CHAPTER NINE
Weeks passed and Amanda had revealed the whole story. But unfortunately none of it seemed to spark even a hint of a memory. He had gotten better and was released from the hospital and went back to Clara's. It wasn't the homecoming she had wanted. She had moved out to a hotel close by. She felt at odds with Cameron. All her memories were intact, but she was a stranger to him. They were friendly but there was nothing in him to respond to her. She wondered if it would ever happen. Cameron was getting stronger and doing for himself now. Dr. Jones felt that with every day that passed, he soon would be back to work, his body healed. She wanted him to go back to Bay City, but he was reluctant. He knew no one there and was afraid of going back. Would he be accepted? He had hurt a lot of people. They remembered, even if he didn't. He wanted to stay and continue with his life here. Amanda tried to convince him that if she accepted him, the family would also. There was also the fact that he didn't really know her, they had become friendly and he knew he had been in love with her but he didn't know it in his heart. He made his decision, the Butlers had been gracious enough to both Amanda and him, and until he remembered something, he would stay. Amanda was heartbroken but wouldn't let on to him. What would she do now? If she returned home, she feared that it would be over, once and for all. But she couldn't stay here; Cameron had made it clear that although he knew they had a past he couldn't pretend all was well. It was hopeless. Amanda remembered back to that day in the hospital.
"I appreciate all you are trying to do for me Amanda but I just don't remember you. I'm sorry. I wish I could. You're gracious and beautiful but I have no memories of you. I can't go back to a town where I don't know anybody and knowing I left them with ill feelings. I know I don't know anyone here but anonymity in a big city feels comforting right now. I don't mean to hurt you, but I think I'll stay." He turned away and looked out of the window.
"I can appreciate where you are coming from, but I love you. I have faith that you will remember. Maybe familiar sites will jog your memory. I won't try to infringe on your decision, but I want to help. Please think it over. Trust in me." Placing her hand on his shoulder, willing him to look at her.
Cameron continued to stare out the window. He couldn't face how his rejection showed in her face. He wished that he could go back to being Cameron Sinclair, it would be so much easier. But that wasn't to be, for now at least.
"I have made my decision Amanda, I'm going to stay here for now and who knows, maybe one day I will remember, and I'll come back. I think you should go home now. I'll keep in touch. Thank you for all you have done for me. I only wish it had worked."
Amanda knew there was no changing his mind, in some ways he hadn't changed at all, but the spark that was Cameron was gone. Frank Cameron was becoming stronger. Even though it was breaking her heart she went home. She couldn't force him to remember. They had parted friends; she turned around with a heavy heart knowing that this could be the last time she saw him. She never believed she would be going home alone. All she could do was pray that he would someday come back to her. Tearfully she boarded the plane and headed home.
Cameron went back to Clara's and up to his room. Looking at Amanda's picture he felt nothing other than friendship, he knew this was hurting her but couldn't keep her here any longer. She had a life and going back with her would only put pressure on him. His brother hadn't even come to see him. From the little Amanda had told him, there were wounds there that he just couldn't face. He would be fighting all of their memories and it wouldn't be fair. He had no resources to call on. This was the best decision, stay and make a life here until whenever. Putting her picture back into the drawer he went and sat on the window ledge and looked out at his world. It was beautiful here. Closing his eyes he thought back on all Amanda had told him. They had quite a history in the short time they were together. Amanda was a beautiful woman; he could easily fall in love with her. But her going home was for the best. He had tied her in Chicago long enough. He didn't need the guilt of keeping her here; she had that magazine to run. He was in a standstill. Dr. Jones said it wouldn't be too long until he would be going back to work. He was looking forward to that. He liked Chuck, who had stuck by him through all of this. Clara was equally as nice, she really put herself out for Amanda, and they had become friends, according to Amanda.
He would start tomorrow on a little yard work. Life would go on. He turned the radio on low and he lay down to rest; the day had been an emotional one. He was stronger but still had a way to go. He fell asleep shortly after closing his eyes. Waking to the strains of a song that seemed familiar somehow. He didn't think he had ever heard it before.
I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars He sure knew what he was doin' When he joined these two hearts I hold everything When I hold you in my arms I've got all I'll ever need Thanks to the keeper of the stars
It was no accident me finding you Someone had a hand in it Long before we ever knew (Tracy Byrd-Keeper of the Stars)
Somewhere, in a corner of his mind, Cameron seemed to remember something significant about stars. And this song seemed so apropos to this memory. He made a mental note to remember this.
A week passed and he was getting into a routine working around the house, cooking meals. It saved Clara from doing everything. He was having trouble sleeping. And what sleep he got was not restful. Two weeks after Amanda left, the weather turned nasty. It had been a stormy day and he was stuck inside, and he tried reading and listening to music but with the storm he couldn't concentrate. He knew he should write to her but put it off. He would definitely do it tomorrow. Instead he lay down and took a nap.
Somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind, a little boy emerged from his past. 'Gary, Gary where are you' he whispered. 'I'm afraid. Help me. Little Cameron was hiding under the bed. 'I'm right here little brother,' lying down beside him on the floor putting his arm over his back. It's okay.' 'No it's not. Your lip is bloody and he hit you in your eye.' Cameron began to cry. 'I hate him.' 'It's not so bad, it didn't hurt too much. At least you got away.' Gary sucking in a deep breath to hide his pain. Someday he thought, the old man would go too far. 'Where's Mom? Is she okay?' 'Yeah, he slapped her up but he passed out before he could do much. Come on let's go outside.' 'Okay.' Going outside with his brother they tried to pretend they were fighter pilots, splaying their arms and making airplane noises. Vvrroomm Vvrroomm ratatattat, sounds of explosions. When all at once their father jumped off the porch, grabbed both boys and smashed them together. Pushing Gary to the ground he stomped on his hand and picked Cameron up and slammed him onto the railing of the porch, knocking the wind out of him. 'Take that you heathens, I'm trying to sleep and you two are out here making noise. How many times do I have to tell you to be quiet? Or are you too stupid to get it?' 'Sorry Pop, we just got carried away.' Gary said trying ever so hard not to cry as his hand began to swell. 'It won't happen again, come on Cam.' Taking his brother off the railing, they ran down the street as fast as their feet would move. Stopping only long enough to look back to see if he was following, but he had passed out again. 'Well we're safe for a while. How ya doing?' sitting Cameron down on the grass to check him out. 'It hurts here.' Pointing to his belly he whimpered and tried not to cry because it made it hurt more. 'I hate him, lets run away.' 'Now you know we can't, he will always find us. I'll protect you little brother. Don't you worry!' 'But I don't want to go back. I don't want to go back, I don't want to go back.'
Waking suddenly from this troubling dream he immediately forgot what it was about. Bothered by whatever it was he tried to shake it off, but the feeling of helplessness remained with him.
Going downstairs he went to the kitchen to get a drink when Clara came in and startled him and he dropped the glass he was holding, shattering it. He immediately put his hands up in a defensive motion. Realizing that he was reliving something from his past he said. "Clara, you scared me. But I remembered part of a dream I had just now. It was scary and I don't really remember all of it but I do remember being hit as a kid."
"Sorry Frank. I didn't mean to startle you. Can you elaborate on your dream?"
"No, its choppy but when I broke the glass it was like I was back there, wherever and I was in deep trouble for breaking a glass. It was weird how I was transported back. Maybe this is a start. What do you suppose?"
"I'm not sure, just relax and maybe the thoughts will come back. Try writing down all that you can remember. They say that sometimes it helps to recall a dream. Good luck. I'm going upstairs. See you later."
"Thanks, Clara." he said as she left the room and went upstairs. He finished up in the kitchen. He would put a notepad next to his bed and try writing down what he could recall. He was hopeful that maybe his memory was returning. But what kind of childhood did he have? Had there been abuse? If Gary were here maybe he could elaborate on their childhood. Thinking out loud, 'I wonder if I should try to contact him? He must hate me for something but he seems to be the only key to my past and my disturbing dreams. I'll call Amanda and ask if she could contact him to see if he would help.' Picking up the phone he dialed her number. Listening to it ring it hit him that he didn't know her number and almost hung up when someone picked up and said, "Hello, Cory residence Amanda speaking."
"Amanda? It's me." Cameron said not knowing what else to say. (Shocked by this memory.)
"Cameron, I was thinking about you, how are you?" Amanda said her heart racing from just hearing his voice.
After moments of silence he took a breath and decided to tell her he instinctively knew her number.
"Amanda, when I decided to call you I was going to ask you to talk to my brother Gary, and I picked up the phone and dialed."
"I'm glad you did, how are you?"
"No, you don't get it. I dialed your number. I didn't look it up. I knew it." Cameron said.
"Oh, Cameron this is wonderful." Amanda said bursting into tears.
"Now don't cry, I haven't really remembered anything, but I guess it's a start."
Getting control of herself she asked what he wanted her to ask Gary.
"I have been having disturbing dreams that are connected to my childhood and I feel that only Gary can help me. But, he didn't come to see me and I feel funny contacting someone I don't know. Can you help me? See if he would come here to help?"
"I'm sure he will Cameron, anything to help you get your memory back. I'll call him and get back to you. How have you been, really?"
"I'm okay, Amanda but I really want to get past all this. How are you?"
"I'm alright, I have been keeping busy with Brava. My family sends their best to you. I pray for you everyday that your memory will return." And unsaid she thought 'and you'll come back to me.'
"I feel stronger everyday and Dr. Jones says I will be able to go back to work soon. I just hope that Gary can help with my past."
Chatting a few moments more they hung up and Cameron went out for a walk. Amanda sat on the patio thinking about Cameron and what their life might have been, given different choices. She closed her eyes and went to sleep.
To be continued..
Weeks passed and Amanda had revealed the whole story. But unfortunately none of it seemed to spark even a hint of a memory. He had gotten better and was released from the hospital and went back to Clara's. It wasn't the homecoming she had wanted. She had moved out to a hotel close by. She felt at odds with Cameron. All her memories were intact, but she was a stranger to him. They were friendly but there was nothing in him to respond to her. She wondered if it would ever happen. Cameron was getting stronger and doing for himself now. Dr. Jones felt that with every day that passed, he soon would be back to work, his body healed. She wanted him to go back to Bay City, but he was reluctant. He knew no one there and was afraid of going back. Would he be accepted? He had hurt a lot of people. They remembered, even if he didn't. He wanted to stay and continue with his life here. Amanda tried to convince him that if she accepted him, the family would also. There was also the fact that he didn't really know her, they had become friendly and he knew he had been in love with her but he didn't know it in his heart. He made his decision, the Butlers had been gracious enough to both Amanda and him, and until he remembered something, he would stay. Amanda was heartbroken but wouldn't let on to him. What would she do now? If she returned home, she feared that it would be over, once and for all. But she couldn't stay here; Cameron had made it clear that although he knew they had a past he couldn't pretend all was well. It was hopeless. Amanda remembered back to that day in the hospital.
"I appreciate all you are trying to do for me Amanda but I just don't remember you. I'm sorry. I wish I could. You're gracious and beautiful but I have no memories of you. I can't go back to a town where I don't know anybody and knowing I left them with ill feelings. I know I don't know anyone here but anonymity in a big city feels comforting right now. I don't mean to hurt you, but I think I'll stay." He turned away and looked out of the window.
"I can appreciate where you are coming from, but I love you. I have faith that you will remember. Maybe familiar sites will jog your memory. I won't try to infringe on your decision, but I want to help. Please think it over. Trust in me." Placing her hand on his shoulder, willing him to look at her.
Cameron continued to stare out the window. He couldn't face how his rejection showed in her face. He wished that he could go back to being Cameron Sinclair, it would be so much easier. But that wasn't to be, for now at least.
"I have made my decision Amanda, I'm going to stay here for now and who knows, maybe one day I will remember, and I'll come back. I think you should go home now. I'll keep in touch. Thank you for all you have done for me. I only wish it had worked."
Amanda knew there was no changing his mind, in some ways he hadn't changed at all, but the spark that was Cameron was gone. Frank Cameron was becoming stronger. Even though it was breaking her heart she went home. She couldn't force him to remember. They had parted friends; she turned around with a heavy heart knowing that this could be the last time she saw him. She never believed she would be going home alone. All she could do was pray that he would someday come back to her. Tearfully she boarded the plane and headed home.
Cameron went back to Clara's and up to his room. Looking at Amanda's picture he felt nothing other than friendship, he knew this was hurting her but couldn't keep her here any longer. She had a life and going back with her would only put pressure on him. His brother hadn't even come to see him. From the little Amanda had told him, there were wounds there that he just couldn't face. He would be fighting all of their memories and it wouldn't be fair. He had no resources to call on. This was the best decision, stay and make a life here until whenever. Putting her picture back into the drawer he went and sat on the window ledge and looked out at his world. It was beautiful here. Closing his eyes he thought back on all Amanda had told him. They had quite a history in the short time they were together. Amanda was a beautiful woman; he could easily fall in love with her. But her going home was for the best. He had tied her in Chicago long enough. He didn't need the guilt of keeping her here; she had that magazine to run. He was in a standstill. Dr. Jones said it wouldn't be too long until he would be going back to work. He was looking forward to that. He liked Chuck, who had stuck by him through all of this. Clara was equally as nice, she really put herself out for Amanda, and they had become friends, according to Amanda.
He would start tomorrow on a little yard work. Life would go on. He turned the radio on low and he lay down to rest; the day had been an emotional one. He was stronger but still had a way to go. He fell asleep shortly after closing his eyes. Waking to the strains of a song that seemed familiar somehow. He didn't think he had ever heard it before.
I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars He sure knew what he was doin' When he joined these two hearts I hold everything When I hold you in my arms I've got all I'll ever need Thanks to the keeper of the stars
It was no accident me finding you Someone had a hand in it Long before we ever knew (Tracy Byrd-Keeper of the Stars)
Somewhere, in a corner of his mind, Cameron seemed to remember something significant about stars. And this song seemed so apropos to this memory. He made a mental note to remember this.
A week passed and he was getting into a routine working around the house, cooking meals. It saved Clara from doing everything. He was having trouble sleeping. And what sleep he got was not restful. Two weeks after Amanda left, the weather turned nasty. It had been a stormy day and he was stuck inside, and he tried reading and listening to music but with the storm he couldn't concentrate. He knew he should write to her but put it off. He would definitely do it tomorrow. Instead he lay down and took a nap.
Somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind, a little boy emerged from his past. 'Gary, Gary where are you' he whispered. 'I'm afraid. Help me. Little Cameron was hiding under the bed. 'I'm right here little brother,' lying down beside him on the floor putting his arm over his back. It's okay.' 'No it's not. Your lip is bloody and he hit you in your eye.' Cameron began to cry. 'I hate him.' 'It's not so bad, it didn't hurt too much. At least you got away.' Gary sucking in a deep breath to hide his pain. Someday he thought, the old man would go too far. 'Where's Mom? Is she okay?' 'Yeah, he slapped her up but he passed out before he could do much. Come on let's go outside.' 'Okay.' Going outside with his brother they tried to pretend they were fighter pilots, splaying their arms and making airplane noises. Vvrroomm Vvrroomm ratatattat, sounds of explosions. When all at once their father jumped off the porch, grabbed both boys and smashed them together. Pushing Gary to the ground he stomped on his hand and picked Cameron up and slammed him onto the railing of the porch, knocking the wind out of him. 'Take that you heathens, I'm trying to sleep and you two are out here making noise. How many times do I have to tell you to be quiet? Or are you too stupid to get it?' 'Sorry Pop, we just got carried away.' Gary said trying ever so hard not to cry as his hand began to swell. 'It won't happen again, come on Cam.' Taking his brother off the railing, they ran down the street as fast as their feet would move. Stopping only long enough to look back to see if he was following, but he had passed out again. 'Well we're safe for a while. How ya doing?' sitting Cameron down on the grass to check him out. 'It hurts here.' Pointing to his belly he whimpered and tried not to cry because it made it hurt more. 'I hate him, lets run away.' 'Now you know we can't, he will always find us. I'll protect you little brother. Don't you worry!' 'But I don't want to go back. I don't want to go back, I don't want to go back.'
Waking suddenly from this troubling dream he immediately forgot what it was about. Bothered by whatever it was he tried to shake it off, but the feeling of helplessness remained with him.
Going downstairs he went to the kitchen to get a drink when Clara came in and startled him and he dropped the glass he was holding, shattering it. He immediately put his hands up in a defensive motion. Realizing that he was reliving something from his past he said. "Clara, you scared me. But I remembered part of a dream I had just now. It was scary and I don't really remember all of it but I do remember being hit as a kid."
"Sorry Frank. I didn't mean to startle you. Can you elaborate on your dream?"
"No, its choppy but when I broke the glass it was like I was back there, wherever and I was in deep trouble for breaking a glass. It was weird how I was transported back. Maybe this is a start. What do you suppose?"
"I'm not sure, just relax and maybe the thoughts will come back. Try writing down all that you can remember. They say that sometimes it helps to recall a dream. Good luck. I'm going upstairs. See you later."
"Thanks, Clara." he said as she left the room and went upstairs. He finished up in the kitchen. He would put a notepad next to his bed and try writing down what he could recall. He was hopeful that maybe his memory was returning. But what kind of childhood did he have? Had there been abuse? If Gary were here maybe he could elaborate on their childhood. Thinking out loud, 'I wonder if I should try to contact him? He must hate me for something but he seems to be the only key to my past and my disturbing dreams. I'll call Amanda and ask if she could contact him to see if he would help.' Picking up the phone he dialed her number. Listening to it ring it hit him that he didn't know her number and almost hung up when someone picked up and said, "Hello, Cory residence Amanda speaking."
"Amanda? It's me." Cameron said not knowing what else to say. (Shocked by this memory.)
"Cameron, I was thinking about you, how are you?" Amanda said her heart racing from just hearing his voice.
After moments of silence he took a breath and decided to tell her he instinctively knew her number.
"Amanda, when I decided to call you I was going to ask you to talk to my brother Gary, and I picked up the phone and dialed."
"I'm glad you did, how are you?"
"No, you don't get it. I dialed your number. I didn't look it up. I knew it." Cameron said.
"Oh, Cameron this is wonderful." Amanda said bursting into tears.
"Now don't cry, I haven't really remembered anything, but I guess it's a start."
Getting control of herself she asked what he wanted her to ask Gary.
"I have been having disturbing dreams that are connected to my childhood and I feel that only Gary can help me. But, he didn't come to see me and I feel funny contacting someone I don't know. Can you help me? See if he would come here to help?"
"I'm sure he will Cameron, anything to help you get your memory back. I'll call him and get back to you. How have you been, really?"
"I'm okay, Amanda but I really want to get past all this. How are you?"
"I'm alright, I have been keeping busy with Brava. My family sends their best to you. I pray for you everyday that your memory will return." And unsaid she thought 'and you'll come back to me.'
"I feel stronger everyday and Dr. Jones says I will be able to go back to work soon. I just hope that Gary can help with my past."
Chatting a few moments more they hung up and Cameron went out for a walk. Amanda sat on the patio thinking about Cameron and what their life might have been, given different choices. She closed her eyes and went to sleep.
To be continued..