Dib got his handy Paranomalists' Journal from his trenchcoat and began to make observations. The place looked deserted, but he couldn't help feeling that somebody was watching him. However, he was not able to make too many notes before a pinkish bubble began to descend to Ear... er, the mysterious non-Earth place in a flourish of music. A tall, red-eyed Irken in an ornate costume stepped out of the bubble. Dib, realizing that it would be unwise to rant about aliens when he was on a foreign planet, opted instead to wave sheepishly at the stranger.

R. Irken: Welcome to the Irken city. Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

Dib: Uh, I'm not a witch at all...

R. Irken: Whoops, my mistake. Are you a good warlock or a bad warlock?

Dib: I'm NOT a witch, or a warlock, or anything! I'm Dib, from Earth.

The Irken pointed at the chihuahua.

R. Irken: Is that the warlock?

Dib: Are you kidding? That's just a dog!

R. Irken: Well, there has to be a wit... er, warlock here somewhere. The Irkens called me because a new warlock has just dropped a house on the Bitters Witch of the East.

Dib: Huh? Who are you, anyway?

R. Irken: I am the Almighty Warlock of the North. I'd introduce you to the Almighty Warlock of the South, but he seems to be busy at the moment...

The Warlock of the North coughed impatiently. Just then, a purple bubble descended to the ground, and out stepped an Irken who looked similar to the first, except that he was dressed in purple. The second Irken had a half-empty basket of what appeared to be curly fries in his hands.

W. North: So nice of you to join us.

W. South: Uh, hi there! What did I miss?

W. North: This guy just dropped a house on the Bitters Witch of the East.

The Warlock of the North gestured towards the feet of what must have been the Bitters Witch. All Dib could see was a pair of gaudy red shoes.

W. South: Him? You've got to be kidding!

W. North: Well, there's the house, and here he is, and that's all that's left of the Bitters Witch of the East.

W. South: Well, is he a good warlock or a bad warlock?

Dib: This again? How many times do I have to say that I'm not a warlock?! Do I look like a warlock?

W. South: How about that four-legged spooky thing?

Dib rolled his eyes.

W. North: Uh, anyway... the little Irkens who live in this land are happy because you have freed them from the Bitters Witch of the East. You are their national hero... imagine that. So, um, how can we show our thanks?

Dib smiled and looked at the aliens.

Dib: Ooh... can I have DNA sample, or something? Mysterious Mysteries would kill for that!

W. South: Um, well, hmm... no.

The Warlock of the North took the curly fries from his fellow warlock.

W. North: Here you go. Congratulations!

W. South: Hey! I wasn't finished with that!

Dib looked at the half-eaten pile of fries with an expression of disgust and returned it to its former owner.

Dib: Uh... you can have it...

W. North: Well, how can we show our gratitude? Huh? HUH?

W. South: Hmm... why don't we have the Irkens show their thanks? Hey, you guys! You can come out!

Come Out
W. South: Come out, come out,
Citizens of Irk
And meet your new hero...
Please come; do not lurk.

W. North: He fell down from Earth.
Well, that's what he said...
He calls himself Dib,
And he has a big head!

Several Irkens began to creep out from behind the bushes. They were dressed in festive, colorful outfits that were very different from the Invader uniforms that Dib was familiar with.

Irkens: Dib is his name,
And he has a big head!

Dib: I do not!

W. North: Sure...

W. South: And we have good news,
For when Dib did come,
His house crushed the wicked witch
Who once made us all glum.

W. South: Now, will you tell us what happened?

Dib: I can't remember most of it, but here's what I recall...
I saw a tornado,
Which Zim did grow...
I went inside and was hit by a big window.
The Bitters Witch
In a dress dark as pitch,
Went by my house and cackled like a real, uh, bad person...

Irken 1: And oh, what happened then was rich!

Irkens: For then the house came down,
The Bitters Witch did frown.
It landed on top of her crown,
In the middle of our town.
So Dib was the person responsible for taking her down!

For then the house came down,
The Bitters Witch did frown.
It landed on top of her crown,
In the middle of our town.
So Dib was the person responsible for taking her down!

She began to twitch
And was reduced to just a stitch
Of what was once the Bitters Witch!

Irken 2: We thank you, big-headed one,
For letting her life be done.

Irken 3: You've killed her, and everyone
Will now be able to have fun.

W. North and South: Let the joyous news be spread, The Bitters Witch at last is dead!

The assembled Irkens gave out a cheer for Dib.