Chapter 6: Hollow Inside



Walking quickly down the corridor towards the hangar area, Chiana was a little worried. Crichton asked her to help Sheba get some quarters and to get her settled in. She didn't mind, and in fact she was looking forward to having a new face on Moya, especially a Human female. The Nebari had been wondering what kind of person Sheba was and whether this girl knew how to have fun. Her time with Crichton showed her that for a Human, he was a colorful being that could be both serious and care free all at the same time. It might be interesting to discover how the females of Crichton's species behaved.

Unfortunately for her hopes, Chiana had already discovered that Sheba was rather on the stiff side. She was a little like Aeryn, being all business but what should she expect, Sheba was a woman in uniform. People in uniforms generally means all business and no fun.

After helping Sheba with her new accommodations, the Colonial Warrior told her that she was going to her fighter to get a few personal items off it and she would be right back. Then after a quarter arn had elapsed, she got concerned and asked Pilot where Sheba was.

When Pilot reported that Sheba was still in the hangar and was with Aeryn, she hurried down half expecting to find the DRDs cleaning up a pool of blood after seeing how those two almost bumped heads in the medical area.

To her surprise, when Chiana walked in the hangar area she found Aeryn seated in Sheba's fighter, while the Colonial warrior hung outside on the fighter's ascent ladder. Sheba was happily giving Aeryn the run down on every switch and button in her Viper cockpit while Aeryn listened eagerly.

Chiana just shook her head as she watched the two chatting away happily, remembering how those two got along a couple arns before. It has to be a crazy pilot thing but I must admit, this is the first time I've actually seen Aeryn smiling in a while.

Approaching closer, she heard Sheba describing the Viper's systems to Aeryn.

This is the countermeasure board that alerts you when the you're being tracked or about to be fired upon. This has gone under a lot of changes over the yahrens and not usually for the better.

Aeryn looked over the displays but couldn't read them because they were labelled in English. How so?

I flew the last generation of Viper with a hyperactive countermeasure board that beeps and whines whenever a hostile sensor detects you. It was loud and annoying and we turned it off because it made it impossible to focus on anything else in a fight. Once a Cylon got behind me and my wingman warned me about it but I couldn't hear him because I was distracted by my noisy alert board.

Sensory overload. Aeryn commented. Hearing and seeing too many things all at once.

Sheba nodded. Later, I played back my flight recorder and there as clear as day, I heard my wingman warning me about the Cylon. After that, I shut down half of alert systems so I can pay more attention to flying.

Finally, Sheba glanced up and spotted the young Nebari watching them, and suddenly remembered that she was suppose to be right back to meet her in her new quarters long ago.

Chiana, I'm sorry that I kept you waiting. The Colonial warrior apologized.

I'm fine, it's not like I have too many places to visit or much to do around here. Chiana said, then focused on former Peacekeeper.

Nice to see you smiling again, Aeryn.

The moment that Chiana said it, she instantly regretted it. Aeryn's reaction was immediate. She slapped her Peacekeeper face back on and started climbing out of the Sheba's fighter.

I'm sorry, I have to go.

Uh, sure. The Colonial Warrior was slightly surprised by her change in mood but she stepped back down onto the deck and let Aeryn use the ladder to hop off. Are you okay?

I'm fine. Was all that Aeryn said before she started to walk off.

As Aeryn moved by her, Chiana was almost pleading for forgiveness. I'm sorry, Aeryn.

The former Peacekeeper didn't looked back and left the hangar area. The Nebari watched her go before she slapped her forehead angrily. I'm so frelled in the head!

Sheba approached Chiana, utterly confused by what just happened. What was that all about?

She... She is going through some serious problems and you were the first person she actually opened up to in a weeken since she came back to Moya. That was before I opened my big mouth.

Sheba got a little concerned. What problem?

She's in mourning.

***


Sheba stood in front of Aeryn's quarters, not knowing if this was a good idea. She barely knew her, but she felt the need to do this. She found the doors to everyone's quarters, including Aeryn's, actually looked more like a prison gate. Aeryn's door to her living area was open and only a blanket hung in front of the doorway for privacy to prevent anyone from seeing inside the room.

She took in a breath and called softly. Aeryn? It's me, Sheba, I'd like to see you.

A couple of moments passed before she heard Aeryn answering. Come in.

Stepping through the blanket opening, Sheba spotted Aeryn sitting in the middle of her bed. Her quarters looked like a battlefield, with clothing and personal items littered across the floor and over furniture.

Aeryn barely looked at Sheba to acknowledge her presence. The Human gave a small smile and asked gently. You left awfully quick.

What did Chiana tell you? Aeryn asked somberly, not making eye contact with her.

All she said that you were in mourning. Sheba admitted.

That's all?

She didn't want to go into details and I just came by to see if you were okay.

Aeryn laughed, shaking her head in slight frustration. That's everyone's favourite hobby around here on Moya. Are you okay, Aeryn? Feeling better? Would you like to talk about it?

Sheba immediately knew the usual approach wouldn't work here. She tried a different angle.

When you are hurt or grieving, your friends can become too concerned. Sheba replied. They don't realize they can make a situation worse rather than better. Sometimes they can start treating you differently without knowing it.

I just don't want them to pity me. Aeryn whispered. Like the way you're looking at me now. Someone to feel sorry for. I want them to stop telling me how I should feel or act.

How do you feel?

Hollow inside.

I'm not going to tell you how to deal with your pain, Sheba said softly. But I will tell you that everyone handles grief differently. You will know when the worst is over.

Aeryn's eyes were focused on some distance point on the far wall. I don't want to get over it.

Sheba stepped forward and knelt down beside Aeryn's bed looking up to her. Why? Are you afraid you'll forget him, is that why you left suddenly in the hangar, because you felt guilty for having a moment to yourself?

Aeryn didn't answer, instead she asked. How do Human women deal with such a loss?

One day at a time, like you're doing. Sheba said and gently reached out to touch Aeryn's hand. You must had loved him dearly.

The instant Sheba's hand touched Aeryn's, she jerked away.



Aeryn shouted loud enough and moved so suddenly that Sheba flinched as if she were expecting to be struck. After a moment, Aeryn calmed herself down while choking back tears.

I have cried enough for two life times, please leave Sheba. I need to be left alone.

Sheba didn't want to leave, she could see the agony that Aeryn was enduring and she wanted to help. But Aeryn made it clear she didn't want anyone's pity and was determined to be a good soldier and to bite the bullet alone.

With a slight nod of the head to Aeryn, Sheba stood up and left. Outside, Sheba felt defeated, unable to give aid or comfort to someone obviously in need. She had to do something and decided to check with John Crichton and see if he would be willing to tell her what had happened to Aeryn.