Title: Unsent
Author: PunkRockAlec
Rating: G
Improv: gentle - wonder - rain - promise - bruise
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Gilmore Girls.
Author's Notes: This is a future fic written in letter format. I don't
know if there will be more chapters, that is undecided.
Spoilers: Will Reference Characters and Events Not in Season One, namely,
Run Away, Little Boy
Dear Rory,
Where do I begin? I guess I'd be surprised if you didn't throw this letter in the trash. Please don't. The Rory I remember would never be that unkind.
You see, the Rory I knew was gentle and kind. She was always patient - with everyone but me. Of course, I had no right to expect your kindness and patience. I was a jerk, and I'm sorry. Truth is, I didn't know how to handle you. You were like no one I'd ever met before and that filled me with wonder.
The day you told Dean you hated me a bruise formed, not only on my pride, but also on my heart. It has never faded. Remember the day I had to walk away from you, from everything I'd known, because of a stupid prank? That day it rained, though the sun shone. It rained on the inside and it rained from my eyes.
Much the way you cried when we kissed, yet another time you managed to crush me. I always wondered how you could be so oblivious. I kept promising my battered pride that you were just playing a game and soon it would be over. I was only fooling myself.
The truth is, you'll never get a chance to throw this away. Unfortunately, that also means you will never have the chance to read this either. It will never be sent. I will never find my answers, and I will never find closure. I supposed that's because I'm terrified of what your response might be. Whoever said Better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all was seriously mistaken. However, it's better to keep my memories of a fictional future, and fictional past, than to have them dashed by your unsuspecting nature.
I write this, not only to express myself, but also to remind myself. You may not care about me, but I cared about you, and have never forgotten about you. I've always found a way to work your name into casual conversation with my friends, my acquaintances, still living in Hartford. I was thrilled when you were accepted into Harvard. I imagined your valedictorian speech, as well as Paris' face when she found out. I write this, because it is a time for fresh beginnings, and a time for me to put these feelings to rest. I can think of no better way than on paper. Tomorrow, I graduate from Princeton, and I'm scared. The real world is out there, not the fake MTV kind, but the real real world. I don't know if I can face it. I don't know if I am strong enough. At least I know that you can, you always had a quiet strength. Good luck my Mary.
Love,
Tristan