CHAPTER 17
Anakin Skywalker had been pacing the hallway outside of the Jedi Council Chamber for quite some time. Try as he did, he could not help but keep his eyes firmly fixed on the large, closed doors in front of him. Behind those doors, the Council and Luke were locked in discussion. After Luke's declaration that he would be willing to stay on this plane rather than risk the Dark Side attack that would surely come when he returned to the Other Side, the Council had asked to speak with him alone. Everyone other than Council members, including Anakin, Nomi and even Qui-Gon, had all been asked to leave so that the Council could talk with Luke interrupted and without distraction. The others had found their way outdoors, to get some fresh air and try to relax in the ever-present comfort of the Light. But Anakin could not bring himself to stray too far from his son. His warder senses were flashing, warning him of Dark Realm movement. But the sensations he was picking up were brief and fleeting, tinged with dark purpose, but difficult to pinpoint. This concerned Anakin greatly, but he was making a supreme effort to shield his worry, knowing that Luke would certainly pick up on his emotions. And his son needed no distraction now, not with everything else going on around him. But still, these dark images played through Anakin's mind, warning him of imminent dark side advancement.
And there was something else, as well - something Anakin had not felt in quite some time. The Force was pulling at him, gently tugging at his mind, leading his thoughts in a way that was both uncomfortable and completely natural. But leading him where? To what? Anakin tried to push the odd sensation away, to focus on the task at hand, but there was a lingering feeling in his mind that his duty as Warder was secondary to his duty… as what? Anakin shook his head in frustration. He couldn't be certain, couldn't quite piece together what the Force was trying to tell him. But whatever it was, he knew it was vitally important. With some effort, he managed to push the distracting thoughts aside. But he knew the Force would not allow him to ignore its prodding for long. It never did.
"Staring at those doors won't make them open any faster."
Anakin stopped in mid stride and smiled in spite of himself. He turned to see Nomi leaning against a far wall, her arms crossed in front of her, an amused smile on her face.
"I realize that," Anakin stated, moving to sit on one of the long benches that lined the corridor. He sat down heavily, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the wall. Nomi regarded him a moment, then moved to sit beside him. She saw the concern in his face, the tension in his body. She gently reached out, laying a delicate hand on Anakin's forearm, sending waves of comfort to him through the touch. Anakin felt himself begin to relax almost immediately, and he smiled.
"I don't know how you do that," he said, his eyes still closed. "I think you might have missed your calling as a Healer."
Nomi chuckled, but offered no response. What Anakin didn't know - and would probably never know - was that Nomi had indeed been given the prestigious offer of training with the Healers. The offer came many years ago, and there were times Nomi regretted having turned it down. Instead, she had taken on a different, far more difficult assignment. She chose to become a Guide to a certain little boy; one conceived of the Force and destined to restore its balance. Nomi's eyes became distant as she allowed her mind to drift back in time, back to events she would rarely dwell on.
She had never been a Guide before she was asked to Bond with Anakin. She still didn't understand why he Council had asked her to take on that burden. She had done her best - no one would argue that - but there was always a deep, painful feeling that she could have done more to prevent the tragic events that shaped Anakin's adult life. Realistically, she understood that Guides were only capable of a certain amount of influence. She had silently given Anakin advice, tried to help him in times of distress, but in the end she was just a spectator, a witness to his life's events. The ultimate decisions, for good or bad, were always up to him. But understanding her role made watching Anakin's fall to darkness no less painful, and did little to assuage the guilt she still sometimes felt.
Nomi shuddered as she recalled how her Guide-Bond had been slowly eaten away by the darkness. Every step Anakin took away from the Light brought him further and further away from Nomi. Her whispers to his mind became softer, more distant, until he was completely lost to her. Nomi remembered that day well - the day Anakin lost himself fully to the darkness and the Guide-Bond Nomi had with him was severed completely. It was an almost physical pain, like a part of herself had been forcibly cut away. If not for the support of her closest friends, she doubted she would have ever recovered from that loss, as agonizing as it was. But the Force was not without compassion, and many years later the pain of losing Anakin was drowned out by the joy that consumed her when he finally renounced darkness and brought balance to the Force. Her Guide-Bond with Anakin was restored at that moment, pulsing with energy and Lightside power. Their bond from that day on was unshakable.
With embarrassment, Nomi suddenly remembered where she was. She pulled her mind back to the present and felt her face flush when she saw Anakin staring directly at her, a touch of sadness in his eyes. Nomi turned away, shifting position to mask her embarrassment, knowing it was a futile attempt. Anakin undoubtedly knew what it was she had been thinking about. She shook her head slightly, angry with herself. It was not like her to be so careless with her thoughts, or to lose herself in memories from the past. Especially not those memories, and especially not around Anakin.
As close as they were, Nomi and Anakin never discussed the 'lost years', as Nomi referred to the time when Anakin was walking the path of darkness. After his return Home, Anakin had locked himself away in a self-imposed exile for several years, meditating, clearing his mind, trying to come to terms with what he had done in his life. He rarely ventured out during those first years, seeking out the wisdom and companionship of a select few - Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, even Master Yoda at times. Only after he had achieved a measure of peace and forgiveness within himself did Anakin rejoin the Jedi. Only then did Nomi introduce herself, explain who she was and her purpose. They became the closest of friends, and Nomi felt no desire to cause Anakin further pain by bringing up events from the past. But though it was unspoken, the pain and guilt they both felt was still there, just under the surface. Nomi was prepared to ignore it, to once again push the past away, but Anakin had other ideas.
"I'm sorry, Nomi," he told her, his voice sad but steady. "I am truly, deeply sorry for the pain I caused you."
"Anakin, please don't apologize to me. If anything, I should be the one to ask your forgiveness." She paused, not meeting Anakin's eyes. "I failed you. I was your Guide. It was my responsibility to help you but instead..."
He cut her off abruptly by grabbing her forearms and sliding off the bench to kneel directly in front of her. He locked his eyes on hers, and spoke directly to her mind and heart, silently, through their bond. He communicated his every thought, told her everything he had kept to himself, gently washing away her misplaced guilt and her very real pain. Nomi did likewise, answering Anakin wordlessly, conveying to him through their bond her love and support. The two Jedi stayed like that for a short time before slowly pulling away, a newfound depth of friendship between them. Anakin bowed his head, smiling, feeling Nomi's pure and unconditional acceptance. He glanced once again at the Council Chamber doors, feeling Luke's strong presence. Nomi and Luke. Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan. He shook his head, then cast his blue eyes back toward Nomi.
"What did I ever do to deserve the people in my life?" he asked softly.
Nomi was silent a moment, then a mischievous grin appeared on her face and her eyes began to sparkle.
"You don't deserve us," she answered him. "I think we deserved you."
Not sure how to take that, Anakin just laughed and stood up, grasping Nomi's hand and pulling her up into a warm embrace.
"You know, if you two want to be alone, there are better places than this."
Nomi and Anakin pulled apart and looked over to see Ulic Qel-Droma walking towards them down the hall. Ulic was, clearly, the last person either of the two wished to see at that moment. Anakin felt his temper rise, and he turned away, not trusting himself to keep a civil tongue with the renegade Jedi that had endangered not only Luke but also the security of all the Jedi.
"If you had an ounce of decency Ulic, you would find a corner and stay there until you're needed," Nomi told him, taking a few steps toward her old friend.
Ulic appeared unconcerned, even amused by Nomi's accusing tone. He strode up to stand very close to her, then smiled. "You're probably right, of course. Believe me; I know I'm not the most popular individual around here today."
"Just today?" Nomi retorted, turning her back on Ulic and moving to sit back on the bench.
Ulic grinned. "All right, I deserved that. But I still stand by the statements I made in Council today. I'll agree that my method wasn't the best but my intentions were good and so was my theory. Master Skywalker has learned more in the few days he has been here than he has in 20 years. You can't tell me that's not worth something."
With that, Anakin turned and glared at Ulic. "It's not worth the risk, Qel-Droma," Anakin roared. "It's not worth a dark side attack against us and it is certainly not worth Luke's life!"
Ulic backed up slightly, putting both hands in front of him. "Anakin, hold on. Luke will be fine. I never would have attempted this if I thought he would be harmed. He made it through once, he can make it through again. And I wouldn't be too concerned with a dark side attack if I were you."
"And why not?"
"Because it's not going to happen."
Nomi rose, staring incredulously at Ulic. "Really? And how can you be certain of that?"
Ulic grinned. "Because there is only one person, other than me, that knows anything about Transcendence. Or at least knows enough about it to pose any threat."
Nomi raised her chin slightly. "You're talking about Exar Kun."
Ulic nodded. "That's right. He and I worked together to unlock the secrets of Transition Bonds and we stumbled on the idea of Transcendence. I was finally able to achieve a degree of success in creating a portal between planes, but Kun never did." Ulic shrugged. "I doubt he would be able to do it, even now. He just can't summon that kind of power. Even if he found someone to assist him, he would still need to find the proper way to channel the power." Ulic considered a moment, a touch of arrogant pride flashed in his eyes. "That's the real trick. It's far too complicated for someone like Kun."
Anakin's eyes narrowed. He sensed something from Ulic, some deception. Luke had felt it earlier, when Ulic was addressing the Council. He considered Ulic's last statement. Something wasn't right, something was missing......
"He can't summon that power," Anakin stated suspiciously. "But can he control it?" It wasn't really a question.
Ulic hesitated, betraying his apparent confidence. He shifted position, then averted his eyes. Anakin had hit upon something, that was certain. Something Ulic clearly did not wish to be known.
"It is possible," Ulic began slowly, "that Kun could trace the path of the Transcendence. He knows what to look for. Transcendence leaves a faint impression behind, but it's hard to track if you haven't trained to do it. He could do that. Maybe."
Anakin and Nomi exchanged glances. There was definitely more to this.
"And what else?" Nomi prompted, her voice hard.
"Tell us," Anakin demanded.
Ulic looked around, lowering his voice. "I didn't want to say anything to the Council about this. There is a slight possibility that Kun could, once the Transcendence portal has been created, be able to keep it open."
"For what purpose?" Nomi questioned, her face contorting with horror.
Ulic shrugged. "There are several possibilities. The obvious benefit is the longer the portal is open, the longer the boundaries between planes will be unstable."
"And that means the Dark Ones have a better opportunity to mount an attack against us!" Anakin declared, the pieces falling into place.
"Why would you keep something like this to yourself, Ulic?" Nomi asked, feeling anger rising within her. "This is vital information!"
Ulic took a step back, lowered his head. "Listen to me, please. I didn't say anything about Kun because I thought it might prevent Luke's return. I didn't want the council to vote against sending Luke back out of some misplaced fear of a dark side attack. As it stands now, I'd say the Council is evenly divided on the issue. They have been in there with Luke for hours, debating the pros and cons of keeping him here! Is that what you want? For Luke to be stranded here indefinitely?"
Ulic paused, seeing he had struck a chord with both Nomi and Anakin. He continued on. "I wanted only to help the Jedi -to help Luke - by bringing him here. It was never my intent for him to be trapped here permanently. I want to see him returned as much as you. And I still think the possibility of a dark side attack on us is relatively minor. It will take only minutes for me to create and stabilize the Transcendence Portal. How much of an attack can the dark ones make in that time? And even if Kun tries to hold it open longer, he will be extremely vulnerable. The power needed is draining. It took me days to fully recover from the strain when I brought Luke over. I was barely conscious when the Council Masters found me, and I'm still feeling some effects."
Anakin considered this, and against his better judgment, saw some merit in Ulic's argument. Anakin did want Luke returned. He still had work to do, and the Other Side needed him desperately. And if Kun could be stopped before doing any real damage...
"All right Ulic. I see what you're saying," Anakin began, nodding his head. "Don't think for a moment I agree with your so-called good intentions in bringing Luke here, but on this matter - and this matter alone - I am prone agree with you."
Further discussion on the matter was cut short when the heavy doors to the Council Chamber began to slowly open. As if on cue, Qui-Gon appeared at the far end of the hall, moving quickly toward the assembled group.
Luke was first to exit the chamber, followed closely by Master Yoda on Arca Jeth. Anakin caught his son's eye and Luke gave his father a slight nod and small smile. Anakin understood immediately. He released a long breath and turned back to the small group. "They're sending him back," he declared, relief in his voice.
Nomi smiled with relief, and Ulic simply nodded. Luke approached then, looking weary after his long discussion with the Council.
"It looks like I'll be going back very soon," Luke stated, then looked at Ulic. "They want to see you."
Ulic excused himself and moved to speak with Masters Yoda and Jeth. Within moments, the three disappeared down the corridor.
"How soon?" Nomi asked, and Luke shrugged.
"I'm not sure. They want to insure the borders are guarded, and get some more information from Ulic on what he will be doing. But if I had to guess, I'd say I'll be back home by midday if everything goes as planned."
There was a touch of sadness in Luke's voice, mixed with relief. He turned away then, and walked slowly toward one of the large windows in the hallway. He gazed out at the crystalline magnificence and beauty of the Light Realm, trying to commit it all to memory.
The Council had, thankfully, decided against blocking his memory, the stipulation being that Luke was not to discuss his time here once he was returned. Jedi - indeed all beings -needed trials and struggles in order to achieve their full potential. One of those struggles is dealing with the unknown, with the unexplained, learning to trust and have faith in the Force. Luke understood that and had agreed to hold his silence, but wondered how he would explain his disappearance to his family and friends. Especially to his intuitive wife, Mara Jade. Lost in thought, Luke did not notice Anakin come to stand beside him until his father spoke.
"An interesting fact is that this realm hasn't been altered in over a thousand generations. And I would guess it will all be exactly like this for thousands more."
Luke smiled, knowing what his father was telling him. The Light realm, with all its beauty and splendor, would be there for him, exactly as it is now, when he finally returned. Father and son stood quietly for several moments before Luke spoke.
"I'd like to ask you to do something for me, but I'm not sure of the right words to use." Luke paused, seeing the curious look on Anakin's face.
"You can ask anything of me, Luke."
Luke paused, then turned to face his father directly. "The galaxy is in a state of flux. Things are changing every day. I am doing my best, but there are times I feel pulled in a dozen directions at once. It's very hard to give even the most important of things the attention they deserve."
Anakin listened intently, wondering where Luke was headed.
"There are days I think Mara and I must be crazy to be bringing a child into the middle of this chaos. I'm away from home a large part of the time, either teaching or finding new students. Mara has equal responsibilities. When I look at the way things are going, I see no relief in sight. In fact, it's looking like the demands on my time - and Mara's - will only increase." Luke paused, then glanced meaningfully at Qui-Gon and Nomi who were standing some distance away. "It would mean a great deal to me if I knew our son had someone looking out for him, giving him some extra support."
Anakin inhaled sharply as Luke's words registered in his mind. What Luke was requesting of him - to basically be a Guide to his grandchild - struck Anakin more powerfully than a physical blow. One of Anakin's most painful regrets was that he had never been able to be a true father to his children, to watch them grow up. And now here was his son - a son who knew about his every weakness and all his grievous mistakes - asking him to have a sacred role in his own child's life. It was more than Anakin had ever dreamed possible, and he was rendered speechless.
Luke, taking his father's silence as reluctance, was quick to point out that he didn't want Anakin to feel obligated in any way, and with that Anakin found his voice.
"Luke, my son. I do not think you realize what this means to me. I would be honored - deeply honored - to accept." He paused, emotions threatening to overwhelm him. There were so many things he wanted to say at that moment, but at the same time, words seemed hopelessly inadequate. "Luke, this is a gift I will cherish. I give you my solemn vow that I will dedicate my life to your child."
"You're grandchild," Luke reminded him softly.
"My grandchild," Anakin confirmed with a smile. Then his blue eyes locked on those on his son. "I will never abandon him."
Luke smiled in understanding, then both men turned back to the large window, lost in peaceful thoughts.