Well, I thought this would be a good time to renew my disclaimer. I don't
really see the point of them, since we're all anonymous anyway, but…
Disclaimer: JRR Tolkien created these characters. I, Evil Author, have twisted them into ditzes and "blondes" for my own purposes. I think that's enough. Everyone knows who made Legolas, anyway.
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~
Saruman stood over the writhing Orc. "You were supposed to torture any members of the party you could find… and instead you were NICE to him?!"
"Please… please, beg your pardon Master. He was just so nice to us… and no one's ever been that nice to us before… and he sang for us and everything!"
Saruman rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Sure. Well, what am I supposed to do to you now?"
Legolas, who had been sitting in one of the lace-done armchairs, spoke up, because the Orcs really had been nice to him, and he didn't want them to get into trouble on his account. "Excuse me sir? I feel I must say if you torture anyone at all, it should be me. After all, I did distract the Orcs from their job and everything." He stood up looking much concerned.
"What?" Saruman looked over, distracted. No one had ever volunteered to be tortured before. "Oh, right. You, the blond elf person. Well, if you really want to," he continued, looking malevolent, "I suppose I can spare this Orc."
The Orc crawled over to the doorway and hurried out.
"But then," Saruman continued, "I will have to torture you."
Legolas faltered just a little under the icy gaze, but continued to stand up for his strong, if slightly misguided, principles. "I'm afraid you'll have to do that, sir," he conceded, looking earnest.
So Saruman and Legolas munched on butter tea cookies while the wizard's henchmen set up the various torture racks and devices that had been in use for as long as three Ages of the world. Legolas was entirely preoccupied with reading a Seventeen magazine that Saruman happened to have lying around. It had a feature article on how to deal with split ends, and Legolas sorely needed that information, seeing how being dragged around by the Orcs hadn't helped his hair any.
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~
It was daylight again, and all the members of the Fellowship had woken up and eaten. Now they were finally ready to go up to the tower and rescue Legolas!
They marched single file, with Aragorn leading the way. Frodo was right behind Aragorn, and then Boromir, Gandalf, Gimli, Sam, Merry and Pippin. It was really too bad they had put Pippin in back, because no one would notice if he were gone.
The eight traipsed up to the tower. (A/N: This is not THE tower, by the way. It is just A tower that Saruman happens to be living in at the moment he captures Legolas. Like his summer retreat or something. And if you haven't read the books, don't worry about it.) A mail slot, a bell pull and a doorbell, all within close range of the door, greeted them.
Boromir started to ring the doorbell, but Aragorn whacked his hand out of the way. "Are you TRYING to get us killed? If we want to sneak up and get Legolas, we don't take time to introduce ourselves first!" Boromir looked slightly put out, but clasped his hands behind his back so he wouldn't be tempted to do anything else dangerous.
Pippin was leaning on the mail slot, slightly dozing. Suddenly, the slot widened into a chute, and he fell headfirst into the tower.
"So," Gandalf said, "now what?" Glenny hopped onto his back and started to chew on his neck. "Bad Glenny! No! Bad bunny rabbit!" He started to shake his head furiously, trying to throw Glenny off. But the rabbit just kept hanging on.
"Could we sneak in through a window or something?" Frodo asked. He looked up at the tower windows, which started at the fourth story and were framed by checkered blue curtains.
"I have weapons that this little fellow could use for climbing tools!" Gimli exclaimed. He took out several small pickaxes, as well as a very long length of rope.
"Good idea Gimli," Aragorn said. He started to fix Frodo up in an improvised climbing ensemble, using some of his own provisions as well.
Frodo looked up again at the windows. To a Hobbit, they were very high indeed. "Me and my big mouth," he muttered.
"Sorry, I didn't catch that," Aragorn said.
"Oh, nothing."
Meanwhile, Gandalf was still trying to get Glenny off of his very sore neck. Imagine his surprise, when all of a sudden his little bunny rabbit turned into an Orc!
"Help! Help! My bunny rabbit had just turned into an Orc and is trying to kill me!" Gandalf yelled, running around. Everyone was too busy to pay attention except for Gollum. He stared at the wizard for a moment, and then went back to chewing on one of Boromir's leather wristlets.
When Gandalf yelled again, Gollum looked up and watched with interest as the wizard was dragged, screaming, into a side door of the tower that opened up at that moment.
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~
The torture devices were quite ready. Legolas cheerfully hopped onto a rack and held up his wrists. "Strap me in, old boy," he said to Saruman. The wizard raised an eyebrow. This elf was definitely the strangest prisoner he'd ever had. However, he happily obliged.
Soon the agonized screams of the elf were filling the air. Saruman sat back in one of his armchairs, picked up a cup of apple cinnamon tea- his favorite flavor- selected a copy of Martha Stuart Living from the coffee table, and relaxed to the sound of his favorite music.
Meanwhile, Legolas was beginning to regret his stand for the Orc.
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~
Mwahahaha. Evil Author can do whatever she wants to the Fellowship.
So… anyway. The reason that the tower is not THE tower (the name escapes me) is because it is located in Rohan, and I didn't want the Fellowship to go all the way there to get Legolas, and then have to come back for… well, you'll see. This tower is somewhere near the falls. You know, the one they push Boromir off of.
Happy reading! Don't forget to review if you like this and want more!
Disclaimer: JRR Tolkien created these characters. I, Evil Author, have twisted them into ditzes and "blondes" for my own purposes. I think that's enough. Everyone knows who made Legolas, anyway.
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~
Saruman stood over the writhing Orc. "You were supposed to torture any members of the party you could find… and instead you were NICE to him?!"
"Please… please, beg your pardon Master. He was just so nice to us… and no one's ever been that nice to us before… and he sang for us and everything!"
Saruman rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Sure. Well, what am I supposed to do to you now?"
Legolas, who had been sitting in one of the lace-done armchairs, spoke up, because the Orcs really had been nice to him, and he didn't want them to get into trouble on his account. "Excuse me sir? I feel I must say if you torture anyone at all, it should be me. After all, I did distract the Orcs from their job and everything." He stood up looking much concerned.
"What?" Saruman looked over, distracted. No one had ever volunteered to be tortured before. "Oh, right. You, the blond elf person. Well, if you really want to," he continued, looking malevolent, "I suppose I can spare this Orc."
The Orc crawled over to the doorway and hurried out.
"But then," Saruman continued, "I will have to torture you."
Legolas faltered just a little under the icy gaze, but continued to stand up for his strong, if slightly misguided, principles. "I'm afraid you'll have to do that, sir," he conceded, looking earnest.
So Saruman and Legolas munched on butter tea cookies while the wizard's henchmen set up the various torture racks and devices that had been in use for as long as three Ages of the world. Legolas was entirely preoccupied with reading a Seventeen magazine that Saruman happened to have lying around. It had a feature article on how to deal with split ends, and Legolas sorely needed that information, seeing how being dragged around by the Orcs hadn't helped his hair any.
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~
It was daylight again, and all the members of the Fellowship had woken up and eaten. Now they were finally ready to go up to the tower and rescue Legolas!
They marched single file, with Aragorn leading the way. Frodo was right behind Aragorn, and then Boromir, Gandalf, Gimli, Sam, Merry and Pippin. It was really too bad they had put Pippin in back, because no one would notice if he were gone.
The eight traipsed up to the tower. (A/N: This is not THE tower, by the way. It is just A tower that Saruman happens to be living in at the moment he captures Legolas. Like his summer retreat or something. And if you haven't read the books, don't worry about it.) A mail slot, a bell pull and a doorbell, all within close range of the door, greeted them.
Boromir started to ring the doorbell, but Aragorn whacked his hand out of the way. "Are you TRYING to get us killed? If we want to sneak up and get Legolas, we don't take time to introduce ourselves first!" Boromir looked slightly put out, but clasped his hands behind his back so he wouldn't be tempted to do anything else dangerous.
Pippin was leaning on the mail slot, slightly dozing. Suddenly, the slot widened into a chute, and he fell headfirst into the tower.
"So," Gandalf said, "now what?" Glenny hopped onto his back and started to chew on his neck. "Bad Glenny! No! Bad bunny rabbit!" He started to shake his head furiously, trying to throw Glenny off. But the rabbit just kept hanging on.
"Could we sneak in through a window or something?" Frodo asked. He looked up at the tower windows, which started at the fourth story and were framed by checkered blue curtains.
"I have weapons that this little fellow could use for climbing tools!" Gimli exclaimed. He took out several small pickaxes, as well as a very long length of rope.
"Good idea Gimli," Aragorn said. He started to fix Frodo up in an improvised climbing ensemble, using some of his own provisions as well.
Frodo looked up again at the windows. To a Hobbit, they were very high indeed. "Me and my big mouth," he muttered.
"Sorry, I didn't catch that," Aragorn said.
"Oh, nothing."
Meanwhile, Gandalf was still trying to get Glenny off of his very sore neck. Imagine his surprise, when all of a sudden his little bunny rabbit turned into an Orc!
"Help! Help! My bunny rabbit had just turned into an Orc and is trying to kill me!" Gandalf yelled, running around. Everyone was too busy to pay attention except for Gollum. He stared at the wizard for a moment, and then went back to chewing on one of Boromir's leather wristlets.
When Gandalf yelled again, Gollum looked up and watched with interest as the wizard was dragged, screaming, into a side door of the tower that opened up at that moment.
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~
The torture devices were quite ready. Legolas cheerfully hopped onto a rack and held up his wrists. "Strap me in, old boy," he said to Saruman. The wizard raised an eyebrow. This elf was definitely the strangest prisoner he'd ever had. However, he happily obliged.
Soon the agonized screams of the elf were filling the air. Saruman sat back in one of his armchairs, picked up a cup of apple cinnamon tea- his favorite flavor- selected a copy of Martha Stuart Living from the coffee table, and relaxed to the sound of his favorite music.
Meanwhile, Legolas was beginning to regret his stand for the Orc.
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~
Mwahahaha. Evil Author can do whatever she wants to the Fellowship.
So… anyway. The reason that the tower is not THE tower (the name escapes me) is because it is located in Rohan, and I didn't want the Fellowship to go all the way there to get Legolas, and then have to come back for… well, you'll see. This tower is somewhere near the falls. You know, the one they push Boromir off of.
Happy reading! Don't forget to review if you like this and want more!