CHAPTER ELEVEN
Gary had only planned to stay for a couple of weeks. He was enjoying getting to know Cameron all over again. It was strange because this was a different man. He couldn't help but wish they could never remember. Cameron would be devastated when he learned the whole truth. Killing their father was an accident but the courts didn't see it as self-defense. Even though years of abuse had prompted Cameron to finally snap, the jury didn't agree. Cameron had paid his dues but it had caused a rift in the family. Even though he had done them all a favor, it was still a life. When their Mom died, they wouldn't even let Cameron come to the funeral. I should have been there to protect the family but I was off living my own nightmare. Alcohol is okay in moderation, but when it's abused it is devastating on a family. Gary knew that first hand not only from his father but his own personal struggle. But he was here now. And he intended to help his brother. He just hoped that he would be around when Cameron did remember. It was going to be very difficult on him.
Coming back from his walk he went up to their room, Cameron was sitting in the window seat.
"Hey little brother, how was your chat with Amanda?"
"Fine, she sends her best. I told her about remembering you at the airport. She was very happy."
"I imagine she was. You know she really cares about you."
"No, I don't know it, but I know it. And you have told me about a hundred times." Cameron said laughing as he pulled off his shirt to get ready for bed.
"Well maybe not a hundred, but I am hoping you two can get back together." Gary said, laying down on the futon.
"Let's take it one day at a time. But between you and me I hope I do remember. She certainly is beautiful. And to think I almost married her. I don't suppose you'll tell me what happened?"
"No, not tonight." Gary really didn't want to get into all that. Amanda had told him she had avoided telling him also.
"Well maybe sometime. Sleep well Gary, and I am glad you're here. See you in the morning." Cameron promptly fell asleep feeling confident that his brother was watching out for him.
"Goodnight." Gary turned over and closed his eyes. He knew sleep wouldn't come easily, thinking about the baby, Josie and the whole Boca Lynda deal. He would take one day at a time; he had his own skeletons to handle.
From the dark place in the center of his sleep he was having that nightmare again. He was sailing across the floor as his father picked Gary up and slammed him against the wall and started beating on his face. Cameron grabbed Tucker and hid under the kitchen table waiting for the nightmare to stop. His father finally knocked Gary unconscious and threw him aside. Cameron put his arm around Tucker hiding his face, shielding him from seeing Gary. He was lying on the floor, bleeding from his lip and eye. Mama was sobbing in the corner. They heard the door slam, telling them that he was gone. Cameron crawled out from his hiding place and ran to Gary. He shook him but he wouldn't wake up, he ran to his mother and tried to get her to go to Gary. She kept whimpering not seeming to hear him. She was bleeding from a gash on her cheek. Cameron went and peeked out the door to make sure his father was not on the porch waiting for one of them to come out. He didn't see him so he ran to the neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Vincent. He knocked on the door hoping they were home. Mrs. Vincent came out and scooped Cameron up and hugged him to her but he remained stiff, unused to this kind of affection. He was crying and she told him that it would be okay that she had called for help.
"Cameron, we have called for help, everything will be all right." she said as she sat on the glider with him on her lap. She brushed the hair from his eyes and wiped his tears away with her apron. She continued to rub his back as he regained his composure. "Can you tell me what happened?"
"No-no-no. I was hiding, but Gary's hurt real bad." He said as he sucked in his breath to keep from crying. He wanted to stay here having Mrs. Vincent hold him. He had relaxed and felt safe.
She continued holding him until she heard the ambulance pulling onto the street and she put Cameron down on the glider and told him to stay and she would check over at the house.
"I want to go with you, please, I need to see if Gary's okay." Cameron tearing up.
"Okay, but stay right beside me. Okay?"
"Okay" taking her hand as they crossed the small strip of grass to their house.
They went into the kitchen and Mama was still sitting in the corner staring at nothing and Tucker had his head in her lap whimpering. Gary was still where Cameron had left him. A tear escaped as she silently wondered how anyone could do this. She was blessed with a decent man and good children. She said a prayer for the Sinclair children and for their Mama. She took Cameron and Tucker over to her home as the ambulance and police came in and took over. She had told the police officer that she would keep the two kids until arrangements could be made. Cameron stayed on the porch while Tucker went in for some milk and cookies. He watched as the ambulance attendants brought Gary out on a stretcher. They were in the process of putting him in the ambulance when Cameron jumped the railing and ran screaming to his brother's side. "Gary, Gary, wake up, I need you."
"Hey man, I'm right here." He felt Gary shaking his shoulder to wake him.
He bolted upright in a cold sweat. "Gary, I had that dream again, I thought you were dead."
"Well, I'm here and okay. Now tell me what happened. All that you can remember." Gary sat on the bed next to his brother who was still shaking from his dream.
Cameron told him everything he could remember, this time not forgetting as he had so many times before.
Gary shed a little light on that particular beating, their Dad had been angry because Mama hadn't gotten dinner ready and when he started beating on her, Gary went to protect her. But he got the brunt of it. That was the time when they were sent to foster homes. He talked about how difficult their lives had been. He was careful to avoid getting into the death of their father, and thankfully Cameron never asked.
"I'm sure glad you were here. I hate these dreams. We had one hell of a childhood didn't we?"
To himself Gary said you don't know the half of it. But to Cameron he said, "Yes, but we made it. You okay now? Any more questions?" Cameron shook his head saying "Thanks" as no more needed to be said. Cameron slid back under the sheet and closed his eyes. Gary went to the window and looked at the stars.
"God, please help him to regain the memories, but help him handle it. Give him the strength to deal with all of this. Thanks." He finished his silent prayer and went back to bed.
Weeks passed into months, it was now the end of October and Gary had returned home. Gary had been a great help in filling in the details though he had not elaborated on what had happened between them. So Cameron was still in the dark as to his participation in the breakup. Hopefully all those memories would eventually come. He was sad to see Gary go but knew he had been as helpful as he could be. The memories that Cameron was having were hit and miss. He remembered more of his childhood even though he was at a standstill concerning his life in Bay City. They said their goodbyes, and Cameron saw him off on the plane back to Bay City. They would keep in touch.
He had gone back to work for Chuck who had him working in the office. He talked to clients and contractors and set up schedules as to where the workers would be. He was handling the job quite well and the pay increase was good, too. He continued to stay at Clara's and he and the Butlers were becoming like a family. He stayed in touch with Gary and Amanda. Gary was making plans to spend the Thanksgiving holidays with him.
Amanda really wanted them to come home but Cameron had to work. She felt as though he was moving further and further away from her but she wouldn't give up. She had put her feelings aside and threw herself into working. The magazine was picking up in sales and the investors were happy. The magazine was on its way to being back to where it had been. Amanda had thought it would never happen. Matt had done a wonderful job in her absence, but it needed her touch.
She was going to have to go to New York City for a publisher's meeting. Getting ready to gear up for the holiday issues of all the magazines. She really didn't want to leave home right now but this was important. It would only be a week out of her life and it was good to get insights from other publishers. She was packed and her ticket was waiting at the airport. She said goodbye to her Mother and Matt and took a cab to the plane.
After take off, she settled into her flight. Looking out the window she let her mind wander, a luxury she hadn't allowed herself in a while. She thought of how just a year ago she and Cameron had been getting back together after Boca Lynda, with the promise of a future. She had put her feelings aside then, too. It had taken a lot to forgive Cameron sleeping with Josie. She had weighed the pros and cons of their relationship and she couldn't shake the way he made her feel. It was like their first meeting on the hill. She knew then that it was inevitable they should get together, fate. She fought against it for so long. Then the final straw with the discovery of the truth she had suspected for so long. A baby that had been conceived from a moment of desperation. It nearly ruined everything.
It wasn't until Cameron was gone that she realized that she truly loved him, why she wasn't sure. Now if he would only regain his memory. They seemed to be star crossed from the word go. Maybe his accident was a way of protecting him from the memories. If only we all could be so lucky. He had had a life worthy of a little forgetfulness. She still had that file and looked at it the other day. Cameron's family had been tortured their whole lives from the disease of one person. Alcohol was so destructive; it ruined so many lives. The pain and abuse from Mr. Sinclair was more than anyone should bear. It gave her insight as to what made Cameron tick. Why he was always so willing to take the blame for everything. It was easier than risking your soul. He had had a lifetime of sorrow that just wasn't getting better. How she wished she could spare him, just a little. But that was not meant to be. Only time would measure how much happiness either of them would enjoy.
Arriving in New York she took a cab to her hotel and went to freshen up. Her first meeting was in two hours and she needed to get her head back and focused. She spread out her papers and began organizing for the first of many meetings. Funny, how thinking about Cameron and their lives had been uplifting instead of being a burden. She felt refreshed in a way that had been a long time coming. Instead of running away from her memories she would have to face them and maybe they wouldn't seem so frightening. She felt she could face anything now.
Back in Chicago
Cameron went about his days working, and his evenings were spent on the window seat thinking about things he remembered and the dreams he continued to have. The one where Gary received that particularly bad beating, that sent him to the hospital. Social Services had taken the boys away and put them in foster care. Cameron and Tucker went to one home and Gary to another. It was disturbing to him because it was one more time that he wasn't in control. Eventually they were reunited after their parents had been in counseling. Life was good for a few months and their Dad was able to keep his job. Then he was laid off and he began to drink and life was hell once more. He never beat on them as before, but the verbal abuse was just as traumatic. He wished he could remember good things when they were kids but those seemed to be few and far between. They went on this way for a couple of years until Gary went to the police academy. They were getting older and their father pretty much left all of them alone. Just once in a while, on a real bender he would still knock them around. And it is at the point when Gary left for college that his memories stopped. A block, Dr. Jones said, something big must have happened and he was still unable to bring forth the memory.
Cameron stood up and moved away from the window. Not feeling refreshed as he had hoped he would. He lay down for some much needed sleep. Between working and remembering, it was all very tiring. He wished it would all be done with. He turned over and went to sleep. Dreaming that dream again of Gary's beating and their mother whimpering in the corner. He didn't blame her, she had her own cross to bear, but it was still a helpless feeling. Morning came much too soon and he got up and showered, ate a quick bite and went off to the job site. Chuck had quite a large list for him to accomplish and he got right at it. Calling several contractors. Getting set up for the next project, he entered all the information on the computer. Saving the file he went out to lunch. He went to Callie's diner. He ordered and stared out the window trying to reflect on his life as it was now. He was neither happy nor sad. Lonely, maybe for what might have been. Callie put his meal in front of him and smiled. She could see he wanted to be left alone. Clara had kept her informed of his progress and how slow it was. She also told her of how he was awake most nights, for she could hear him pace. Cameron ate but did not taste his food. It was sustenance. He finished and left the money on the table and walked around the block. He looked at everything and nothing. Coming up the sidewalk was a woman with a stroller. As Cameron passed, the baby started to cry. At that very moment memories of his son, Amanda's pain, the killing his father, all the hurt, pain, and anguish that had happened over those months came flooding back. He dropped to his knees gasping for air. He knew he was causing a scene. He got up with the help of several strangers asking if he needed assistance. He waved them off and sat on a bench trying to gather himself up enough to get to his truck. Making his way back he sat for a long time trying to comprehend all that had just happened. He went back to the site and ran into Chuck.
"What happened to you, Frank? You look awful." Chuck came over to where Cameron was standing.
"Oh God, Chuck. I remember."
To be continued..
Gary had only planned to stay for a couple of weeks. He was enjoying getting to know Cameron all over again. It was strange because this was a different man. He couldn't help but wish they could never remember. Cameron would be devastated when he learned the whole truth. Killing their father was an accident but the courts didn't see it as self-defense. Even though years of abuse had prompted Cameron to finally snap, the jury didn't agree. Cameron had paid his dues but it had caused a rift in the family. Even though he had done them all a favor, it was still a life. When their Mom died, they wouldn't even let Cameron come to the funeral. I should have been there to protect the family but I was off living my own nightmare. Alcohol is okay in moderation, but when it's abused it is devastating on a family. Gary knew that first hand not only from his father but his own personal struggle. But he was here now. And he intended to help his brother. He just hoped that he would be around when Cameron did remember. It was going to be very difficult on him.
Coming back from his walk he went up to their room, Cameron was sitting in the window seat.
"Hey little brother, how was your chat with Amanda?"
"Fine, she sends her best. I told her about remembering you at the airport. She was very happy."
"I imagine she was. You know she really cares about you."
"No, I don't know it, but I know it. And you have told me about a hundred times." Cameron said laughing as he pulled off his shirt to get ready for bed.
"Well maybe not a hundred, but I am hoping you two can get back together." Gary said, laying down on the futon.
"Let's take it one day at a time. But between you and me I hope I do remember. She certainly is beautiful. And to think I almost married her. I don't suppose you'll tell me what happened?"
"No, not tonight." Gary really didn't want to get into all that. Amanda had told him she had avoided telling him also.
"Well maybe sometime. Sleep well Gary, and I am glad you're here. See you in the morning." Cameron promptly fell asleep feeling confident that his brother was watching out for him.
"Goodnight." Gary turned over and closed his eyes. He knew sleep wouldn't come easily, thinking about the baby, Josie and the whole Boca Lynda deal. He would take one day at a time; he had his own skeletons to handle.
From the dark place in the center of his sleep he was having that nightmare again. He was sailing across the floor as his father picked Gary up and slammed him against the wall and started beating on his face. Cameron grabbed Tucker and hid under the kitchen table waiting for the nightmare to stop. His father finally knocked Gary unconscious and threw him aside. Cameron put his arm around Tucker hiding his face, shielding him from seeing Gary. He was lying on the floor, bleeding from his lip and eye. Mama was sobbing in the corner. They heard the door slam, telling them that he was gone. Cameron crawled out from his hiding place and ran to Gary. He shook him but he wouldn't wake up, he ran to his mother and tried to get her to go to Gary. She kept whimpering not seeming to hear him. She was bleeding from a gash on her cheek. Cameron went and peeked out the door to make sure his father was not on the porch waiting for one of them to come out. He didn't see him so he ran to the neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Vincent. He knocked on the door hoping they were home. Mrs. Vincent came out and scooped Cameron up and hugged him to her but he remained stiff, unused to this kind of affection. He was crying and she told him that it would be okay that she had called for help.
"Cameron, we have called for help, everything will be all right." she said as she sat on the glider with him on her lap. She brushed the hair from his eyes and wiped his tears away with her apron. She continued to rub his back as he regained his composure. "Can you tell me what happened?"
"No-no-no. I was hiding, but Gary's hurt real bad." He said as he sucked in his breath to keep from crying. He wanted to stay here having Mrs. Vincent hold him. He had relaxed and felt safe.
She continued holding him until she heard the ambulance pulling onto the street and she put Cameron down on the glider and told him to stay and she would check over at the house.
"I want to go with you, please, I need to see if Gary's okay." Cameron tearing up.
"Okay, but stay right beside me. Okay?"
"Okay" taking her hand as they crossed the small strip of grass to their house.
They went into the kitchen and Mama was still sitting in the corner staring at nothing and Tucker had his head in her lap whimpering. Gary was still where Cameron had left him. A tear escaped as she silently wondered how anyone could do this. She was blessed with a decent man and good children. She said a prayer for the Sinclair children and for their Mama. She took Cameron and Tucker over to her home as the ambulance and police came in and took over. She had told the police officer that she would keep the two kids until arrangements could be made. Cameron stayed on the porch while Tucker went in for some milk and cookies. He watched as the ambulance attendants brought Gary out on a stretcher. They were in the process of putting him in the ambulance when Cameron jumped the railing and ran screaming to his brother's side. "Gary, Gary, wake up, I need you."
"Hey man, I'm right here." He felt Gary shaking his shoulder to wake him.
He bolted upright in a cold sweat. "Gary, I had that dream again, I thought you were dead."
"Well, I'm here and okay. Now tell me what happened. All that you can remember." Gary sat on the bed next to his brother who was still shaking from his dream.
Cameron told him everything he could remember, this time not forgetting as he had so many times before.
Gary shed a little light on that particular beating, their Dad had been angry because Mama hadn't gotten dinner ready and when he started beating on her, Gary went to protect her. But he got the brunt of it. That was the time when they were sent to foster homes. He talked about how difficult their lives had been. He was careful to avoid getting into the death of their father, and thankfully Cameron never asked.
"I'm sure glad you were here. I hate these dreams. We had one hell of a childhood didn't we?"
To himself Gary said you don't know the half of it. But to Cameron he said, "Yes, but we made it. You okay now? Any more questions?" Cameron shook his head saying "Thanks" as no more needed to be said. Cameron slid back under the sheet and closed his eyes. Gary went to the window and looked at the stars.
"God, please help him to regain the memories, but help him handle it. Give him the strength to deal with all of this. Thanks." He finished his silent prayer and went back to bed.
Weeks passed into months, it was now the end of October and Gary had returned home. Gary had been a great help in filling in the details though he had not elaborated on what had happened between them. So Cameron was still in the dark as to his participation in the breakup. Hopefully all those memories would eventually come. He was sad to see Gary go but knew he had been as helpful as he could be. The memories that Cameron was having were hit and miss. He remembered more of his childhood even though he was at a standstill concerning his life in Bay City. They said their goodbyes, and Cameron saw him off on the plane back to Bay City. They would keep in touch.
He had gone back to work for Chuck who had him working in the office. He talked to clients and contractors and set up schedules as to where the workers would be. He was handling the job quite well and the pay increase was good, too. He continued to stay at Clara's and he and the Butlers were becoming like a family. He stayed in touch with Gary and Amanda. Gary was making plans to spend the Thanksgiving holidays with him.
Amanda really wanted them to come home but Cameron had to work. She felt as though he was moving further and further away from her but she wouldn't give up. She had put her feelings aside and threw herself into working. The magazine was picking up in sales and the investors were happy. The magazine was on its way to being back to where it had been. Amanda had thought it would never happen. Matt had done a wonderful job in her absence, but it needed her touch.
She was going to have to go to New York City for a publisher's meeting. Getting ready to gear up for the holiday issues of all the magazines. She really didn't want to leave home right now but this was important. It would only be a week out of her life and it was good to get insights from other publishers. She was packed and her ticket was waiting at the airport. She said goodbye to her Mother and Matt and took a cab to the plane.
After take off, she settled into her flight. Looking out the window she let her mind wander, a luxury she hadn't allowed herself in a while. She thought of how just a year ago she and Cameron had been getting back together after Boca Lynda, with the promise of a future. She had put her feelings aside then, too. It had taken a lot to forgive Cameron sleeping with Josie. She had weighed the pros and cons of their relationship and she couldn't shake the way he made her feel. It was like their first meeting on the hill. She knew then that it was inevitable they should get together, fate. She fought against it for so long. Then the final straw with the discovery of the truth she had suspected for so long. A baby that had been conceived from a moment of desperation. It nearly ruined everything.
It wasn't until Cameron was gone that she realized that she truly loved him, why she wasn't sure. Now if he would only regain his memory. They seemed to be star crossed from the word go. Maybe his accident was a way of protecting him from the memories. If only we all could be so lucky. He had had a life worthy of a little forgetfulness. She still had that file and looked at it the other day. Cameron's family had been tortured their whole lives from the disease of one person. Alcohol was so destructive; it ruined so many lives. The pain and abuse from Mr. Sinclair was more than anyone should bear. It gave her insight as to what made Cameron tick. Why he was always so willing to take the blame for everything. It was easier than risking your soul. He had had a lifetime of sorrow that just wasn't getting better. How she wished she could spare him, just a little. But that was not meant to be. Only time would measure how much happiness either of them would enjoy.
Arriving in New York she took a cab to her hotel and went to freshen up. Her first meeting was in two hours and she needed to get her head back and focused. She spread out her papers and began organizing for the first of many meetings. Funny, how thinking about Cameron and their lives had been uplifting instead of being a burden. She felt refreshed in a way that had been a long time coming. Instead of running away from her memories she would have to face them and maybe they wouldn't seem so frightening. She felt she could face anything now.
Back in Chicago
Cameron went about his days working, and his evenings were spent on the window seat thinking about things he remembered and the dreams he continued to have. The one where Gary received that particularly bad beating, that sent him to the hospital. Social Services had taken the boys away and put them in foster care. Cameron and Tucker went to one home and Gary to another. It was disturbing to him because it was one more time that he wasn't in control. Eventually they were reunited after their parents had been in counseling. Life was good for a few months and their Dad was able to keep his job. Then he was laid off and he began to drink and life was hell once more. He never beat on them as before, but the verbal abuse was just as traumatic. He wished he could remember good things when they were kids but those seemed to be few and far between. They went on this way for a couple of years until Gary went to the police academy. They were getting older and their father pretty much left all of them alone. Just once in a while, on a real bender he would still knock them around. And it is at the point when Gary left for college that his memories stopped. A block, Dr. Jones said, something big must have happened and he was still unable to bring forth the memory.
Cameron stood up and moved away from the window. Not feeling refreshed as he had hoped he would. He lay down for some much needed sleep. Between working and remembering, it was all very tiring. He wished it would all be done with. He turned over and went to sleep. Dreaming that dream again of Gary's beating and their mother whimpering in the corner. He didn't blame her, she had her own cross to bear, but it was still a helpless feeling. Morning came much too soon and he got up and showered, ate a quick bite and went off to the job site. Chuck had quite a large list for him to accomplish and he got right at it. Calling several contractors. Getting set up for the next project, he entered all the information on the computer. Saving the file he went out to lunch. He went to Callie's diner. He ordered and stared out the window trying to reflect on his life as it was now. He was neither happy nor sad. Lonely, maybe for what might have been. Callie put his meal in front of him and smiled. She could see he wanted to be left alone. Clara had kept her informed of his progress and how slow it was. She also told her of how he was awake most nights, for she could hear him pace. Cameron ate but did not taste his food. It was sustenance. He finished and left the money on the table and walked around the block. He looked at everything and nothing. Coming up the sidewalk was a woman with a stroller. As Cameron passed, the baby started to cry. At that very moment memories of his son, Amanda's pain, the killing his father, all the hurt, pain, and anguish that had happened over those months came flooding back. He dropped to his knees gasping for air. He knew he was causing a scene. He got up with the help of several strangers asking if he needed assistance. He waved them off and sat on a bench trying to gather himself up enough to get to his truck. Making his way back he sat for a long time trying to comprehend all that had just happened. He went back to the site and ran into Chuck.
"What happened to you, Frank? You look awful." Chuck came over to where Cameron was standing.
"Oh God, Chuck. I remember."
To be continued..