6. GHOSTS
"Could I ever explain this feeling of love it just lingers on
The fear in my heart that keeps telling me which way to turn
Here I am alone again; a quiet town where life gives in…"
Japan, Nightporter
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"I always knew you were special."
Aeryn staggered. Her throat went dry and her eyes widened. "Velorak? But, but-." It was all she could do to stop herself from spinning round to face him.
"Shush! I get to ask the questions," Velorak's voice was sharp. "Where's the rest of your merry band of misfits? And your lover, where's he?"
Aeryn flinched at the hard edge to his voice but she clung to the vestige of her composure and her own voice hardly wavered as she replied, "w-w-we've split up and my lover is dead. Your information must be out of date."
"Split up? Dead? I understood you just blew up a Command Carrier together?"
Aeryn decided it would take too long to explain and simply said, "I am no longer with any of my former shipmates. I chose to offer my services to the Millan Astrey, I-I-I didn't know you were here."
Velorak chuckled, "No I bet you didn't, but that hardly covers it Aeryn. Quite a few people want you and your friends very badly indeed. There are dozens of both Scarren and Peacekeeper wanted beacons for you plastered all over this sector. You're valuable merchandise. You'd fetch me a very good price."
Aeryn stiffened. She knew about the new beacons, she'd seen one herself.
"So who or what you are you running away from?" Velorak persisted.
Aeryn did not reply.
"I see. Okay, have it your way for now. Central Command won't buy that though. When people sign on they tend to want to know what baggage they're carrying. And yours, Aeryn Sun, is explosive."
Velorak walked around to face her, his dark eyes cold as he snarled at her. "Why should I trust you Aeryn? You sold me out for a prowler detail. If life is so cheap to you, how do I know you won't sell out my unit as soon as you get the chance?"
His reply was reasonable but it still stung Aeryn. She looked at him and thought back. He was older and thinner than she remembered but it had been over five cycles since she'd last seen him. His nose was flatter too and slightly twisted, one ear was missing and he had a fine white scar running underneath his glassy left eye. As she looked closer she saw a livid scar zigzagged around his neck. Later she would see how it ripped diagonally down his body ending just above his groin. Velorak would give her a guided tour of his injuries, beginning with those received after she had betrayed him to Crais. He would show her the pins in his legs, the angry welts across his back and the weeping sores that would never heal. But for now she looked in wonder at the man she believed she had condemned to slow, painful death. She pressed her lips together and willed the tears not to fall. She didn't know what to say. She didn't have the words to begin to tell him how truly, truly sorry she was.
Velorak stood directly in front of her, his eyes unreadable. She met his gaze and swallowed hard. "I was a fool. I didn't know what I was doing. I'm different now and I-I-I wish, oh cholak, I wish I hadn't done it." Aeryn felt the muscles in her face begin to scrunch. "Y-Y-You w-w-were trying to save Moya, I know that now. I was wrong, so wrong. I just-, I frelled up, alright!" She wiped her hand across her face as she struggled to keep control. "It worked you know," she added with a sniff, "until D'Argo dislodged the cap of course. But by then Moya was free so it wasn't a problem. Talyn was beautiful, oh Velorak, you should've seen him! He was magnificent."
Velorak smiled. "Yes, I'm told he was a formidable warship. Well let's leave our little personal problem aside. If you want to join us you'll need to prove to my men that you're prepared to die for the Millan Ashtrey. Are you?"
"Yes, but how do I do that?" Aeryn asked.
"You get to go on a little mission for us. Think of it as an entrance fee. If you succeed, I'll recommend your admittance. It'll be for the rest of the Unit to decide if you are acceptable. Interested?"
"Yes please," Aeryn replied, quietly.
"You realise once you're in, there's only one way to leave?"
"That's not a problem." Aeryn said without hesitation.
"Okay. Wait here."
As Velorak left the room, Aeryn noticed he walked with a slight limp. She winced. It crossed her mind that this might not be such a good idea after all, but she quickly dismissed it. What other choice did she have? He returned a short while later with a small black pouch. "Your instructions," he said offering Aeryn the packet. "Angor will accompany you to ensure our security. Make no mistake Aeryn. I may have forgiven your betrayal five cycles ago but he will kill you if you try anything now."
She was greatly coolly by the man Velorak called into the room. He was a tall, well built Sebacean. He wore a patch over his left eye and bore a deep criss-crossed scar across the cheek underneath. He was dressed in an unmarked brown leather suit similar to her own attire, although her kit looked in a lot better shape.
As they loaded a marauder with equipment and ammunition, Angor only spoke to give her orders. She had expected no favours, no special treatment and she received none.
An arn later Aeryn was being flown in the marauder to the planet's nearest moon. Angor was at the controls. They flew in silence.
They landed on the nearest moon to G'Amba 9, a barren satellite planet that housed several small abandoned mining facilities. The marauder was resting on the edge of a high escarpment, a short distance from the disused mining complex. Their mission was to recce the whole area. They also had to disarm any possible booby traps or bugging devices they might find. Correction, Aeryn had to find and disarm the booby traps.
Their boots rang out against the metal floor as they entered the derelict structure. The place was empty. It had been totally stripped. Nothing had been left behind but a few discarded empty crates and storage stacks. They worked their way through a series of small rooms until they reached a large galleried hall. The balcony had once been accessible by four separate stairwells in each corner. Only one remained. The other three had collapsed in heaps of twisted metal many cycles ago. They both survey the room. The job had been relatively easy until then. Small rooms were quick and simple to sort and the booby traps were fiddly but easily disarmed. This room was going to take a lot of work.
Angor did very little. The task was Aeryn's. She worked quickly and methodically and Angor was impressed, despite himself. As Aeryn punched her way into a small anteroom he left her for a microt to relieve himself.
As the metal floor fell to the floor Aeryn stepped into the room beyond, her pulse pistol held in front of her. The room turned out to be a short corridor. Without hesitating Aeryn walked forward. Scanning the area she noticed a small wire strung across it at ankle height. It was linked to a small incendiary device. As she bent down to disconnect it, she discovered that the fuse wire had already been cut. Moving more cautiously, she continued along the passage until she reached a second door. She tried the handle and it responded easily to her touch. The door led into a store-cupboard and as the door swung open a dark mass fired at Aeryn. She ducked sideways and fired as the shape catapulted into the room. It was a peacekeeper. Aeryn knocked his pulse pistol out of his grasp as he sought to regain his balance. It fell to the floor with a clatter. The peacekeeper retaliated with a sharp left hook but Aeryn anticipated the manoeuvre and leaned just out of his reach. She swivelled round and landed a glancing blow against his side. Her gun now pointed directly at the Peacekeeper's chest, Aeryn hesitated. The man took his chance and leapt forward trying to knock the gun from her hand. Aeryn responded immediately. Weekens of suppressed rage finally escaped and she pulled the trigger. The shot echoed around their enclosed space. The man crumpled, his body hit the metal floor with a soft thud. Aeryn continued to discharge her weapon.
"I think you can stop now," said Angor, as he came to a panting halt beside her.
Aeryn relaxed her trigger finger and lowered the pulse pistol. She tried to breathe normally.
"Come on," he said, "we need to move fast."
They made their way back to the marauder and Angor contacted Velorak, who was not impressed that comms silence had been broken. Angor briefly explained what had happened.
A few arns later and Velorak and another Millan Astray officer called Rassik, arrived in a second patched up Marauder. Velorak exchanged a few words with Angor before calling Aeryn over to him. He motioned her to join him in the marauder.
They sat in uncomfortable silence for a few microts until Velorak said, " it seems things are moving a little more quickly than anticipated. Angor reckons you'll do, for now, but I'm not so sure." He held her gaze. "Tell me Aeryn Sun, why do you want to do this?"
Aeryn looked into Velorak's eyes and realised that nothing but the truth would suffice. "I want to do something good before I die," she eventually answered. "I have learnt that things are not as I was told and I want to do something, no, I need to do something right, something I have chosen myself. I thought the Millan Astrey might give me that chance." She dropped her gaze.
Velorak nodded slowly but said nothing.
"I won't betray you, she said. "As you pointed out, I'm wanted by half the galaxy and I doubt even handing you over would save me now. I have no ties to the peacekeepers, to anyone, anymore. Please Velorak, I need this," she finished lamely.
Neither spoke until Aeryn asked about the mission. Velorak took a deep breath, raised his eyes upwards and replied quietly, "we're going to scupper a covert meeting between a delegation of Peacekeepers and the largest mining company on G'Amba 9."
His decision made, Velorak visibly relaxed as he outlined their task. He burst out laughing when she interrupted him to know why they were killing these people.
"What? What's so funny?" she demanded, her eyes flashing.
Velorak held up his hands in mock surrender. "Questioning orders Officer Sun? My, you really have changed."
His smile was infectious and she almost grinned back at him.
"We may not have to kill them. Although if they do seal the deal they've agreed then I'm afraid we must." He could see she was about to interrupt with more objections. He pulled out a small data chip and said, "everything you need to know is in this." He passed it across to her.
She took the chip and held it in her hand. She felt guilty questioning his integrity after her own actions. What right did she have to challenge him? She had destroyed his life for the sake of her own selfish desires. She still inserted the chip in the console though. As she read, she understood. G'Amba 9's main export was novatar; the planet was made of the stuff. Novatar was the ore that produced novatron gas. Aeryn shuddered. What was worse, the Peacekeepers intended to use leviathans to transport the shipments they were currently negotiating. She looked at Velorak and he raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement.
He was less relaxed once they stepped back outside. Then she saw the other side of Velorak, the one she remembered from Moya, and her palms began to sweat. He clearly took his responsibilities seriously and there was no mistaking his command of the situation. There was no joking, no light-hearted banter and when the other two members of the team joined them, his authority was obvious.
Velorak turned as the two men joined them. Both carried heavy rucksacks and wore two pulse pistols each. "Aeryn and I will take the main building. I want you two to do that whole area," he pointed to a series of out buildings barely visible in the distance, "I want it checked, bugged and rigged. Okay?" Both men nodded and set off. "Be back here in eight arns," Velorak called after them, "we've got three more facilities to get through and I want us back on G'Amba 9 in 52 arn."
As they walked towards the complex, Aeryn watched Velorak make a quick but highly accurate sketch of the whole area. During the course of their work Velorak noticed Aeryn slipping away as they drilled their own incendiary devices into position. Cursing under his breath that he had better not have misjudged her again, he followed her. He watched from a distance as she silently threw up the little food he'd seen her eat earlier. He also saw that she went about her work quietly and efficiently. In fact she had spoken barely ten words since they had separated from the others.
It was growing dark when they got back to the marauders, exactly eight arns later. Their two compatriots were lounging against a landing-leg of their ship. Both were eating. They nodded to Velorak as he joined them and Rassik passed a sealed metal dish to him with a grin. Both men blanked Aeryn and left her to find her own food. Aeryn didn't want food and she left the three men to their camaraderie. She went inside the nearer of the two marauders and began restocking her rucksack with supplies for the next facility.
A short while later, Velorak joined her. He stood in the doorway and watched her for a microt before speaking. "They take time Aeryn Sun," he said, "and it is you who should make the effort."
Aeryn turned her face to look at him and gave a brief shrug of her shoulders.
"Anyway, you need to eat something."
Aeryn shook her head. "Not hungry," she replied with a small grimace.
"Suit yourself. Anyway it's getting dark, there's nothing we can do until it's light. Our next stop means climbing those cliffs and even I'm not foolhardy enough to try that without light. Angor is taking first watch so we can get some rest." Velorak said as he pulled a couple of sleeping rolls out of an overhead locker.
He tossed one to Aeryn. She caught it and stared at it for a microt before unravelling it onto the marauder floor. Velorak did the same. Neither undressed. Instead Velorak turned to Aeryn and said, "okay, time to trade. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours." When Aeryn didn't respond Velorak continued "take it, it's a good offer, you'll have to tell me eventually so you might as well get your own question answered too."
Aeryn had to admit it was true. Much of her day had been spent considering how Velorak was alive and working for the Millan Astrey. She had found it a useful block against other more painful thoughts. She walked to the door and looked out. She could dimly make out Angor's silhouette against the night sky. He was sat on the steps of the other marauder a few metras away, his pulse rifle stiffly pointing into the darkness. She turned around to face Velorak. "Okay, you first."
Velorak shook his head but he told her anyway. His story was a simple one. The Millan Astrey had recruited him while he was still a research student. His role was to report on, and if required, sabotage the Peacekeeper leviathan hybrid-breeding programme. Millan Astrey Central Command had taken the unusual decision to rescue him when he was arrested. They had refused to tell him how may men it had cost but he knew his life had not come cheap. Once he had been patched up, he had joined a mobile sabotage unit. This was his fifth and the third he had commanded.
As she listened to him tell her about his new life she realised she hadn't ruined Velorak's life. He spoke with such passion about his work with the Millan Ashtrey. His voice hummed with excitement and his whole face became animated. He looked happy and his eyes shone with pride as he talked of the leviathans he had saved from Peacekeeper enslavement. This mission was just the latest in a long line of assignments where Velorak got to play the hero and he clearly loved it. He had given his life to understanding leviathans and their pilots and now it was quite clear to Aeryn that he loved them as much as she did. She wondered why she hadn't seen it before, but she supposed she had been a different person then and he had hidden it very well. She also wondered what his reaction would be if she told him about her DNA.
When her turn came she found she didn't know where to begin and she knew she wasn't capable of matching Velorak's composure in the telling. What eventually emerged was a half-truth, a tale where a single act of chance led to a bland litany of occasions when peacekeepers were shown to be the bad guys. It sounded weak even to Aeryn and she felt guilty for repaying his honesty with her hollow reply. She mentioned John only in the same casual terms she used to describe her relationship with the rest of her travelling companions but her eyes lit up and a warm timbre entered her voice every time she spoke of him.
Aeryn couldn't make out the expression on Velorak's face as she told her story. The single overhead light that lit the marauder threw his face into shadow. As she came to the part where John had died she found it impossible to continue. Her face twitched as she desperately sought to keep herself under control.
Velorak leaned forward and said gently, "let it go Aeryn. It can do you no good. Now, start again and tell me about this human you obviously care so much about. What sort of man was he?"
Aeryn just stared at Velorak. "He was like you," she said finally, "but he's definitely dead. End of story."
Velorak didn't press her further. He nodded and began to undress. Aeryn did the same.
As they finally prepared to sleep Velorak noticed Aeryn slip away once more. He followed her as far as the door, until he saw her slip behind a bush and heard the faint sounds of retching. He pulled a face. He was given another reason for concern during the night.
Aeryn had intended to stay awake. She dreaded the nightmares and she really couldn't afford to cry out in front of Velorak. But despite having taken several phials of campcoff, she fell asleep shortly before dawn. She was immediately plunged into a bloodbath where everyone she had ever known seemed to die a terrible death because of her. She woke with a shudder. Velorak was looking directly at her. Saying nothing she lay back down and stared at the ceiling.
In the morning they climbed to their next destination, a series of small huts, on the other side of the valley. As they inched their way up the sheer cliff face, Velorak asked her about it. "You cried out in your sleep. You know that is unacceptable. Care to tell me why?"
Aeryn wanted to snap back that it was none of his business but as she looked at him, there was no judgement in his face, only concern. She bit back her angry retort, turned away and said, "People dying. You," she paused, "and him, John. It won't happen again."
"Good."
After an 18-arn day they finished setting the incendiary devices. Velorak sat back on heels and sighed. "Gods that was hard work. I could use a drink. Come on. Let's get back to the marauder. I've got a bottle of raslak somewhere."
Velorak had barely opened the bottle before Angor and Rassik returned. They grinned openly when they saw the bottle and Rassik grabbed the bottle as soon as he reached the marauder.
That night, determined to stay awake rather than risk a repeat performance, Aeryn offered to stand guard. She spent the night dismantling, cleaning and oiling her pulse pistol until daybreak. She tired to ignore the knowledge that her gesture was unwelcome and that throughout the night her crewmates watched her.
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Exactly 50 arns later after she had left, Aeryn was again stood before Velorak in the narrow sky lit briefing room of the temporary Millan Astrey base.
"Congratulations. Welcome on board. Go and collect your things, we ship out tonight. The op's definitely on. Iagos will give you the rendezvous co-ordinates. You'll get your final instructions there."
Aeryn nodded and gave a sharp salute.
"I like it, but it isn't necessary here," Velorak said with a hint of a smirk quivering at the corners of his mouth.
Aeryn almost smiled back. She spun on her heels and walked smartly to the door.
"Oh, there is one more thing," Velorak called after her.
"Yes?" She turned to face him.
"You've got to be declared fit by the Butcher."
Aeryn's face froze. 'Butcher' was Peacekeeper slang for the military medic.
Velorak saw her expression. "I saw you being sick. I'm sorry. I want you to come with us, but I can't carry anyone or risk exposing any more of my people to infection."
Aeryn understood. She dropped her gaze and swallowed.
"Aeryn, you're not well. Anyone can see that. You don't sleep, you don't eat and you talk even less than when we first met. Something's clearly not right. You need to get it sorted."
She raised her eyes to his. The look of concern on his face was too much for her. She gave a curt nod and fled.
Iagos, the guy who had first grabbed her on the street in G'Amba 9, was waiting along the passageway to take her back to town. His double take at her face told Aeryn that he had noticed her flushed cheeks. She was grateful when he said nothing.
Blindfolded in the back of a battered, noisy truck, the long bumpy journey back to town gave her plenty of opportunity to think about what had happened over the past three days. She could hardly believe such a short space of time had elapsed. Rightly or wrongly she had once again participated in a deliberate act of sabotage against Peacekeepers and she had enjoyed it. What scared her most though was the pleasure she had rediscovered in Velorak's company. He was still the intelligent and intense man she had known before with the same gentle mocking wit. But now she also saw the man who took outrageous risks in order to challenge and defy established hegemony. It was incredible that he'd lived this long. And he had forgiven her. She still couldn't quite believe it. He had simply brushed aside her stuttered attempt to apologise saying that it was in the past and he preferred to live in the present.
The truck dropped her on the outskirts of town. Making her way back to her lodgings Aeryn walked passed the old woman's apothecary. She paused. Her instinct was to keep walking but if she was ill, she knew she needed to know before she faced the Butcher. The small bell announced her arrival in the shop.
The old woman's face appeared between the curtains at the back of the room. "Ah, I was wondering where you'd got to," she said smiling. She beckoned for Aeryn to join her and withdrew her head.
Aeryn followed. As she walked through the curtain to the back room the old woman motioned for her to take a seat. She hardly had time to collect her thoughts before the woman said, "You're with child, my dear."
Aeryn looked back at the woman. The words didn't make any sense.
"You look surprised?"
Aeryn felt stunned. She also felt sick. Her mind frantically looked for reasons why that could not possibly be the answer. "But what about the sickness? That doesn't explain why I'm being sick." She sat back in her chair. She didn't know much about the gestation process, it hadn't be high on the Peacekeeper training programme, but she did know it wasn't supposed to include weekens of constant nausea or endless floods of tears.
"Yes, I wondered about that. Hormones. Your levels are highly abnormal for a healthy Sebacean woman. The father's not Sebacean is he?"
Aeryn looked at the woman, and sat forward again. "No, human." She felt her insides twist and she took a deep breath, willing herself to remain calm.
"Hmmm. Are they compatible with Sebaceans?"
Aeryn choked back a hysterical laugh. "No. Yes. We're biologically compatible matches. Is there a problem? Is something wrong?"
"No, no, just one or two other little anomalies I picked up in the DNA samples. Nothing for you to worry about. Is the father, um, not with you?" The woman reached out her hands out to Aeryn.
Aeryn ignored the gesture and simply nodded.
"Ah. You'll want some time to think then." It was a statement not a question.
Aeryn could still only nod. She stood up, handed over a handful of coins and hurried outside in to the damp morning air. She stood still a moment trying to get her head round the diagnosis. She could not accept this was happening to her. She desperately wanted to believe there had been a mistake, some sort of foul up with the test results. But she knew that wasn't true. It all fitted too neatly. She wondered how could she have been so stupid. Aeryn lent her arm against the wall and retched. She remained still for a microt, her head hung forwards staring at the wall. With an unsteady gait she walked back to her lodgings in a daze.
Aeryn flopped on to the bed in the small dark box-room that served as her digs and looked around her. The walls were grey and the sheets were grey, although once both had been white. The little light coming from the small grimy window looked grey too. She sighed. 'With child.' The words still rang in her ears. She was going to have John's child! She felt numb. Life seemed to have slipped even further from her grasp and she wanted to reach out her hand to grab on to something before it slipped away from her altogether. "I can't have a baby," she wailed but she didn't much like the alternative either. "As if I don't have enough to cope with," she muttered with a sniff. She scraped her hands over her tightly bound hair and tried to think.
She could picture John now, sat next to her, beaming and irresistibly pleased with himself, with her. No. He'd worry about her, about the child and about what sort of future they could offer it. She knew it scared the dren out of her. If she had this child she would have to survive, live for this gift he'd given her, live with the constant terror of losing it or having it taken away from her. What if Scorpius found out or the Scarrens? Aeryn shuddered at the thought. She stood up. She sat down and immediately stood up again.
"What do I know about bringing up children, sebeacean or human?" She cried. She let her body fall back onto the bed. "What the frell am I supposed to do? Oh John, why did you have to be the hero, why did you have to go die on me? Couldn't we have left it alone?" She raged at the ceiling.
She gave a heavy sigh, stood up and began pacing the room. It didn't help. As she reached the window for the umpteenth time, she stopped. She wiped a small section with her sleeve, which came back black, and peered out. Her view consisted of a black block wall only a few metras away. She turned her gaze upwards and looked up at a small rectangle of darkening sky. For the first time since she had arrived, the rain had stopped and as the clouds thinned she could make out a few stars glittering in the early evening sky. A tear rolled down her cheek. She turned around, picked up her small bag of possessions and walked out of the room.
Leaving the tall, silent building, Aeryn headed back to the Apothecary.
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Aeryn was back in her prowler and back in the air. She had left G'Amba 9 without returning to the Apothecary or Velorak and the Millan Astrey. As night fell she had simply left town.
The choice made, Aeryn set a course back to Moya's last known position. Her logic was simple: If she was going to have John's child, she was going to need help. She needed to talk to Crichton, however painful that was going to be.
She put the prowler on autopilot and closed her eyes. She decided it could fly without her for a while. She desperately needed to rest.
Forgetting to switch on the auto-alert, she missed the green blip that appeared on the edge of her monitor a short while later. The blip was a Charrid bounty hunter's vessel, part of a massive operation to find the saboteurs responsible for blowing up the Xax Carzhaz, the Scarren Dreadnaught containing the precious secret of wormhole technology. It picked up her presence immediately.
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It would appear Fate has a peculiar sense of humour, not to mention crap timing, because shortly after dawn a primitive white space module, a bit battered and slightly scorched, landed on G'Amba 9. A man in an orange flying suit climbed out of the cockpit and lifted his head to smell the fresh morning air.