Broken
by DigitalAngelKC
Chapter three: Decisions
Jeff released Ana and they stepped out of the elevator. She walked down the
hall with no contact from Jeff. He could feel her slipping away with each step
they took. His heart felt heavy. Noises were coming from his brother's room
as well as her friend's room. When Ana reached her door, she stopped. Jeff walked
to his door and just stared at it. She knocked on her door.
Jeff whipped around and quickly stepped towards her. "Here's my room key.
I would love to have you come in and spend the night with me - just sleeping."
He confessed. His voice quieted as he said, "You felt right in my arms
and I'd like to hold on to you for a little while longer." He paused
then said with a little more power, "But I don't want to push you to do
anything you don't want to. I leave it to you - it's your decision to come to
me tonight." He gave her a longing yet loving look. His eyes penetrated
her wall she quickly built while walking down the hall. He handed her his extra
key and slipped into his room.
She looked at the key in her hand. Is this the key to everything? She asked herself as she looked at the simple piece of plastic lying in her hand. She looked at his door. She did want to spend the night with him. She felt the same way he did - that she felt right in his arms. She walked over to his door. He was playing the radio or something because she heard music. She put her hand flat on the door and gently rested her head, too; and wondered where Jeff was in the room. She heard the music:
The grey ceiling on the earth
Well it's lasted for a while
It was Your Winter by Sister Hazel. Little did she know, but Jeff was leaning again the door too. His hand lay in almost the exact place where hers and his forehead smacked on the door near his hand. He knew the song as well. They both sang:
Take my thoughts for what they're worth
I've been acting like a child
In your opinion, and what is that?
It's just a different point of view
At that moment, she decided she knocked very so quietly - almost like she didn't want to. But being right on the door, Jeff heard her and quickly open the door. He welcomed her with a hug and knowing what part was next in the song, quietly sang along in her ear:
What else what else can I do?
I said I'm sorry, yeah I'm sorry.
I said I'm sorry, but what for?
If I hurt you then I hate myself
Don't want to hate myself, don't want to hurt you!
Why do you chew your pain?
If you only know how much I love you, love you
Well I won't be your winter
And I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven
I will be here
Tears swelled up in her eyes and she embraced him for the first time. For the
rest of the song, she remained in his arms with her tightly wrapped around him.
"I can't stay. I'm sorry." She paused. "I, I want to, but
There are things, many things, keeping me away" she paused again;
"away from you and your bed." She wasn't sure what to say. Everything
had just kind of come out without her thinking about it. She couldn't stay and
she knew it, even if she wished against wishes, she knew in her heart it would
be a wrong decision. "But please know, I did decide to come in I
mean I, I" She couldn't tell him that she'd been raped, that
she'd been beaten up so badly that she was in a comma for three weeks and that
it took almost nine months to fully recover, that she had missed the end of
her senior year and had to repeat it at a different school, that she still had
nightmares, that he was the first guy she didn't want to disappear from her
site, that she had inner demons that she couldn't bare to face, that she dated
girls at school and that she would have never done anything like that with someone
she had just met. "I'm broken," She told him, under her breath.
Jeff thought she just said that she was broken, but he couldn't believe that
was what he heard. He thought for a minute then asked, "Can I kiss you?"
His eyes were red; he fought back his tears.
"Another decision? I can't keep making these I'm tired and confused,
Jeff." Jeff knew it was serious. She called him Nero all night when the
feeling was playful, but now that they were serious, he was back to ordinary
Jeff. She looked down at the floor and noticed he was in long, flannel
pants. She glanced up at his waist. She could see his hip muscles, which probably
would have turned her on if she wasn't so tired and confused.
"Can I" He stopped, he knew she couldn't handle any more decisions.
He wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to make love to her, but he wasn't going
to do any of it. "I'll walk you to your door?" He asked timidly.
"Would I be a bitch if I said 'No'?" She asked trying to lighten the
heavy air that seemed to settle in the room.
"No, of course not." He stated knowing the dreaded answer he'd receive
in just a few seconds. He looked down at the floor and felt his heart fall to
his feet. "I don't want to loose you" he paused and sighed.
"But I supposed I never really had you, did I, Edana?"
She looked at him, "You have more of me than even I understand."
She responded slowly, trying to understand the words that she was saying. She
took his hand and kissed his palm. He cupped the side of her face and wiped
away her tears with his thumb. He moved his hand down a little and stroked her
still moist lips with his thumb. She could taste the tears he wiped away. He
dropped his hand before she could pull away. "Goodnight Jeff." She
turned away from him and walked out the door.
"Goodnight, Edana." He said as she shut the door.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
She banged on the door. And Keelin came quickly to let her lost friend in.
"Oh my god, Ana?! Where have you been?! Are you ok?" Keelin bombarded
her with questions as she entered the noisy room.
"When I got to the lobby, you guys were gone, which was fine. I went to
the bar and talked with people. Then I feel asleep in the lobby I guess, because
I was woken up a while ago and went walking around the hotel. How was your night?"
"Where'd you get that shirt? It's cute!"
"Oh, I found it in my bag just after you left."
"WE met Matt and Lita and Edge and Shane Helms! You know from wrestling!
We went to a club with them - I guess that's why you didn't find us, they were
leaving when we were. I'm sorry! Don't hate me! Ommigod, do I have a story to
tell you!"
"Tomorrow, ok? I'm tired. Promise, I will listen to it all ten time you tell me!" Ana smiled at her hyper friend. "I'm just really tired. G'night."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The girls' wake up call came at 10:30am. They had to check out in half hour
to not be charge another night's rate. Everything went flying into bags. Trish,
Julie and Jamie went to check out, since they checked in, while the rest of
the partiers carted the luggage to the cars.
Ana stayed behind. She had her cell phone in hand and Lita's t-shirt in the
other hand. She couldn't decide weather or not to knock on Lita's door or Jeff's
door. Which would be harder to explain? She decided to knock on Lita's door.
"Hi, it's the naked chick from last night. I have your shirt to return."
She stated with confidence.
"Oh, hi!" Lita cheerfully greeted. "I see Jeff picked out one
of my favorites. That stinker! Anyway, it's yours. Did you have a good time?
Jeff hasn't said much about last night. It wasn't torturous was it?."
"We ah, we had a good time." Jeff interrupted. "We played the
Game Cube all night." Jeff faked a smile.
"He kicked my ass at Wrestlemania. I was even you, and I couldn't kick
his ass." Ana piped in.
"That's strange, because I can kick his ass in real life!" Lita stated
with a giggle, but seriously. "Well, thanks again for staying with Jeff.
Sorry we put you in an awkward situation."
Lita, now sensing the tension between Jeff and Ana excused herself. "Matt
will check you out, Jeff. And I'm leaving to check us out. We'll meet you in
the garage, alright? You ok to get your luggage?"
"Yeah, thanks." Jeff said softly.
"Nice meeting you." Lita smiled and walked away.
"So, last night" Jeff started to say.
"I, um, I'm sorry. I feel like I used you. You're the nicest guy I've
met and I did something new - actually I did a lot of new things. And it was
my decision to do-" she cut off her thought and looked down at the floor.
"Fair enough." Jeff said with a slight cold tone. There was a long,
awkward silence. "New stuff? Like making out with a stranger and then suddenly
flipping out of him?" He asked curiously.
She thought long and hard. "Everything, and I mean everything, I did last
night, I had never done before" she paused. Another awkward silence
reared its head. "But I enjoyed my time with you." Ana stated honestly.
This comment made Jeff feel better. He didn't like that Ana said she used him.
Perhaps that was just poor word choice. "Use me?" he mumbled. He just
had to know.
"Bad choice of words. I didn't use you - I mean, I was acting on instinct,
like I assume you were." She smiled at him.
That's what Jeff wanted to hear. "One more decision, ok?"
"Sure."
He gently took the phone out of her hand and plugged in his cell phone number.
"You have my digits. Call me some time?" And he placed the phone back
in her hand. And he started towards the elevator.
"Nero! Can I change my decision?" she asked as she ran to catch up
with him in the elevator.
"What?"
"That good night kiss? Can I have it now?"
He smiled. It would be hard to stop at just one kiss, but he'd rather have
the one more than no more. Ana stepped onto the elevator with him. He took her
hand in his and looked at it. It was delicate yet strong, like Ana. He leaned
down to kiss her lips, but decided to kiss her forehead instead. Ana was fine
with this. She had suddenly turned cold to his affection and he was being cautious
and gentle with her now.
The elevator stopped at the garage and the doors opened. They stepped out and
walked in their separate directions, each towards their car.
"You gonna call me?!" Jeff yelled.
"I haven't decided yet!" She yelled back to him.
"You haven't decided what yet, Ana?" Keelin asked her as she reached
the car.
"Whether or not drive." Ana covered up.
"You have to drive! That way I can act out last night in the car."
Keelin stated with excitement.
"Ok, then. I guess I decided to drive home." Ana stated.
"If last night was any indication for how our summer's gonna be, this
is going to be the best summer ever!" Keelin added with excitement as she
opened the car door.
"It's going to be the most interesting summer, at least So how did
you ever manage to meet Shane Helms?!"