocently. Remus glared at him.

"Sirius... you will tell me if anything... starts again, won't you?"

"Of course," Sirius said quickly, crossing his fingers behind his back. His friend sighed.

"Fine, be like that. How goes the revenge?"

"Well, I had this wonderful idea of giving Harry a few minor appearance changes and frightening the life out of Snape, but we'd have to hide the scar, and then there was this thought I had where we could give him a malaclaw instead of a lobster... or we could feed him that Squib Potion he loved so much in sixth year, remember?"

"Yeah, but he wouldn't fall for that."

"True." Sirius paused. "What about... no, wouldn't work..."

"Hm... we could... nah, too small. I want this to be big."

Harry, Ron and Hermione watched in fascination as the two Marauders continued in this manner, each seeming to know what the other was thinking of without ever actually getting to the point of communication. There seemed to be a sort of unspoken agreement as to what would be acceptable, too, though the phrase `too small` came up more more than `too big`.

"Or we could put those two together and-"

"Yeah, but that'd take weeks of planning to get right... how about if we..."

"PERFECT! I'll get on it right away!" With which words Sirius got up and ran out of the hospital wing.

"What're you going to do?" Ron asked, looking perplexed. Remus smirked.

"You'll have to wait and see..."

/\/\/\
Yes, and so will you, readers... quite a long time, actually, because there's another plot detail to go in before they get revenge. Ah well.
Review!