Explaining The Thing
Disclaimer: I do not own Escaflowne or anything else from Escaflowne. Tikal is my own idea, thank you.
Feel free to flame me with this. I got this idea in the middle of math class. O_o; Anyway, read on, young squires!
The rating is a little harsh, but one can never be too carefull! As long as you aren't uptight up sex jokes, this should be chuckle worth. (Or laughing worth)
Folken watched as Dilandau and the Dragonslayers all came in Folken's room. Folken eyed everyone carefully, taking a deep breath before he tried to speak.
"Why did you call us here, Folken-sama?" asked Dilandau, rolling his eyes.
Folken didn't know how to begin, "You see.well.Um.you are all 15 now.and."
"Thanks for reminding me of my age, Folken." Muttered Dilly, growing more pissed.
"Shut up and listen! At 15..because of Gaea law.you must.you have too."
"What?" asked Dallet.
"You."
"God damn it. Tell us already!" Cried everyone.
"You have to learn about women." Folken said quickly.
The Dragonslayers all drew a blank.
"What do you mean, women?" asked Dilly, looking rather crossed.
"You know.women.and sex."
"What?" cried Gatti, backing away.
"It's Gaea law." Folken replied.
"Why aren't you taking it?" demanded Miguel.
"Because I already have! I'm twenty-five!" cried Folken.
Everyone went silent.
"First class is tomorrow at noon."
"And if we don't go to class?" asked Dilly.
"Then you have to watch the Sailor Moon dub." Folken muttered.
Everyone screamed and said they would come to class.
Dilly plumped down in his seat next to Gatti and Miguel. Dallet and Shesta were in front of him, Guimel and Viole in the back.
"This is going to suck." Guimel muttered.
"Shut up, sheep boy." Said Shesta.
The classroom door opened and in walked a red haired girl. She smiled, gave a quick little bow and spoke. "Hello. I am your teacher, Tikal. Welcome to the class. I've been teaching this class for ten years now-"
"Does this mean you know a lot about sex?" cried Viole.
Tikal went cross, "No speaking out of turn."
Dilly groaned loudly.
"Ok, to start off, we are all going to learn about the women's body. I doubt any of you have any real experience with girls-"
"That's because no girl goes for a pryo." Dilly grumbled.
*Fan girls from somewhere * "We do Dilly! We love you! You and your pryo ways!"
"Rightttt." Tikal muttered, "Anyway, we have to go over the female body. The female body is utterly wonderful-"
"Are you a lesbian?" cried Miguel, but Tikal barged on.
Dilly flicked pieces of paper around, and soon the whole class was goofing around.
".Otherwise known as breasts."
Everyone's head shot up.
"What did you say?" cried Dilly.
"I don't think I understand," said Gatti, "Do you have pictures?"
"Can we get back to the lesson at hand?" cried Tikal. "Mwhahaha! I am so evil!" Dilly screamed because he had slapped Guimel for no reason.
Tikal knew the only way to get the back at hand was too talk about something.
"BREASTS!" she cried and all their heads shot back up.
They went silent and Tikal relaxed.
"Breasts are something all women get-"
"And in this case," cried Shesta, "Viole too!"
"Shut up! That was a secret!"
Dilly started laughing and Tikal threw her hands up in the air.
"The next thing we have to go over is the women's period."
"WHAT? GROSS! EWWWWW!" cried the Dragonslayers.
"It isn't 'ew'," Tikal cried, "It is a normal thing for all women-"
"Why don't men get it?" asked Dallet.
"Because we get wet dreams." Said Dilly, slapping him.
"Wet what?" Dallet asked.
"Baka. Are you always this stupid?" Dilly muttered, leaning against his hand.
Miguel raised his hand.
"Yes, Miguel?" asked Tikal.
"I think the best way for us to understand the women's body is to watch a porn."
Everyone nodded and Tikal put her hands on her hips, "This is very serious! You cannot take over the world if you don't know what a period is and how women treat it!"
"Why do we care if we don't get them?" asked Viole.
"Can we talk about lesbians?" cried Dilly.
"NO! KEEP THE FOCUS ON PERIODS!"
The class went silent until Gatti spoke.
"I thought periods go at the end of a sentence."
Tikal let out a little yelp of anger.
"Are you stupid?!"
"Yes." Gatti responded.
Tikal took out something.
"This is a pad."
"Do we take notes on it?" asked Guimel.
"NO!" she cried to him.
Guimel sunk lower in his seat.
"This is what women use to stop the flow of blood. This or," and she pulled out a tampon. "A tampon."
"Looks like.a rocket." Said Shesta.
Tikal didn't respond, just went on, "This will help stop leaks and other things. When a women has a period she can have mood swings-"
Dallet raised his hand, "Is that why Lord Dilandau's mood changes?"
"No! He's just bitchy."
Miguel and Gatti hold Dilly down from burning Tikal.
"BURN WOMEN BURN!" he cried.
"We'll cover this topic later. Some people are just too riled up. We'll discuss sex now."
Miguel spoke up, "I think a porn would help us in this topic of conversation."
"NO! No porn!" Tikal cried.
"Well then," Miguel sighed, leaning back in his chair, "What's the bloody point?"
"A period." Dilly snickered.
Everyone was laughing again. Tikal looked very mad and was shaking her head and muttering.
"Damn low paying job." She whispered.
The class was throwing paper around now. Dilly was laughing and Tikal slammed a book on a table.
Everyone looked up.
"Will everyone pay attention? In all ten years of my teaching, I've never seen such a class!" Tikal screamed.
The class went silent and everyone looked at Tikal.
"Ok." she took a deep breath, "Sex is the way the world populates itself. When and man and women have sex, the man takes his-"
Viole muttered something and Gatti started laughing.
"What is so funny?" asked Tikal.
"Have you ever had sex?" asked Dilly.
Tikal was offended by this question.
"How.DARE.you! That's it! That's it! I need a break from this! You can all come back next week."
Everyone cheered and ran out of the room. Tikal slumped in her seat, rubbing her eyes. Dilly sneaked back in.
"What are you doing?" Tikal asked.
"I have a question."
"What?"
"Maybe you should show me how sex is done."
"Get out!"
Dilly jumped and ran and Tikal slumped farther in her seat.
"I need a new job."
The End
So, flame me or review me! Tell me if you want me to put up chapter two!
-Sniperwolf
Disclaimer: I do not own Escaflowne or anything else from Escaflowne. Tikal is my own idea, thank you.
Feel free to flame me with this. I got this idea in the middle of math class. O_o; Anyway, read on, young squires!
The rating is a little harsh, but one can never be too carefull! As long as you aren't uptight up sex jokes, this should be chuckle worth. (Or laughing worth)
Folken watched as Dilandau and the Dragonslayers all came in Folken's room. Folken eyed everyone carefully, taking a deep breath before he tried to speak.
"Why did you call us here, Folken-sama?" asked Dilandau, rolling his eyes.
Folken didn't know how to begin, "You see.well.Um.you are all 15 now.and."
"Thanks for reminding me of my age, Folken." Muttered Dilly, growing more pissed.
"Shut up and listen! At 15..because of Gaea law.you must.you have too."
"What?" asked Dallet.
"You."
"God damn it. Tell us already!" Cried everyone.
"You have to learn about women." Folken said quickly.
The Dragonslayers all drew a blank.
"What do you mean, women?" asked Dilly, looking rather crossed.
"You know.women.and sex."
"What?" cried Gatti, backing away.
"It's Gaea law." Folken replied.
"Why aren't you taking it?" demanded Miguel.
"Because I already have! I'm twenty-five!" cried Folken.
Everyone went silent.
"First class is tomorrow at noon."
"And if we don't go to class?" asked Dilly.
"Then you have to watch the Sailor Moon dub." Folken muttered.
Everyone screamed and said they would come to class.
Dilly plumped down in his seat next to Gatti and Miguel. Dallet and Shesta were in front of him, Guimel and Viole in the back.
"This is going to suck." Guimel muttered.
"Shut up, sheep boy." Said Shesta.
The classroom door opened and in walked a red haired girl. She smiled, gave a quick little bow and spoke. "Hello. I am your teacher, Tikal. Welcome to the class. I've been teaching this class for ten years now-"
"Does this mean you know a lot about sex?" cried Viole.
Tikal went cross, "No speaking out of turn."
Dilly groaned loudly.
"Ok, to start off, we are all going to learn about the women's body. I doubt any of you have any real experience with girls-"
"That's because no girl goes for a pryo." Dilly grumbled.
*Fan girls from somewhere * "We do Dilly! We love you! You and your pryo ways!"
"Rightttt." Tikal muttered, "Anyway, we have to go over the female body. The female body is utterly wonderful-"
"Are you a lesbian?" cried Miguel, but Tikal barged on.
Dilly flicked pieces of paper around, and soon the whole class was goofing around.
".Otherwise known as breasts."
Everyone's head shot up.
"What did you say?" cried Dilly.
"I don't think I understand," said Gatti, "Do you have pictures?"
"Can we get back to the lesson at hand?" cried Tikal. "Mwhahaha! I am so evil!" Dilly screamed because he had slapped Guimel for no reason.
Tikal knew the only way to get the back at hand was too talk about something.
"BREASTS!" she cried and all their heads shot back up.
They went silent and Tikal relaxed.
"Breasts are something all women get-"
"And in this case," cried Shesta, "Viole too!"
"Shut up! That was a secret!"
Dilly started laughing and Tikal threw her hands up in the air.
"The next thing we have to go over is the women's period."
"WHAT? GROSS! EWWWWW!" cried the Dragonslayers.
"It isn't 'ew'," Tikal cried, "It is a normal thing for all women-"
"Why don't men get it?" asked Dallet.
"Because we get wet dreams." Said Dilly, slapping him.
"Wet what?" Dallet asked.
"Baka. Are you always this stupid?" Dilly muttered, leaning against his hand.
Miguel raised his hand.
"Yes, Miguel?" asked Tikal.
"I think the best way for us to understand the women's body is to watch a porn."
Everyone nodded and Tikal put her hands on her hips, "This is very serious! You cannot take over the world if you don't know what a period is and how women treat it!"
"Why do we care if we don't get them?" asked Viole.
"Can we talk about lesbians?" cried Dilly.
"NO! KEEP THE FOCUS ON PERIODS!"
The class went silent until Gatti spoke.
"I thought periods go at the end of a sentence."
Tikal let out a little yelp of anger.
"Are you stupid?!"
"Yes." Gatti responded.
Tikal took out something.
"This is a pad."
"Do we take notes on it?" asked Guimel.
"NO!" she cried to him.
Guimel sunk lower in his seat.
"This is what women use to stop the flow of blood. This or," and she pulled out a tampon. "A tampon."
"Looks like.a rocket." Said Shesta.
Tikal didn't respond, just went on, "This will help stop leaks and other things. When a women has a period she can have mood swings-"
Dallet raised his hand, "Is that why Lord Dilandau's mood changes?"
"No! He's just bitchy."
Miguel and Gatti hold Dilly down from burning Tikal.
"BURN WOMEN BURN!" he cried.
"We'll cover this topic later. Some people are just too riled up. We'll discuss sex now."
Miguel spoke up, "I think a porn would help us in this topic of conversation."
"NO! No porn!" Tikal cried.
"Well then," Miguel sighed, leaning back in his chair, "What's the bloody point?"
"A period." Dilly snickered.
Everyone was laughing again. Tikal looked very mad and was shaking her head and muttering.
"Damn low paying job." She whispered.
The class was throwing paper around now. Dilly was laughing and Tikal slammed a book on a table.
Everyone looked up.
"Will everyone pay attention? In all ten years of my teaching, I've never seen such a class!" Tikal screamed.
The class went silent and everyone looked at Tikal.
"Ok." she took a deep breath, "Sex is the way the world populates itself. When and man and women have sex, the man takes his-"
Viole muttered something and Gatti started laughing.
"What is so funny?" asked Tikal.
"Have you ever had sex?" asked Dilly.
Tikal was offended by this question.
"How.DARE.you! That's it! That's it! I need a break from this! You can all come back next week."
Everyone cheered and ran out of the room. Tikal slumped in her seat, rubbing her eyes. Dilly sneaked back in.
"What are you doing?" Tikal asked.
"I have a question."
"What?"
"Maybe you should show me how sex is done."
"Get out!"
Dilly jumped and ran and Tikal slumped farther in her seat.
"I need a new job."
The End
So, flame me or review me! Tell me if you want me to put up chapter two!
-Sniperwolf