You need a
sleeping bag and a pair of pajamas.
Also bring a pastry. Don't forget your toothbrush!
When: Friday 6:oo pm to Saturday 10:00 am. It might end earlier than that do to 'good
guy' attacks.
Where:
Sir Seifer Almasy's residence.
Directions:
Go to the world of Final Fantasy 8. In Balamb, go to the docks. There will be a
man who looks like a bum with a big stick and a cranky albino. They will take
you to my house. I would write down my address but this invitation might fall
in to the wrong hands. Tell no one!
Warning: talk to the albino
at your own risk!!!!!!
Seifer adjusts his little pink apron and paces back and
forth uneasily. Hearing a ding
from the kitchen he explains, "Oh Goody!"
and rushes over to pull his rice crispy treats out of the oven. Humming 'Fithos Lusec Wecos' he cuts the
squares into tiny medieval crosses and arranges them on a plate. Just as he puts the yummy little treats down
on his coffee table between a bowl of punch and a bowl of Doritos the doorbell
rings. Seifer dashes to the door
throwing off his lovely apron and downing his classic evil trench coat. Hastily, he throws open the door only to be
disappointed by the presence of Zell.
"What do you want Chickenwuss?!"
Zell scratches his head in confusion, "Hey, isn't this MY
house?"
"No!" Seifer shrieks and slams the door on his face. No sooner is the door slammed shut than
frantic pounding can be heard. Annoyed,
Seifer throws the door open and screams, "WHAT!!"
"The hell! I just
checked my underwear and they have the address to this place written on them!"
"So, is it supposed to be my problem!"
"THIS is my HOUSE!!"
Suddenly pounding can be heard coming from one of the closets. Seifer's eyes narrow as he hisses, "Shut up
Zell's mom this conversation does not concern you!"
Zell cocks his head to the side, "Hey, was that my mom?"
"No… MY house has… um… rats!"
"That was no rat!
MOM, MOMMY!!!"
Seifer rolls his eyes at Zell. "Fine, if you must know:
this is your house and I stole it!
Don't look at me like that Chickenwuss, what was I supposed to do. I'm having a party tonight and Balamb only
has two houses… and this one has two stories!
It was by far the nicer of the two, so you should be honored I chose to
steal your house!" Indignantly, he
places his hands on his hips and looks down his nose at Zell. "Besides, I am a BAD guy after all, the
occupation does come with some perks.
You see, if I was a pansy ass good guy like you I would be forced to
wait from some president to croak or something before I could buy a house, but
since I'm evil I can just steal yours instead of going through all that
hassle. Now, if I give you back your
mother will you get the hell out of here?!"
Zell stops shadow boxing and looks up at Seifer, "Uh… I
guess that's okay." Then he grumbles to
himself, "Since I'm obviously not going to get the house back, might as well
get my mom."
Seifer smiles, obviously pleased with his ability to compromise
in any situation and goes over to the closet.
He grabs Zell's handcuffed and mouth-gagged mother and chucks her out
the door.
Picking his mother up Zell asks, "Can I have my Grandpa's
guns back and my T-board."
Seifer growls, "Fujin used your guns to pin a murder on you
and Rajin road your T-board into the ocean!
So go away! Now leave before I
hurt you!" Zell stands there dumb-founded
as Seifer hits him in the face with the door.
***
~Meanwhile~
At the end of the dock Raijin turns to Fujin and mutters,
"Hey, I wonder where all of Seifer's guests are, ya know? He's gonna be really disappointed if no one
shows up, ya know?" Just them Fujin
gabs him in the ribs and points to the other end of the dock. Rubbing his side Raijin looks over and sees
a group of various bad guys clustered around a bum holding a stick standing
next to an albino chick. Laughing he
says, "Man! What are the odds, ya
know?!"
Fujin's eye narrows and she shrieks, "RINOA. WIG.
RUIN PARTY."
Raijin's eyes dart back for a moment as he tries translating
Fujin's speech. Giving up he grabs a
tiny Fujin translation guide from his pocket and thumbs through it. "OH, ya know! That's Rinoa with a wig one over there standing next to Squall
dressed up as a bum, ya know! They are
trying to kidnap all the guests and ruin Seifer's party, ya know!" Moving over to the imposter bum and Albino
Raijin yells, "Hey, look out, ya
know! Those are GOOD guys, dressed up
as bad guys, ya know?!"
"IMPOSTERS," Fujin agrees.
Rinoa blushes, and turns away from Sephiroth who she had
been talking to. "No… um… NO… THOSE are
good GuYs PRETENDING we are good GUYS PRETENDING TO BE BAD GUYS!"
Fujin flashes a murderous glare at Rinoa for her poor
impersonation of her speech, "RAGE!"
Squall steps back and mutters, "Whatever…. ya know". Pointing at Fujin and Raijin he says, "They are totally good guys… oh yea, ya
know."
Rufus Shinra flips his hair and glares at the dual set of
albinos and bums, "Now how are we supposed to tell who are the real patsies?"
Sephiroth shrugs, "I say we kill them all and sort out the
bodies later!"
Kuja steps up whining, "If we do that we'll miss the
party! And I went to all the trouble to
bake a cobbler!"
Reno from the Turks slides down his sunglasses, "Being a
patsy myself, I know a patsy when I see one.
Any true patsy can answer this question: 'How far would you follow your
boss?" Crossing, his arms Reno steps
back and says, "1. Nowhere, what boss?! I answer to no one! 2. To the mini-mart 3. To your death!"
Squall, pipes up first, "THREE! Definitely three… ya know."
Fujin rolls her eye, "WRONG."
Reno smiles at Fujin and points at Squall and Rinoa, "Those
are the fake patsies! All three answers
are wrong. Any true patsy would know the real answer is 4. Until it's not
convenient anymore!"
Cracking their knuckles the bad guys advance on Rinoa and
Squall who turn tale and run – never to be seen again… well in this fan fic
anyway. With that confusion behind
Fujin shouts "COME" and Sephiroth, Kuja, Rufus and the Turks, Kefka, Ultimacia,
Adel, and Hojo follow Fujin and Raijin to Seifer's house.
***Author's Notes***
Well that concludes Chapter One tune in next time for the
"Monkey Patsy Rant" and much, much more evil humor with everyone's favorite
Final Fantasy Villains!
And as always Robinc and The Pink_Apocalypse drop to their
knees and shamelessly beg for reviews!
