Jerry Springer

DAY ONE

(First day to begin the deal. In the lair. Cameras are watching. Note: Splinter has been taken to April's apartment until this is over)

( We see Mikey in his room, laying on the bed talking to himself)

Mikey: Okay..so..this'll be easy as pie - pie?! Doh, I mean cake! Yes.cake, heh, cake...okay...no pizza thoughts! Keep mind clear (He breathes in deeply, and out, and in and out) ARH! Nonono, gotta keep my head...okay, find something to do . . . . (Brings out game boy. Starts to play 'ninja turtles 3'.) Yay, take that evil dude! Hehe, on no. My life bars are down . . . Oh wow, a pizza . . . P-p-pizza!! No! Think mouldy cheese, mouldy cheese - on - pizza!!! NOOO! (Starts to bang head on bed post)

(Donnie walks in)

Donnie: Hey Mikey how's it going?

Mikey: Help me dude! I need pizza! I can't stop thinking about it!!! Just lemme go out and get one please -

Donnie: No.

Mikey: - Please, I'll pay for it with my own money! I swear! I won't ever put treacle on you keyboard keys again! Just please!!! Give me pizza!

Donnie: No.

Mikey: PLEASE!

Donnie: No.

Mikey: Please!

Donnie: Nope!

Mikey: Please?

Donnie: No way. Forget it.

(Mikey stares, thinks and continues to bang head on bedpost)

(Donnie walks out and into the main area. The camera follows him. We see Leo in the kitchen leaning on the counter with a coke in hand. Mikey's bangs can still be heard.)

Donnie: Hey, Leo. How's it going?

Leo: Ah, this is a sitch. I mean, I'm not the one who has to fight all the time. I don't start any of it. That's Raph. I just tell him to calm down and he throws the first punch.

(Noises like something ripping and ruffling make Leo and Donnie look up to see Raph walking out of Leo's room ((unaware of them)) with a few ripped up magazines, the kind that look like a collector's set.)

Leo: (realises they were his valuable collection) NO!!! Raph you are so gonna get it!!! (Leo makes towards Raph, but Donnie grabs him)

Donnie: At ah. Remember the deal, Leo.

(Leo looks back at Raph and his mags then storms off)

Donnie: (looking at the camera) And he says HE doesn't start fights!

(Cameras follow Donnie as he goes over to the couch and sits down next to Raph)

Donnie: 'Sup, Raph?

Raph: (still reading mags) Can you believe that guy!? He buys shi -

Donnie: Raph! No bad language on TV.

Raph: (Didn't even hear his brother) - like this and says that it's valuable! It's shi -

(Donnie coughs loudly)

Raph: - I mean, who reads this? You got a bad cough there Donnie.

Donnie: Yes, I know. (Wonders if the deal of no fighting at all means that he might be able to slip a strangle in.) So, you seem to be doing really well. You're not bothered that you can't fight Leo?

Raph: Ah, I realized he's not worth risking a punching bag over. I mean, sure, I'd love to smash his face in. But I can control myself just long enough . . . You know, too long and I go whacko. But I can keep my fists to myself and - oh God! Where is he! I NEED to punch him really bad! (Starts to growl and breath heavy. He's staring at the floor, trying to stop)

(Donnie nervously moves away and goes to see what Mikey's up to. The banging had stopped. He walks in the room and finds Mikey unconscious on his bed, tongue hanging out)

Donnie: Mikey . . . (Goes into the kitchen, fills bowl full of ice cold water, brings it back and throws it over Mikey)

Mikey: Pizza . . . (Opens eyes) Man that's cold! Ow, my head hurts.

Donnie: Well what do you expect? You banged yourself silly.

Mikey: Are the two days over? Can I have pizza?!

Donnie: Mikey, about five minutes is over. No you cannot have pizza.

Mikey: Please! I promise never to poke humans with your Bo through the sewer grates again! And I won't use it as a feather duster! Please! (Gets down on the floor on his knees) Please! I'm - begging - you!

Donnie: (sighs) Want some popcorn? I can get you some popcorn. But no PIZZA! So friggin' well stop asking!

Mikey: (timid voice) ok . . .

(Donnie walks out to the kitchen, camera follows, but Don stops as he sees what Raph is doing. His brother is on the floors. A pillow is in front of him and he is just finishing painting it green with a blue bandanna. He then pounces on it and start to rip it to shreds. Donnie walks over and takes pillow from him)

Donnie: I think this is cheating Raph.

Raph: Damn . . . But just lemme rip out his eyes?

Donnie: No!

Raph: Can I rip yours out?

(Donnie throws back the pillow)

Donnie: Erm, rip his out instead.

(Raph starts to rip the painted eyes out. Feathers are everywhere)

(Leo walks in)

Leo: What the hell is he doing?!

Donnie: (Guides Leo away) Just ripping your eyes out - soooo . . . Want some popcorn?

(We now go to the studio where the audience and Jerry are watching a TV with them on. Jerry turns to the camera)

Jerry: So! Well, that was an interesting day. I think we should leave it there. Things may get a bit disastrous later on in the day. But can they do it? Two more days to go and Mikey's already beating himself stupid; Raph's shredding an innocent pillow and Leo, um, well, he did try to start a fight and left. We will get back to this tomorrow to see if they can handle it. Personally, I don't think they can. No way, these guys are losers.

(Commotion on screen makes Jerry and the audience turn back to it. Leo, Raph and Mikey are all beating up the screen and the camera people, shouting unpleasant and very bad language at Jerry)

AN: Sorry this one took ages. Hope you like