Helga's Letters

Part Two: Material Things

That afternoon Helga and Phoebe were on their way to the park when, as usual, Arnold came racing around the corner and plowed into Helga.

Helga was knocked off balance and came crashing down onto the sidewalk. Looking up she came face to face with Arnold, "Arnold!" she gasped.

"Oh, sorry Helga." he offered to help her up.

Slapping his hand away she went back into bully mode. "Watch where you're going paste for brains! You're lucky I'm in such a hurry or I'd pound ya!"

"Where are you going in such a hurry?" he asked.

"Not that it's any of your business but Phoebe and me are going to the park." Helga answered grouchily.

The park?! Arnold thought. "You mean you're actually going to meet Rex Higgins?"

"Yeah, so, what's it to you?" she demanded.

"Nothing Helga," Arnold looked like he'd just eaten a bad Mr. Nutty Bar, "I just didn't think you'd bother going."

Phoebe tossed Helga a sly smirk. Helga nodded and continued, "Oh well, it's just that he took the time to write me that beautiful letter and all and who knows---maybe I could get to like him. Maybe I could get to like him like him."

Phoebe stared at Arnold, You would think that someone had just ripped his heart out.

"Okay, well, have fun Helga. Bye Phoebe." Arnold turned listlessly to leave.

"Hey Football Face!" Helga called. Arnold glanced over his shoulder. "What's wrong? You sick or something?"

"No Helga," Arnold frowned, "I'm just not in the mood for a walk right now. See ya later."

As she watched him drag himself back towards the boarding house Helga couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt. It was, after all, her fault that Arnold was so down all of the sudden…wasn't it?

"I think your plan's working." Phoebe congratulated Helga.

"Eh, maybe he just hates to see his arch enemy flirting around with girls when Lila still won't give him the time of day." Helga shrugged.

"Only one way to find out." Phoebe put her hand on Helga's shoulder and they hurried along to the park.

******

"Ah yes, this should teach that odd headed vagabond not to mess with Rex Higgins," Rex said to himself at the park. "Any minute now I'll have the apple of his eye in my arms and we'll just see who knows the best way into such an untamed lady's heart."

"Uh Rex," one of his classmates of 'lesser stature' approached, "that Helga girl's coming and she's brought a friend."

"Perfect." Rex stated, sounding more snobbish than ever. "This is just like The Taming of the Shrew, she'll be mine in no time and Arnold will kick himself everyday for having lost the chance to win his one true love."

"But isn't she the girl who's always picking on him and calling him Football Head?" the minion inquired.

"Quite so," Rex mused, "but my dear Bartholomew, you must learn to read between the lines when dealing with love."

Bartholomew scratched his head, "What's that mean sir?"

Rex moaned, "It means that they only make biting comments and express irritancy at each other because of the strong infatuation they both feel. Just as the old phrase says 'You always hurt, the one you love'."

"Oh."

Helga and Phoebe came over the hill and found Rex and Bartholomew waiting by the swan boat at the pond.

"I can't go through with this Phoebe," Helga cringed.

"But Helga, this is your chance to motivate Ice Cream to tell you how much he cares." Phoebe insisted.

"And what if he DOESN'T care?" Helga whispered harshly.

"Oh he does, trust me." Phoebe said knowingly.

"Fine," Helga grumbled, "but if he so much as lays a finger on me, there'll be a man overboard!"

"Ah what nightingale have we here?" Rex exclaimed as Helga approached, Phoebe waited on the hill.

She shouted encouragingly, "Have a good time Helga!"

Something in Helga wanted to hurl. Rex offered to give her a hand into the boat. "Look pal, just because I agreed to come out here doesn't mean that we're an item or anything. And I am NOT an invalid, I can get into this thing myself."

Helga leapt into the boat and scooted as far to the other side as possible. "I simply adore the strong and independent type," Rex smirked.

A few minutes later they were floating out in the center of the pond. Rex broke the silence, "So Helga my dear-"

"I'm NOT your dear!"

Rex tugged at his collar, "Alright, I was just wondering how a beauty like you is still available. I mean, such a gem should have long since been discovered."

Helga turned to him with a look of surprise and Oh brother!, "You're really pouring it on thick aren't you? What the heck did you REALLY invite me out here for?"

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean." Rex lied.

"Oh c'mon!" Helga shouted, "Everyone knows you and Arnold don't get along. And it's obvious that this whole boat ride idea of yours is just some scheme you've cooked up to make Arnold jealous."

"Helga, I'm hurt." Rex faked, "Besides, why would Arnold care that I'm seeing you? I thought you two hated each other?"

Helga glared at him, "I do NOT hate Arnold! I-I think he's…okay."

Rex smiled deviously, he was becoming more like his grandfather everyday, although some part of him would never be as viscous. "I see you do have a softer side. And might I add, it's quite lovely."

Helga turned away and rolled her eyes. The things I do to get Hair Boy's attention.

******

Arnold was up in his room, lying on his bed and staring up at the clouds through his skylight. A knock at his door pulled him out of his thoughts. "Huh? Come in."

"Well howdy there Cowboy!" Arnold's grandmother came in.

"Oh, hi Grandma."

"Well what's wrong Arnold? You look lower than a snake's belly in a trench."

"It's nothing Grandma." Arnold sighed. His grandma could tell that wasn't the case and sat down on the edge of his bed.

"Now c'mon hombre, you know you can tell Calamity Grandma anything." she patted his knee.

Taking a deep breath Arnold started explaining, "Well Grandma, there's this girl-"

"Ahh," his grandma smiled, "you've got your sights set on a little lady."

"Huh? NO." Arnold blushed, "It's just…well, she's off with this kid that I don't really get along with."

"That outlaw Rex Higgins?"

"Yeah. And she really doesn't like him, at least, I don't think she likes him."

"Are ya scared she might?" his grandma asked.

"No…maybe." Arnold admitted. "I don't know Grandma. We've never really been that close. But we're were starting to become friends and all."

Arnold's grandma nodded and took off her white cowboy hat. "Sounds like you're starting to fall for this southern bell."

"That can't be it Grandma." Arnold insisted, "I mean, I like Lila. I like her like her."

"Or maybe it's just a phase?" she countered, "I didn't see you moping around this bad when you found out that she just liked you."

"What are you talking about Grandma, I was crushed."

"Well if you were crushed then Tex, you're thoroughly whipped and hog tied now." she got up to leave.

Arnold was silent, thinking about what she had just said. It can't be true. I can't love Helga. She's---Helga! Something deep inside wouldn't shake off the possibility though.

The door clicked shut and Arnold let out a loud groan. He needed to get his mind off her. This would all blow over and he could get back to his nice, normal life.

"OINK!! OINK!!"

"Dag nabbit! Abner why've ya always got to be underfoot?!"

"Hey Grandpa, how about lending you're old pal Oscar fifty dollars?"

"Forget it you cheatin' moocher!"

"But Grandpa-"

"I said get!"

Listening to the commotion going on downstairs Arnold closed his eyes and inwardly sighed, What normal life?

******

It was sunset when Helga and Rex finally returned from their boat ride. It had been the longest boat ride of Helga's life. Endless cheesy flattery, and if she heard that annoying rich boy laugh of his one more time!

"Hahaha, I say Helga that was fun now wasn't it?"

That's it! I'm strangling him!

"We simply must do this again sometime. Are you available on Saturday? We could go for a stroll?"

Phoebe looked at Helga, she seemed ready to shot lasers out her eyes. "Uh, perhaps she should get back to you on that Rex. We may have a great deal of homework."

"Very well then." Rex agreed, "I'll call you on Saturday first and make sure you're available."

Helga was getting out of the boat when he turned and took her hand, the exact same hand that Arnold had kissed the night of the dance. "Until then my rose." he planted a kiss on her hand.

Helga rushed to Phoebe and dragged her off to the end of the park grounds. "EW! YUCK!" Helga gagged, furiously wiping her hand against her pink dress. So much for never washing that hand again!

"I trust you had a less than perfect time?" Phoebe sighed.

"THE WORST!" Helga screamed, "I still can't believe that geek KISSED ME!"

"You mustn't forget your reason for enduring all this." Phoebe reminded her.

"Arnold had better be steamed when he hears all about this at school tomorrow or I'll wring BOTH their necks!" she declared.

******

Later that night Helga laid stretched out across her bed when her mother started knocking on the door.

"Helga honey! I almost forgot to give you this. It came in the mail for you today." Miriam called.

"Just slide it under the door!" Helga shouted.

The letter was slid under the door and Helga reluctantly picked it up. It was in a bright pink envelope with a heart shaped stamp. "This had better not be from Rex." she snarled.

Then a thought hit her. "OH! Maybe it's from Arnold! YES! My beloved has written to me to declare his love and tell me that he can not bare to see me in the arms of another! Oh Arnold! How I long to read what your gentle and loving hands have wrote!"

She opened the envelope and pulled out the off-white colored paper inside. Reading the letter excitedly her hopes were soon shattered.

Angrily she stalked over to her phone and dialed Phoebe's number. "Hello?" a sweet voice answered.

"Phoebs, you won't believe this!"

"What is it Helga?"

"I just got ANOTHER love letter today!"

"Really? From Rex?"

"No, worse…from Arnie!"

"Oh my."

"Listen to this garbage…

Helga,

Hi. It's me. Arnie. I wanted to say that you are really neat. I think, I think I'm in love with you. I'd bet my lint collection on it. I will be in town soon and hope to see you. Maybe Saturday we could go somewhere. I'm sure Arnold won't mind if I spend this visit with you.

I'll bring you some gum when I arrive. Plain flavored gum. It will have ten pieces. I've counted. Guess I'll go now. See you soon.

Love,

Arnie"

Helga could just imagine where the snorts went. "Now what do I do Phoebe?!"

"Well---" Phoebe began, "twice the competition may mean that Ice Cream will confess to you twice as fast?"

"ARE YOU NUTS?!" Helga hissed, "I don't like EITHER of these guys! How the heck am I supposed to put up with a weekend of nothing but snobby laughs and disgusting snorts?"

"Helga, I know it seems unpleasant, but if you won't tell Ice Cream how you feel then this may be the only way to get him to tell you how he feels." Phoebe stated.

A groan answered her. "Helga?"

"What did I ever do to deserve this?" she cried.

"There was the time you-"

Click!

"-Helga? Hello??"

________________________________________________________________________

*Yep, another chapter done. YAY! Thanks for all the reviews everyone. Oh, by the way, I don't own The Taming of the Shrew either, duh! Let me know what you think of this chapter please. ^_^ Ah love…*