Chapter 3
"Please, no!" Legolas screamed. "Not the hair!" He clutched the matted blond locks. "It's my precious…" He held out his bow. "Take this instead, it was made by the Elves of Mirkwood…"
"Idiot," the Orc muttered. "We don't WANT anything from you… except for amusement."
"Um… amusement. I can entertain you! Seriously, I can dance, and… let's see, I can sing! Do you want to hear me sing?" Legolas pleaded.
The Orcs looked at each other. Legolas held his breath.
"Okay," the Orc finally said. "You can sing for us." He started to laugh evilly. "Mwahahahaha. But we will still cut your hair first!"
He brandished the scissors high. The stainless steel gleamed in the morning light. A crow that was perched on a nearby branch saw the steel and flew down. It crashed into the scissors and fell dead onto the ground. One of the Orcs picked it up and started throwing it around. Legolas watched in disgust.
The head Orc, seizing the opportunity, snipped off a few locks of long blond hair. Another Orc came up with his hands full of ribbons of various colors and patterns. It pulled out of the bunch one that was red and green plaid and started to braid it into Legolas's hair.
The first Orc chopped off another section on the left side of the Elf's head, making him almost bald there. The scissors nipped Legolas's ear, and he howled.
More Orcs came up, clutching bottles of hairspray, gel, hair dye, as well as various hair accessories. Legolas eyed them warily.
His despair turned into horror when one of the monsters shouted, "Let's play pretty-princess Elf Legolas dress up!"
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~
They were lost. Pippin knew they were lost. He had KNOWN they were off track for over an hour. But would anyone listen to him? No… they were too busy following Aragorn, Mr. I-can-do-no-wrong-since-I'm-a-man-and-the- future-king-of-Gondor-and-Arwen's-love.
Pippin scowled. Now everyone knew. And everyone was hungry. And EVERYONE was STILL crowded around Aragorn, looking for advice.
He looked for the other hobbits. Maybe they didn't respect him much either, but at least they were his height. Sam was bending over a pot, cooking something. Pippin licked his lips happily. At least they would have a proper supper.
Aragorn came striding over. He looked at Sam disapprovingly. "Boromir and I," he announced, "have figured out where we are."
"So where are we?" Gandalf asked. He was lying on the ground and his rabbit was hopping around him in a circle.
"We are three day's walk away from Moria," Aragorn announced.
"Do you know where Legolas is?"
"Well… not really."
Gandalf frowned. "You mean, no. Say what you mean boy! And it doesn't help much if we have no idea how to find Legolas."
Frodo looked up at them from where he was crouched down on the ground next to Glenny. "Why do we want to find Legolas again?"
"So we'll have someone to insult," Gimli told him.
"Oh well," Aragorn said playfully. "If we can't find him, there's always Pippin."
Pippin sighed. No one would ever take him seriously.
"Well," said Aragorn, clapping his hands, "let's pack up. Sam, you can cook that thing on the road."
"I thought we still didn't know where Legolas was," Frodo pointed out.
"Good point," said Gandalf. Everyone sat around thinking about it for a few minutes.
Suddenly, the sky darkened. A Ringwraith flew overhead, cawing loudly. It was carrying a dead crow in its claws. The wraith dropped the crow down into the little camp. It landed in Sam's cooking pot. The wraith flew away.
Sam pulled the crow out of his pot in disgust, and flung it over to a nearby patch of bushes. A very small and grotesque looking thing dove out of the leaves and caught the crow. After inspecting it, and finding it was not fish, the thing came crawling over to the company.
Frodo screamed in a very high pitched voice. He leapt behind Aragorn. "It's Gollum," he whispered.
Gollum looked up at the eight figures expectantly. "I…be…guide…to…Elf…for…fissh…"he gurgled.
Aragorn looked at Gimli. Gimli looked at Gandalf. Gandalf looked at Frodo. Frodo looked at Sam. Sam looked at Boromir. Boromir looked at Merry. Merry looked at Glenny. Everyone else groaned.
Boromir covered his eyes. "All self respect is gone," he complained.
Gollum crawled up Boromir's back and sat on his shoulders. He pointed to the mountains in the distance. "Pretty…Elf…go…that…way…"
"Please, no!" Legolas screamed. "Not the hair!" He clutched the matted blond locks. "It's my precious…" He held out his bow. "Take this instead, it was made by the Elves of Mirkwood…"
"Idiot," the Orc muttered. "We don't WANT anything from you… except for amusement."
"Um… amusement. I can entertain you! Seriously, I can dance, and… let's see, I can sing! Do you want to hear me sing?" Legolas pleaded.
The Orcs looked at each other. Legolas held his breath.
"Okay," the Orc finally said. "You can sing for us." He started to laugh evilly. "Mwahahahaha. But we will still cut your hair first!"
He brandished the scissors high. The stainless steel gleamed in the morning light. A crow that was perched on a nearby branch saw the steel and flew down. It crashed into the scissors and fell dead onto the ground. One of the Orcs picked it up and started throwing it around. Legolas watched in disgust.
The head Orc, seizing the opportunity, snipped off a few locks of long blond hair. Another Orc came up with his hands full of ribbons of various colors and patterns. It pulled out of the bunch one that was red and green plaid and started to braid it into Legolas's hair.
The first Orc chopped off another section on the left side of the Elf's head, making him almost bald there. The scissors nipped Legolas's ear, and he howled.
More Orcs came up, clutching bottles of hairspray, gel, hair dye, as well as various hair accessories. Legolas eyed them warily.
His despair turned into horror when one of the monsters shouted, "Let's play pretty-princess Elf Legolas dress up!"
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~
They were lost. Pippin knew they were lost. He had KNOWN they were off track for over an hour. But would anyone listen to him? No… they were too busy following Aragorn, Mr. I-can-do-no-wrong-since-I'm-a-man-and-the- future-king-of-Gondor-and-Arwen's-love.
Pippin scowled. Now everyone knew. And everyone was hungry. And EVERYONE was STILL crowded around Aragorn, looking for advice.
He looked for the other hobbits. Maybe they didn't respect him much either, but at least they were his height. Sam was bending over a pot, cooking something. Pippin licked his lips happily. At least they would have a proper supper.
Aragorn came striding over. He looked at Sam disapprovingly. "Boromir and I," he announced, "have figured out where we are."
"So where are we?" Gandalf asked. He was lying on the ground and his rabbit was hopping around him in a circle.
"We are three day's walk away from Moria," Aragorn announced.
"Do you know where Legolas is?"
"Well… not really."
Gandalf frowned. "You mean, no. Say what you mean boy! And it doesn't help much if we have no idea how to find Legolas."
Frodo looked up at them from where he was crouched down on the ground next to Glenny. "Why do we want to find Legolas again?"
"So we'll have someone to insult," Gimli told him.
"Oh well," Aragorn said playfully. "If we can't find him, there's always Pippin."
Pippin sighed. No one would ever take him seriously.
"Well," said Aragorn, clapping his hands, "let's pack up. Sam, you can cook that thing on the road."
"I thought we still didn't know where Legolas was," Frodo pointed out.
"Good point," said Gandalf. Everyone sat around thinking about it for a few minutes.
Suddenly, the sky darkened. A Ringwraith flew overhead, cawing loudly. It was carrying a dead crow in its claws. The wraith dropped the crow down into the little camp. It landed in Sam's cooking pot. The wraith flew away.
Sam pulled the crow out of his pot in disgust, and flung it over to a nearby patch of bushes. A very small and grotesque looking thing dove out of the leaves and caught the crow. After inspecting it, and finding it was not fish, the thing came crawling over to the company.
Frodo screamed in a very high pitched voice. He leapt behind Aragorn. "It's Gollum," he whispered.
Gollum looked up at the eight figures expectantly. "I…be…guide…to…Elf…for…fissh…"he gurgled.
Aragorn looked at Gimli. Gimli looked at Gandalf. Gandalf looked at Frodo. Frodo looked at Sam. Sam looked at Boromir. Boromir looked at Merry. Merry looked at Glenny. Everyone else groaned.
Boromir covered his eyes. "All self respect is gone," he complained.
Gollum crawled up Boromir's back and sat on his shoulders. He pointed to the mountains in the distance. "Pretty…Elf…go…that…way…"