Author's Notes: I just want to apologize for this chapter. It took me
forever to get it up here. Contrary to what some people may believe in my
opinion Yohji is a very difficult character to write. Well that is if
you're trying to go deeper into Yohji's persona. Honestly, I don't know how
some of you people do it. I think I rewrote this chapter about four times
already and I'm still not happy with it. Oh well, I hope you like it better
than I do.
I thought this was just gonna be Aya's POV all the way through but I decided to bring Yohji into it to add some color. ^_~
Chapter 2: Visions Of An Angel
~~~Yohji POV~~~
I can't sleep. My visions haunt me Visions of an angel cloaked in shadows The shadows that envelop the lies of his past The shadows that never cease to haunt him Visions of an angel covered in sin In blood that cannot be forgotten In blood that has stained his soul Visions of an angel dying The pain of his lost soul too much for him to bear The pain of his own sin will never let him rest
Visions of an angel fallen from grace
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I can't sleep. Visions of an angel keep haunting my sleep. It is the same dream always. Standing together we stare out at the setting sun. Brilliant colors float across the sky. The dying sun adds a glow to the darkening clouds. I am holding him as I confess my hearts emotions to him softly in his ear. He does not reject me. He does not turn me away, but he simply smiles and whispers the one thing I long to hear most in my ear.
"I love you"
But then the sun dies down and a great cloud of darkness descends from the sky. The clouds whip and wind all around us. I hold onto him desperately, but the shadows are too strong. He is torn from my grasp and the shadows engulf him. The force of the wind pushes me back and all I can do is watch as the great cloud moves up to the sky again and fades away from my sight. I am alone again.
I then awaken to an empty room and I am still alone.
I never thought I could fall in love after I lost Asuka. I don't think I'll ever know if she was supposed to be the one for me. I didn't know her that long, but for the short time that I did know her she made a lasting impression. She was a truly beautiful person and I will admire and miss her always. She was my close friend and my partner. She meant a lot to me and I let her down. She is dead because of me. That's where love has gotten me. I never thought a creature like me was even capable of such a thing as love. Yes, creature. I'm not human anymore. I sold my humanity long ago. At least that's what I thought.
I'm not so sure anymore. Resent developments have lead me to believe that perhaps there may be more human in me than I thought.
It was him. He made me feel alive again. Who'd ever thought that Aya of all people could make you feel alive. At first he made me feel completely hopeless. I mean who could woe a human iceberg? Falling in love with Aya is defiantly my idea of a bleak situation. But when you look deeper you find something different. You see guilt, shame, hatred, blame, loneliness, and most of all pain. If I could make him see something different, if I could make him see what I see, if I could make him see me, I would make sure he would never feel lonely again. I could take some of his pain away. I could help him see the good instead of the bad. At least that's what I want to do anyways. The thought of that actually happening is mind-boggling.
For a little while there I thought maybe I might have a chance. I thought maybe he might actually give me the time of day and I might be able to make my move. But then things changed. He started acting weird. He looks like he never sleeps. He doesn't eat and he's anxious about something all the time, which means he is especially irritable.
This type of thing just doesn't happen to Aya. He's like a fucking machine. Get up, go to work, kill someone then go lock himself up in his room. He even declined a mission the other night. A mission! Aya never declines a mission. He said he didn't feel well and that it would be a danger to the team. Well damn! Even if Aya doesn't feel well, he never would admit it. Hell, Omi had to drug him just to get him to stay in bed when he had the flu.
He was doing so much better. He was staying down stairs with us in the evening that we spent at home together. He had started talking more, which doesn't mean much. Maybe a full sentence on a rare occasion. I even dragged him out to a club one night. A club! Of course he sat in the corner the entire time, had a couple of drinks, and then bolted for the door.but he went! And I even saw him smile once. Of course it was more of a half smile at my expense. Some stupid joke Ken made about me being lazy. I wonder where he would ever get an idea like that?
Of course it took more than a smile for me to realize that I was in love with the coldest bastard to ever walk the earth.
~~~Begin Flashback~~~
It was December, which would explain why I'm freezing my ass off. I looked down on the Tokyo skyline. Then I looked over at downtown Tokyo. I could be over there right now, drunk and partying, but nooo I have to be freezing my ass off on top of this stupid building keeping lookout for Mr. Ice. Why the hell did I get this position anyways? Oh yeah, I wasn't there for the meeting. Jerks! Just because I have a life and a date doesn't mean they have to land me with the position of a lifetime. God it's cold out here. Where the hell is Aya? He better show up soon and when he does I'll kill him for taking this long.
"Balinese we need you quick! Get down from there and get the car!" Omi's frantic voice screamed in my ear.
"Bombay calm down." I tried to sound reassuring and calm as I headed for the fire escape. "What's wrong?"
"Abyssinian is shot.there's blood everywhere. We have to get him to a hospital immediately."
I began to panic. I raced down the fire escape. I couldn't think straight. All I could do was fly down the iron steps as fast as I could.well fell actually. The last two steps landed me face down on the pavement. That is defiantly gonna be a bruise tomorrow.
Omi and Ken came out of the building. Ken was carrying Aya's limp and motionless body in his arms. My heart stopped when I saw him. Blood was covering his face and clothes. There was so much I couldn't tell where the wound was.
I rushed over to Ken. "Give him to me!" I grabbed Aya from Ken's arms before he could protest.
"If you carry Aya then whose gonna drive?" Ken glared at me more frightened then angry.
"You drive." I didn't wait for an answer. I just got in the back seat and held on tightly to Aya. I didn't even know why I wanted to hold him. I couldn't think straight. All I could think of was Aya.
"Y-o-h-j-i" I looked down at him. His half-lidded eyes were glazed over with tears of pain. .
"Sshhh" I pressed a finger to his lips. "Hang on. We'll get you to a hospital soon. Just hang on." I had never seen him like this. He looked so weak and fragile. It hurt to see him this way. Aya was the strong one. He was the one that held us together. To be honest I didn't know if I could take his place if he died. I had done it before him but now, now things are different. Now we're a family. I've gotten so used to letting Aya take care of everything. It scared the hell out of me to think that I might have to take his place. "Aya, don't die on me please." I moved my finger from his lips to stroke his cheek and then run my fingers into his hair. I didn't think about what I was doing. Only when he stared up at me with as much bewilderment as he could possibly fathom due to the pain, did I realize what I was doing.
"Come on Yohji lets go!" Ken's roaring voice brought me back to the current situation we had. We were at the hospital. I must have really not been noticing anything!
Without waiting for me to say anything Ken grabbed Aya from me and helped get him to a stretched that was rushed inside to the emergency room. I stumbled out of the car in a daze as I watched Aya be led off to the emergency room. I watched as the doors closed behind me and I felt the world getting smaller with every second.
Why had I reacted like that towards Aya? Why had I become so scared at the thought of losing him? I had acted like..like he wasn't just a teammate. I had felt like it to. I remember looking into his eyes and thinking that I would die if I never got to look into them again, if I never got to tease him again, if I never got dragged out of bed by him again, if I never heard his voice again even if he only used it to shout 'buy something or get out!', if I never got to just sit and watch him read again. And the things that I hadn't seen yet, I had never seen him smile, I mean really smile, I had never heard him laugh, I had never seen him cry, or held him before, I had never.. Oh my God! It couldn't be! I had fallen in love with Aya. I couldn't think at that moment. I just stood there for a long while collecting my thoughts. It all boiled down to one thing. I had to get in there. I had to see if Aya was all right.
After I had collected some wits about me I headed into the building. Omi and Ken were pacing up and down the waiting room. God, how long was I out there? I really need to stop spacing out.
Omi notices my presence and rushes over to me with a scornful look of his face. "Yohji where have you been?"
"I." I didn't know what to tell them. 'Oh I'm sorry I was busy discovering my feelings for our cold emotionless leader.' That won't work. "I had to get a smoke." Ken growled at me behind Omi's shoulder.
"Kudou do you realize that Aya may very well be dying right now and all you can say is that you had to go and get a fucking smoke!" His angry shouts could be heard throughout the waiting room.
I shrugged. There was nothing else I could do. They would never understand. The easiest thing for them to believe is that I am an unreliable, selfish bastard. It always has been the easiest thing. They don't know that I can be deep, that I can be caring and selfless when the time calls for it and they don't know how much Aya really means to me. No one knows, no one who is alive anyways.
It's funny really; Aya and I are the same. He hides himself through a thick wall of ice, pretending that he cares for nothing and no one. But I know different. I know he would die for any one of us. A man who gives up everything for a comatose sister has got to be a good person deep down.
I hide myself through a thick wall of ignorance, pretending that sex and alcohol are the only things that really matter. But I know that's not true either. I love them all. They are my friends, my brothers, my family.
Ken started to advance towards me but Omi held his arm up separating the two of us. "Stop this right now! This isn't going to help Aya!" An angry scowl covered his face.
I decided to direct our attention to Aya's condition. "How bad was he hurt Omichi?"
"I don't really know. I just sort of panicked and didn't really have time for any of that." Sadness and blame shadowed over his face. "I just saw so much blood and it wasn't safe to check his wounds there. After I saw him go down I just panicked I guess." He muffled a sob. " I was supposed to be covering him. This."
"No!" I silenced him. "No one's to blame here. Don't start blaming yourself because it won't help Aya, just as you said."
He looked up at me. His eyes were on the brink of tears. He nodded and then forced a smile. "Thanks Yohji."
Ken just stood there staring at me like he didn't know who the hell I was. Haha! I guess Yohji can care about people other than himself, huh?
"Excuse me." We all turned to meet a short, young dark haired woman in a white jacket. "I'm sorry to interrupt but are you the ones who brought Fujimiya Ran in?"
I stepped forward. "Yes, is he alright?"
"He'll be fine"
~~~~End Flashback~~~
That was three months ago. Turns out that Aya wasn't as hurt as he looked. Meaning he had more of other peoples blood on him than his own. I wonder how Manx explained that one. Aya's wounds have healed and everything was all right again. Except for the fact that I had fallen in love with Aya.
At first I was miserable. I avoided him for some time. I went to clubs whenever I could to immerse myself in sex and alcohol. Then one night I came in drunk as ever and was completely hopeless. I decided the only way to get Aya out of my mind was to kill myself. I snuck into his room to watch him and to say goodbye. I looked at him for a long time, just him, no glare, no scowl, no mask. He was beautiful. The dim light from the street slid across his sleeping form. His alabaster skin glowed in the dim light. His crimson bangs fell across his face. He was so still. The slight rise and fall of his chest was the only thing that let me know he was alive. The quiet sound of his breathing was captivating. It was like a spell that weaved me into a state of contentment and peace that I have not felt in so long, maybe never. I couldn't leave him. Even if he never loved me, even if he hated the very sight of me I had to stay. I had to be with him. I wasn't going to take the easy escape and choose death. Funny thing really, most people are afraid of death. But life is the thing to be afraid of, facing life head on, that's what scares me. No one knows what happens when you die, some have their speculations but no one really knows. I suppose that's what scares the hell out of people, the unknown. Well if you think about it. What'd ya know about life? You never know what can happen the next day, you could win the lottery, you could get hit by a car, you could find the love of you life or you could loose them and everything else in the world that you care for. And then after that day you have to face another, and another after that. And the only thing you can do is go on. This is what I've learned about life, it goes on, with or without you. That's pretty damn scary to me. Life ain't a party for everyone and the people who think it is are just kidding themselves. You have to take a good look around you and see what you have, because sometimes everything you need is right in front of you. Kinda like me and Aya, I was too blind to see who he really was and I almost lost him. It may not look like he's what I needed. I mean me fallowing Aya around for the rest of my life trying to avoid his katana is not something I would picture as a life's purpose. But if I can have moments like these, just to watch him sleep, just to look at him and not his mask, then I think I can get used to the katana. Life isn't always happy endings. I learned to accept that long ago. Sometimes when you finally find what you want it may be right in front of you but you still can't reach it. Maybe this is all I'll ever get is this moment, when I get to watch Aya sleep. But ya know what. That's enough for me. Just to be with him is enough for me. Of course I want more and I'll try like hell to get more if it kills me, and it probably will, but for now I can just be happy with the memory of my angel sleeping.
He's my angel ya see because he saved me. He brought me back to a state of mind that I have not been in for a long time. He kind of makes me think, makes me feel more than I used to. He makes me feel human and not ashamed to feel it. I was One very important thing that I learned from that night is that I was dieing inside. I led myself to believe that I was living life to the moment. But I wasn't. I never appreciated one moment that I had. I never appreciated the people that I had who cared about me. The people I meet at clubs and bars don't care about me. Hell even Aya cares about me more than they do. I think he brought me back to me again.
I left his room that night sober. I haven't gone to a club since. I go out walking when they think I am partying. I am not drinking near as much and my head has never been clearer. Of course I can't give up drinking and clubbing all together. I mean who can get through life without a little drop of liquor now and then? I mean after all no one's perfect, right?
~~~~~~~~~~
What the hell was that? I heard something coming from the hallway. I think was Aya's door from the sound of it. What the hell is he doing up at this time of night? Damn him! Now I have to get my ass up out of bed and go see what the hell he's doing. I trudged out of bed grabbed some pants and a shirt and headed for the door.
~~~TBC~~~
The next chapter will be coming soon. I had this chapter done a while back but was waiting for the site to get fixed completely. Sorry for the long delay.
I thought this was just gonna be Aya's POV all the way through but I decided to bring Yohji into it to add some color. ^_~
Chapter 2: Visions Of An Angel
~~~Yohji POV~~~
I can't sleep. My visions haunt me Visions of an angel cloaked in shadows The shadows that envelop the lies of his past The shadows that never cease to haunt him Visions of an angel covered in sin In blood that cannot be forgotten In blood that has stained his soul Visions of an angel dying The pain of his lost soul too much for him to bear The pain of his own sin will never let him rest
Visions of an angel fallen from grace
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I can't sleep. Visions of an angel keep haunting my sleep. It is the same dream always. Standing together we stare out at the setting sun. Brilliant colors float across the sky. The dying sun adds a glow to the darkening clouds. I am holding him as I confess my hearts emotions to him softly in his ear. He does not reject me. He does not turn me away, but he simply smiles and whispers the one thing I long to hear most in my ear.
"I love you"
But then the sun dies down and a great cloud of darkness descends from the sky. The clouds whip and wind all around us. I hold onto him desperately, but the shadows are too strong. He is torn from my grasp and the shadows engulf him. The force of the wind pushes me back and all I can do is watch as the great cloud moves up to the sky again and fades away from my sight. I am alone again.
I then awaken to an empty room and I am still alone.
I never thought I could fall in love after I lost Asuka. I don't think I'll ever know if she was supposed to be the one for me. I didn't know her that long, but for the short time that I did know her she made a lasting impression. She was a truly beautiful person and I will admire and miss her always. She was my close friend and my partner. She meant a lot to me and I let her down. She is dead because of me. That's where love has gotten me. I never thought a creature like me was even capable of such a thing as love. Yes, creature. I'm not human anymore. I sold my humanity long ago. At least that's what I thought.
I'm not so sure anymore. Resent developments have lead me to believe that perhaps there may be more human in me than I thought.
It was him. He made me feel alive again. Who'd ever thought that Aya of all people could make you feel alive. At first he made me feel completely hopeless. I mean who could woe a human iceberg? Falling in love with Aya is defiantly my idea of a bleak situation. But when you look deeper you find something different. You see guilt, shame, hatred, blame, loneliness, and most of all pain. If I could make him see something different, if I could make him see what I see, if I could make him see me, I would make sure he would never feel lonely again. I could take some of his pain away. I could help him see the good instead of the bad. At least that's what I want to do anyways. The thought of that actually happening is mind-boggling.
For a little while there I thought maybe I might have a chance. I thought maybe he might actually give me the time of day and I might be able to make my move. But then things changed. He started acting weird. He looks like he never sleeps. He doesn't eat and he's anxious about something all the time, which means he is especially irritable.
This type of thing just doesn't happen to Aya. He's like a fucking machine. Get up, go to work, kill someone then go lock himself up in his room. He even declined a mission the other night. A mission! Aya never declines a mission. He said he didn't feel well and that it would be a danger to the team. Well damn! Even if Aya doesn't feel well, he never would admit it. Hell, Omi had to drug him just to get him to stay in bed when he had the flu.
He was doing so much better. He was staying down stairs with us in the evening that we spent at home together. He had started talking more, which doesn't mean much. Maybe a full sentence on a rare occasion. I even dragged him out to a club one night. A club! Of course he sat in the corner the entire time, had a couple of drinks, and then bolted for the door.but he went! And I even saw him smile once. Of course it was more of a half smile at my expense. Some stupid joke Ken made about me being lazy. I wonder where he would ever get an idea like that?
Of course it took more than a smile for me to realize that I was in love with the coldest bastard to ever walk the earth.
~~~Begin Flashback~~~
It was December, which would explain why I'm freezing my ass off. I looked down on the Tokyo skyline. Then I looked over at downtown Tokyo. I could be over there right now, drunk and partying, but nooo I have to be freezing my ass off on top of this stupid building keeping lookout for Mr. Ice. Why the hell did I get this position anyways? Oh yeah, I wasn't there for the meeting. Jerks! Just because I have a life and a date doesn't mean they have to land me with the position of a lifetime. God it's cold out here. Where the hell is Aya? He better show up soon and when he does I'll kill him for taking this long.
"Balinese we need you quick! Get down from there and get the car!" Omi's frantic voice screamed in my ear.
"Bombay calm down." I tried to sound reassuring and calm as I headed for the fire escape. "What's wrong?"
"Abyssinian is shot.there's blood everywhere. We have to get him to a hospital immediately."
I began to panic. I raced down the fire escape. I couldn't think straight. All I could do was fly down the iron steps as fast as I could.well fell actually. The last two steps landed me face down on the pavement. That is defiantly gonna be a bruise tomorrow.
Omi and Ken came out of the building. Ken was carrying Aya's limp and motionless body in his arms. My heart stopped when I saw him. Blood was covering his face and clothes. There was so much I couldn't tell where the wound was.
I rushed over to Ken. "Give him to me!" I grabbed Aya from Ken's arms before he could protest.
"If you carry Aya then whose gonna drive?" Ken glared at me more frightened then angry.
"You drive." I didn't wait for an answer. I just got in the back seat and held on tightly to Aya. I didn't even know why I wanted to hold him. I couldn't think straight. All I could think of was Aya.
"Y-o-h-j-i" I looked down at him. His half-lidded eyes were glazed over with tears of pain. .
"Sshhh" I pressed a finger to his lips. "Hang on. We'll get you to a hospital soon. Just hang on." I had never seen him like this. He looked so weak and fragile. It hurt to see him this way. Aya was the strong one. He was the one that held us together. To be honest I didn't know if I could take his place if he died. I had done it before him but now, now things are different. Now we're a family. I've gotten so used to letting Aya take care of everything. It scared the hell out of me to think that I might have to take his place. "Aya, don't die on me please." I moved my finger from his lips to stroke his cheek and then run my fingers into his hair. I didn't think about what I was doing. Only when he stared up at me with as much bewilderment as he could possibly fathom due to the pain, did I realize what I was doing.
"Come on Yohji lets go!" Ken's roaring voice brought me back to the current situation we had. We were at the hospital. I must have really not been noticing anything!
Without waiting for me to say anything Ken grabbed Aya from me and helped get him to a stretched that was rushed inside to the emergency room. I stumbled out of the car in a daze as I watched Aya be led off to the emergency room. I watched as the doors closed behind me and I felt the world getting smaller with every second.
Why had I reacted like that towards Aya? Why had I become so scared at the thought of losing him? I had acted like..like he wasn't just a teammate. I had felt like it to. I remember looking into his eyes and thinking that I would die if I never got to look into them again, if I never got to tease him again, if I never got dragged out of bed by him again, if I never heard his voice again even if he only used it to shout 'buy something or get out!', if I never got to just sit and watch him read again. And the things that I hadn't seen yet, I had never seen him smile, I mean really smile, I had never heard him laugh, I had never seen him cry, or held him before, I had never.. Oh my God! It couldn't be! I had fallen in love with Aya. I couldn't think at that moment. I just stood there for a long while collecting my thoughts. It all boiled down to one thing. I had to get in there. I had to see if Aya was all right.
After I had collected some wits about me I headed into the building. Omi and Ken were pacing up and down the waiting room. God, how long was I out there? I really need to stop spacing out.
Omi notices my presence and rushes over to me with a scornful look of his face. "Yohji where have you been?"
"I." I didn't know what to tell them. 'Oh I'm sorry I was busy discovering my feelings for our cold emotionless leader.' That won't work. "I had to get a smoke." Ken growled at me behind Omi's shoulder.
"Kudou do you realize that Aya may very well be dying right now and all you can say is that you had to go and get a fucking smoke!" His angry shouts could be heard throughout the waiting room.
I shrugged. There was nothing else I could do. They would never understand. The easiest thing for them to believe is that I am an unreliable, selfish bastard. It always has been the easiest thing. They don't know that I can be deep, that I can be caring and selfless when the time calls for it and they don't know how much Aya really means to me. No one knows, no one who is alive anyways.
It's funny really; Aya and I are the same. He hides himself through a thick wall of ice, pretending that he cares for nothing and no one. But I know different. I know he would die for any one of us. A man who gives up everything for a comatose sister has got to be a good person deep down.
I hide myself through a thick wall of ignorance, pretending that sex and alcohol are the only things that really matter. But I know that's not true either. I love them all. They are my friends, my brothers, my family.
Ken started to advance towards me but Omi held his arm up separating the two of us. "Stop this right now! This isn't going to help Aya!" An angry scowl covered his face.
I decided to direct our attention to Aya's condition. "How bad was he hurt Omichi?"
"I don't really know. I just sort of panicked and didn't really have time for any of that." Sadness and blame shadowed over his face. "I just saw so much blood and it wasn't safe to check his wounds there. After I saw him go down I just panicked I guess." He muffled a sob. " I was supposed to be covering him. This."
"No!" I silenced him. "No one's to blame here. Don't start blaming yourself because it won't help Aya, just as you said."
He looked up at me. His eyes were on the brink of tears. He nodded and then forced a smile. "Thanks Yohji."
Ken just stood there staring at me like he didn't know who the hell I was. Haha! I guess Yohji can care about people other than himself, huh?
"Excuse me." We all turned to meet a short, young dark haired woman in a white jacket. "I'm sorry to interrupt but are you the ones who brought Fujimiya Ran in?"
I stepped forward. "Yes, is he alright?"
"He'll be fine"
~~~~End Flashback~~~
That was three months ago. Turns out that Aya wasn't as hurt as he looked. Meaning he had more of other peoples blood on him than his own. I wonder how Manx explained that one. Aya's wounds have healed and everything was all right again. Except for the fact that I had fallen in love with Aya.
At first I was miserable. I avoided him for some time. I went to clubs whenever I could to immerse myself in sex and alcohol. Then one night I came in drunk as ever and was completely hopeless. I decided the only way to get Aya out of my mind was to kill myself. I snuck into his room to watch him and to say goodbye. I looked at him for a long time, just him, no glare, no scowl, no mask. He was beautiful. The dim light from the street slid across his sleeping form. His alabaster skin glowed in the dim light. His crimson bangs fell across his face. He was so still. The slight rise and fall of his chest was the only thing that let me know he was alive. The quiet sound of his breathing was captivating. It was like a spell that weaved me into a state of contentment and peace that I have not felt in so long, maybe never. I couldn't leave him. Even if he never loved me, even if he hated the very sight of me I had to stay. I had to be with him. I wasn't going to take the easy escape and choose death. Funny thing really, most people are afraid of death. But life is the thing to be afraid of, facing life head on, that's what scares me. No one knows what happens when you die, some have their speculations but no one really knows. I suppose that's what scares the hell out of people, the unknown. Well if you think about it. What'd ya know about life? You never know what can happen the next day, you could win the lottery, you could get hit by a car, you could find the love of you life or you could loose them and everything else in the world that you care for. And then after that day you have to face another, and another after that. And the only thing you can do is go on. This is what I've learned about life, it goes on, with or without you. That's pretty damn scary to me. Life ain't a party for everyone and the people who think it is are just kidding themselves. You have to take a good look around you and see what you have, because sometimes everything you need is right in front of you. Kinda like me and Aya, I was too blind to see who he really was and I almost lost him. It may not look like he's what I needed. I mean me fallowing Aya around for the rest of my life trying to avoid his katana is not something I would picture as a life's purpose. But if I can have moments like these, just to watch him sleep, just to look at him and not his mask, then I think I can get used to the katana. Life isn't always happy endings. I learned to accept that long ago. Sometimes when you finally find what you want it may be right in front of you but you still can't reach it. Maybe this is all I'll ever get is this moment, when I get to watch Aya sleep. But ya know what. That's enough for me. Just to be with him is enough for me. Of course I want more and I'll try like hell to get more if it kills me, and it probably will, but for now I can just be happy with the memory of my angel sleeping.
He's my angel ya see because he saved me. He brought me back to a state of mind that I have not been in for a long time. He kind of makes me think, makes me feel more than I used to. He makes me feel human and not ashamed to feel it. I was One very important thing that I learned from that night is that I was dieing inside. I led myself to believe that I was living life to the moment. But I wasn't. I never appreciated one moment that I had. I never appreciated the people that I had who cared about me. The people I meet at clubs and bars don't care about me. Hell even Aya cares about me more than they do. I think he brought me back to me again.
I left his room that night sober. I haven't gone to a club since. I go out walking when they think I am partying. I am not drinking near as much and my head has never been clearer. Of course I can't give up drinking and clubbing all together. I mean who can get through life without a little drop of liquor now and then? I mean after all no one's perfect, right?
~~~~~~~~~~
What the hell was that? I heard something coming from the hallway. I think was Aya's door from the sound of it. What the hell is he doing up at this time of night? Damn him! Now I have to get my ass up out of bed and go see what the hell he's doing. I trudged out of bed grabbed some pants and a shirt and headed for the door.
~~~TBC~~~
The next chapter will be coming soon. I had this chapter done a while back but was waiting for the site to get fixed completely. Sorry for the long delay.