Oh Baby! A Farfarello and Schuldig Lemon (Not!) Reiji's Twisted Fantasy
Reiji fumes in frustration. He's been spying on Nagi for a half an hour. "Why isn't he playing with Tot? He's been on the internet all night. I just don't understand! Maybe if he was checking out some XXX sites I could see that but he keeps looking at a small Buddha statue. Reiji decides to go out on a whim and checks on Brad.
Switching the cameras over to Brad's room, Reiji observes Brad dancing around the living room like a maniac. He's twirling and spinning in front of the television. Takatori takes great interest in this. "What is he doing? "Bad Luck" Why is Crawford watching them? Is he having an early mid-life crisis? He normally listens to Classical and Jazz, not teen pop music."
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Shuichi and Hiro have finish off the two six packs of beer. They are very drunk and not thinking too clearly. Hiro stumbles over to the closet and pulls out a box of bandanas.
"Shuichi-kun, (Hic Up) would you do me a favor? I want you to put my hair up. (Hic Up) You see . . . (Hiro sways to the left, trying to regain his balance) . . . I'm not use to these bangs. They're thicker than my normal ones and keep getting in the way of my eyes. Will you fix them for me? (Looks hopefully at Shuichi)
Shuichi slurs "Sure Hirooooooo! What are friends for? Will you let me decide on the style? I know the perrrrrrrfect way to keep them out of your face." Shuichi grabs a brush and stumbles over to Hiro.
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Back at Reiji's office the atmosphere is not pleasant. The older man insists on watching Nagi and Brad, and even returns back to Farfarello's room. He is about to give up for the night when he remembers Schuldig. (Muttering out loud) "Damn! I must be getting really desperate if I'm turning to him. He switches on the camera, starting with the bedroom first but neglects to turn on the audio.
"Hmm? That's strange, I must be dreaming. For a moment there I thought I saw Farfarello. (Reiji pinches himself and notices that Farfarello is still there) "What in the world is he doing in Schuldig's bedroom, much less apartment?
It looks like he's petting Schuldig's hair! Maybe I should watch this." Dirty thoughts emanate from Reiji's mind of the two men in an intimate position. He envisions the two caressing each other's body slowly. Then rubbing massage oil all over their muscular builds. Reiji giggles like a pervert and gets a nose bleed. Reiji quirps "I wonder if they'll use whipped cream?
Reiji pants as he watches the screen. He sees Farfarello sprawled on the bed gently pulling at Schuldig's long locks. Schuldig embraces Farfarello, their lips inches apart. Schuldig then whispers softly to the other man as he knocks over a box of bandanas to the ground. Both men bend over to pick up the bandana's and it looks like the two share a kiss. Reiji stares in total amazement. "Ooh my! Is it getting hot in here?" Reiji unbuttons his suit and continues to watch Farfarello play with Schuldig's hair. Reiji then observes the two men leaving the room. "No! Not again! I won't let you escape this time, not when it was getting good!" Where did they go?! Where did they go?!" Takatori flips through all the camera's and finally spots the two in the bathroom.
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In reality Shuichi is brushing out Hiro's hair. "Wow Hiro! This guy must take nice care of his hair. It's so soft and silky unlike mine." He strokes a piece and marvels at the difference.
Hiro replies "You might be right about that Shuichi-kun. (hic up) When I was looking in the bathroom I saw all these different kinds of combs, brushes and hair products.
"It reminded me a lot of Ayaka's bathroom." Hiro starts to get teary-eyed and grabs onto Shuichi in his drunken state. (sob) "I hate you Eiri! Do you hear me! When I return back to normal . . .
(Hiro accidentally knocks over the box of bandanas.) Both men bend over to pick them up. Shuichi squeals "Cool! They're so many colors maybe I'll use . . . "Shuichi picks out four mismatched bandanas. They bump foreheads with one another while gathering up the rest of the bandanas. Shuichi continues to work on Hiro's hair creation. "Voila! I'm finished! What do you think Hiro?"
Both men head to the bathroom and Hiro looks in the mirror and smiles "This looks great Shuichi-kun! You should become a hairdresser!" Because neither man is thinking straight due to the alcohol, Shuichi comes up with an odd request. "Normally I wouldn't do this Hiro, but since this isn't my body I have something I want to show you. Shuichi pulls off his shorts. "Have you ever seen anything like this before?"
Hiro stares in amazement "Whoo I didn't know it was possible to have one that big! I thought the one I had was the Mac Daddy! Let me get a measuring tape. I saw one on the nightstand, it's was an odd place to keep one but it will only take a second." Hiro goes back to the bedroom and retrieves the measuring tape.
He volunteers to measure Shuichi first. Hiro bends down on his knees and is having trouble sitting up straight. He weaves back and forth and bobs up and down while trying to hold the tape steady. Hiro complains "Shuichi hold still! I can't get an accurate measurement." Shuichi giggles "I would Hiro, but your hair keeps tickling me. Wait until it's your turn." Hiro finishes measuring and stands up "Wow! 16 inches! This guy's a freak of nature!"
Shuichi exclaims "16 inches? That's more than double my normal size! I wish I could show this to Yuki! He'd be jealous. Okay Hiro it's your turn, give me the measuring tape!"
Hiro agrees and pulls down his pants. Shuichi gets in the same position and proceeds to measure. He has an easier time doing this than Hiro did so it doesn't take long. "Whoa Hiro! Yours is pretty big too! I bet Ayaka-chan would be happy to see you right now. (He elbows Hiro in the rib and almost causes him to fall) Hiro asks "Well? What is it?" Shuichi smirks "Not bad! Not bad at all! A whopping 12 inches!"
Hiro glows proudly while he and Shuichi dance around. Both men forget to pull up their pants while they are doing this. Hiro stops and gives Shuichi a high five as they remember to pull up their pants. "I never imaged having one this big before, I find it strange that both of these men would have big . . . ahem . . . You don't suppose that's a requirement for working here do you Shuichi?"
Shuichi offers his two cents "Maybe the old man has a fetish and hold auditions. You can only work here if you have a big enough . . . I'd really like to see Sakano's and Suguru's . . . Maybe theirs are bigger than ours." (Thinks for a moment) "Then again, maybe not? . . . Ours are pretty outrageous to begin with."
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Warnning! Reading this section might cause severe nightmares
Reiji continues on with his wanton fantasies as he watches the two men in the bathroom. He zooms in on the two and notices Farfarello with his pants down and catches a glimpse of orange hair bobbing up and down. "Is Schuldig doing what I think he is?" Reiji circles the camera trying to get a better view but can't see anything clearly. Reiji eyes the mouth movements of Farfarello which appear to be letting out a moan.
Reiji is very aroused by the two. He finds it hard to breathe as he watches Schuldig giving Farfarello head. He unzips his pants and starts fondling himself. (EWWWW I don't want to think about Reiji doing this!) "I never knew watching two guys together would be so exciting!" Drool pours from the side of his mouth as he continues watching and pleasuring himself. He cheers them on "Yeah, Yeah, Baby yeah! Show me more! Show me more!
The two men stop much to Reiji's dismay. But then he notices Farfarello getting into position and Schuldig pulling down his pants. "I bet this won't take long with those luscious lips of his." (Fantasizing about Farfarello wrapping them around his male member.)
Reiji remembers he needs to adjust his log as he records. "New development!!! No wonder Schuldig wasn't doing anything with women, he's into men! I'll have to change his profile!" Right to Reiji's predictions the event does not last long. Schuldig and Farfarello begin dancing around and face the camera giving Reiji a clear view of the goods. He gets startled and falls off his chair. "Holy Mackerel! He's bigger than Schuldig! I can see who's the one in charge, in this relationship! Look at the size of that thing! I should put more cameras in Farfarello's room! I never knew how sexy he could be."
There is a knock at the door but Reiji is distracted. The door flings open and Reiji screams while trying to cover up himself and the T.V. screens. The same two armed men from earlier, look at each other in horror. "We really need to find another job!" As they turn around and wait for Takatori to zip up his pants. Not looking they address him "Umm Sir, we're here to remind you of the press meeting in the morning. It's been changed to 7:00 am. We won't bother you anymore tonight. Continue on with your business. (They cough at Takatori. )
Hey wait! Damn! And this was getting good too! You two, I want you to give these instructions to "Schwarz!" We have a time schedule that can't be missed . . . (Reiji smiles darkly while thinking of the mission) Yes Weiß will be in for a big surprise.