Jerry Springer

DAY THREE

(The last day. Cameras and cameramen are still filming, but the lair is quiet today. The camera went into the main area to find them all sat, April too, quietly on the couch, or for Mikey, in Splinter's armchair. The TV was on and all eyes were on it, but none looked as though they were actually watching it).

Donnie: (noticing the cameras amazement) They completely lost it. But they still haven't broken the deal.

April: Yeah, they won't move, eat, sleep or do anything. Splinter would have a shock at this.

(Leo was sat in the armchair, sat back with his arms on the chair arms, staring at the TV. A blank expression on his face. Mikey and Raph were sat on the ends of the couch, both were leant forward, resting their arms on their knees, staring at the TV with similar expressions of nothing.)

Donnie: (unfolding newspaper) It's really quite nice, but now that they've completely gone gaa gaa in the head they take some looking after.

April: Yeah, it's like having my very own mutant turtles to look after. I have no idea what will happen when they win though. They might stay like this, which can get sad after a while.

Donnie: (thinking) Um, but think of it this way: We won't have no pranks from Mikey, no lectures and orders from Leo and no growling and tantrums from Raph. It could be a peaceful, relaxing life . . . (Dreamy expression on face).

(A beep from somewhere made him snap out of it. He looked at his watch, under his wrist strap, and closed the paper)

Donnie: Lunchtime. (looks at camera) We have to spoon-feed 'em. They won't eat otherwise, heh.

(April and Donnie go into kitchen and sort out the food)

Donnie: Okay, so the pasta is Mikey's, make sure he has plenty of cheese, Leo has the porridge, yeah I know it's a breakfast cereal but he likes it, and Raph has soup. I dunno what he likes so just give 'im soup.

(They walk back into the room and nearly drop the food bowls. Leo, Raph and Mikey were all now acting normal. Leo had picked up the newspaper and was reading it, Raph and Mikey were arguing about something and pointing to the TV. They looked up when Donnie and April came in)

Leo: Ah, thanks guys, I was hungry. (Takes porridge from Donnie)

Donnie: . . . You're . . . Welcome . . .

April: Is this normal? I mean, should they be normal? A minute ago they had lost it.

Donnie: Er . . . I have no idea but they seem to be fine, don't mention anything. (he handed Mikey his pasta)

Mikey: Thanks Donnie. You know, apart from pizza, pasta is the next best thing.

Donnie: (frowning) Yeah . . . Ain't it . . .?

(April hands Raph his soup and spoon)

Raph: Thanks Ape, so, as I was saying Mikey, the guy is gay, you gotta admit! (Forgets spoon and drinks soup from the bowl).

April: Okay, this is weirding me out . . .

Donnie: (staring) . . . Me too . . . (clears throat) Er, guys. Do you have any idea why you're here?

Mikey: Yeah, we're keeping our deal. If I can stop thinking and eating pizza, then at the end of the day I get a lifetime supple of 'em.

Raph: Yeah, and if me and Leo can stop fighting then we get a punch bag each.(Looks at Leo) I'm looking forward to punching my punch bag more than you can punch yours!

Leo: Yeah right, I'm gunna punch my punch bag so hard your punch bag is gunna wish it was my punch bag, which your punch bag WILL because after I punch my punch bag so hard I won't have a punch bag, and your punch bag will be the only punch bag we have.

(April and Donnie looked totally blown away at this, but Mikey and Raph grinned)

Raph: Yeah right. I can punch my punch bag harder than I can punch you and your punch bag together.

Donnie: I think they're still a little messed up . . .

Mikey: Hey, Donnie, Ape, ain't you eating?

Donnie: No thanks, Mike.

Leo: (still arguing with Raph) Ooo, well, we'll have a contest after this to see who can punch their punch bag the longest. I'll win by a mile!

Raph: Yeah right! And any way, I have to punch YOU after this just to get this whole ordeal outta my system.

Leo: Okay, a punching contest, then a punching punch bag contest.

Raph: You're on!

Leo: Deal!

Donnie: Oh, no more deals! I thought this was gunna be easy since I had nothing to do except watch, but now it's turned out worse for me than it has for them!

Mikey: Hey, what can we do to pass time?!

Leo: Erm, let's play Frisbee or Monopoly?

Mikey and Raph: Monopoly!

(A few minutes later they were set up with the board game on the floor of the main area)

Mikey: Okay, I'm dog.

Leo: Boat.

Raph: Hat, hey Donnie, April, you playing?

Donnie: Definitely, anything to pass time! I'm boot.

April: Sure, why not . . . I'm iron then.

(A few minutes into the game)

Donnie: (whispers to April) This is really spooky. Leo isn't bossing everyone around and brandishing the instructions and rule booklet at everyone; Mikey isn't joking and cheating; and Raph is . . . Well, playing. This is really weird!

(April chuckled and the game ended an hour and a half later. Mikey put the game away and they all sat back on the couch or armchair and watched a film. 'Twister' was on so they watched that).

(Back at the studio . . .)

Jerry: (turning from the screen) Shouldn't they be mad by now? This is too normal for these guys. Let's ask a little teaser in there shall we . . .? (grins evilly)

Voice from offset: Sir, that's not part of the deal -

Jerry: Shuddit! Fool! Okay, Send the pizza man over. Let's see how little Mikey gets along with it . . . (Grins)

(They all looked up from their film to a knock on the lair door. Mikey gets up to see who it is. He opens the door and is handed a box, the owner runs off to collect his money)

Mikey: (Bringing in box and seeing the writing on it) Hey, dudes, who wants this pizza? Some guy gave it to me, but I don't wannit.

Donnie: (Takes box) Good boy Mikey. Shame to waste, Who wants some?

Raph and Leo: No.

April: Sure.

(April and Donnie share the pizza, Mikey isn't at all stirred up about it. He sits watching the TV as though there was no pizza)

Jerry: Damn! He's not meant to do that. Send something else for the other two, like, er -

Voice offset: Sorry sir, the day is up. They get their pizza and punch bags.

(Jerry looks at him, the man shuts up)

(The door to the studio bangs open and the turtles and April walk in, triumphant smiles on their faces)

Mikey: Okay dude! Three days are up! We got through it! We've come for our share of the deal!

Jerry: Okay guys, your pizza supply has been directed to your house and so have your punch bags. But we saved one pizza here for you Mikey, and you two can fight each other, just don't harm the audience.

(Donnie noticed the audience and Jerry were grinning, as though they were keeping something).

(Jerry handed Mikey the pizza box and Mikey took the pizza out, it was half way to his mouth when Donnie yelled)

Donnie: No! Wait! Don't eat that! Leo, Raph don't touch each other! Time's not up yet and he had fooled you. It has only been exactly two days, twenty three hours and fifty nine minutes since we made that deal! It's not over yet -(looks at watch) -Well, now it is . . . Hehe.

Jerry: Well, Donnie, you really are the smart one aren't you? Yes, we nearly had you. Mikey, you nearly ate that pizza before the time, but your smart brother stopped you. The deal's out done. I congratulate you for three days of it. Well done. Now piss off, we got someone else coming on we want to torture!

(Leo, Donnie, Raph and Mikey grinned happily and made towards the exit, but Raph stopped)

Leo: Raph, c'mon.

Raph: One thing to do before I leave. (He walks casually up to Jerry, who watches warily, then Raph lunges out and catches Jerry in a certain area even he cringed. Jerry doubled over and clutched his groin area. Raph ran back to the others grinning. They slapped him a high three and disappeared from the studio, going back to their sewer home where a life time supply of pizza were waiting and two punch bags. Mikey soon cut the 'life time' limit down to a month's supply!)

Raph: Hey, Leo . . .

Leo: Yeah?

PUNCH

END!

AN: Okay, it got silly, but I had fun! Thank you to those who read and reviewed