JAILED IN FREEDOM
Departing on the mission he had given himself, to seek for and return with satisfying answers, the North American Companion raised from his seat from which he had been contemplating the possibility of their very first failure on this planet. In the energy molecules of the descended data stream, the face of William Boone appeared, sided with words indicating basic informations on his being. Gender, name, location of birth, current residence, age, marital status and other infos that were related either to a scientific or social branch. Psychological informations were available elsewhere. For all those three sources, Da'an cared little. He had overviewed the informations many times before in an attempt to see what was so different in the person of William Boone, what was so different from Agent Ronald Sandoval, what could justify the change, what could justify the interest that Da'an saw in his person. The Taelon was seeking the answer to the question of difference : why was William Boone different from other Humans he had met ?
Because this particular man evidently was different. By all of his actions he was, and as actions were motivated by thoughts, as thoughts were based on values and as values could be made out by these tests that the human scientists used on several members of their species in an order to situate their mental situation between insanity and genius. - though they had put this scale in a linear form, oblivious to the obvious circular fashion that it should have : they judged that insanity was on one end, while genius was on the other and had not realized that genius was a kind of. controlled insanity. Insanity being the capacity of one single being to overcome the borderlines of their plane of existence, be it in a manner that the other members of their species, wrongly called their fellows (for at the time the gifted or cursed being and his former brethens had little in common), could understand : this, Humans called genius. Or, in the opposite case, the changes affecting one being so that the communications they attempted with members of their own kind were unsuccessful : this, Humans called insanity.
Both were interesting to explore. Insanity was a factor that had been present in all the species that Da'an had ever encountered : the capacity for individuals to think differently from their fellows was reported everywhere.
Sometimes, in times of needs, and when they knew that their words would have on the listening population a certain effect, they took advantage of what they knew. These were called messiahs. Many religions of Earth were based on the actions of one single person, which was strange. For an alien, who had no ability to conceive the human-thought, it was.
But Humans themselves, he assumed, could not see how strange it seemed to the eyes of others : they had had thus far no other point of reference than themselves and the Taelons had only been present on this planet for a few years, nothing yet had happened. No Taelons had yet bonded with a human mate. When this would start, when individuals of their two species would start to unite together, the Humans would undoubtingly react. The only unknown variable was the nature of this reaction. Many kinds the Taelons had encountered had seen this as a form of embezzlement, as an attempt of controlling them further. Most of the time, the first few couples were thrown apart, forced to separate.
He himself had once. joined with an alien one : within months the Synod had requested that their relationship be broken. The rulers of his mate's kind had angrily reacted when informed with the news, they had believed that an alien had somehow forced one of theirs to join with him, they were disgusted and afraid. A few years later, after his departure, Da'an had learned that the diplomatic relations with the Soaktrha people were temporarily taken down, the Synod had set an awaiting verdict on their case. They had waited two full millenias before again attempting contact. Also, more recently, during the travel of the Earth delegation towards its objective, Da'an had received news of his past mate : this one who had not undergone the breaking of their bond with pleasure had settled in a permanent haze of sadness and anger towards his own people for taking his taelon mate away from him, then. had committed suicide.
Da'an found himself recalling the feel of the Soaktrher's skin under his fingers. The first layer of it, protective and rough, was superficial, a defense. The second layer, underneath was the most sensitive one. The Taelon again saw as it had reacted when he had first touched this special skin : going through all of its colorful spectrum. For the Soaktrher's skin was also a vehicule of their emotions. It was why they protected it so carefully, to hide their feelings the better. To display emotions in public, or to show them to any other than one who was member of a close family range (though this had grown particularly difficult while the Taelons were present on the planet as the Soaktrher had discovered the act of cloning and used it without interrogations on its possible consequences ; also it could get complicated as incest was allowed, in fact encouraged for, on this they were opposite to the Humans, the union of two beings living within the same family would provide stronger and more intelligent offspring, their genes not producing degeneration in such cases) or a future-mate, was considerated public exhibition and was highly punished. Their modesty concerning those was even. higher set than the Humans'.
Its feel. Its softness, Da'an recalled. The pleasure he himself had felt as the Soaktrher's skin had morphed to a ruby-red color, indicating joy and also. what english could best render as sexual satisfaction and further appetite. Desire. Noaskror had been the name of his alien chosen one, as he had been revealed at the peak of their mating. Names also, for their kind were sacred, another of those things that was not to be known.
The Companion angrily waved the thought of. His past was not to be thought upon, not to be remembered. Such. rememberance had never brought him anything but grief over something that he could not control, that he could have controlled, but that he could not control any longer. This relationship had lightened his past, had illuminated the heavy duty that he had been carrying out at the time. He had been different. He had been boiling inside with a passion which extent was difficult to describe. A passion that had caused him to sacrifice everything for an individual, a passion that had caused him to destroy a whole world. His eyes were not seeing anymore. His ears not perceiving sounds. He was lost in his memories. Da'an was lost, amongst the mountain of knowledge, the collective memory of their whole species. Sounds that had not been heard by him, images of landscapes on planet that he had never landed upon. Their memories. All of theirs. The weight of Da'an's past was little. A tear in the sea if compared to the weight of all of their pasts. All of their weight was for a moment on his shoulders - years ago, he had sworn they were strong enough to bear many deaths and to convey the voice of the Commonality to many other species, now. his shoulders were frail and trembling.
The accident. A diplomatic accident. A misunderstanding. The planet below, its faintly greyish tones and the white, pinkish clouds lingering in its atmosphere, appeared streaked with blue : the shield had been implanted in the virtual glass barrier surrounding the mothership. They were protecting themselves. Against what ? - they were attacking. The planet was set on fire. Without the slightest noise - for outside was nothing but the silence of space, the silence belonging to destruction (he had seen many of those movies, read many books, written, filmed or made by Humans, which talked of a kind of destruction that was loud, with screams, with the booms and bangs of explosions, the stacattos of guns and the final groans of the wounded, though soon to be dead, soldiers ; but still he could not fathom to see destruction be loud and visible, destruction was subtle and silent, destruction was cold and definitive, left no tear-tracks and no wracking sobs amongst Taelons : their species had gone perhaps just as cold and silent as destruction had ever been) - without the slightest noise, seventeen billions of individuals perished this day. He had been the one to fail them. The one to condemn them.
His lover's fragile link to his mind being broken by taelon healers. The Soaktrher's cry for him, their song of love, their song of loss. It often replayed in Da'an's mind and never failed to raise on its passage the same darkness, the same bitterness, the same. desolation.
In the empty audience chamber, situated in the highest, both in height and in security, level of the taelon embassy to Washington DC, Da'an's body underwent a violent blush. The Taelon's delicate shape shuddered as the human façade slipped off, revealing the sparkling being hidden beneath. For once, Da'an was thankful for the silence. Both the physical one which was a mere envelop to the silence that now reigned inside his mind : the flashbacks were over, and the silence, a demonstration of respect, respect from his fellows, to leave him in peace, not questionning, keeping their distances. Flashbacks. Memories, souvenirs, reminders, on which they had little control. The. more or less voluntary and commanded input from the Commonality's collective memory into their thoughts. Sacriying the fact that every private knowledge was now public, the members of the taelon species had gained a perfect memory. Since long. So long.
Since their division, their separation from the Jaridians. Such an ancient past - and yet its consequences were still to be felt. In parting them from the Jaridians, the Kimeras had attempted an experience : to see if individual beings could be finally brought to surrender their individuality if offered the counterpart of the greater need. If the Taelons would be able to choose willingly between their own selves and the greater good of their species. Whether was the experiment a success or not still remained unknown.
But Da'an forced his thoughts to shift away from this pattern as other minds came closer, motionned closer, mentally so, and sought to discover what was the origin for the emotional and mental trouble they sensed in him. The mental proximity, the extent of the contacts that it was possible to experience within the Commonality and the almost. physical feel of those contacts, never ceased to amaze him. It was a second existence, a second form of existence. Another level that some Humans accepted, that some others rejected or feared, that others yet found suitable to adore. but none of them had attempted to understand it. True also, that the Taelons did not wish or request for such attention be directed to the foundations and basis of their species.
Only William Boone had demonstrated such curiosity. Da'an stepped down from the dais on which his orchid-chair was fixed and advanced through the curtain of energy particles, the energy stream, that flowed from the roof and down to him. An orchid-chair. His implant, Boone, had been the very one to find this term. The Human had stared at his seat for what was for a man implanted with a CVI and who had access to enhanced senses a long time, then he had chosen to state upon Da'an's inquiry, as the Companion had asked if he found anything to be unusual concerning the construction, that it looked vegetal, like an orchid more especially. And that the being sitting in such armchair, looking in total harmony with it, gave the impression, unconscious perhaps, to be the produce of the interior of a flower, to be as graceful, as delicate, as. weak in a particular way that inspired protection, demanded for it. Da'an had patiently listened for the man to finish his explanation of what he saw in this. Then he had of course denied as Boone had asked if the Taelons were aware of the symbolical meaning of their whole appearance and demeanor, though his denial had been marked with some kind of hesitation that he had rarely felt before. This man inspired and invited trust, by his frankness and attempts to the understanding of his species. Although. and finally the stronger message of the Commonality had imposed itself firmly to Da'an's judgement. As it had done so many times before.
Da'an willed his thoughts out of this topic, forgetting about his lost mate, about his past, about his hesitations - an occurrence that would possibly have cost him his place if ever it had come to be known by the rest of the Commonality, it would have been considered a betrayal to ever consider that the will of the majority might indicate wrongness : yet it was a feeling that Ma'el had passed on to him and that seemingly had been passed on to his own child, only. in some kind of more selfish envelop that Da'an knew did not announce a good future - and forced himself to turn around, ignoring the temptation of going by the bay window of virtual glass, kneel and contemplate the rising stars and the dying sun, bathing in its own blood, or so it seemed by the red light that melted with golden as it hit the immaculate facades of the buildings - and focus. On William Boone. It was important that any secret concerning this man may be pierced, for he could very well turn out to be an enemy, one who would have somehow resisted the implantation of a CVI, or at least the influence of its motivational imperative. The Commonality could not afford to be endangered, not at a such crucial moment of its existence, not when the danger that had been in the past threatening was now close to bringing his whole kind to its final collapse.
The case of William Boone, Da'an thought as he waved for the energy stream to display the results of the psychological tests and examination that the implant had submitted to, a week ago, as all implants had to do every two months, to verify that their mental condition was not degenerating - an incident like the one involving James Pike would not happen again. This case was one that had to be dealt with with particular care and attention. This man might just be extremely different, not on the outside but interiorly so. His psychological tests had been stated exemplary. He had displayed honesty in testifying that he had had doubts about the Companions before being given the chance to fully understand how much did they need humanity and that his future was to serve them and the goals of peace they had set for both their species. Agent Sandoval had opposed to the optimism of Da'an and had recommended that William Boone be interrogated on the subject of this past animosity he had felt at the Companions, but Da'an had neglected to fulfill the request.
William Boone was indeed far more interesting than Ronald Sandoval had proven to be. His previous implant had nearly automatically accepted when proposed to join the services of the Companions, opposing little resistance. When William Boone had denied, then accepted but still displaying constant doubts over their intentions, doubting their technology as well as their motives. And Boone also asked. When Ronald Sandoval did not, he contented himself with observing, the implant had once told him when Da'an had wanted to know why did he not ask questions that fit the subject of his interrogations. Agent Sandoval was not a talkative person, he did not like to ask but to observe, did not like to talk but to think and then act. Language does not always convey all that can be expressed and some persons as well might not see the need for the language to express what they feel. Sandoval was part of the latest group. Unfortunately it was a quality that Da'an disliked.
Perhaps it was this in Boone's mindframe that Da'an had come to be pleased with, his capacity to oppose, to offer him contradiction. to offer another kind of challenge, another kind, another aspect of humanity to explore. To question him. By questionning, by talking, by exposing his opinion, the Human had showed him how perspective could members of his kind be, how much understanding could they grasp. Something that Sandoval had never provided.
It was something that his kind had not considered when they had had their engineers set up the parameters of the Cyber-Viral Implants that would be implanted in the brains of Humans. The first order of the Synod concerning those implants had been that they were to ensure loyalty. Loyalty was one thing, one thing that many Companions accepted and were content with : they did not seek more. But Da'an did not want as implants of mindless puppets that were his to manipulate. He knew for certain that this human race had great potential, Ma'el had proven so by his esteem of them - a feeling that had spread with such strenght within the Commonality that many Taelons had, in defense, declared that Ma'el had lost control of his thoughts, that by putting an enormous distance between the core of their Commonality and himself, his mind had finally broken the boundaries of sanity. Ma'el had been one to foresee what was to come. A prophet as Humans called. With the only difference that taelon prophets were. individuals who were granted with a greater contact with the other side : the Void and the messages sent by it. It was about extended mental perceptions and none about the popularization of tales and the accomplishment of a certain quantity of miracles.
Da'an had inherited from Ma'el this esteem of Humans that so little number of his fellows were gifted with. The Synod believed that loyalty was the thing, the feeling, that they needed the most. Only, the debate had once been started amongst the Synod members : whether they could produce, generate loyalty or not. They could manipulate feelings, send chimical impulses to the brain and make a Human think what they wished he did think. But loyalty was something harder yet to generate. It needed trust.
Ronald Sandoval had always showed loyalty, obedience, intelligence in the way he served the Companions, but he was nothing more than a servant. He felt no trust for Da'an. He felt adoration, love, was compelled to obey. Even more now than before, the Taelon could distinguish in the asian man's eyes something that was not to his liking, something that could prove to be dangerous in the later : bitterness. And understanding. His CVI's power was decreasing. This also the taelon scientists who had been charged with the responsibility of the contruction of a Cyber-Viral Implant which would turn Humans, whatever their opinions, past loves and past thoughts, may have been, into servants forced to obey whichever orders would be given to them by their taelon masters, this they knew. Of course. None of their form of technology was ever-lasting. Bio-slurry, if not taken care of and let to grow wild, would outgo the boundaries of what they wished it did in three centuries, but if attentively programmed it would last during millenias, though it did need to be in permanent growth until the mother-root would die. CVIs as well were not eternal, they had not been programmed to be.
Though Taelons easily could have overridden the capcities of the human immune system if they had wished to. But the enhancement produced in the host's brain would have been. painful. An iron-grip on all of their thoughts which would follow them for all of their lives. The response of the human mind to such a new form of enhancement and mental control had been simulated : the results were desastrous. Rather than be controlled and live under a solid reign, the brain prefered to fight the intruder - for after all a Cyber-Viral Implant was constructed to spread as would a virus - until unleashing a fever that would burn the Human from inside while alive. It had not only been done in simulation.
But their task on this planet was temporary. It was a matter of salvation : once they would have found Ma'el's researches they would decide whether or not to go against his request that they were not to come here on Earth. And even then. they were not left much time.
Waving his hand once more, curling his index against his middle finger in the process, indicating in the subtle, though primitive, sign language the first Taelons to discover it had. taught to the bio-slurry that he wished to go back to the information he had viewed a short time ago. The datas concerning William Boone's CVI. A fully functionning motivational imperative. Now that even Agent Sandoval's CVI signaled that its motivational imperative was merely ninety-eight point six percent effective. Da'an was drawn to this particular occurrence, his mind focused on this point of the file displayed before him.
The limits of action of the motivational imperative had not been established, not yet. If their diplomatic relations with Earth were to be pursued, perhaps one day they would be allowed to fully experiment the extent of its boundaries. But it was unthinkable to start such an experiment now. Human scientists searching in this area already had stated with certainty that the CVIs influenced deeply the emotions, the core of many aspects of a human being, anger, fear and love. Downing anger into acceptance. Fear into trust. And love into unconditionnal obedience - that sometimes neared adoration. But little Taelons had cared about this. A few of them only cared about their protectors, cared to greet them when they arrived in the morning, or cared to pay a visit at their bedside when they were hurt in doing their duty. Da'an had. In a gesture that a half-hope and half-experiment, in the wish to seek if care could allow the motivational imperative to self-destruct at a slower rhythm and thus preventing the implant's too early death. His experience had caused him to have a more than willing servant, one who had served him with adoration, with love. Yet trust had never been shining in the almond-shaped, black eyes. Trust. Had Da'an ever seen its shine ?. At all ?
Loyalty was something that each individuals should be allowed to determine their own definition of. Though the Taelons were bound by a Commonality which weighed their actions and was at the center of their priorities, they were still left with some freedom of thought, despite how. impossible it seemed to some Humans. Humans were used to individuality, expected it to characterize every species. Their minds were narrow from their lack of experience in this area, in the area of meeting other species, learning about them, learning from them and understanding them. They had reacted violently enough when the Synod had informed them that all of their lives were ruled by the will of the Commonality, that every individual Taelons lived by what the Commonality told them, never disobeyed the great rule of the mass's good. The greater good. Greater than them. Greater than antyhing. Greater than their lives, than their mates', than their children's. Greater good.
The Humans had been horrified, their only reaction that had stupefied the Taelons and the Synod so much. Horrified at the possibility that they might not feel the same feeling and not consider them with the importance that the Humans qualified them with. Love. Taelons did not mate because they were compelled with affection, but because a taelon mate was chosen for them, a matter of genetic compatibility - they had problems with having children ? had some Humans wondered aloud, no it was the best way for the infant produced to survive to the difficulty of the taelon birthing process and to become strong both physically and mentally, had he personnally answered, allowed at this time the Synod to voice its will through his mouth : he had spoken no lie, but had exposed a single, not quite descriptive part of the truth - Taelons would bond with lovers sometimes, but it was very rare that the Commonality accepted so unless the individual had been born sterile or for any reason unable to give birth. He had joined with an alien one. His feelings at the time. The Companion blushed, lighting the audience chamber's walls with a delicate and swirling projection of his energy pathways. Affection and a desire for greater knowledge, greated acquaintance of this being, desire for closeness. Physical closeness also. All of those that the Synod had qualified as a kind of curiosity that was not to be encouraged. Love and trust. The Humans had choked on the Taelons' conception of these two feelings, their abstraction for them - they had been the two first to be subject to minor philosophical discussions, the ones which had followed had created lesser shockwaves. The Taelons knew of trust only the confidence they placed in the common will's rightness, trust between indidivuals was rarely to be seen, seen as weak if witnessed, thus avoided.
Da'an found strange that Humans had not yet remarked that by implanting some members of their kind with CVIs, they had in fact attempted to bring them to their level, to their comprehension of the world. The motivational imperative had re-organized their priorities, trashing feelings and morals away. Love had become secondary, fear was overwhelmed, anger was not even known to the mind it was being borne and cultivated in. Setting a Human's mindframe exactly as the Taelons' thoughts were oriented. Bringing them to their level.
Yet, the conviction that the problem, the difference that somehow was no problem, though Da'an knew it would someday interfere with their projects, the conviction that William Boone's difference was situated in the implant he bore grew louder and heavier. Heavier on his conscienceness, and louder as it requested to be satiated.
Trust. William Boone trusted him. There was the problem, Da'an realized as he voiced the words to himself, mentally, for no one else to hear though. Boone trusted him. Him, as an individual, because he thought, somehow that Da'an was essential to the survival of their species. Thus, logically as any Taelon thinking like this, giving to one another, or to himself such importance, such value, a higher value, a higher importance than the one of the Commonality itself, such a Taelon would be considered as insane, ultimately seen as such, and then sent to embrace the Void. Selfish thoughts were not to be formulated. The thought, the possibility that selfishness might still exist was weak and low-voiced. Thus, logically, it was impossible for an implant to see it as William Boone had declared he did. Though, exceptions did exist, even amongst the Commonality itself, even amongst his species. Amongst Taelons.
Earlier, before the events involving Major McIntyre and the. frighteningly accurate soldier named Lucas Johnson - the one who had been discovering through the changes he had been inflicted at the hands of the scientists of his species the real meaning of the words tatooed on his arm as Da'an had learned while being held captive by Humans the realest sense possible of the verb to die : why were the Humans mildly afraid of it, what did it mean concretely. and especially, deceivingly, how. difficult had it been to fight against the fear he felt as an individual to better follow the directives given by the Commonality, by the greater will, because the Synod had dictated that he must die, then Da'an would fade away and his essence would be preserved, his memory cherished ; was it because of his contact with the Humans that he had grown as attached to life as they were, or rather as. distrustful toward the guarantee of death : why the Humans chose to believe in religions which guaranteed them places in the perfect and idyllic world of beyond. the passage between life and death was not to be feared, or so it was said, then why had he clutched to life, or to Lucas Johnson's hand when the time of the final metamorphosis had come ? - earlier, during the few events which had led to his dismissal from his position as North American Companion : because his services had failed to inform him that the Human called Jonathan Doors was well alive and undead. And because of the new threat posed by this. movement of resistance against them, which seemed well organized, dangerous and ressourceful enough. It had angered the Synod. They did not wish to wait after the first death of a Taelon on Earth for Jonathan Doors to be caught and questionned aboard the mothership. Da'an's performance had not been satisfactory : he had been punished accordingly.
But his implant had not agreed. Da'an had been amazed by this. And mildly angered, that at such time, such time of need, such time of necessity, such time when efficiency was needed, William Boone prefered to concentrate on the direction of his loyalties. His loyalties were to be directed at the Synod, which represented the best interests of the whole taelon species, this was not at question and had never been. It was not to even be brought to wondering. No implant should pronounce the words that William Boone had spoken this day. No Taelons were essential to the survival of their kind, yet they all were. Individually they were nothing. As a whole they were everything. A concept that should have been included in the CVI's functionning motivational imperative. Not that the man seemed not to understand it, he seemed on the contrary to have enough knowledge of what he should have been acting like - though Agent Sandoval could easily have been taken as a behavior model in this case - to bypass it, yet answer as he knew the Companions wished to be answered.
Eventually, Da'an had welcomed the. selfish care that William Boone had showed this day. He knew though that Zo'or's permanent appointment to his seat would have been disastrous, his child knew nothing of how to rule such people for he had merely been on Earth since three weeks past this occurrence and would not have demonstrated well to the american people which had grown attached to him, apparently. This was as much selfishness as Da'an could permit himself. Not yet to speak that he was better than one another, but to say that one could be worse than him. He still, undoubtingly, would have kept his seat amongst the Synod members and as the Synod was now stationned around Earth, he would have remained here.
Then, the Human who had been so far nothing but a particular specimen who was eager to oppose, doubt and ask had become something further, had grown to the state of a being who had voiced personnal opinions and beliefs. Some beliefs that perhaps should have remained unspoken. But then, William Boone was not supposed to allow himself to consider these thoughts. Thoughts that Da'an was essential to the survival of all Taelons.
It was known that some implants could influence the power of their motivational imperative, some Humans' immune system had mined its compelling force to less than ninety-five percent of full efficiency. Yet, these implants were functionning, not questionning, not wondering. No implant, no human being could have had controlled the CVI, and in so little time, to the point of what had William Boone showed as differences. It was impossible.
Had come his captivity. His kidnapping. Boone's worry. These kind words. Caring words. Lost in a maelström of energy, his own mind, swirling about between the two side, walking on the edge, reading to fall over to the other side. And Boone's hand catching him as certainly as if to call him back from the fall in which he had tangled himself somehow. Lost amongst all these other proofs of care, other words, pronounced by other people, words that showed clearly that Humans attached to their Companions. Attachement. Ronald Sandoval, his voice broken as he had whispered that they had been asked by the Synod not to grieve for Da'an's passing, his own words clearly showing that he intended on pursuing the contrary. And Boone's hand. A reminder of reality, a reminder that he had re-integrated his physical body, a reminder that he could still cling to life.
Da'an was fully aware since numerous minutes that the only suitable answer to all the questions he had been asking and the common point of all the memories that he had recalled. was : that either was his perception unclear. Which was not to be considered. Or perhaps was William Boone insane in a softer, calmer way. Which would have been revealed. Or.
Or had the tool failed and not the man bearing it. Their tool, their gift, their curse, their technology. Failing. It happened rarely, but it did. Boone's motivational imperative might not be effective at all, or only partially, which forced him to be constantly parted, separated, ripped apart between his loyalty to the Synod and his own affection for Da'an. The realization dawned on the Taelon, the feeling that this was the right proposal, the right theories amongst all these hypothesis. The rightest one at least. Perhaps was it not clear yet.
But to contemplate the theory was. faintly ironic.
The Companion sat back into his orchid-like chair, in the center of which he was seated looking like, he knew so, the core of a flower, softness and delicacy. The bio-slurry offered to his fatigued body the comfort of support, noticed Da'an as the usual feeling of warmth spread through his pathways. Warmth. Home.
Irony resurfaced, though the topic of William Boone had been taken away, mentally so. A part of the mystery aura-ing around this man was solved. Da'an had raised a theory, now it was only requested that he would keep it in the freshest memory and use any new. contructing datas to its consolidation.
Irony. Live free or die. Yet William Boone was jailed in his freedom of thought. As was he. As they all were.
END
Departing on the mission he had given himself, to seek for and return with satisfying answers, the North American Companion raised from his seat from which he had been contemplating the possibility of their very first failure on this planet. In the energy molecules of the descended data stream, the face of William Boone appeared, sided with words indicating basic informations on his being. Gender, name, location of birth, current residence, age, marital status and other infos that were related either to a scientific or social branch. Psychological informations were available elsewhere. For all those three sources, Da'an cared little. He had overviewed the informations many times before in an attempt to see what was so different in the person of William Boone, what was so different from Agent Ronald Sandoval, what could justify the change, what could justify the interest that Da'an saw in his person. The Taelon was seeking the answer to the question of difference : why was William Boone different from other Humans he had met ?
Because this particular man evidently was different. By all of his actions he was, and as actions were motivated by thoughts, as thoughts were based on values and as values could be made out by these tests that the human scientists used on several members of their species in an order to situate their mental situation between insanity and genius. - though they had put this scale in a linear form, oblivious to the obvious circular fashion that it should have : they judged that insanity was on one end, while genius was on the other and had not realized that genius was a kind of. controlled insanity. Insanity being the capacity of one single being to overcome the borderlines of their plane of existence, be it in a manner that the other members of their species, wrongly called their fellows (for at the time the gifted or cursed being and his former brethens had little in common), could understand : this, Humans called genius. Or, in the opposite case, the changes affecting one being so that the communications they attempted with members of their own kind were unsuccessful : this, Humans called insanity.
Both were interesting to explore. Insanity was a factor that had been present in all the species that Da'an had ever encountered : the capacity for individuals to think differently from their fellows was reported everywhere.
Sometimes, in times of needs, and when they knew that their words would have on the listening population a certain effect, they took advantage of what they knew. These were called messiahs. Many religions of Earth were based on the actions of one single person, which was strange. For an alien, who had no ability to conceive the human-thought, it was.
But Humans themselves, he assumed, could not see how strange it seemed to the eyes of others : they had had thus far no other point of reference than themselves and the Taelons had only been present on this planet for a few years, nothing yet had happened. No Taelons had yet bonded with a human mate. When this would start, when individuals of their two species would start to unite together, the Humans would undoubtingly react. The only unknown variable was the nature of this reaction. Many kinds the Taelons had encountered had seen this as a form of embezzlement, as an attempt of controlling them further. Most of the time, the first few couples were thrown apart, forced to separate.
He himself had once. joined with an alien one : within months the Synod had requested that their relationship be broken. The rulers of his mate's kind had angrily reacted when informed with the news, they had believed that an alien had somehow forced one of theirs to join with him, they were disgusted and afraid. A few years later, after his departure, Da'an had learned that the diplomatic relations with the Soaktrha people were temporarily taken down, the Synod had set an awaiting verdict on their case. They had waited two full millenias before again attempting contact. Also, more recently, during the travel of the Earth delegation towards its objective, Da'an had received news of his past mate : this one who had not undergone the breaking of their bond with pleasure had settled in a permanent haze of sadness and anger towards his own people for taking his taelon mate away from him, then. had committed suicide.
Da'an found himself recalling the feel of the Soaktrher's skin under his fingers. The first layer of it, protective and rough, was superficial, a defense. The second layer, underneath was the most sensitive one. The Taelon again saw as it had reacted when he had first touched this special skin : going through all of its colorful spectrum. For the Soaktrher's skin was also a vehicule of their emotions. It was why they protected it so carefully, to hide their feelings the better. To display emotions in public, or to show them to any other than one who was member of a close family range (though this had grown particularly difficult while the Taelons were present on the planet as the Soaktrher had discovered the act of cloning and used it without interrogations on its possible consequences ; also it could get complicated as incest was allowed, in fact encouraged for, on this they were opposite to the Humans, the union of two beings living within the same family would provide stronger and more intelligent offspring, their genes not producing degeneration in such cases) or a future-mate, was considerated public exhibition and was highly punished. Their modesty concerning those was even. higher set than the Humans'.
Its feel. Its softness, Da'an recalled. The pleasure he himself had felt as the Soaktrher's skin had morphed to a ruby-red color, indicating joy and also. what english could best render as sexual satisfaction and further appetite. Desire. Noaskror had been the name of his alien chosen one, as he had been revealed at the peak of their mating. Names also, for their kind were sacred, another of those things that was not to be known.
The Companion angrily waved the thought of. His past was not to be thought upon, not to be remembered. Such. rememberance had never brought him anything but grief over something that he could not control, that he could have controlled, but that he could not control any longer. This relationship had lightened his past, had illuminated the heavy duty that he had been carrying out at the time. He had been different. He had been boiling inside with a passion which extent was difficult to describe. A passion that had caused him to sacrifice everything for an individual, a passion that had caused him to destroy a whole world. His eyes were not seeing anymore. His ears not perceiving sounds. He was lost in his memories. Da'an was lost, amongst the mountain of knowledge, the collective memory of their whole species. Sounds that had not been heard by him, images of landscapes on planet that he had never landed upon. Their memories. All of theirs. The weight of Da'an's past was little. A tear in the sea if compared to the weight of all of their pasts. All of their weight was for a moment on his shoulders - years ago, he had sworn they were strong enough to bear many deaths and to convey the voice of the Commonality to many other species, now. his shoulders were frail and trembling.
The accident. A diplomatic accident. A misunderstanding. The planet below, its faintly greyish tones and the white, pinkish clouds lingering in its atmosphere, appeared streaked with blue : the shield had been implanted in the virtual glass barrier surrounding the mothership. They were protecting themselves. Against what ? - they were attacking. The planet was set on fire. Without the slightest noise - for outside was nothing but the silence of space, the silence belonging to destruction (he had seen many of those movies, read many books, written, filmed or made by Humans, which talked of a kind of destruction that was loud, with screams, with the booms and bangs of explosions, the stacattos of guns and the final groans of the wounded, though soon to be dead, soldiers ; but still he could not fathom to see destruction be loud and visible, destruction was subtle and silent, destruction was cold and definitive, left no tear-tracks and no wracking sobs amongst Taelons : their species had gone perhaps just as cold and silent as destruction had ever been) - without the slightest noise, seventeen billions of individuals perished this day. He had been the one to fail them. The one to condemn them.
His lover's fragile link to his mind being broken by taelon healers. The Soaktrher's cry for him, their song of love, their song of loss. It often replayed in Da'an's mind and never failed to raise on its passage the same darkness, the same bitterness, the same. desolation.
In the empty audience chamber, situated in the highest, both in height and in security, level of the taelon embassy to Washington DC, Da'an's body underwent a violent blush. The Taelon's delicate shape shuddered as the human façade slipped off, revealing the sparkling being hidden beneath. For once, Da'an was thankful for the silence. Both the physical one which was a mere envelop to the silence that now reigned inside his mind : the flashbacks were over, and the silence, a demonstration of respect, respect from his fellows, to leave him in peace, not questionning, keeping their distances. Flashbacks. Memories, souvenirs, reminders, on which they had little control. The. more or less voluntary and commanded input from the Commonality's collective memory into their thoughts. Sacriying the fact that every private knowledge was now public, the members of the taelon species had gained a perfect memory. Since long. So long.
Since their division, their separation from the Jaridians. Such an ancient past - and yet its consequences were still to be felt. In parting them from the Jaridians, the Kimeras had attempted an experience : to see if individual beings could be finally brought to surrender their individuality if offered the counterpart of the greater need. If the Taelons would be able to choose willingly between their own selves and the greater good of their species. Whether was the experiment a success or not still remained unknown.
But Da'an forced his thoughts to shift away from this pattern as other minds came closer, motionned closer, mentally so, and sought to discover what was the origin for the emotional and mental trouble they sensed in him. The mental proximity, the extent of the contacts that it was possible to experience within the Commonality and the almost. physical feel of those contacts, never ceased to amaze him. It was a second existence, a second form of existence. Another level that some Humans accepted, that some others rejected or feared, that others yet found suitable to adore. but none of them had attempted to understand it. True also, that the Taelons did not wish or request for such attention be directed to the foundations and basis of their species.
Only William Boone had demonstrated such curiosity. Da'an stepped down from the dais on which his orchid-chair was fixed and advanced through the curtain of energy particles, the energy stream, that flowed from the roof and down to him. An orchid-chair. His implant, Boone, had been the very one to find this term. The Human had stared at his seat for what was for a man implanted with a CVI and who had access to enhanced senses a long time, then he had chosen to state upon Da'an's inquiry, as the Companion had asked if he found anything to be unusual concerning the construction, that it looked vegetal, like an orchid more especially. And that the being sitting in such armchair, looking in total harmony with it, gave the impression, unconscious perhaps, to be the produce of the interior of a flower, to be as graceful, as delicate, as. weak in a particular way that inspired protection, demanded for it. Da'an had patiently listened for the man to finish his explanation of what he saw in this. Then he had of course denied as Boone had asked if the Taelons were aware of the symbolical meaning of their whole appearance and demeanor, though his denial had been marked with some kind of hesitation that he had rarely felt before. This man inspired and invited trust, by his frankness and attempts to the understanding of his species. Although. and finally the stronger message of the Commonality had imposed itself firmly to Da'an's judgement. As it had done so many times before.
Da'an willed his thoughts out of this topic, forgetting about his lost mate, about his past, about his hesitations - an occurrence that would possibly have cost him his place if ever it had come to be known by the rest of the Commonality, it would have been considered a betrayal to ever consider that the will of the majority might indicate wrongness : yet it was a feeling that Ma'el had passed on to him and that seemingly had been passed on to his own child, only. in some kind of more selfish envelop that Da'an knew did not announce a good future - and forced himself to turn around, ignoring the temptation of going by the bay window of virtual glass, kneel and contemplate the rising stars and the dying sun, bathing in its own blood, or so it seemed by the red light that melted with golden as it hit the immaculate facades of the buildings - and focus. On William Boone. It was important that any secret concerning this man may be pierced, for he could very well turn out to be an enemy, one who would have somehow resisted the implantation of a CVI, or at least the influence of its motivational imperative. The Commonality could not afford to be endangered, not at a such crucial moment of its existence, not when the danger that had been in the past threatening was now close to bringing his whole kind to its final collapse.
The case of William Boone, Da'an thought as he waved for the energy stream to display the results of the psychological tests and examination that the implant had submitted to, a week ago, as all implants had to do every two months, to verify that their mental condition was not degenerating - an incident like the one involving James Pike would not happen again. This case was one that had to be dealt with with particular care and attention. This man might just be extremely different, not on the outside but interiorly so. His psychological tests had been stated exemplary. He had displayed honesty in testifying that he had had doubts about the Companions before being given the chance to fully understand how much did they need humanity and that his future was to serve them and the goals of peace they had set for both their species. Agent Sandoval had opposed to the optimism of Da'an and had recommended that William Boone be interrogated on the subject of this past animosity he had felt at the Companions, but Da'an had neglected to fulfill the request.
William Boone was indeed far more interesting than Ronald Sandoval had proven to be. His previous implant had nearly automatically accepted when proposed to join the services of the Companions, opposing little resistance. When William Boone had denied, then accepted but still displaying constant doubts over their intentions, doubting their technology as well as their motives. And Boone also asked. When Ronald Sandoval did not, he contented himself with observing, the implant had once told him when Da'an had wanted to know why did he not ask questions that fit the subject of his interrogations. Agent Sandoval was not a talkative person, he did not like to ask but to observe, did not like to talk but to think and then act. Language does not always convey all that can be expressed and some persons as well might not see the need for the language to express what they feel. Sandoval was part of the latest group. Unfortunately it was a quality that Da'an disliked.
Perhaps it was this in Boone's mindframe that Da'an had come to be pleased with, his capacity to oppose, to offer him contradiction. to offer another kind of challenge, another kind, another aspect of humanity to explore. To question him. By questionning, by talking, by exposing his opinion, the Human had showed him how perspective could members of his kind be, how much understanding could they grasp. Something that Sandoval had never provided.
It was something that his kind had not considered when they had had their engineers set up the parameters of the Cyber-Viral Implants that would be implanted in the brains of Humans. The first order of the Synod concerning those implants had been that they were to ensure loyalty. Loyalty was one thing, one thing that many Companions accepted and were content with : they did not seek more. But Da'an did not want as implants of mindless puppets that were his to manipulate. He knew for certain that this human race had great potential, Ma'el had proven so by his esteem of them - a feeling that had spread with such strenght within the Commonality that many Taelons had, in defense, declared that Ma'el had lost control of his thoughts, that by putting an enormous distance between the core of their Commonality and himself, his mind had finally broken the boundaries of sanity. Ma'el had been one to foresee what was to come. A prophet as Humans called. With the only difference that taelon prophets were. individuals who were granted with a greater contact with the other side : the Void and the messages sent by it. It was about extended mental perceptions and none about the popularization of tales and the accomplishment of a certain quantity of miracles.
Da'an had inherited from Ma'el this esteem of Humans that so little number of his fellows were gifted with. The Synod believed that loyalty was the thing, the feeling, that they needed the most. Only, the debate had once been started amongst the Synod members : whether they could produce, generate loyalty or not. They could manipulate feelings, send chimical impulses to the brain and make a Human think what they wished he did think. But loyalty was something harder yet to generate. It needed trust.
Ronald Sandoval had always showed loyalty, obedience, intelligence in the way he served the Companions, but he was nothing more than a servant. He felt no trust for Da'an. He felt adoration, love, was compelled to obey. Even more now than before, the Taelon could distinguish in the asian man's eyes something that was not to his liking, something that could prove to be dangerous in the later : bitterness. And understanding. His CVI's power was decreasing. This also the taelon scientists who had been charged with the responsibility of the contruction of a Cyber-Viral Implant which would turn Humans, whatever their opinions, past loves and past thoughts, may have been, into servants forced to obey whichever orders would be given to them by their taelon masters, this they knew. Of course. None of their form of technology was ever-lasting. Bio-slurry, if not taken care of and let to grow wild, would outgo the boundaries of what they wished it did in three centuries, but if attentively programmed it would last during millenias, though it did need to be in permanent growth until the mother-root would die. CVIs as well were not eternal, they had not been programmed to be.
Though Taelons easily could have overridden the capcities of the human immune system if they had wished to. But the enhancement produced in the host's brain would have been. painful. An iron-grip on all of their thoughts which would follow them for all of their lives. The response of the human mind to such a new form of enhancement and mental control had been simulated : the results were desastrous. Rather than be controlled and live under a solid reign, the brain prefered to fight the intruder - for after all a Cyber-Viral Implant was constructed to spread as would a virus - until unleashing a fever that would burn the Human from inside while alive. It had not only been done in simulation.
But their task on this planet was temporary. It was a matter of salvation : once they would have found Ma'el's researches they would decide whether or not to go against his request that they were not to come here on Earth. And even then. they were not left much time.
Waving his hand once more, curling his index against his middle finger in the process, indicating in the subtle, though primitive, sign language the first Taelons to discover it had. taught to the bio-slurry that he wished to go back to the information he had viewed a short time ago. The datas concerning William Boone's CVI. A fully functionning motivational imperative. Now that even Agent Sandoval's CVI signaled that its motivational imperative was merely ninety-eight point six percent effective. Da'an was drawn to this particular occurrence, his mind focused on this point of the file displayed before him.
The limits of action of the motivational imperative had not been established, not yet. If their diplomatic relations with Earth were to be pursued, perhaps one day they would be allowed to fully experiment the extent of its boundaries. But it was unthinkable to start such an experiment now. Human scientists searching in this area already had stated with certainty that the CVIs influenced deeply the emotions, the core of many aspects of a human being, anger, fear and love. Downing anger into acceptance. Fear into trust. And love into unconditionnal obedience - that sometimes neared adoration. But little Taelons had cared about this. A few of them only cared about their protectors, cared to greet them when they arrived in the morning, or cared to pay a visit at their bedside when they were hurt in doing their duty. Da'an had. In a gesture that a half-hope and half-experiment, in the wish to seek if care could allow the motivational imperative to self-destruct at a slower rhythm and thus preventing the implant's too early death. His experience had caused him to have a more than willing servant, one who had served him with adoration, with love. Yet trust had never been shining in the almond-shaped, black eyes. Trust. Had Da'an ever seen its shine ?. At all ?
Loyalty was something that each individuals should be allowed to determine their own definition of. Though the Taelons were bound by a Commonality which weighed their actions and was at the center of their priorities, they were still left with some freedom of thought, despite how. impossible it seemed to some Humans. Humans were used to individuality, expected it to characterize every species. Their minds were narrow from their lack of experience in this area, in the area of meeting other species, learning about them, learning from them and understanding them. They had reacted violently enough when the Synod had informed them that all of their lives were ruled by the will of the Commonality, that every individual Taelons lived by what the Commonality told them, never disobeyed the great rule of the mass's good. The greater good. Greater than them. Greater than antyhing. Greater than their lives, than their mates', than their children's. Greater good.
The Humans had been horrified, their only reaction that had stupefied the Taelons and the Synod so much. Horrified at the possibility that they might not feel the same feeling and not consider them with the importance that the Humans qualified them with. Love. Taelons did not mate because they were compelled with affection, but because a taelon mate was chosen for them, a matter of genetic compatibility - they had problems with having children ? had some Humans wondered aloud, no it was the best way for the infant produced to survive to the difficulty of the taelon birthing process and to become strong both physically and mentally, had he personnally answered, allowed at this time the Synod to voice its will through his mouth : he had spoken no lie, but had exposed a single, not quite descriptive part of the truth - Taelons would bond with lovers sometimes, but it was very rare that the Commonality accepted so unless the individual had been born sterile or for any reason unable to give birth. He had joined with an alien one. His feelings at the time. The Companion blushed, lighting the audience chamber's walls with a delicate and swirling projection of his energy pathways. Affection and a desire for greater knowledge, greated acquaintance of this being, desire for closeness. Physical closeness also. All of those that the Synod had qualified as a kind of curiosity that was not to be encouraged. Love and trust. The Humans had choked on the Taelons' conception of these two feelings, their abstraction for them - they had been the two first to be subject to minor philosophical discussions, the ones which had followed had created lesser shockwaves. The Taelons knew of trust only the confidence they placed in the common will's rightness, trust between indidivuals was rarely to be seen, seen as weak if witnessed, thus avoided.
Da'an found strange that Humans had not yet remarked that by implanting some members of their kind with CVIs, they had in fact attempted to bring them to their level, to their comprehension of the world. The motivational imperative had re-organized their priorities, trashing feelings and morals away. Love had become secondary, fear was overwhelmed, anger was not even known to the mind it was being borne and cultivated in. Setting a Human's mindframe exactly as the Taelons' thoughts were oriented. Bringing them to their level.
Yet, the conviction that the problem, the difference that somehow was no problem, though Da'an knew it would someday interfere with their projects, the conviction that William Boone's difference was situated in the implant he bore grew louder and heavier. Heavier on his conscienceness, and louder as it requested to be satiated.
Trust. William Boone trusted him. There was the problem, Da'an realized as he voiced the words to himself, mentally, for no one else to hear though. Boone trusted him. Him, as an individual, because he thought, somehow that Da'an was essential to the survival of their species. Thus, logically as any Taelon thinking like this, giving to one another, or to himself such importance, such value, a higher value, a higher importance than the one of the Commonality itself, such a Taelon would be considered as insane, ultimately seen as such, and then sent to embrace the Void. Selfish thoughts were not to be formulated. The thought, the possibility that selfishness might still exist was weak and low-voiced. Thus, logically, it was impossible for an implant to see it as William Boone had declared he did. Though, exceptions did exist, even amongst the Commonality itself, even amongst his species. Amongst Taelons.
Earlier, before the events involving Major McIntyre and the. frighteningly accurate soldier named Lucas Johnson - the one who had been discovering through the changes he had been inflicted at the hands of the scientists of his species the real meaning of the words tatooed on his arm as Da'an had learned while being held captive by Humans the realest sense possible of the verb to die : why were the Humans mildly afraid of it, what did it mean concretely. and especially, deceivingly, how. difficult had it been to fight against the fear he felt as an individual to better follow the directives given by the Commonality, by the greater will, because the Synod had dictated that he must die, then Da'an would fade away and his essence would be preserved, his memory cherished ; was it because of his contact with the Humans that he had grown as attached to life as they were, or rather as. distrustful toward the guarantee of death : why the Humans chose to believe in religions which guaranteed them places in the perfect and idyllic world of beyond. the passage between life and death was not to be feared, or so it was said, then why had he clutched to life, or to Lucas Johnson's hand when the time of the final metamorphosis had come ? - earlier, during the few events which had led to his dismissal from his position as North American Companion : because his services had failed to inform him that the Human called Jonathan Doors was well alive and undead. And because of the new threat posed by this. movement of resistance against them, which seemed well organized, dangerous and ressourceful enough. It had angered the Synod. They did not wish to wait after the first death of a Taelon on Earth for Jonathan Doors to be caught and questionned aboard the mothership. Da'an's performance had not been satisfactory : he had been punished accordingly.
But his implant had not agreed. Da'an had been amazed by this. And mildly angered, that at such time, such time of need, such time of necessity, such time when efficiency was needed, William Boone prefered to concentrate on the direction of his loyalties. His loyalties were to be directed at the Synod, which represented the best interests of the whole taelon species, this was not at question and had never been. It was not to even be brought to wondering. No implant should pronounce the words that William Boone had spoken this day. No Taelons were essential to the survival of their kind, yet they all were. Individually they were nothing. As a whole they were everything. A concept that should have been included in the CVI's functionning motivational imperative. Not that the man seemed not to understand it, he seemed on the contrary to have enough knowledge of what he should have been acting like - though Agent Sandoval could easily have been taken as a behavior model in this case - to bypass it, yet answer as he knew the Companions wished to be answered.
Eventually, Da'an had welcomed the. selfish care that William Boone had showed this day. He knew though that Zo'or's permanent appointment to his seat would have been disastrous, his child knew nothing of how to rule such people for he had merely been on Earth since three weeks past this occurrence and would not have demonstrated well to the american people which had grown attached to him, apparently. This was as much selfishness as Da'an could permit himself. Not yet to speak that he was better than one another, but to say that one could be worse than him. He still, undoubtingly, would have kept his seat amongst the Synod members and as the Synod was now stationned around Earth, he would have remained here.
Then, the Human who had been so far nothing but a particular specimen who was eager to oppose, doubt and ask had become something further, had grown to the state of a being who had voiced personnal opinions and beliefs. Some beliefs that perhaps should have remained unspoken. But then, William Boone was not supposed to allow himself to consider these thoughts. Thoughts that Da'an was essential to the survival of all Taelons.
It was known that some implants could influence the power of their motivational imperative, some Humans' immune system had mined its compelling force to less than ninety-five percent of full efficiency. Yet, these implants were functionning, not questionning, not wondering. No implant, no human being could have had controlled the CVI, and in so little time, to the point of what had William Boone showed as differences. It was impossible.
Had come his captivity. His kidnapping. Boone's worry. These kind words. Caring words. Lost in a maelström of energy, his own mind, swirling about between the two side, walking on the edge, reading to fall over to the other side. And Boone's hand catching him as certainly as if to call him back from the fall in which he had tangled himself somehow. Lost amongst all these other proofs of care, other words, pronounced by other people, words that showed clearly that Humans attached to their Companions. Attachement. Ronald Sandoval, his voice broken as he had whispered that they had been asked by the Synod not to grieve for Da'an's passing, his own words clearly showing that he intended on pursuing the contrary. And Boone's hand. A reminder of reality, a reminder that he had re-integrated his physical body, a reminder that he could still cling to life.
Da'an was fully aware since numerous minutes that the only suitable answer to all the questions he had been asking and the common point of all the memories that he had recalled. was : that either was his perception unclear. Which was not to be considered. Or perhaps was William Boone insane in a softer, calmer way. Which would have been revealed. Or.
Or had the tool failed and not the man bearing it. Their tool, their gift, their curse, their technology. Failing. It happened rarely, but it did. Boone's motivational imperative might not be effective at all, or only partially, which forced him to be constantly parted, separated, ripped apart between his loyalty to the Synod and his own affection for Da'an. The realization dawned on the Taelon, the feeling that this was the right proposal, the right theories amongst all these hypothesis. The rightest one at least. Perhaps was it not clear yet.
But to contemplate the theory was. faintly ironic.
The Companion sat back into his orchid-like chair, in the center of which he was seated looking like, he knew so, the core of a flower, softness and delicacy. The bio-slurry offered to his fatigued body the comfort of support, noticed Da'an as the usual feeling of warmth spread through his pathways. Warmth. Home.
Irony resurfaced, though the topic of William Boone had been taken away, mentally so. A part of the mystery aura-ing around this man was solved. Da'an had raised a theory, now it was only requested that he would keep it in the freshest memory and use any new. contructing datas to its consolidation.
Irony. Live free or die. Yet William Boone was jailed in his freedom of thought. As was he. As they all were.
END