CHAPTER EIGHT
After a long day Amanda went home to Clara. This had to be the longest day of her life. She cried until she thought she would never stop.
"What am I going to do Clara? He didn't even have an inkling of who I am. I am just a woman from his past he has a photo of. Nothing of our relationship, our love, or any of it."
"You will do what you have been doing for the last few weeks, go hold his hand, let him know that you are there for him. If it is meant to be he will come back to you. If for some strange reason he never remembers, you will start fresh, a clean slate, so to speak. He loved you once, he will again. Give it time. He has been through a lot and so have you."
"Yes, but he loved me as Cameron, not as Frank. He may be a different person. Can I accept that?"
"That is something you have to decide, but do it before you get tangled in his life as Frank. You will only hurt yourself again, and him. You have to choose to be with him no matter what or walk now and let what happens happen. He may eventually remember and come back to you. I know it can't be an easy choice, I am glad I don't have to make it."
"I love him Clara, how can I walk away now, now that I have found him?' after a long silence of deep thinking she knew what had to be done. "No, I have to stay, no matter the outcome. Can you put up with me? May I continue to stay here?"
"You sure can. I told Frank that I would hold his place until he was better, I think that you can fill his shoes until then. I like your company. We have become close friends and I'd hate to lose that."
"Thank you for being here for me and helping me to understand what I need to do." Amanda got up and hugged Clara. She said goodnight and went up the stairs to her beloved's room. No matter what happens. I will always love you, Cameron. If you stay as Frank, hopefully what we shared before will be as strong. Hugging his pillow, still strong of his scent, she lay down to think of how to start on her new quest, to help him remember his life, their love and hopefully their future. She went soundly to sleep.
Arriving at the hospital the next morning, they had some of the tubes out of him, she smiled and he grinned back. He is just being friendly, she thought, he hasn't remembered. "Good morning Cameron, I hope you slept well."
"Yes I did, how are you doing? The nurses told me you knew me as Cameron, it just sounds strange. I have only memories of the accident and my brief time out of the hospital at Clara's, I tried so hard to remember you. Please tell me about me."
"I'll tell you a little, but the doctors are worried about overload. I have so much to tell you, but we have time. I hope something will trigger your memory. Oh, let's see, where do I begin." Smiling, taking a seat to get comfortable.
"How about how we first met." Cameron was looking anxious.
"Well, my step father hired you to protect the family. We weren't aware that he had employed anyone. I had seen you in the park several days before you showed up at the house. I had spotted you several times before while you were running on the hill. You intrigued me; you had an attitude as big as the great outdoors. And then you sneaked into our home and we thought you were a burglar. But Carl, my stepfather, told us you were Frank Cameron and you would be a chauffeur slash bodyguard. We had been having trouble with threats and such. Carl wanted someone in the house, so he hired you to act as a chauffeur but really to be a body guard." Taking a breath and a sip of coffee to continue, Cameron broke in.
"The running, always in my dreams I'm running. When I first got out of the hospital, you were in my dreams, I didn't know our connection, but you were running away from me, just out of reach. I never understood why, I searched all my things trying to remember something. I discovered your picture and I also found an engagement ring in my briefcase. Was I going to ask you to marry me?"
Wanting to avoid the subject of their engagement Amanda tried to skirt around the issue, but Cameron was insistent on knowing all the details.
"Really, I don't want to give you too much at once." She was very uncomfortable. Her face grew dark with remembering all the hurt. She thought she had gotten past all that. But she realized the wounds were still fresh. How was she to get through this when she knew it was so important he remember? It had been easier when she wasn't face to face with the person who had hurt her.
He could tell by her reaction that he hurt her in some way, 'what a beast I must be.' he thought. "We were engaged, weren't we, but I have your ring. What in the hell did I do to you? Was that why I came to Chicago?" looking distressed.
"Why do you think it was you?" figuring she could soften the issue by acting light and airy.
"Well, if you didn't hate me you wouldn't have given the ring back, If I had broken it off you'd just put it in your jewelry case and let it go."
"Smart man Mr. Sinclair, you haven't lost that part of you, figuring everything out to the very last detail." Amanda laughing with ease as if she had him back.
"I'm right aren't I? I hurt you. So why are you here?" not relishing being right.
"Wow, you cut right to the heart of it. You always did say just what was on your mind."
"Well?"
"Do you really want to get into this? Don't you think we should wait?"
"I want to know it all, I need to remember. Amanda, please help me."
"Cameron please, I will but lets not rush it." Worried that he was getting too agitated. "Yes, you did hurt me and no, I won't go into why now." shaking her head as he started to ask what it was. "But the reason I'm here is that ever since you left Bay City, I've been miserable, I thought I would be able to get over you, but you had invaded my very soul. I figured it would just take time. Then I got this package. Clarence Butler mailed a letter you had written to me when you were still Cameron. I suspect it was just after you left Bay City. I am not sure if you meant for me to read it, but I got it. And there was a picture in your briefcase that we had taken in Key West and I had written on the back to Cameron Sinclair from Amanda Cory, with love." Handing him the wallet picture Clarence had sent to her. "That's how they found me. He told me what had happened and that you were in serious condition and your family should be notified. That's when I realized for sure that I still loved you and couldn't live without you. I got on the next flight. And have been sitting with you for weeks, until you woke up yesterday."
"But I had searched my case, and found nothing, except the big picture and the ring. I never found this (waving the wallet) or the letter, may I see it?"
"Sorry, I don't have it with me." Knowing full well she did but knew he couldn't or shouldn't handle all this information.
"Okay, but bring it. Maybe it will spark a memory, I need every detail. I wish I could remember what our lives had been. Hopefully I will. I interrupted, go on. What happened before the engagement? "
" Where was I, oh yeah, you stayed at the house, and I tried to get information out of you, I thought you weren't on the up and up. But I couldn't come up with a thing. But then someone took a shot at Carl, killing him and they blamed you, but I knew in my soul that you were innocent. No one else believed that you didn't do it. And in spite of myself, I fell in love with you, although I didn't admit it right away. We found out who really killed Carl and stole my family's money. I was kidnapped by him and taken to Boca Lynda to help him get the money released from the trust funds of my siblings. You came down to save me. It was there that you first told me you loved me, even though I felt for a long time you had. " She didn't want to tell all the details just yet, what purpose would it serve. She wanted to forget.
"Then our love continued to grow. You asked me to marry you on New Years' eve, and we were to be married on Valentines Day. And it was shortly after that, that you left."
"What did I do?" Cameron looking pained.
"That is another day, I can't take this walk down memory lane, the pain is still fresh for me." Amanda really wanted to stop all this. What good was dredging all the bad stuff up anyway?
"Alright, but promise me you will tell me. How did you find out I had left?" She nodded and continued.
"I realized after a while that you were gone. Your brother called to see if I had heard from you. It was then that I really knew you were out of my life, and that I missed you. Too late to do anything about it. I had moped around for weeks and finally came to the conclusion to hire your brother to find you because I couldn't live without you no matter what. I would be miserable with you rather than without you sort of thing. And then the very next day I received the package. And here I am."
"I have a brother? What is his name?"
"Well actually you have two, Gary and Tucker. I've never met Tucker, he's away at school. But Gary and I are friends, I knew him before you came to town. I didn't know you even existed. He never talked about his family."
"Does he know I am here? Where is he?"
"Yes, he does but you two had a fight and I guess he can't get over it yet, I keep him informed though. I think he'll come around eventually. Well, I think that you have had enough for today, no arguments." Putting up her hand as he started to protest. "Maybe this afternoon we can get into this a little more. It's tiring for me too. I want to help but so much has happened. I'm going to get some coffee and you try to sleep, you have physical therapy in about two hours and you need to rest now."
"You are coming back aren't you?" Sounding a little panicky, not like Cameron, but a small child. He had been through so much, and he really needs a friend.
Placing her hand on his she leaned over and kissed his forehead and told him "but of course, I am in for the long haul. I just need some coffee. Rest, I won't be long."
"Alright, see you in a few." Sounding more at ease. She squeezed his hand.
She felt drained, going to the cafeteria, she sat down to drink her coffee, she knew she should go back but she was emotionally drained. She put her head in her hands, and the tears silently crossed her cheeks. Thinking about the past was reliving all the hurt, joy and lies. She wondered exactly how had they really gotten here. She thought if they had only made different choices along the way, they might be on the way to making a baby now, wondering where to live and planning their future. She wiped her face and got more coffee and went back up stairs.
To be continued..
After a long day Amanda went home to Clara. This had to be the longest day of her life. She cried until she thought she would never stop.
"What am I going to do Clara? He didn't even have an inkling of who I am. I am just a woman from his past he has a photo of. Nothing of our relationship, our love, or any of it."
"You will do what you have been doing for the last few weeks, go hold his hand, let him know that you are there for him. If it is meant to be he will come back to you. If for some strange reason he never remembers, you will start fresh, a clean slate, so to speak. He loved you once, he will again. Give it time. He has been through a lot and so have you."
"Yes, but he loved me as Cameron, not as Frank. He may be a different person. Can I accept that?"
"That is something you have to decide, but do it before you get tangled in his life as Frank. You will only hurt yourself again, and him. You have to choose to be with him no matter what or walk now and let what happens happen. He may eventually remember and come back to you. I know it can't be an easy choice, I am glad I don't have to make it."
"I love him Clara, how can I walk away now, now that I have found him?' after a long silence of deep thinking she knew what had to be done. "No, I have to stay, no matter the outcome. Can you put up with me? May I continue to stay here?"
"You sure can. I told Frank that I would hold his place until he was better, I think that you can fill his shoes until then. I like your company. We have become close friends and I'd hate to lose that."
"Thank you for being here for me and helping me to understand what I need to do." Amanda got up and hugged Clara. She said goodnight and went up the stairs to her beloved's room. No matter what happens. I will always love you, Cameron. If you stay as Frank, hopefully what we shared before will be as strong. Hugging his pillow, still strong of his scent, she lay down to think of how to start on her new quest, to help him remember his life, their love and hopefully their future. She went soundly to sleep.
Arriving at the hospital the next morning, they had some of the tubes out of him, she smiled and he grinned back. He is just being friendly, she thought, he hasn't remembered. "Good morning Cameron, I hope you slept well."
"Yes I did, how are you doing? The nurses told me you knew me as Cameron, it just sounds strange. I have only memories of the accident and my brief time out of the hospital at Clara's, I tried so hard to remember you. Please tell me about me."
"I'll tell you a little, but the doctors are worried about overload. I have so much to tell you, but we have time. I hope something will trigger your memory. Oh, let's see, where do I begin." Smiling, taking a seat to get comfortable.
"How about how we first met." Cameron was looking anxious.
"Well, my step father hired you to protect the family. We weren't aware that he had employed anyone. I had seen you in the park several days before you showed up at the house. I had spotted you several times before while you were running on the hill. You intrigued me; you had an attitude as big as the great outdoors. And then you sneaked into our home and we thought you were a burglar. But Carl, my stepfather, told us you were Frank Cameron and you would be a chauffeur slash bodyguard. We had been having trouble with threats and such. Carl wanted someone in the house, so he hired you to act as a chauffeur but really to be a body guard." Taking a breath and a sip of coffee to continue, Cameron broke in.
"The running, always in my dreams I'm running. When I first got out of the hospital, you were in my dreams, I didn't know our connection, but you were running away from me, just out of reach. I never understood why, I searched all my things trying to remember something. I discovered your picture and I also found an engagement ring in my briefcase. Was I going to ask you to marry me?"
Wanting to avoid the subject of their engagement Amanda tried to skirt around the issue, but Cameron was insistent on knowing all the details.
"Really, I don't want to give you too much at once." She was very uncomfortable. Her face grew dark with remembering all the hurt. She thought she had gotten past all that. But she realized the wounds were still fresh. How was she to get through this when she knew it was so important he remember? It had been easier when she wasn't face to face with the person who had hurt her.
He could tell by her reaction that he hurt her in some way, 'what a beast I must be.' he thought. "We were engaged, weren't we, but I have your ring. What in the hell did I do to you? Was that why I came to Chicago?" looking distressed.
"Why do you think it was you?" figuring she could soften the issue by acting light and airy.
"Well, if you didn't hate me you wouldn't have given the ring back, If I had broken it off you'd just put it in your jewelry case and let it go."
"Smart man Mr. Sinclair, you haven't lost that part of you, figuring everything out to the very last detail." Amanda laughing with ease as if she had him back.
"I'm right aren't I? I hurt you. So why are you here?" not relishing being right.
"Wow, you cut right to the heart of it. You always did say just what was on your mind."
"Well?"
"Do you really want to get into this? Don't you think we should wait?"
"I want to know it all, I need to remember. Amanda, please help me."
"Cameron please, I will but lets not rush it." Worried that he was getting too agitated. "Yes, you did hurt me and no, I won't go into why now." shaking her head as he started to ask what it was. "But the reason I'm here is that ever since you left Bay City, I've been miserable, I thought I would be able to get over you, but you had invaded my very soul. I figured it would just take time. Then I got this package. Clarence Butler mailed a letter you had written to me when you were still Cameron. I suspect it was just after you left Bay City. I am not sure if you meant for me to read it, but I got it. And there was a picture in your briefcase that we had taken in Key West and I had written on the back to Cameron Sinclair from Amanda Cory, with love." Handing him the wallet picture Clarence had sent to her. "That's how they found me. He told me what had happened and that you were in serious condition and your family should be notified. That's when I realized for sure that I still loved you and couldn't live without you. I got on the next flight. And have been sitting with you for weeks, until you woke up yesterday."
"But I had searched my case, and found nothing, except the big picture and the ring. I never found this (waving the wallet) or the letter, may I see it?"
"Sorry, I don't have it with me." Knowing full well she did but knew he couldn't or shouldn't handle all this information.
"Okay, but bring it. Maybe it will spark a memory, I need every detail. I wish I could remember what our lives had been. Hopefully I will. I interrupted, go on. What happened before the engagement? "
" Where was I, oh yeah, you stayed at the house, and I tried to get information out of you, I thought you weren't on the up and up. But I couldn't come up with a thing. But then someone took a shot at Carl, killing him and they blamed you, but I knew in my soul that you were innocent. No one else believed that you didn't do it. And in spite of myself, I fell in love with you, although I didn't admit it right away. We found out who really killed Carl and stole my family's money. I was kidnapped by him and taken to Boca Lynda to help him get the money released from the trust funds of my siblings. You came down to save me. It was there that you first told me you loved me, even though I felt for a long time you had. " She didn't want to tell all the details just yet, what purpose would it serve. She wanted to forget.
"Then our love continued to grow. You asked me to marry you on New Years' eve, and we were to be married on Valentines Day. And it was shortly after that, that you left."
"What did I do?" Cameron looking pained.
"That is another day, I can't take this walk down memory lane, the pain is still fresh for me." Amanda really wanted to stop all this. What good was dredging all the bad stuff up anyway?
"Alright, but promise me you will tell me. How did you find out I had left?" She nodded and continued.
"I realized after a while that you were gone. Your brother called to see if I had heard from you. It was then that I really knew you were out of my life, and that I missed you. Too late to do anything about it. I had moped around for weeks and finally came to the conclusion to hire your brother to find you because I couldn't live without you no matter what. I would be miserable with you rather than without you sort of thing. And then the very next day I received the package. And here I am."
"I have a brother? What is his name?"
"Well actually you have two, Gary and Tucker. I've never met Tucker, he's away at school. But Gary and I are friends, I knew him before you came to town. I didn't know you even existed. He never talked about his family."
"Does he know I am here? Where is he?"
"Yes, he does but you two had a fight and I guess he can't get over it yet, I keep him informed though. I think he'll come around eventually. Well, I think that you have had enough for today, no arguments." Putting up her hand as he started to protest. "Maybe this afternoon we can get into this a little more. It's tiring for me too. I want to help but so much has happened. I'm going to get some coffee and you try to sleep, you have physical therapy in about two hours and you need to rest now."
"You are coming back aren't you?" Sounding a little panicky, not like Cameron, but a small child. He had been through so much, and he really needs a friend.
Placing her hand on his she leaned over and kissed his forehead and told him "but of course, I am in for the long haul. I just need some coffee. Rest, I won't be long."
"Alright, see you in a few." Sounding more at ease. She squeezed his hand.
She felt drained, going to the cafeteria, she sat down to drink her coffee, she knew she should go back but she was emotionally drained. She put her head in her hands, and the tears silently crossed her cheeks. Thinking about the past was reliving all the hurt, joy and lies. She wondered exactly how had they really gotten here. She thought if they had only made different choices along the way, they might be on the way to making a baby now, wondering where to live and planning their future. She wiped her face and got more coffee and went back up stairs.
To be continued..